Enigma

Chapter five- Desire

"Galaxies glitter in the black night sky,
Towards progress, towards death
From the stars we have come,
and to the stars we will return"
-Star by Star, Kovenant.

Raistlin spent most of the next morning watching Dalamar. The Dark elf was still sullen and silent when he had woken up, all but ignoring Raistlin, avoiding looking at him and speaking only when spoken to, and that short and curt. At that moment, he was packing up his meagre belongings while Raistlin watched from beside the extinguished fire; his lips were pursed, eyes narrowed and he seemed to be focusing not on the task, but on pretending Raistlin didn't exist.

As Raistlin watched he stood up, straightened his robes and turned to meet the mage's gaze before jerking his head towards the road. Let's go.

Raistlin got to his feet and followed the elf, eyes boring into his back. Had their emotions changed yet again without their notice?

Curiosity to fascination? The more he had learnt about the elf through that curiosity, the more fascinated he was with him, this was obvious and Dalamar must have felt the same change.

Fascination to obsession? Harder, he was still unsure how that change had come about. If he had to guess, he would say through the same way as the previous change. The more he studied his companion, the more he had come to monopolise his attention.

Obsession to attraction? Much clearer, a natural emotional progression from one to the other.

Attraction to... Desire? Yes, that was what he felt, but the emotion was very different to the few times he had felt it before. It was not based so much on physical desire, he decided, although that was a factor and he would be the first to admit the Dark elf was exceptionally attractive, but rather the progression of the feelings he had been living with for the past few days. He wanted to know Dalamar, and what he had learnt had drawn him inexplicably to the Dark elf.

Desire, yes, but he wanted far more than what he had previously known, far more than what his idiot brother shared with giggling women. Just what that was, he hadn't the faintest idea, but he would, sooner or later he would understand.

And just how was he going to do that? He asked himself in the sarcastic, sneering voice that had been relatively absent in the past few days, What did he know of matters of the flesh?

Even is his own mind the argument sounded hollow. It wasn't what he wanted, he didn't know what he wanted, but carnal gratification most certainly wasn't it.

Process of elimination then.

Was this lust? No, it went deeper than that.

Curiosity? Partly that, the enticement of the flesh in company of the fascination of the mind. But yet not.

A new form of obsession? No, different.

Love? Raistlin smiled at the very idea, yet part of him argued the point, he had never been in love, how could he tell what it felt like? If this was love then, then all the tales he had heard of romance were gibberish. Well, look who was telling them, he answered himself, your brother and some idiotic friends of his.

What did that leave?

Desire, plain and simple.

Raistlin smiled; glad that, today at least, he had gotten somewhere in unravelling the convoluted mess his mind had become.

Clearly, Raistlin thought, this change of emotion had disturbed Dalamar just as much as the change to obsession had disturbed him, perhaps more. By the time the sun had risen to its zenith and the elf still hadn't spoken a word, Raistlin had decided that whatever was behind the silence was more personal than he'd originally thought. Dalamar walked with his head down, studying the ground as he walked, disturbed.

If this was the case, what was it? The elf had proven exceptionally tight lipped about his past, both distant and recent and Raistlin for once couldn't guess what was making his companion so remote.

Quite honestly, he thought, if he had had to make a bet on which of them would be the more disturbed by this turn of events, he would have thought himself. He'd thought that Dalamar would have experienced what it was like to be someone's object of desire before, with his looks, the elf should have been of familiar ground.

Yet he clearly wasn't. Or perhaps he was, the mage thought, but didn't want this turn of events, if that was the case, why? More enigmas.

Raistlin was beginning to get sick of waiting for answers.

The road became more well travelled as they approached Solace, though it was still a good few days away, and for the first time since they had started travelling together, the two found themselves no longer alone on the road.

First they passed a peddler, wares roped to him, tottering up the road north, perhaps heading for Haven. Then a small mercenary group, also heading north, later still a gaggle of peasants, who gasped and scuttled away at the sight of the grim faced Dark elf. Dalamar had sighed and looked scornfully at Raistlin. "Fools." He spoke for the first time since that morning.

Raistlin glanced back to where the frightened peasants were just turning a bend out of sight. "Quite, although I've no doubt you look very threatening."

"Like I would waste magic on them." Dalamar turned away again.

"What is the matter with you?" Raistlin stepped closer to the elf, skin suddenly tingling at their proximity.

Dalamar didn't answer, simply picking up his pace and putting space between them again.

It was evening before Dalamar spoke again, they had stepped off the road and had just finished collecting dry firewood and the elf stood near the bundle he had just dropped, looking pensively at Raistlin.

"I am sorry about my reaction today." He said softly.

Raistlin blinked, surprised, an apology was the last thing he had been expecting from Dalamar.

"I can give only two reason for why I was so... antisocial, the first being that I had not remotely imagined this game would lead us here, and that I didn't want- well, I believed at first you would act like others I have known."

"You believed I would see this solely as a carnal matter." Raistlin finished.

"Exactly." Dalamar looked slightly relieved. "Of course, I don't know you yet. I can know most people backwards in less than a day, know how they act, what motivates them. Like you do."

Raistlin nodded.

"I don't know you fully now, but it's already been several days, which is a record I might add, so I do know you somewhat, well enough to know that lust would not be a motivator-or at least not the driving one- am I right so far?"

