Spoiler Alert: Spoilers for Seasons 2 & 3, up to and including "Silent Night".
A/N: So here's to trustno1-1987, who posted the 500th review for this story, which is amazing. She requested a little mention of one of her favourite passions, so see if you can figure it out!
Disclaimer: No infringement of copyright is intended. All characters originated with CSI:NY; all song lyrics are from The Beatles.
It's A Long Journey Home
Chapter 44: Hide Your Love Away
Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feeling two-foot small
Danny slumped against the car into Monroe's restraining grip, all energy gone. Monroe manhandled him into the front seat of the car, slamming the door on him vigorously, then climbing into the front seat and peeling out of the Bozeman Police Station parking lot.
They drove down the road a few miles in silence. Slowly, John's normally impassive face broke into a wide grin.
"Think they bought it?"
Danny relaxed against the door and smirked back, "Hey, playing a hotheaded asshole from New York wasn't exactly a stretch! I think they bought the whole farm and all the livestock!"
The two men locked eyes in the rear-view mirror, and then burst out laughing. Danny moaned theatrically as he rotated his shoulder. "You could have lightened up a little on the roughing up, though! Man, don't you Feds get sensitivity training?"
"That's only necessary for sensitive people, Messer! You're from New York – not a sensitive bone in your body!"
Danny groaned a little, "Oh, yeah. That's right. I forgot."
"Besides, the key to any good operation is total buy-in. I have to admit I kind of enjoyed pushing you around. Take it as a promise," John glanced slyly at Danny.
"Yeah. Yeah. Copy that, Monroe," Danny put his back and sighed. He had to get involved with a woman with brothers, didn't he? Older brothers. Three of them.
They drove in silence for a minute, before Danny cleared his throat, "So, I have a question."
"42," John answered automatically.
Danny looked at him inquisitively, "Sorry? What's 42?"
"The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything." John didn't crack a smile as Danny stared at him in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
"Sorry, Messer, family in-joke. I sure hope you picked up Lindsay's copy of the Guide when you grabbed her books." John shook his head.
Danny waved his hands in the air, and signaled Time-Out. "Can I ask my question now, or are we still in La-La Land?"
"Go ahead."
"Olafsen and Quantico? What's the story there?"
"He was in training before I started." John's response was terse. "Washed out after six months. Still shows up for seminars and so on."
Danny's eyebrows rose so high they nearly disappeared. "That so?"
John stifled a sigh, "Doesn't mean anything, Messer. Only about one in four make it through the training. And lots like to keep in touch with the stuff we teach."
"Yeah, but they don't all like failing, do they?" Danny muttered.
John shrugged, but didn't answer, driving fast out of town for about a half an hour, to pull up at a roadside diner a few miles outside of Livingston. He pulled into the parking lot and waved to Jamie, who was standing at the door of the diner, watching for them.
"Okay, Messer, have to leave you here. Thanks for the set up – I love playing good cop!" John grinned at the New York investigator.
"Just make sure you get the information to Mac, okay? I need him to look at everything we can find."
"You think a lot of him, eh? This Mac Taylor?" John shot Danny a look.
"Best there is – you'll see. You ask Lindsay some time." Danny reached out and shook hands with Lindsay's brother, wincing good-naturedly as his shoulder muscle gave a twitch. "Next time, I play good cop and get to beat you up, okay?"
John laughed, "Next time, we'll beat up the bad guys together!"
"Here's to that! Thanks, man. You better get back." Danny slid out of the car.
"Yeah. Tell Linds I love her, okay?"
"You got it."
Danny watched as the stylish rental took off back the way they had come. John was going back to the Bozeman Police Department to keep them off-balance and see what he could shake out of the snake's nest. Danny hoped he would be able to handle what he found out. McKim had observed their little play a bit too coolly for Danny's taste.
He turned and walked into the diner, meeting Jamie at the door. "She okay?"
