Next update! I'd like to apologize again for this being quite late, but I've been having trouble writing and it's been busy with school. I'm so thankful for the reviews you guys keep posting and and for the followers and favorites I get for this story. Please enjoy this next chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own OUAT
Chapter 21: Getting Over It
After the ordeal with Neal at the apartment, Emma hadn't seen Killian for a few days. She was worried that even though he seemed to have forgiven Neal, he hadn't forgiven her. She knew that she shouldn't have let it go that far; she shouldn't have let Neal kiss her like that. But she had been so shocked at the abruptness of it all that she hadn't known how to stop it from happening. She wanted to go and find Killian, but at the same time she didn't. Emma was a pretty good at procrastinating the inevitable and this was one conversation she wasn't looking forward to.
Instead, she had decided to spend the day with Anna. They hadn't properly seen each other in a few days and she needed the relaxation of talking to her best friend, not another interrogation. Apparentely, Anna had no intention of letting her friend get away with anything, and had practically set up an intervention setting for Emma by the time she got back to the apartment with food.
"What the hell is this?" Emma asked, looking around at the set up. "When did we get flourescent lighting in here?"
"That's not the point, Emma. Sit down." Anna said. She sounded stern, and Emma looked at her with feigned surprise.
"Since when do you tell me what to do?" Emma asked.
"Will you just go along with it? Anna retorted.
Emma obliged, sitting down at one end of the table while Anna sat down at the other after having grabbed some of the food Emma had brought with her. They were both starving, and as Anna grabbed a packet of poptarts Emma asked her the inevitable question.
"So, what's this all about?"
"You know what this is all about." Anna answered, taking a bite out of her poptart.
Emma tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at her best friend.
"Do I?"
"Do you want me to spell it out for you?" Anna asked.
"Maybe you should." Emma answered.
"I want you to tell me what's really going on." Anna said.
"I thought I had been."
"No, you haven't. You haven't told me what's been happening with you. You know you haven't."
"I thought I did! What else do you want me to tell you?"
"Emma, the only other person in you're life that you've been in a serious relationship with was Neal. I never saw the two of you together, but I'm guessing it was serious because you still wear that charm around your neck that he gave you all those years ago. You're with Hook – Killian now, and I think that's great. But every time you've been with him, every time his name comes up in a conversation you get this worry frown between your eyebrows and then I get worried too." Anna said, taking a deep breath.
"Really? I get a worry frown?"
Anna snorted out a laugh, relieved at Emma's breezy remark.
"Yes, you get a worry frown. I'd like to get rid of that worry frown."
"How do you want to do that?"
"It might help if you talk about it for once."
"Oh."
Emma heaved a sigh, contemplating how best to put into words what she was feeling.
"Killian makes me feel safe." Emma finally stated.
"And the problem with that is?"
"I don't know how to deal with that."
Anna snorted another laugh, looking up through her eye lashes at Emma.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
"It's not funny, Anna. I honestly don't know how to deal with it."
"Listen, Emma. You're an idiot, but I love you, so I'm going to give you some advice. Whatever you think you're scared of, whatever it is keeping you away from truly being with Killian, get over it. Because it's only going to hold you back and you're only going to regret it when the time comes that he realizes that there's some sort of wall standing between you and him."
"That's easier said than done."
"That doesn't matter. You just have to get over it. You can't lose him Emma; and I know you don't want to. Whatever your head keeps telling you, just let it go."
"I haven't seen him in a few days. He could be anywhere." Emma said, not wanting to fight Anna on the subject anymore.
"So you go find him." Anna commanded.
"Fine. But I'm going to eat some more poptarts before I go."
"That's my girl. You're gonna have to fuel up before all the intense emotional conversation that's going to happen between the two of you."
Emma narrowed her eyes at her friend again, and the two ate their lunch in silence.
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She found Killian in the second place she looked. She had been to the marina and had been surprised when she hadn't found him there, so she went to the only other place she thought he could be. She encountered him sitting at the edge of the beach, just far away enough so that the water wouldn't touch his leather boots. She sat down next to him quietely, and they sat in silence for a while before he spoke the first word.
"Been a few days, Swan." Killian said.
"Are you really going to go back to calling me Swan again?" Emma asked.
"That depends on if you still want me to call you Swan or not."
"No, of course I don't. I like it when you call me Emma."
"Alright, then, Emma...what can I do for you?" Killian asked, his delicious accent sending butterflies through her stomach.
Emma sat was silent for a minute before speaking up again.
"Are you mad at me?"
Killian finally seemed to understand what her true intent was here and turned his head to face her for the first time since she sat down. He took in her appearance; she had dark circles under her usually bright and lively eyes and she had those familiar frown lines between her eyebrows that she always got whenever she was trying to figure out how best to approach a situation. The corners of her mouth were turned down slightly, and Killian almost couldn't resist the urge to just kiss her right then so that her perfect lips would form a smile for him once more.
He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so that she was looking him straight in the eye.
"Emma, I am not mad at you."
"Then why have you been ignoring me?"
"I haven't been ignoring you, I…" He didn't know how to explain to her what had been going through his mind since that encounter at her apartment a few days ago.
