Haven't done this in a while, and it's just sitting here rotting on my desktop. I don't think there are many people reading this, but it's shameless stupidity. I have to write it because it came to mind (though I probably shouldn't post it), but we could all use some shenanigans once in a while!
Here it is!
Slutty Jill stretched her arms as she walked down the stairs. She'd woken up a little later than she had planned to, but it was the weekend so it was as good a day as any to sleep in. The house was particularly quiet in comparison to the usual buzz which made it the perfect opportunity.
As she opened the fridge in search of food, it occurred to her that, because it was a weekend, Logical Jill was out grocery shopping to prepare for the rest of the week. It also meant there wasn't much to eat except last night's leftovers.
She closed the fridge, a little put off, and turned around to see Evil Jill reading quietly on the couch. It never occurred to her that she enjoyed it in her spare time.
Suddenly, she spoke up, eyes never leaving the book, "If you take a picture, I guarantee it will last longer. I know this from experience."
Slutty Jill didn't even bother giving her a funny look, "I just thought you'd be out stealing candy from babies or tripping old people or something of the sort."
She flipped the page, eyes still fixed on the text, "I'm reading something maniacal."
As much as she didn't want to know, she was interested in what Jill liked to read, though it was probably something she didn't care for, "What's it about?"
"Unicorns," Evil Jill stated as if nothing were amiss.
Slutty Jill stared for a second before erupting into a fit of laughter. She tried to speak several times but no proper words would form. Finally, she settled down, "I don't think maniacal and unicorns go under the same subject."
The blond woman read aloud the part she was at, still unfazed by the other Jill's reaction, "...as it reared it's mighty head, thrusting it's golden horn forward and plunging it deep inside the eye socket of the human before it. The brain hemorrhaged from the impact, shutting off completely as the body slumped to the ground and thick droplets of blood dripped from it's horn. It looked to the sky as it let out a powerful whinny, sending the others into the forest, running faster to further themselves from the violent beast soon to finish what it started. The bloodlust-"
She was cut short as Slutty Jill covered her ears and let out a terrified scream, "Unicorns are supposed to be happy creatures that spread joy and rainbows not death and fear! What's wrong with you!"
Evil Jill chuckled sadistically, "You have it all wrong."
The other Jill just shook her head and kept her hands on her ears, going straight for the stairs, trying her best to forget everything she had just heard.
Hours later, Logical Jill walked in, several bags of groceries in her hands with more to come. She placed them on the counter before looking up to see Evil Jill reading and Slutty Jill nowhere in sight. She had never seen her read before and couldn't help but inquire, "What'cha reading?"
Evil Jill gave the faintest smirk, "Something maniacal."
Before she could ask anything else, a scream from upstairs stopped her, "Don't ask her! Your mind will forever be ruined!"
The blond woman chuckled evilly and Logical Jill figured her best option was just to let sleeping dogs lie in this case.
Logical Jill trudged down the stairs to grab some milk and cookies. It may have been the wee hours of the morning, but she wanted a snack and she wanted it now. After selecting the perfect items, she turned to see Slutty Jill cuddled up on the couch reading a book.
"Isn't it a little early to be up?" She questioned, slightly confused.
"Isn't it a little early to be eating snacks?" came the quick retort.
"True enough," Logical Jill continued to eat her cookies and drink the milk in silence, the odd flipping of pages the only other sound. She turned slightly in her seat, wondering what her preferred choice of reading was, "What are you reading about?"
"Nothing really."
Logical Jill quirked a brow, obviously not believing it, as she was watching her read, "Sure doesn't look like nothing."
Slutty Jill sighed, looking up from her book with pleading eyes, "Don't tell Jill okay? She'd probably laugh."
Logical Jill nodded in agreement, not seeing why this was relevant.
Slutty Jill looked back at her book before speaking up, "Advanced Calculus Integrated Physics. At this particular point I'm on electromagnetic oscillations and alternating current. The use of electricity in different wave forms is just so interesting to me that it calms me down," she hesitated for a moment before continuing, "Science just works the way it's supposed to, you know? And it never changes. I know that's weird, but it works for me."
Logical Jill wasn't sure what emotion she should feel, her face coming up null. First of all, she had no clue Jill was that smart. Secondly, she did not seem the type at all, nor did she display any signs of intelligent life close to that. Thirdly... When did she get that smart?
She had to make sure, "Are you actually serious?"
"Yep."
"Prove it." She truly didn't know what to believe. Maybe she was just pulling her leg or something.
Slutty Jill then proceeded to rattle off Gauss's Law and its application or something like that. All Logical Jill could do was stare with her mouth agape. She definitely wasn't lying.
"Why don't you do something with that then? Or act like you know more than what you seem to?"
