A/N: Teehee more randomness awaits! Of course, I have few or no hits on this so yeah. Is it because I, the authoress, am a character in the story? Well, this is more a just-for-fun story anyways.

The drive to the museum was long. It was longer than the first time they had been there for a field trip, and it was certainly longer than Inwë was happy with. Serves her right for letting Shaedan drive. For the first hour Aki, Raven, and Inwë amused themselves by swapping vampire stories and comparing Dracula and Pride and Prejudice, which the authoress quickly changed to comparing Pride and Prejudice and Pirates of the Caribbean. What could she say? Same Elizabeth, same stingy short guy with a wig, same annoying parent-whose-only-desire-is-to-marry-his-or-her-children-to-the-highest-bidder scenario. Norrington did not appreciate the last remark. Sirius had the worst of it – he's so used to…umm…different forms of travel that he got carsick half way through. Fortunately he did not throw up in the car. The last thing they needed was the car smelling like dog food.

When they finally pulled into the museum parking lot (three hours later, after exhausting all forms of conversation and getting violently ill from reading Fruits Basket while battling motion sickness), they were all about ready to kill each other. Inwë pulled her grey cloak out of her backpack and put it on. It was nearing midnight, and they would have some serious breaking-in to do. That is, if Beckie hadn't already beaten them there. Stupid speed limits.

They made an unpleasant discovery when they reached the door of the museum. The glass had been broken and the alarm wires cut. Exchanging nervous glances, the six went inside. Inwë tread carefully around the glass, the hem of her cloak just brushing a few pieces. Everything seemed undisturbed (aside from the glass), and Inwë momentarily hoped that Beckett hadn't figured out what the exact portal object was. Perhaps there was still time.

Moving silently deeper into the museum, they wound their way towards the Chinese Zodiac Display at the far end of the building. When they came up to it, they were not well greeted: the glass case had been shattered and the clay model horse was gone. The authoress paled sharply and walked more quickly to the display. A note, hastily scratched on parchment, lay on the shards of glass. Oblivious to the sharp edges of the broken material, Inwë leaned over and picked it up.

Authoress and Co.,

You are reading this because you were too slow to beat me, Lord Cutler Beckett, to the prize. The clay horse is in my possession and I, along with your muse, are soon to be transported to the world where our mutual friend the turkey vulture fled. Once I hold that medallion in my hand, there are some changes I shall be making to your world. Firstly, America will once more be a British colony, along with India, Russia, France, Spain, the Caribbean islands, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and Brazil. Secondly, I shall be king of England and her respective colonies. Thirdly, you and your friends will all be caught and hanged, along with that villainous pirate Jack Sparrow.

"CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!" the group chorused.

Also, all forms of media that do not support me or my revised plot of Pirates of the Caribbean shall be dealt with severely. It would go down easier on you all if you surrender as soon as my reign is established. If you do so, I may be inclined to spare the lives of a few of you, excepting Mr. Norrington and Mr. Sparrow –

Inwë could read no more. Furious, she crushed the paper into a small ball and threw it away from her. It dramatically exploded into flames in mid air. Letting out a growl of mingled anger and defeat, she dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

"What have I done?" she moaned miserably. Aki raised an eyebrow.

"Come off it, mate!" she said encouragingly, "There's still hope."

"There is always hope!" Shaedan agreed heartily. The authoress shook her head and didn't look up.

"The villain's gone. And unless you've got a portal and a lot of sails hidden in that backpack – unlikely – then evil Mr. Beckett will be king long before you can reach him." Raven randomly smacked her over the back of the head. Inwë gave her a look.

"What was that for?" she demanded angrily. The half-demon gave her one of her long, slow looks.

"Angst." Muttering about how "that ranger's turning into Gibbs", the authoress stood up.

"Suggestions? Anyone?" she snapped. Aki raised her hand.

"We could ask your voice of reason," she pointed out. Inwë mentally kicked herself for not having thought of it.

"VOICE!" she shrieked, making everyone flinch, "Get yer sorry carcass over here before I decide to turn you into sushi in my next fiction!"

"Y-yes?" the Voice stammered from somewhere over their heads.

"Is there any other portal to the turkey vulture's dimension?" Norrington asked before the authoress could snarl a question.

"Why, yes there is, sir!" it replied, happy to be spoken politely, "I forgot to mention that there is one other portal nearby. Do you recall," it added, addressing Inwë, "that katana?" Aki and Shaedan grinned.

"Oh, aye! The one we argued over for fifteen minutes whilst trying to decide which one of the two knives was a katana?"

"That's the one. Find it, and then each of you hold on to it. The 'magic word' as it is, is 'cockatrice'." Inwë rolled her eyes.

"That was relatively painless. You are aware that this is an insane circumstance, bordering on Sueishness?"

"Painfully aware." Smirking triumphantly, the Elf skipped after her friends, humming the Tortuga theme from Dead Man's Chest.