I'm sorry that this update has taken so much longer than usual; I've had a bit of writers block and I've been finishing up my current semester. Hopefully this chapter is to your liking! I'm grateful for the support from all the people who have favourited and followed this story; and everyone's reviews are greatly appreciated!

Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT, only my own character

Chapter 20: Apprehension

Emma woke to the sound of the creaking wood on the ship, and felt disoriented before she realized where she was. She could feel the heat from Killian's sleeping body radiating next to her and she felt comforted in his presence. She remember what had happened last night and sighed happily; it had been a very long time since she had felt that safe with a man, and Killian had made her feel the way she had always wanted to feel; respected and comfortable.

But there was something nagging the back of her mind; and she couldn't place her finger on what. She knew that she had Henry's approval; her parents, even though they were skeptical, were supportive of her decision. Anna had practically forced her into Killian's lap and the rest of the town didn't have much to say about it. So why did she feel so out of sorts?

Killian stirred slightly in his sleep next to her and Emma wondered what time it was. She turned her watch around her wrist and groaned frustratedly as she saw that the time was only 6.30AM. She wasn't used to having the floor beneath her bed rock on the water below the ship, and the sunlight was streaming in through small windows that she would normally have covered with curtains. She could tell Killian was getting restless beside her and she let out a breath as she contemplated what to do next. Making up her mind as she thought of the warm shower that awaited her back at the loft and a steaming cup of coffee, she slipped out of bed and found her clothes strewn across the room. As she opened the door of the captain's quarters, she sneaked one last look behind her, smiled at Killian tossing and turning in the bed and shut the door quietly behind her.

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After her steam shower, she decided to let her hair air dry as she sat down at the dining table and sipped at her coffee while contemplating the events of the night before. Killian had been so soft with her; so gentle. It was as if he thought she was a fragile piece of glass that could crack at any moment. In a way, she supposed she was. She didn't know how to handle a man being so gentle with her. She had always trusted Neal with all her heart and he had left her to take the fall for his own mistakes. Sure, he had a somewhat valid reason; or at least, that's how he saw it. The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. She hadn't talked to Neal in a while, not since they had argued about her choice to be with Hook. She realized she had never really talked to him about what had happened. When they had literally run into each other in New York, she told him about her frustration. She had been mad at him; but her anger had been clouded by her guilt about lying to Henry about who his dad was. After that, she supposed she had let it go because Henry seemed so happy to have met his father. It was hard for her, and she had never really let go of what she felt. She had been angry, guilt had washed over, and then everything had moved so fast in terms of her emotions; jealousy when he had been engaged to Tamara, heart-break when she thought she had lost him and love when she had finally found him again.

She ran her hands through her hair in a frustrated manner. Now that she thought about it, she was worried that that was why she had left the Jolly Roger in such a rush this morning. Even as she was kissing him last night, as he caressed her with his hand and pushed her hair behind her ear there had been a nagging feel in the back of her mind. However amazing a job Killian had done at keeping her distracted -she hadn't felt so desperate for someone's touch in a long time- it wouldn't go away. Emma knew that if she didn't confront Neal sometime soon, it would get in the way of her and Killian being happy together.

She had apologized to Neal for what had happened with Killian; she had told him that she had forgiven him, and that she loved him as a father to Henry. But she realized that he had never truly apologized to her. He had never really apologized for abandoning her. He had explained why he did it. But that wasn't enough. She was worried that she wouldn't be able to fully trust Killian until she knew that the man who had left her to fend for herself allowed himself to admit his mistake.

She was shaken from her thoughts as she heard a loud knock on the door. Instinctively, she was worried it was Killian. She was nervous because if it was him, she wouldn't act normally around him and he would suspect something. There was no way she was going to be able to let her thoughts about Neal go before she talked to him, and she didn't want Killian to feel worried that he was losing her. Because that was as far from the truth as it could get.