"See for yourself." Jamie pointed to a booth near the back of the restaurant and Danny saw Mick, who waved. As he moved closer, he saw Lindsay, tucked in against the wall, protected by the intimidating bulk of her brother. Quickly, Danny slid in to the booth across from her, and grabbed the hand she reached out to him. He squeezed it tightly, and breathed easy for the first time since he had talked to Diane on the phone two days ago.
"John said to tell you he loves you. He's on his way back to the station to see what information he can get to Mac."
Lindsay smiled tiredly and nodded.
Mick said gruffly, "No problem getting her out – Chris took her down for x-rays and she just didn't come back. Mom phoned fifteen minutes ago; still no one showed up from the station. So far as we can tell, they don't know she's gone yet."
Danny nodded to him, but spoke to Lindsay, "You didn't tell anyone?"
A flash of irritation sparked in her eyes, "Of course not."
"Not Cindy, the nurse? Not McKim this morning?" Danny pushed.
He wasn't surprised when Lindsay pulled her hand away, although it cut deep.
"No."
He started to ask another question, but she went on heatedly, "Honestly, Danny, I'm not an idiot. I didn't tell anyone."
"Okay, okay, I believe you." He didn't, not entirely. Lindsay knew it too; she didn't reach for his hand again, folding her arms defensively across her chest. He knew that look.
"Listen, children, we still have nearly two hours to drive to the cabin. Let's try to get along," Jamie said.
Mick broke in, "You want something to eat, Messer? We already ordered; Lindsay was craving something other than green Jell-O."
Danny shuddered at the thought of food, "Naw, I'm good. Your ma made me breakfast this morning. I may not eat for a week."
"Sausages? Bacon? Eggs?" Mick closed his eyes on happy memories.
"And toast and biscuits and fried potatoes. She even offered to fry me up a steak! Steak for breakfast? Who eats that?" Danny shook his head in disbelief.
Grinning, Jamie pushed a menu over to the New Yorker, "Look under the breakfast menu, Messer."
Sure enough, under "Trucker's All Day Breakfast Menu" was the Full Monty, including everything Diane had offered Danny, plus cheese bread and home-made cactus salsa. Danny grinned; then his eye fell on another menu item.
"Rattlesnake? You people eat rattlesnake out here?" He laughed in surprise. "Who'd 'a thought?"
"What? It's just protein." Lindsay said with a sly grin, her voice back to normal. "And this from a man who once ate wasp tamales!"
Danny put one hand on the table again, and was relieved when her hand found his.
"Yeah, but that was on a bet, Montana!" Danny smiled at her cockily.
"What do you mean? You lost the bet to Mac," she said in surprise.
"Yeah, that's twenty bucks I'll never see again. On the other hand, I won $50 from Hawkes, $50 from Stella, and $100 from Flack."
"What? You bet on me eating that stuff, and you didn't share the pot with me?"
"Actually, the bet was that I wouldn't be able to keep any of it down. I only bet on you with Mac. And I did have plans to share the winnings with you." Danny didn't want to tell her that he had blown some of the money on a very good bottle of wine at an expensive restaurant where he had sat waiting for her just long enough to feel like a complete ass.
She flushed and looked down at the table as the waitress brought up the food they had ordered before Danny had arrived with John.
Danny watched her pick at the waffles she had ordered, wondering if her appetite had been better before he showed up. He had let go of her hand when the food showed up so that she could eat, and was a little surprised that he missed the warmth of it. He wasn't normally a hand-holding kind of guy; it smacked a little too much of restraints to him.
The waitress smiled at him, "Can I get you something, sir?"
"Just coffee, thanks." He smiled back politely.
Lindsay plunged a fork violently into one of the strawberries on top of her waffle, letting the juice squish out over the plate.
Jamie and Mick were making short work of the breakfasts they had ordered, and Mick nudged Lindsay, "Come on, kid. You gotta eat, and we gotta move out soon."
She pushed her plate away, barely touched, and smiled a bit wanly at her big brother, "Sorry, guys. I'm ready to go when you are."
