"…Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!" Inwë bellowed for the fiftieth time. Norrington was beginning to wish that Beckett had had the foresight to duct tape the Elf's mouth shut before he left. Perhaps this was meant to be some sort of torture.

"ELF!" he roared as the authoress started the song from the beginning. She smiled at him sheepishly.

"Apologies, Commodore. Would you prefer it if I recited the script for the first Pirates of the Caribbean from start to finish?"

"NO! JUST BE QUIET!" Humbly, the authoress sat down in the dark corner. Her vow of silence lasted about ten seconds.

"Question, Norrington," she said lightly, "Who d'you think sent that turkey vulture?" The former British officer rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"I have a theory," said the disembodied Voice of Reason. Inwë jumped and looked at the ceiling, as if expecting the Voice's face to appear.

"And what might that be?" the Elf snapped. She had felt rather disinclined towards the Voice ever since it had first reminded her, all those years ago when she wrote her first short story in kindergarten, that unicorns do not eat sushi. After that it had been one logical reminder after another: "dark lords don't wear pink", "wizards are not all that lacking in brain power", "pirates don't bury treasure in the middle of mainland forests", and so on, ending with the latest reminder that "Beckett cannot suffer a fatal heart attack at his age."

"Well," said the Voice nervously at length, "I kind of sent it."

"WHAT?"

"I did save the pendant! Now Beckett doesn't have it!" it protested defensively. Inwë let out a low growl of fury.

"You mean to tell me that my powers as authoress are in the hands of a bird that belongs to the Mouth of Sauron?" she rasped as her hands shook with contained fury. The Voice chuckled anxiously.

"Well…after he died the first couple times the bird kind of deserted him. And I always had hoped to be advisor to Sauron someday," it added wistfully. Inwë groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"Please tell me you know where the bird's going." Norrington stared hopefully at the ceiling. The last thing he wanted was the Elf going angsty on him – it was worse than when she was hyper.

"I know where it's going. It'll be tricky getting there, though, there are no portals to it save one. You're almost better off accepting the inevitable, Beckett will get there first."

"Where's the portal?" Inwë asked without looking up.

"There's no way you'd be able to get to it! Even if you escaped you'd be wanted men!"

"Tell me where the portal is, or it'll take more than authoress' powers to prevent me from grinding you into a fine powder." The Voice let out a low whimper.

"It's in the Museum of Art, the one you went on a field trip to."

"What does it look like?" Inwë sighed, remembering the huge museum and the four grueling hours it had taken to go through it.

"It's one of the model animals from the Chinese zodiac display. I don't know which one," the Voice answered. Norrington bit his lip and tried to remember the twelve animals from the zodiac. Dog, rat, ox, ram, boar, rabbit, rooster, tiger, snake, monkey, dragon…

"It's the horse," Inwë said in a low voice. Norrington hated it when she read his thoughts.

"How are you sure?" the former Commodore asked. The authoress rubbed her forehead and remained silent for a while.

"It's the Mouth of Sauron's idea of a joke."

"He doesn't control the bird anymore," the Voice reminded her in a singsong voice. Inwë gave the ceiling a look.

"You don't know him like I do. There's probably still a good deal of dark magic running in that bird's veins. Dark magic like that needs a host, and it's indirectly connected to the Mouth's mind. Subconsciously, if he learned of this little misadventure he might have thought it would be ironic for the portal to be the horse. The dark magic linked to the bird put that thought in the bird's subconscious, and it got transferred to the author's power." Norrington frowned as he digested this.

"Yes, but the horse isn't your zodiac sign," he pointed out. The Elf gave him a dry look.

"It's me we're talking about. The horse's characteristics match mine well enough, even if I wasn't born in the right year, plus it's common knowledge that horses are the one thing I'm more obsessed about than Pirates of the Caribbean. Also, 2003 was the Year of the Horse, and Pirates came out then." Both Norrington and the Voice sighed. Just then, there was a screech of tires on pavement, angry and surprised yells, and the sound of a door bursting open. The Elf peered intently at the door. In a few seconds it swung open. Sirius bounded through, barking and wagging his tail. There was a suspicious red liquid staining his muzzle. Behind him, another figure glided into the room. It was a teenager, a year or so older than the authoress. She was dressed in full ranger garb, complete with cloak. She had a sword in her hand. Inwë looked exasperated.

"Well it's about bloody time!" she snapped, getting to her feet. The other teen rolled her eyes.

"Well we had to get through rush hour traffic. And there was this guy at the entrance who wouldn't let us in! He said we couldn't bring weapons into the building."

"That's all well and good, Aki, but now I would appreciate it if you get us out, savvy?" Aki sighed.

"You're always so impatient."

"When my life's in danger? Yes." The ranger grinned and shook her head, then looked around for the keys.

"Too bad these aren't half-pin barrel hinges. Shaedan and I are putting a detention hall with half-pin barrel hinges into our manga. You need to read what we've written since last time we were together -."

"AKI!"

"Sorry." Aki snatched the keys from their hook and hurried to unlock the cell doors. Norrington listened anxiously for the sound of approaching guards. Once out, he, Aki, and Sirius sprinted for the door. Inwë lingered a moment.

"Not without my effects!" she called over her shoulder as she grabbed her Jack Sparrow hat.

The courtyard was in chaos. Guards were running around and shouting orders. Something (a grenade by the looks of it) had blasted the iron prison gate open. There was no getaway car in sight. Norrington almost stopped to question Aki, but the ranger just kept running. Up ahead, a car braked on the street. The front passenger door flew open. A second girl of Aki's age, also in ranger costume, was at the wheel. Aki pulled herself neatly into the seat next to her. Norrington and Sirius scrambled into the back. Inwë came pelting across the walkway. Two guards went after her, though they trailed behind by several yards. The Elf dove and landed in the back seat, almost crashing into Norrington.

"DRIVE!" she yelled as the guards closed in. The driver was looking uncomfortable.

"But I can only have two people who aren't related to me in the car at one time!" Inwë gave her a furious look and she stepped on it with a soft groan.

"I'm going to lose my license."

"If we get caught, that will be the least of your worries."