As the knocking continued, she wondered who it could be. She got up slowly from her seat, feeling slightly drained of energy. As she opened the door, she was extremely surprised to see that it was Neal standing in front of her; she didn't know what to say and she didn't know what he could possibly be doing there.

"Morning, Emma."

Still shocked, she uttered one simple word. "Morning."

"Can I come in?" He asked, and Emma was slightly surprised that he seemed to be so calm about everything.

"Uhm, yeah. Sure." She stepped back, allowing him to walk into the loft, and she closed the door quietely behind her, not sure what was going to happen.

"Neal, what are you doing here?" She asked, slightly apprehensive about what he was going to say.

"I wanted to see if I could take Henry out for breakfast." Neal said.

"Neal, it's,' she looked at the clock on the wall 'It's 7.45 in the morning. Henry's 12. You really think he's going to be up this early on a Sunday? Besides, he's not here. He's at Regina's, I dropped him off last night."

"Oh." Neal said, but his face didn't have the fallen look of a man who really wanted to have breakfast with his son. Emma could tell something was up, but she didn't know what it was. Something was also telling her that she didn't want to find out.

"Neal, what are you really doing here?"

"I told you, I wanted to take Henry out to breakfast." Neal said, sounding defensive.

"I can tell when you're lying, Neal. Remember that super-power that I have? Well, it's telling me your lying to me right now. What are you after?"

"I guess I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay…about what?"

"How are things going with Hook?" Neal asked, and Emma was taken aback at his question.

"Why are you asking me that?"

"Just curious." Neal said coyly. Emma narrowed her eyes at him, knowing there was something behind his nonchalant behaviour.

"Fine." Emma said, not seeing the need to divulge the details. A shiver ran up her spine as she remember what had happened between her and Killian last night. She forced the small smile that was playing at the corner of her lips off of her face.

"Doesn't sound fine." Neal said.

"That's none of your business."

"Alright, alright, just asking." Neal said, and Emma could see a slight smirk playing on his features. She wondered what all that was about.

"Alright, well, since I have you here Neal, I wanted to talk to you about something anyway."

"Okay, talk away." Neal sat himself down on the couch, but Emma stood her ground, feeling the need to stand taller than him. She needed confidence if she was going to have this conversation.

"Well, taking into account everything that's happened between us, I'm glad that I apologized to you for it. You deserve it; I'm sorry that I shoved my and Hook's relationship or whatever it is in your face. You didn't deserve that. And I meant it when I said that you would be a great father to Henry and that we would raise him together. But I've been thinking about things recently."

"What things?" Neal asked, clearly wondering where this was going.

"I was so hurt when you left me to get arrested. And sure, I know now that you did it so that I could be the saviour or whatever. I'm still not sure if that's a valid reason; but at least it's a reason other than the fact that you were using me to get out of trouble."

"Yeah, Emma, I know all of this. What's the point?"

"The point is that I realized today that you never really apologized for leaving me. I never knew why until I ran into in New York. Do you know how many times I went over every moment we ever spent together trying to figure out if you were planning it all along? I felt the need to lie to Henry and decided that telling him that his father had died was a better idea than telling him that his father had let me get arrested for him. Do you think that was easy for me? For him?"

"No, of course not Emma. But I'm not sure what you want me to say to any of this."

"I want you to apologize, Neal! I want you to apologize for what you did to me. I was never the same after what you did to me."

"You want me to apologize, Emma? Fine! I'll apologize. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry that I let you fullfill your destiny and I'm sorry that you ended up in this place that's only run by magic. Magic ruined my life! And I know that it lead you to Henry, and it lead me to Henry, and I'm grateful for that. But look at all that's happened! Magic ruined my life when it made my father abandon me, and it ruined my life when I abandoned you. I bet you and I would still be together if none of this had happened. I regretted listening to August the minute I heard you had been taken into custody."

"Then why did you do it?" Emma asked quietely.

