Halo 3 Screwed Up Version

Chapter 6: Swampgate

*phone rings readers pick up*

WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPP!

*I hang up*

Outside of the city, the Chief and Thel (Arbiter) are still standing under the Covenant AA gun which is destroyed.

Then randomly the sky went dark with thick smog from the flood cruiser.

You could hear growling noises with a little yelling like someone just had a huge orgasm.

Miranda Keyes said shocked and sort of scared, "The flood! It's spreading all over the city."

Chief replied, "God dammit it followed me home."

The Good Lord Hood questioned, "How do we contain this shit?"

Keyes answered, "Find the shit ship and overload its engine core. We either destroy this fucking city, or we can all die."

Thel replied, "I'd choose to destroy the city."

Chief answered, "Fuck that I want everyone to die."

Everyone replied shocked, "WHAT?!"

Chief stuttered, "Uh…I mean…lets save the planet. That's what I meant."

Keyes replied, "That's what I thought. Now go to the crash site."

Chief can see in the distance and marines getting mutated into Combat Forms.

Then Chief and Thel re-enter the city.

A marine sergeant said over the COM, "All squads, report!"

All you can hear is "AHHH" this and "AHHH" that.

The sergeant said over the COM, "Okay! Never mind then."

Chief laughed, "Dumbass!"

Then while he was having a laughing, he had another "Cortana Moment", "Chief! I can't tell you everything…it's not safe. The Gavemind…it knows I'm in the sys-" (connection drops).

Chief shrugged, "So."

Thel questioned, "What?"

Chief answered, "I was talking to that bitch Cortana."

Thel said confused, "…but she's not with you."

Chief said shocked, "Ok well then something's wrong with me."

With no time to spare, the Chief and Thel make their way to the lake bed.

Then Ratas said over COM, "Humans, we will support you in this matter."

Keyes said shocked, "Oh! Um…okay."

Then the elites started fighting alongside the Chief and Thel.

Keyes said to chief over the COM, "Chief the Elites are looking for something. We didn't believe them when they told us."

Johnson said shocked, "It's Cortana, Chief! She's on that shitty ship! Go get her!"

Chief said annoyed, "Aw, fuck!"

A few minutes of complaining about Cortana later.

Chief, Thel and the elites arrive at the crashed shitty ship.

Thel said to Chief, "We will stay here. We won't let anyone pass."

Chief nodded and jumped in.

He landed and said while looking around, "Oh stupid bitch. Where are you?"

Then chief had a Gravemind moment (oh great -_- there are Gravemind moments now), "Do not be afraid. I am peace…I am salvation. I am a timeless chorus. Join your voice with mine, and sing victory…everlasting!"

Chief answered loudly, "You are not a fucking god!"

Then flood came out of nowhere.

He can see a glowing blue in the distance.

Chief said shocked, "Cortana!"

Chief turned into try hard mode and killed the all the flood in the ship.

He went to Cortana and found 123 Innocent Spark Plug.

Chief said shockingly, "Oh God no, kill me now!"

123 Innocent Spark said happly, "Reclaimer!"

It's just a recorded message of Cortana.

Innocent Spark began to interface it with a beam projected from his central eye.

Chief took it away from him, "Leave her alone!"

Spark replied, "If we do not take this device to a safe location, it will suffer further trauma. I can also make repairs."

Chief said accusingly, "On Dahalo you tried to kill Cortana and me you sick fuck."

Spark said defensively, "Well, she had the activation index and you were going to destroy my installation. You did destroy my installation. Now I have only on function: to help you Reclaimer. As I always should of done."

Chief just stared at him while he took the recorded message of Cortana from him.

A phantom activated a gravity lift and chief flew up and inside.

The phantom flies to the Sangheilian (elite) fleet and into one of the carriers called "The Shadow of Zero Fucks".

Inside of the bridge, the elites and humans have gathered around a holographic table.

Ratas (Ship Master) is sitting on a floating gravity chair (aw man I got to get me one of those).

Chief and Thel are in the middle, and Hood and Keyes are at the far side of the table.

Everyone is silent except Tony Stark…I mean…Innocent Spark, who is bobbing at the center of the table trying to get the recording of Cortana to work.

Then Ratas questioned, "Will it live, Oracle? Can it be saved?"

Spark answers, "Uncertain. It has suffered a lot of trauma and it's highly unstable."

The Good Lord who is in the Hood replies, "Perhaps one of our technicians…"

Ratas said sternly, "That will not be necessary."

When Spark finished his work, the recording sprang to life and a holographic projection of Cortana (bitch).

She yells, "Chief!"

Spark replied happily, "Success!"

Chief says relieved, "Oh thank God it's just a recording."

Ratas answered, "Let it play."

The recording of Cortana continued, "High Charity is on its way to Earth. With an army of green fucks. I can't tell you everything. It's not safe. The Gravemind…it knows I'm in the system. But it doesn't know about the Portal, where it leads. On the other side, there's a solution. A way to stop the flood, without firing the remaining Halo rings…"

Randomly, Cortana skin lights up.

She held onto her head in pain falling to the floor.

Chief started clutching his fists (ohhhh I think he's beginning to care about "the Bitch").

She continues, but softly with her voice filled with agony, "Hurry, Chief…the Boat…there isn't much time."

The recording ends.

Chief is feeling depressed.

Spark turned to Chief, "I'm…sorry."

Chief said angrily and loudly, "FUCK YOU GAY AS FLOATING FUCK!"

Everyone started staring at Chief noticing his depression.

Ratas said, "We've heard enough. Out fight is through the Portal, with the Brutes and that bastard Truth!"

Then the Elites rise their forearms and roar in agreement.

Hood answers wearily, "Fine. We'll remain here. To hold out as long as we can."

Ratas said, "Did you not hear? Your world is doomed. A flood army, a Gravemind, has you in its sights! You barely survived a small contamination."

Hood said angrily, "And you, Ship Master, just glassed half a continent! Maybe the Flood isn't all I should be worried about…"

Ratas got up from his chair and also angry, "One single Flood spore can destroy an entire species. Were it not for the Arbiter's counsel, I would have glassed your entire planet!"

The Good Lord Hood flipped him off.

Keyes said to Hood, "Sir, with all due respect, Cortana has a solution."

Hood answers angrily, "I don't give an ass rats about this shit!"

Chief feeling better again said, "Sir, I'm going to get Cortana's solution back."

Hood replies, "Fine then. But I won't live long enough for that."

Hood was right about one thing. He won't live long because he decided to be gay and have sex with a few elites and died from too much sex.

Then Arbiter and Johnson exchanged weapons and went to each other's ships.

Chief walked in Forward Unto Dawn.

He said to himself while looking out of one of the windows, "I'm coming for you."

That's it! Chapter 7 will be posted tomorrow or the day after...or sometime later -_-.