Okay, so another filler type chapter. Sorry. Also, sorry for OOC-ness on Dean's part. I had to get him to a certain point for the next chapter. I hope to have that up by tomorrow.
Chapter Rating: T (Language)
Disclaimer: OOC-ness
Dean lay down in his bed that night after Castiel had been long gone. He stared at his ceiling for the longest time, just thinking. The day had been amazing; that was the problem. Cas was a wonderful person. He was interesting and thoughtful and a great roper. Dean had never really had any friends besides his family and Bobby. Castiel made him feel like he could get along with people. As different as they were from each other, Dean felt like Castiel GOT him, like Cas understood. Not to mention the fact that the weak in the knees feeling from before was back with a vengeance.
It was hard to explain. Whenever Cas was around, Dean felt like he was unstoppable. He had felt that way since the moment they first rode together. There was no need to form a bond for Dean, it was already a part of him. It was profound. It made the older Winchester brother feel so many confusing things. He could not make sense of them.
If Dean had guessed, he would have said the feelings were attraction, but that had to be wrong. Castiel was a GUY. A MALE. In possession of the same genitalia. I.E. not a person to whom Dean should be attracted. But, that did not stop his body from practically doing flips when Cas looked at him with those blue blue eyes. Dean had thought he knew how blue blue could be. Castiel's eyes had proven him so wrong. They were the bluest of blue that could ever be. Did he mention they were blue?
Everything about Cas fascinated Dean. Like he could spend a lifetime talking to the other man and never be bored. Dean could not recall a previous relationship where he had felt something that strong. Overall, it scared the man. These feelings were so powerful and sudden that it was almost like whiplash. Dean had no idea how he would be able to face the youngest Novak in the future.
The worst part, the part that made it the most impossible, was the fact that if Dean did get over his sexual identity crisis, he could not be with Castiel at all. The other man was definitely not interested. He was perfect, which should have been a sign, and religious to top it all off. Of course Dean would turn gay for the one guy he could not have. Typical.
Castiel pulled his truck into the lot at exactly the same time he had the day before, not that Dean was checking or anything. The man started to come up the steps, but was met by Dean and John.
"Wait, there, partner. You turn around and saddle your horse. We're moving on to lassoing from horseback. I want to fine tune that this week and next. I am only planning on working in the mornings. You can help Dean if you want in the afternoons and then work the barrels once it cools off in the evening. After next week, we'll work on starting off. That's the plan," John highlighted as they walked to the barn. Dean already had Baby set to go, so he helped Castiel with Anna's saddle. Dean had fastened a holder for the rope to the saddle horn, which Cas thanked him for. Dean just smiled and continued tightening the girth. He was just attaching the reins to the halter when Cas' fingers brushed his. Dean held in his breath as sparks shot up his arm, definitely not normal.
They worked through the morning, barely stopping to talk. Dean wished that the time would pass faster just so he could visit with Cas again. Finally, noon rolled around. John wiped his brow and dismissed them, telling them they were doing extremely well. Dean felt very proud of them.
Dean decided to eat with Castiel in the house, so they could talk with Sam. Cas seemed to like the idea, which made Dean even happier. Lunch was set out, and Sam rolled himself over to the empty spot at the table, left without a chair just for him.
"So, Castiel, how is the training going."
"Very well, I think. I am learning a lot. I can only hope to be as good a partner as you were to Dean."
"Oh, you'll be far better than me. I can feel it. My heart was not all in it. You see completely invested."
"Well, uh, thanks."
"Way to go, Samantha. You made Cas feel all awkward," Dean chimed in. Cas just smiled and tried to say he was fine. Sam apologized and all went on laughing.
"Anyway, Dean tells me you are planning to become a lawyer. Where do you want to go? Harvard, Stamford...?"
"I don't know yet. I am still applying. Worse comes to worse, I'll get my undergraduate and graduate degrees at a state college, then move on for my actual law degree."
"Sounds like a great plan."
"What about you? Did you go to college?"
"No. I have just been barrel racing for the last few years."
"How old are you exactly, Castiel? You look like my age, but you can never tell these days."
"I'm twenty-two."
"Wow. I'm eighteen, nineteen at the end of the year. Dean four years older than me, but his birthday is in April so he's twenty-three."
"Interesting. I thought you two would be older."
Dean lost track of the conversation after that. He just watched Castiel speak with his brother. He like the fact that they seemed to get along. None of his girlfriends had ever gotten along with Sam, which is one of the main reasons he had rarely had a long lasting relationship. Sam was such a huge part of his life, like a package deal.
The day passed quickly this way. They all stayed and talked until the sun was setting, which was something the brothers had not done in the longest time. Castiel eventually said that he needed to practice before it got to dark, and Dean followed him outside. The two resaddled Anna, and Cas lead her to the arena. Dean rolled the barrels out onto the dirt, placing them in a triangle shape.