The other Jill stopped her explanation, looking away sheepishly, "'Cause nobody likes a know-it-all. And I like my life just the way it is."
Logical Jill couldn't get over it as she put away her now empty glass. She looked back at Slutty Jill one last time, still quite shocked, "Have a nice night then and good luck getting some sleep."
"Thanks."
Logical Jill headed up the stairs, soaking up the information as Slutty Jill spoke up from down below again, "Remember, don't tell Jill."
She only shook her head, climbing back into bed.
Both Evil Jill and Slutty Jill had no idea what Logical Jill liked to read. Sure, they saw her flipping through a magazine or newspaper but that wasn't really a taste in literature. And that's when Evil Jill had her 'best idea yet'.
"Let's go search her room. I bet she hides her books somewhere up there 'cause she's too embarrassed of them," she grinned evilly, tapping her fingers together before her face in a villainous kind of way.
Slutty Jill looked around worriedly, unsure if it was really a good idea, "What if she sees us up in her room in all of her stuff? Plus it's her privacy! We shouldn't be in there!"
"Awe, c'mon! Live a little, will ya? Aside from throwing yourself around that is," Slutty Jill glared, as the blond woman wrapped an arm around her shoulder to emphasize the point, "We'll be in and out before she knows it. And we'll know what kind of things she likes to read. You can tell a lot about a person from that, you know." Evil Jill wiggled her eyebrows, tauntingly.
"I dunno..."
"It's now or never. I mean, once she comes back it's going to be harder to get into her room."
"Err.." She was probably about to regret this, "Alright. But we better be quick about it."
Evil Jill relieved her arm, already heading for the stairs, "With my skills, we'll be out of there in no time."
Slutty Jill couldn't help looking back over her shoulder at the door before following the evil woman up the stairs.
Logical Jill's room was neat and tidy; every little piece seemed to have its place. This would mean they would have to be careful replacing things, making sure everything was in the right place.
Evil Jill started searching the place immediately, going through drawers and looking through the neatly folded clothing and upsetting the perfect fold jobs.
Slutty Jill watched uneasily from the doorway, still feeling like this was betrayal of some sort.
"What're you standing around for? Get searching."
Slutty Jill gave a tiny yelp as she jumped and began to look over the room. Evil Jill began to search the small closet coming up with a few newspaper articles that had been clipped, all dealing with some previous police force she had been on.
Beyond that was a rather worn out book with a faded green cover, the print hardly legible and the pages yellowed and faded from use. Evil Jill was careful with the book, realizing it was quite old, probably passed down.
She flipped the cover open, reading the title out loud, "The Mastery of Unlocking," she settled back on her legs, drawing Slutty Jill's attention, "Huh, I never figured her to be the type to pick locks."
"It could have been a gift or something from someone."
Evil Jill frowned, replacing the book and articles carefully, "You're probably right. There's no way she would break into people's houses for kicks." She turned to the other woman in the room, "Find anything yet?"
Slutty Jill shook her head, "Nope." She then checked under the bed. Still nothing.
The blond slid up beside her, "You would make a horrible convict." She reached under the bed as if feeling for something.
"To most people, that would probably be a good thing," she muttered.
Evil Jill felt around for a few seconds before her face lit up, "Aha! See, if you want to hide something well, you hide it up in the bed where no one would look."
She retracted her arm, bringing forth a fairly new book with a black hardcover. The sleeve was taken from it causing Evil Jill to flip through the first few pages to find the title. Upon seeing it, her face split into laughter.
"Oh, this is just too good!" She howled as the book fell from her lap.
Confused, Slutty Jill picked up the dropped object and repeated the actions of the woman before her. Her eyes widened too, before she erupted into laughter. Yeah, definitely unbelievable.
As they were keeling over with fits of laughter, Logical Jill appeared in her doorway, "What are you guys doing in my room? I expect this kind of behaviour from her," she looked pointedly at Evil Jill, "but I'm not sure why you're in on this."
Slutty Jill went red from embarrassment but couldn't stop her laughter; Evil Jill just continued to howl, reaching clumsily for the book to show to its owner.
Logical Jill's eyes widened as she saw the item of humility in the evil clutches of the blond Jill. Her face lit up like a red light on Christmas, although it was impossible to tell if it was from rage or embarrassment. With quick motion and surprising amounts of strength, she ripped the book from Evil Jill's hands and tossed both Jill's from her room.
"And stay out!" She slammed the door behind them.
Their laughter died off as they lay sprawled across the floor.
"What did I tell you? It was well worth our time," Evil Jill grinned, looking awfully pleased with herself.
Slutty Jill had a huge smile plastered to her face, "Yeah. Who thought Jill would ever read '50 Shades of Grey'?"