"Because I thought I had to! I thought I had to do right by you, Emma. And I'm sorry."

Emma sighed, and put her hands on her hips as she looked down at the floor.

"Thank you, Neal." Emma said, tilting her head up so that she could look at him. He got up from the couch and walked towards her until he was standing closer to her than she should have allowed. She didn't notice though; she was too busy seeing the look of despair and sorrow in his eyes and she felt herself swallow hard as she realized what he might say next.

"I noticed that you still wear the swan charm I gave you."

"Yeah, I guess I never really took it off."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because you were a big part of my life, Neal. I always keep things that are important to my life."

"So I'm still important to you?" Neal asked, taking a small step closer to her.

"You kow that you are. You're Henry's father."

"Are you trying to tell me there's nothing more?"

"Like what?" Emma asked, knowing full well where this was going.

"Emma, I still love you. I always have. You know that."

"I do."

"So then what's the problem? We could be together, for our sakes, for Henry's sake. It would be just like it was, Emma. It would be perfect."

"But it wouldn't be, would it? It would never be the same."

"You don't know that, Emma!" And Neal placed his hands on either side of her face, and as she tried to get away from him he pulled her even closer to him.

"I still love you." He repeated again, and he brought his face closer to hers and placed a light kiss on her lips. She didn't know what to do; it felt so familiar, and she remembered all the times that she had felt so safe with him. As he kissed her deeper she remember last night, and how every time Killian had moved his lips against hers she could feel her whole body ignite, and she remembered how desperate she had been to bring herself closer to Killian's body. It was nothing like Neal kissing her now, and she was just about to push herself away from him she heard another voice in the apartment and she broke away from Neal, shocked.

"Kill-Killian? What are you doing here?" She asked, flustered.

"The door was open, I wanted to see if you were alright, Swan. What's going on?"

The use of her last name sent a pang of hurt through her chest. She knew that he had seen what had happened, and she didn't know how he would respond.

"Killian, Neal just came over to talk to me. We didn't expect this to happen, it didn't mean anything. He kissed me, I –"

"How could you say it didn't mean anything, Emma? It means everything." Neal said, looking at her with a desperate look in his eyes.

"No, Neal. It didn't. When you kissed me I thought about Killian kissing me. It doesn't feel the same with you as it does with him. Not any more."

"Emma, I-"

"No, Neal. It's okay, I'm not mad at you."

"Neither am I, mate." Hook said, and Emma looked over to him appreciatively. Neal looked up at this comment, confusion in his eyes. He had been so sure that Hook would at least hit him. He was a pirate, after all.

Killian walked over to where Neal was leaning against the wall, and placed a hand on his shoulder. He remember the time that he had had Baelfire on his boat; he had seen him like a son, a piece of his Milah, and he had been so desperate to keep him on board. As he remembered all these times he could in Neal's eyes that the same thoughts were going through his mind, and as the old friends looked at each other understanding passed between them.

"Baelfire, when you first came on my ship and I realized you were Milah's son you were my final lifeline. All I had that was left of my Milah. I saw you as a friend, and I saw you as a son. When you decided to leave my ship I felt so desperate and alone and I missed your mother so much. I'm sorry that I took her away from you. But I learnt a very important lesson."

Neal snorted, trying to pretend that Hook's words weren't getting to him. "Oh yeah, and what was that?"

"Losing the woman you love hurts more than anything. When I lost your mother, I – I went on a path of revenge because I thougt there was nothing else left to live for. But you can always find love again. Sometimes something has to end so that you can open your heart up to another experience."

Emma was so touched by his words that she walked over to the pair of them, and realized that she had to end this right now.

"Neal, this part of our lives is over. I think we both know that. Being with Killian makes me happy. Raising Henry with you makes me happy. That's what it's like. I'm sorry."

"So am I." Neal said quietely, and Emma could hear more meaning behind his words, but she decided to let it go as he walked out of the apartment and into the hallway.