(Dalamar's tale has had to be edited in keeping with the AU-ness of this fic, apologies to Dalamar fans.)
Enigma
Chapter six- Respect.
"The violence of passion - The passion of violence
The perverse impulses - The savage egoism"
Star by star, Kovenant
Raistlin awoke stiff, damp and aching in places he didn't think possible. They were still in the ditch, Dalamar sprawled on top of him and asleep; a warm weight against the chill of early morning.
Memories of the previous night flickered into his mind like candles. Oh Gods, that was one night he was never going to forget. It had been, simply speaking, mind-blowing. Gods, oh Gods. He would definitely have to re-think his views on sex, anything that amazing couldn't be disgusting.
Raistlin craned his head and looked over at the Dark elf's sleeping face. This was the person he'd slept with last night- he, Raistlin, who thought the act sickening. This was the person who had made love to him. Who had shown him something he had never imagined, and made him feel, if only for once, beautiful and desired.
And he felt it again now, looking at Dalamar as he slept, feeling a warm bubble of strange, pure joy welling inside him. And in that moment the pain didn't matter, the cold didn't matter, and he couldn't care less how hard the ground was. He felt wonderful.
Raistlin curled a little closer to Dalamar, feeling a stab of pain as the motions pulled at already bruised muscles. He shook his head- this would take a while to get used to- but was unable to withhold a broad grin. He lifted one hand to run it through the elf's black hair, to his surprise the Dark elf growled and woke up the touch, glowering at him sleepily. "You nearly pulled my hair out last night, I'm still sore."
"What a coincidence, so am I." Raistlin replied wryly, another stab of pain running up his spine at the memory. He wondered how he was going to walk any distance today.
For a moment, he couldn't do anything but look down at Dalamar, grinning like an idiot. The Dark elf looked up at his through half-lidded eyes, smiling playfully in return. One hand was lifted and trailed lightly along Raistlin's jawbone.
Raistlin wanted to touch him, he wanted to hold Dalamar down and kiss him, and give him the same pleasure he had shown him last night. Instead, Dalamar rolled off him and stared up at the sky, one arm thrown over his chest,
"Are you sure you've never been with anyone prior to this?" He said curiously, "I find that rather hard to believe."
"Was I that good?" Incredulous, but absurdly pleased, Raistlin turned on his side and propped himself up on one arm to better read Dalamar's face.
"Well, you did everything right, if you get my meaning." Dalamar smiled lazily at him. "We should probably get going now, the day's getting on and we slept rather late. That is, we'll get going if you can walk." He didn't sound or appear mocking, quite serious. "I've been on the receiving end of the workout I gave you more than once, I know what it's
like."
"That, I never doubted." Raistlin sat himself up against the side of the ditch, wincing at the complaints of bruised muscles. "And to answer your question, yes I think I can walk."
Dalamar nodded and slowly got up, then walked over to offer a hand to Raistlin.
"I'm quite certain I can manage standing up by myself." Raistlin frowned at the Dark elf.
"Believe me, you'll get up all right, you'd just fall over immediately."
Sure enough, when Raistlin stood up, a fiery jab of pain shot up his spine. He stumbled and would have fallen if Dalamar hadn't caught hold of him.
"Thank you."
"Don't bother being embarrassed, it's nothing to lose respect over, and you're welcome." Dalamar waited until he had regained support of himself, then, still holding his arm, pulled him over the side of the ditch.
There was a sense of awkwardness between them as they packed, washed and set off. Raistlin sighed slightly, he didn't want their coupling to get in the way of their relationship, whatever it was at the moment. Last night had been wonderful, but how would that impact on how they behaved during the day? In the silence between them he pondered that thought.
What was his relationship with the Dark elf?
They were lovers, yes, but what else?
Acquaintances? No, far closer than that.
Allies? That was obvious.
Friends? Perhaps, but defiantly not in the typical sense. They trusted each other; knowledge that Raistlin found hard to believe considering that he had previously given his trust to nobody, yet Dalamar now had it.
Respect too, Dalamar had his full respect.
He wanted to dispense with this feeling of awkwardness, and he knew how. "Where did you learn the magic?" Raistlin asked. "Not only from what little you were taught in Silvanesti, I'm sure."
Dalamar glanced at him and smiled slightly, appreciatingly. "Everywhere really. What little the Silvanesti would teach me I took in, some dark lore I found abandoned in a cave not far from my home, as to the rest," He smirked, "I stole, lied and cheated to get whatever I could get my hands on. Believe me Raistlin, you have it easy."