Dean knew he was in trouble the moment Cas got into the saddle. The first time Dean had seen Castiel ride came into the older Winchester's mind. If Cas looked anything like that again...
Oh, he did. When Castiel rode, it was an art. It was different when he was not trying to rope something. His arms would be waving the lasso, distracting from the way he moved with his horse. Now, he just melded with the saddle. His first run he took at a trot. The second at a slow gallop. He repeated this a few times, expertly warming up Anna. After about twenty minutes, he took a walking lap around the outside of the arena, and Dean walked beside him on the outside of the rails.
"Lookin' good, Cas."
"Thank you, Dean. I am giving Anna a cool off, and then I am going to try a few runs."
"Cool. Mind if I stay and watch that part? I knew this one racing chick that would freak if anyone watched her practice actual runs."
"An old girlfriend?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think she just freaked out because you were watching her. I cannot have my brothers watch me. It just has something to do with the overwhelming need to impress. I feel much more comfortable messing up around you than them. No offense to you."
"None taken. I get it."
"Hey, would you mind timing me?"
"Nope," Dean caught the stopwatch that Castiel tossed him.
Dean stopped and threaded his legs through the railings, sitting half in half out of the arena. Castiel continued around until he was in position for the pattern. Dean's breath sped up as he watched the other man prepare. It also helped that Cas had said he was comfortable around Dean, which had made the latter's heart rate speed up exponentially. Castiel took one last breath and spurred Anna forward.
Dean would swear to his deathbed that Castiel was an angel. There was no way someone could ride like that and be human. He practically flew. When Anna whipped low around the barrels, Cas would lift himself and lean with the turn, somehow managing never to actually lose his seat. Afte rthe last barrel, he spurred Anna into the fasted leg of the pattern, the home stretch. Dean did not know it was possible to ride that fast.
Dean stopped the stopwatch and looked at the time. He blinked and looked again, surprised by what he saw. A smile grew on the Winchester's face. He made a mental note of the time and cleared the watch, preparing it for the next run. The times only got better. After about five runs, Castiel stopped and dismounted. Anna was breathing heavily and nudging her owner. Cas provided a treat from his pocket and fed his companion.
"How were my times?"
Dean just smiled and showed Castiel the last one. It was the fastest of them all. The other man looked at the stopwatch with something akin to awe.
"That would be my fastest time ever!"
"Looks like I'm your good luck charm," Dean quipped, smiling.
"That seems to be the case," Castiel deadpanned, walking out of the arena with Anna.
Dean frowned and followed his partner. Castiel was In the barn putting away his tack, frowning. This made Dean very uneasy. His feeling were all over the place, and Cas' reaction was not helping the situation. Dean silently started to help unsaddle Anna. Castiel just kept his head low and contibued what he had been doing. They finished and had Anna cooled off in her stall by the time the sun was halfway over the horizon. The glow radiated off Cas' skin, giving him a glowing quality that Dean could not help but admire. Dean followed is partner to his truck, and Castiel got in and started the engine. Dean tapped the window, which was then rolled down.
"Did I say something bad, Cas?"
"No. No," Cas said with a sigh, "you didn't say anything wrong. I have just had a long day today. I am tired."
"I know bullshit when I hear it," Dean replied, genuinely concerned.
"You want the truth? The last time someone said that to me was when I was in a previous relationship. My times were fantastic, better than ever. Then things between us didn't work out, and I lost it. I slipped. My times were laughable. It took me a long time to get back to where I am now. It's all about it feeling right when it comes to racing. I felt off."
"I'm sorry about that, but what's the problem now? I saw you at that first tournament, before you knew me, and your time was a stinkin' fourteen something. You're just getting better naturally, you know. What's the problem?"
"I am not certain that I could maintain my performance if our partnership were to dissolve."
"Well, I need you, so there's no risk of that."
"That's the problem."
Dean's heart sped up for the thousandth time. Did he really mean that much to Cas? After just a few days of getting to know each other? And what did he mean by 'that's the problem'? Dean wanted to pursue the topic farther, but Castiel rolled up his window and backed out of the lot. Dean was left staring at the empty space where the car had been, wondering helpless where his manliness had gone. So much for no chick flick moments. An unsettling amount of despair began to build in the pit of his stomach. It felt an awful lot like helplessness to Dean, not that he would ever admit it. Emotions were not his strong suit, and he hated when they got the best of him. Why did he have to have all these confusing feelings in the first place?
The older Winchester brother began to walk back towards the house, but turned at the last minute. Something seemed to be guiding his feet, but Dean did not care where he was taken. After a few minutes of wandering, he came to his destination and froze. All his confusing feelings were forgotten when he saw what was in front of him. Why on earth would he go here? Dean collapsed to his knees and began to cry softly.
This happened sometimes. Dean would become emotional, and he would find himself there. He did it subconsciously. A psychologist would say it was Dean punishing himself for his emotions, but anyone that actually knew him would be wiser. Dean hated being confused, and when he was, the only place to go would be the solace of his mother's arms.