"I'm sorry if you feel that I have been ignoring you. I just had a few things to think about, love. But it's much better now." He said.
"What did you need to think about?"
Killian took a deep breath, and looked back out across the ocean again. He took a deep breath of the sea air; the salty scent had calmed him down for as long as he could remember, and as the air filled his lungs he found the right words to explain things to her.
"You know that I knew Baelfire – Neal, many a year ago, while he was just a boy. After he left, I never really imagined what he would be like once he grew up. Sometimes I thought he would be a pirate, just as I am. But he did leave, and he started a whole new life somewhere in this world of yours. And he met you. And he was with you. And every time I see him, I can only see him as the boy I once knew on my ship. I can't imagine him being with you. I've heard him say the words, and I have seen the looks he's given you when he's around you. But it never changed anything. Not until a few days ago, that is."
"Killian, I-" Emma started, but Killian cut her off.
"No, please, let me finish. When I saw him kiss you, I also saw a desperation in him I hadn't seen since he found out that I had been the one to take his mother away from him. It was a look that had haunted me since the day he left the Jolly Roger and I never wanted to see that look again. No matter how much time has passed, he is still Milah's son. Milah had been everything to me. So Baelfire became everything to me. Seeing him so desperate to show you his affection made me see that once again I was the person responsible for that despaired look in his eyes." Killian said.
Emma laced her fingers through his, and placed their entwined hands on the sand inbetween them. She squeezed his hand as a sign for him to continue whenever he was ready.
"I know that you have moved on from Baelfire. I also know that he hasn't, which has made this harder. But I can't help it, Emma. I've decided not to let him keep me away from you because whatever he is feeling, whatever it is I am feeling and whatever it is you are feeling is something beyond my control."
"Are you sure?" Emma asked, quite tentatively.
"Aye, love. I have fallen for you Emma Swan, I have fallen for you as hard as my heart will allow and I intend to do everything in my power to keep you by my side, as long as you'll have me."
She squeezed his hand again, indicating that she understood.
"You're not getting rid of me that easily, pirate."
He grinned an infectious grin, one which she easily returned. They watched the sun set over the water, and before Emma could stop herself, she blurted out the one thing she was most afraid of admitting to him.
"I'm scared."
"Scared of what?" Killian asked, concern evident in his tone of voice.
"Of us. Of what it means."
"Oh." Killian obviously wasn't sure how to respond, but Emma noticed that he replied to a blunt and confusing statement the same way she had done earlier with Anna, and it made her smile a little. Killian noticed, and looked slightly taken aback at her smile.
"Something funny you'd like to share with me, Swan?"
"I was talking to Anna about it earlier." Emma said, as if that explained everything.
"And what, if I may ask, was the conclusion of this conversation?"
"That I need to get over whatever it is that's scaring me."
"Speaking from experience, I'd say that is quite solid advice she gave you there." Killian said, stealing a sideways glance at her.
"I haven't even told you what it is I'm scared of yet."
"If it scares you Swan, and it has something to do with me, I'd prefer you do get over it as soon as possible because it means it would stand in the way of us being together. An obstacle of which I think we've had too many along the way."
"That's probably true." Emma said.
"Most of those obstacles have to do with your own stubborness, you know."
Emma hit him playfully on the arm, and Killian feigned indignation.
"So may I inquire as to what you are so afraid of?"
Emma looked at him again, and decided it was better to just tell him then to keep it to herself. Anna was right, she did need to get over it. Mary Margaret would probably tell her the same thing, except it would have something more to do with hope and that it will all work out in the end if it was meant to be.
"I was afraid because you made me feel so safe that night we spent on the Jolly Roger together. I can't remember the last time I felt that safe. I didn't know how to react to it."
Killian chuckled, and Emma swatted him across the arm again, annoyed that he found her fears so amusing. He stopped laughing, apologized, and placed a lingering kiss against her temple. The gesture reassured her and she was finally able to relax her shoulders and lean against his body as she listened to the sound of the waves crashing over one another.
Abruptly, Killian stood up, and Emma lost her balance and her body fell into the sand. Killian laughed, and it was such a melodic sound that Emma couldn't help but laugh along with him. He held out a hand for her to grab on to as he helped her up, and as soon as she was stood upright he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her with such passion and tenderness that Emma thought her knees would give out on her. Each movement of his lips against hers sent a jolt through her body, and Killian obviously noticed.
"A little weak in the knees, are we, love?"
"Shut up." Emma said, suddenly getting defensive.
"I'm only joking, Emma. Have a sense of humour." Killian said playfully, and just to make him shut up, she kissed him again, completely taking him by surprise. Finally she was dominating him and she could feel his heart rate speed up against her chest. She smirked into the kiss, satisfied that she could entice him just as much as he did her. Killian pulled away first, although somewhat reluctantly.
"I think we'll be alright along the way, Swan."
She grinned back at him, nodding in response to his statement.
"You know what, Hook, I think we will be."
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Only a few more chapters to go! If anyone has any ideas/wishes for the ending, they are always greatly appreciated. I can't promise to put them in, but you never know! Remember to review and I hope to update soon! X