Raistlin thought of Theobald, his irritating classmates and the countless chores and decided against enlightening Dalamar, the elf had probably read all in his face anyway.
Definitely. Dalamar laughed, falling easily back into the old camaraderie they had previously enjoyed. "Perhaps you might not think so, but I've a feeling you've never had to sneak out in the middle of the night, up some dangerous cliff paths by moonlight, to study texts which may or may not get you killed."
"Admittedly not." Raistlin said. "But you didn't die."
"No...but exile is seen as a fate worse than death by the Silvanesti." Dalamar spoke softly.
Raistlin felt a stab of empathy. The elf hid the pain well, and Raistlin doubted he would have recognised it as such when they first met, but he was better at reading the elf now.
"Is it? To you?"
"I'm not a Silvanesti, not anymore." Dalamar's smile seemed more to hide his feelings than reveal them, as did his words.
Raistlin tried another track; this was the first time Dalamar had been in any way open about his past and he was determined to make the best of it. yet at the same time there was a feeling that perhaps he shouldn't probe such an obviously painful subject. Raistlin pushed that thought away impatiently- if Dalamar didn't want to answer a question, he wouldn't. "What did you find it the cave that could have got you killed?"
"Books of magic, old ones with wards to keep them safe. I couldn't make sense of much of them, but what I could understand was invaluable."
"All magic is invaluable," Raistlin shrugged, "Was this why you were exiled?"
Dalamar's smile turned bitter. "Precisely. I had gone to the cave, it was a good two years ago now. It was the first time I had gone there during the day, the first time I had admitted to myself where my heart really lay, not with the elven Gods of light, but with the God of dark magic; with Nuitari." Dalamar looked hard at Raistlin, "I have no idea why I'm telling you this."
"Because I won't berate you, accuse you or otherwise fail to understand what you did and why."
"You're quite right, thank you. When I arrived at the cave I gathered the books and knelt as far back in the shadows as I could get. I stacked the books next to me and spoke. I proclaimed my loyalty to Nuitari, swore myself... I...it's very hard to explain what happened then."
"I know what you mean." Raistlin did know exactly what Dalamar meant, having had a similar experience.
The Dark elf nodded, "I thought you might have. There was black fire, flames licking up from the books, flaring up yet creating more shadows than they revealed, flames as bright as if the books were going up in flames, but they weren't even singed... It was completely surreal, but beautiful."
Dalamar paused, and smiled, lifting one hand to his face, "I could see the night sky in those flames," He said softly, "The stars, the moons, all the moons." He looked up at the sky as though he could see his patron's moon, smiling, "The first time I saw Nuitari." Dalamar seemed to be speaking to himself more than to Raistlin.
"And then?" Raistlin prompted as the elf fell silent.
"And then a band of elven guards rushed in and grabbed me." Dalamar's voice, snapped cold and impersonal. "My overseer, Eflid, had noticed I was missing and had ordered me found."
"What happened to the books?"
"Destroyed, no doubt." He shrugged.
"What a waste..."
"Yes."
"What happened after that?"
"I was tried and exiled."
"After that."
But it finally seemed he had gone too far. Dalamar clenched his jaw and refused to speak. His face once again became blank, but not before Raistlin had caught one poignant emotion.
Shame.
And again, that strange empathy, the urge to touch Dalamar- his shoulder, his arm, his cheek- and comfort him. Gods, this was getting more and more confusing by the day.
"Your turn," Dalamar's face was closed as he changed the subject, "Tell me about how you learnt the magic."
"I believe I've already told you."
"Yes, you did, now tell it to me without the evasions."
Make that by the hour.
"What evasions were you referring to, exactly?"
"All of them, but start off with telling me why when I asked what your family thought of you studying the art, you only told me about your siblings."
"Because neither of my parents had an opinion on the matter," Raistlin was surprised at how easy it was now to tell Dalamar this, while it had previously felt very awkward. Because he knew Dalamar was interested for his sake, while everyone else he'd talked to was only concerned with turning his life into their entertainment. "My father was never there and my mother...was a seer."
"Really?" Dalamar looked intrigued. "Untrained?"
Raistlin nodded.
"And by speaking of them in the past tense, I would deduce that they're both dead."