Raistlin nodded again.

"Good, forgive me but my previous interactions with humans have somewhat tainted my view of them." Dalamar lifted one hand and gently brushed the back of it against Raistlin's hair, the light touch sending a bolt of lightning up the human's spine. "I realized that your reasons for continuing this game- and I didn't doubt that that my emotions were shared-" A lopsided smile- "That was quite clear, especially after that night."

"And what are your motivations?" Raistlin was surprised at how calm his voice sounded considering how unsure he was. But then again, he had been sure of so very little in the past few days, what difference did this make?

"Desire." Dalamar gave a self-deprecating smile, "I'm sorry if I can't elaborate more than that."

"Don't be." He knew now why his voice was so calm, he felt so unreal and detached that no emotion could be injected into his voice at all. The thought that anyone would find him attractive would have been laughable only last week. Yet now... "I came to the same conclusion, and that was how far I was able to get." He wondered why he was telling the elf this, why this could be told but other issues couldn't.

It was Dalamar's turn to nod. The hand stroking his hair turned over, fingers entangling in the auburn strands. Raistlin shivered, for a moment he resisted the urge to lean into the caress, then gave in. After all that had happened, why not?

"I thought you might have, which brings me to the other reason I kept silence today." The hand in his hair urged Raistlin closer to the Dark elf until they were almost touching, eye to eye. "I had to know." Dalamar whispered, "I had to know I was right in thinking you were an exception, I had to get you off your guard and see if I was right."

Raistlin smiled, then shut his eyes when Dalamar lowered his head and kissed him. The elf's lips closed over his own, surprisingly soft, moving gently before pressing harder. Dalamar tilted his head slightly to get better access, a tongue parting Raistlin's lips and brushing against his teeth.

Raistlin shuddered. He had never actually been kissed before and knew practically nothing about it, but he knew that he was damned if he was going to let the Dark elf take control in this. They had began this game as equals and would continue it as such, even if the rules had now been irrevocably changed. Raistlin kissed back, lips moving clumsily against Dalamar's. His mouth opened accidentally, and he started, feeling the Dark elf's tongue slide over his teeth and into his mouth.

The touch was as galvanising as it was unexpected, and Raistlin shuddered, the intimate touch sending a bolt of pure lust straight through him. His head tilted back, Dalamar's hand cradling the back of his neck, and he groaned as the Dark elf drew closer, until the only thing between then was their clothing. He could feel Dalamar's heart beating beneath his robes, and the pleasant scratch as his hands combed through his hair.

They broke apart, breathing heavily. Dalamar's eyes were dilated, his hands still entangled in Raistlin's hair, while the human's were firmly clasped around the elf's waist. Raistlin shivered, suddenly quite aware of the sublimely painful ache between his legs, of the strange but deliciously arousing pressure of the elf's erection against his stomach, and that, unfortunately, they were in full view of anyone travelling the road.

As if echoing Raistlin's thought, although most likely he'd read it off his face, Dalamar pulled him away from the firelight into the shadows of a nearby hollow.

Once out of sight, the Dark Elf promptly pushed Raistlin back against the steep slope of the ditch and pressed their mouths together again.

Raistlin's arms wrapped around Dalamar's neck, clutching tightly as their teeth clashed together messily. A little tentatively, he tried to copy the elf, pushing his tongue into his mouth. Dalamar's teeth were strangely smooth, his tongue rough as it licked against his. Raistlin could taste the dried fruit they had had for supper, overlaying an earthy, autumnal taste that was at once strange and delicious.

Dalamar pulled away, his breath coming in short pants, one hand stroking roughly down the side of the human's face. Raistlin smiled up at him, one hand coiling around his neck. Dalamar was beautiful, the mixture of dim firelight and Lunitari's moonlight warped him into a something so surreal that Raistlin had problems believing what he was seeing. Beautiful to him, though not a romantic's idea of a lover, but beauty is fleeting and only skin deep anyway, when what drew Raistlin was what was behind those flame tinted eyes, that blood-bathed skin; a mind even he could barely read, yet one which drew him with every piece of knowledge uncovered, a spirit which matched his, will for will, a soul which seemed to echo his, despite or even because of their differences.

The first person Raistlin had met that he could full-heartedly respect.

Dalamar lowered his head again and trailed his tongue along Raistlin's neck, hands now fumbling with the ties of his robes. Raistlin let out a soft sigh of pleasure then had to bite his lip to avoid crying out as Dalamar bit down at the tender place where neck met collarbone, lightning burning down his spine.

"You can make all the noise you want," Dalamar whispered, the soft brush of breath sending shivers down Raistlin's back again. "It's the middle of the night, and no-one travels then, no one can hear you."

"Then why..." He groaned again as Dalamar nibbled his ear lightly "...are we down in this ditch?"

"Because you'd feel exposed out in the open and, tell the truth, so would I." Another light bite, this time at the side of his neck. "I have to ask, have you been with a man before?"

Raistlin was too distracted with what Dalamar was doing to him to be embarrassed of his reply- beyond the vaguely incredulous realisation that he was about to have sex with someone. "I've never even been with a woman before."

"Oh believe me," Dalamar whispered, "women are overrated."

Again, the NC-17 version is up on my account.

Skull Bearer