Danny opened his mouth to tell her to eat, but snapped it shut when she glared at him. What was the point? If anyone understood how hard it was to force food into an unwilling stomach, it was him. He cleared his throat and wondered for the first time how Lindsay and he were going to manage stuck in a cabin in the woods all by themselves, even for just a few days.
Up until now, everything had been a rush: get to Montana, get to Lindsay, get her out of hospital, keep her safe. For the first time, he thought about days and nights alone with her, and he swallowed hard. How was he going to handle this?
Mick threw his napkin down and turned to Lindsay. "Do I have to force-feed you? You need to eat something, peanut."
She closed her eyes, and Danny could see a wave of pain cross her face as she dropped it into her hands. "I can't. I'm sorry, Micky."
"Leave her alone; she'll be all right," Danny said quietly. "Let's just get her to where we're going, okay?"
"Let's go, then," Jamie said, and went to pay the cheque.
Mick slid out of the booth, and turned to offer Lindsay a hand. When she didn't move, he touched her shoulder in concern. "You okay?"
She raised her head and looked at Danny. "Give us a minute, would you, Mick?"
Danny's heart froze in his chest. Here it came. The earth had moved out from under him and he was left floating in space.
"Yeah. Yeah, okay." Mick stared at Danny's white face, shrugged his shoulders helplessly and walked over to the cash register to speak to Jamie in a low voice, glancing back at the still pair in the booth.
"Danny," Lindsay's voice was trembling, but determined. "You know I appreciate your coming out to Montana. I couldn't believe it, actually, that you would come all this way."
He started to speak, but she put up a hand to stop him. "Just let me say this, okay? If you say anything, I won't be able to finish."
He closed his eyes and nodded.
"You don't have to stay," she blurted out.
His eyes opened, blue eyes turned to flint. "Why? You got someone better on tap?"
His voice, harsh and bitter, surprised even him.
She flinched as if he had struck her. "No. John could … or I can stay with Mick, or … " Her voice faded, and she looked at her brothers, speaking almost under her breath. "Not Jamie. Carol, the boys – I can't risk them."
Danny put his head in his hands for a moment. Well, he thought, that's how they were going to manage being in a cabin together. They wouldn't.
"Danny, you should go home to New York. I don't want anything to happen … Danny, please go home."
"Why do you think I came out here, Lindsay? To just turn around and run when you need help?" He couldn't even breathe in, but somehow, he thought with horror, he could manage a biting tone that had her going white again.
"If something happens, if you get hurt," her voice was broken and just above a whisper, and her hand reached across the table and clutched his convulsively. "I can't risk it. Don't you see? I lost them all, Danny. I can't lose you too, not like this."
Danny's jaw dropped. "Let me get this straight. You want me to go back to New York because I might get hurt?"
"I can't do this, Danny."
"No way. I let you get away with that last time. This time you are going to listen to me. Do you know what I felt like when your mom told me you had been hit by a truck? Do you know what I felt like watching you convulse when you were ODing on morphine? Do you have any idea…?"
He stopped. Lindsay had tears rolling down her cheeks, and was struggling to keep from sobbing out loud.
The pictures he had looked at the night before flashed in his memory: Cameron's brains and Tricia's blood all over Lindsay's clothes and hands and face. He slid out of his side of the booth and in beside Lindsay, gathering her in his arms and holding her closely.
"I'm so sorry, baby. Of course you do. I'm sorry. Don't cry, Lindsay, I can't bear it." He soothed and murmured and out of the corner of his eye saw the two Monroe brothers, who had been preparing to come back to the booth when they saw tears, settle back against the counter.
"I'm sorry, Danny." She was gulping in air, trying unsuccessfully to stop the crying.
"What for? You don't have nothing to be sorry for." He stroked her back slowly, trying to calm her, trying to ignore the effect her body in his arms was having on him.
"Yes, I do. I did tell John."
Danny's heart stopped beating.