Raistlin nodded again. There was no pity in the Dark elf's eyes, rather a slight understanding. Of course he would understand, they had practically shared each other's thoughts for the past few days.
"I understand this was who you gained your powers from." Dalamar nodded thoughtfully.
"And you, from who did you inherit yours?" Raistlin asked, curious.
"No one, I was the first in my family," A dark smirk much like Raistlin's own, "much to the horror of those I served. Now, I believe it was your turn to speak."
"Ask what you want to know."
"Very well." Another thing to respect Dalamar for, he never lost his temper. Oh he was annoyed, only Caramon could stand Raistlin in this reluctant mood without becoming irritated, he just had the control necessary to hold it back. "You've been very reluctant to speak about your siblings except in the most passing terms, please explain."
Oh Gods, he didn't want to answer that. Quite honestly, he had no idea why telling Dalamar about his family seemed so repulsive.
No, he did know, because he didn't want Dalamar to know. He didn't want the Dark elf to act the way everyone did when the learned about Caramon and Kitiara.
He really hoped Dalamar had read his expression, he didn't want to explain. Jealous, of all things. Perhaps it would be better if he /didn't/ read his expression.
The Dark elf...just smiled again , "The sibling rivalry must be violent indeed if you don't want me to know about them."
Thank you Dalamar.
"Or is it that you're envious of them, and want to keep me to yourself?" Impressive how Dalamar had managed to make such an... erotic statement matter of fact.
"Both actually."
"Then I don't envy your home life." Blunt. "I'm with you because you're the first person I've met that I can honestly respect, both due to your talents and to who you are. The first. And I've met a lot of people. I trusted you to not behave like others have when we lay together last night, now trust me not to behave like others have when you tell me about your siblings."
"You've said all there is to say on the subject."
"One last question then, if they are as likeable as you suggest, how do they put up with you? You'd be the last person they could understand."
"My sister doesn't and my twin is an idiot who has convinced himself I must be coddled permanently, and no, neither of them understand."
"If your twin as that protective, why isn't he here with you?"
"Thank the Gods he isn't, he hurt a leg a few days before we were to leave and had to stay behind."
"Much to your delight."
"It is now."
They smirked at each other and Dalamar actually laughed a little, making a fellow traveller on the road jump and hurry away at top speed, as though expecting Dalamar to attack him. This simply made him laugh harder and even infect Raistlin with his amusement. How strange that the man could find Dalamar so alarming, while he had never been even remotely frightened of him. Perhaps he'd been able to read more of the elf's body language than he'd previously realised.
Evening came far too quickly. The day had been highly enjoyable for both of them and for the first time, Raistlin would quite happily have continued walking, if only for the conversation. However he was completely exhausted and the beating his body had taken the night before had not helped.
A beating that was likely to be repeated, if Dalamar's tactile advances were to be interpreted correctly.
They were again sitting beside a fire; within a small grove of trees in fact. Raistlin regretfully slapped off Dalamar's hand as it crawled its way under his collar. As much as he'd enjoyed the previous night, he was tired and didn't know if he'd be able to keep up with the rather amorous Dark elf- let alone how it would affect him tomorrow. Dalamar was sitting next to him, and he laughed in Raistlin's ear as the human mage tried to slide away. He wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him unceremoniously into his lap. The elf's fingers dug playfully into the soft skin of his stomach, while his lips occupied themselves with the crook of his neck. Despite himself, Raistlin groaned, feeling his body react, and the Dark elf's hand gliding down to rub between his legs.
"I could barely walk today, I doubt I'll be able to walk tomorrow if you continue." Raistlin growled as Dalamar kissed his neck, licking the soft skin.
The Dark elf shifted and purred in his ear, one hand unfastening the ties of his robes; "If that's what you're worried about, we could try something else."
"Please Dalamar." Raistlin sighed, he hated being so ignorant. "As my experiences amount solely to what we shared last night, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about." He swallowed suddenly as Dalamar's hand slid inside his robes and stroked his stiffening flesh- his fingers were freezing.
The Dark elf smiled again, nibbling beneath Raistlin's ear. "Would you be opposed to the idea if I showed you?"
"As long as I'm capable of walking the next day, no"- and as long as you keep on doing that, Raistlin added silently. Once again, he wondered what he was getting himself into. One of Dalamar's hands caught at Raistlin's belt and untied it.
"Good."
Again, the NC-17 version is up at my account.
Skull Bearer.