Chapter 4
"Come on Aerith! We'll be late soon" I hear Tifa's voice travel up the hallway and I pull on my last boot. Today's a match for the local football team. We decided we would make a night of it. We were going to Zack's home town for this game so we had a bit of a drive. So in the end part of going was to support Misty as she did her solo in front of the huge crowd and also so I could take a look around Zack's home town and where he'd grown up, it was rather exiting.
"Coming" I yell back down the hall as my boot finally agrees to be pulled on. I grab my bag and spin around, watching my new skirt flow out around me, and head to the living room.
We all bundle into the car. We were all exited as it was one of the first outings that Cloud has felt up to attending since he'd come back. It was a huge step forward.
We walk and walk towards the game. The lights shine out across the car park and the field as the stadium is transformed into a beacon. We each take turns hugging Misty and wishing her luck. Eventually she leaves us and heads down towards the grounds with the rest of the musicians.
Rinoa, Cloud, Tifa and myself walk back up towards the seats. We show our passes to the guards and they let us pass. We find our seat and slowly the show begins. A man walks across the field and takes the microphone in hand.
"Welcome ladies and gentlemen. Before we begin the game please bow your heads as we pray the Lord's Prayer for the men and women who have gone overseas for the war."
We all stand together and begin
"Dear Lord,
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..."
At the end we raise our heads and then stand with the crowd as the opening bars of the national anthem begin and we all sing to it, the microphone passed to the lead vocalist first.
The man takes the microphone from the lead vocalist and says "Now folks, please bow your heads for a list of the local Vietnam dead." His solemn tone spreads through the stadium like a wave.
The stadium goes silent a as the page of names unfolds in his hands. People everywhere bow their heads as though he were the reaper himself and paying him enough respect would prevent loved ones being called out.
John Alan
Daniel Baker
Chris Caster
Samule Evan
Zack Fair
My world stood still. I could swear my heartbeat could be heard over the entire stadium. No. No no no no nononononono...
I don't even notice the tears streaming from my eyes. I push Tifa away when she tries to hug me. I don't need sympathy for something that can't be true. But. Her eyes are running too. I suddenly realise I can't possibly stay where I am. I needed to get back to him. I stand up in my seat and, pulling as much of composure as I can, I walk through the isle and passed the others sitting between me and my exit. Soon I hit the steps though I run. I race up the steps. Pounding each one as hard as I possibly can. Dimly I can hear other footsteps following me.
I make it out of the building and stare out at the darkness. Where had all the light gone. I turn and look over to the building and see the light shining towards the sky. The brightness of the heavens now making the word look dim.
I look for some reminder of before. Something to show me that there was some part of him still here. I fall to my knees. The gravity of this overpowering me. I hug my knees into my chest as I sit on the bitchumen road.
I feel an anchor pull me back. Tifa's arms wrap around me. Rinoa's too. I let myself cry. This time, I don't need to be strong.
Slowly the night became daylight. People came and went in front of me, but I didn't see them. Somehow Tifa and Rinoa got me home, fed, changed, washed and into bed. Don't know how.
I lie in bed and take a deep breath. Today I would face the world. As funny as it is, to keep turning when everything else has stopped, there's an irrepressible flow to existence that must be tended to. I step out of bed, get dressed in the pink clothes I'd bought for his return, tie my ribbon and walk out the front door.
I walk along the path. One step at a time. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Take a breath and another step. Not so hard.
In my hand I hold a letter I was planning to send him today. But I'm not going towards the post box. I walk back towards the pier. I walk past my cafe. I'll be working. Probably not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in a week.
I walk along the path we followed on our first date. I remember laughing. I remember his arms around me, lifting me. I pass the patch of tulips we passed, remembering the one he picked for me. I walk a little further and pass a church. A very, very, old one. The stained glass windows murky with dust and the building itself audibly creaking with the very pressures of just existing.
I open the heavy front door and walk down the worn floorboards, so worn that dirt shows through. The lights cast by the windows and the light falling from the holes in the roof and onto the small cluster of tulips growing in the church's centre.
I walk over to the front most pew and sit. A light breeze tussles my hair and for a moment I think I can hear his voice. Tears keep streaming down my cheeks, falling onto my new dress.
After the tears stop a sense of peace comes over me. Not exactly healing, I guess, more like a numbness to protect my heart. I watch the light shimmer around the room, the lights passing through the stained glass windows making colourful shapes on the walls.
I close my eyes and clasp my hands as I've been taught. I can't form the words but... I don't think I need them. I ask god to protect Zack, to watch over and help me, to look after all the other women who find out every day that their loved ones won't ever see their faces or hear their voices again. I cry again, but this time it feels good and the feeling of peace comes.
I stand up and hum an appropriate slow tune as I walk around the derelict church and I realise how much everything has changed. I marvel at the flowers, in themselves proof of life. How the lights moving around the room, reflecting the shadows of the trees outside, create a million pictures. The stories of everyone who had stood here perhaps. I hear the birds, and chicks, outside singing their songs.
I stop for a moment and wonder how I could have missed all this before. I walk towards the door and back outside. I follow the path back towards my home, but instead of remembering what happened between us as we walked I remember how happy I felt, and how lucky I was to have had those moments at all. I remember them and remember them and I place them in my heart where I will never forget them.
I walk through my front door and back into my room. I unlock and open a brightly decorated box and place the letter for Zack that I'd never sent inside it. One day I'll see him again and I'll give it to him then.
Author's notes
And here we are, at the end. As it was always going to be. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm sorry for all the spelling and grammar errors again (I know, I know, sloppy of me to post some thing so unpolished) but I thought it was worth sharing regardless.