Chapter 19: Winter Findings
Hana made sure that Joaquin was at least healthy as he can get, medication, rest, daily routine including small exercises followed by rest. From fall to winter it seemed like he was just being drained. Hana didn't want to believe it, but the facts were true, he would only get worse and fade away. Joaquin felt his life slipping more and more every day. He missed his ability to just walk around normal and running to the forest. Now he coughs almost every hour of the day, has to take medicine and be in bed for most of the days. He was depressed and sad that he is putting Hana, a woman who took in a complete stranger through now taking care of a dying man. He wanted to leave and have Hana go back to a normal life. Just get on his bike and live again with what little time he had left.
The house was surrounded by snow and the trees had lost their leaves. Yuki came home for winter break, she was happy to see her mother and yet sad to see what this man was putting her through. She felt resentment towards Joaquin but yet felt that this was not his intention. She helped around with Hana making dinner for him and made sure he took his medicine.
The day was in the evening. Yuki and Hana just got done cleaning the house and Joaquin was sleeping. Hana decided to get dinner started and Yuki was wondering what was on tonight's menu.
"So mom, what's good tonight?" Yuki asked Hana.
"Well it's something special." Hana replied.
"Can't wait!" Yuki said as she was finishing the last of her chores. She then decided to check on Joaquin, who slept through most of the day. She walked in the room to find him still in a slumber. Yuki decided not to bother him, but her eyes caught his bag open. Yuki decided to investigate. She found the keys to the bike, which she set aside, then she found his dog tags with his name, unit and serial number, aside she put it too. Then she found a beret of green with the symbol of a lightning bolt and a sword on the front of it. She decided to try it on, looking in the mirror, she fancied herself with the school uniform like the French girls in France she read about.
"Looks good on you." A raspy voice said. Yuki then turned in embarrassment and quickly removing the beret. She looked at the pale and worn Joaquin with a smile on him. She then felt at ease.
"Geez Valero san don't scare me like that." Yuki told Joaquin.
"Ah, sorry *cough, cough." Joaquin replied with a cough
"Anyways, dinner will be ready soon."
"Thanks kiddo, alright then let's go." Joaquin began to get out of bed, but was struggling a bit.
"No Valero san stay in bed, mom will bring it to you." Yuki demanded to Joaquin.
"I've been in bed all day, I need to walk at least bit." Joaquin said.
"But you're in no condition."
"I'll manage." Joaquin then stood up with a little forward slouch on him. He was skinnier and hid eyes were red. He lost muscle tone and was struggling on even standing. He then proceeded out the room despite Yuki's protest. Hana was making the meal when she heard a voice.
"Need some help?" Joaquin said, using the wall to balance himself. Hana looked at him with surprise and disturbed by his looks.
"Valero san, you shouldn't be out of bed! Please let's go back." Hana insisted. Joaquin was determined to help.
"Nah its ok, I'm good. Just point me to the task." Joaquin replied. He walked over to the ingredients slowly and with a limp from laying down for a long time. As he approached, he collapsed.
"Oh Valero san!" Hana yelled. She ran over to him along with Yuki. They helped him up, but Joaquin believed he can be independent.
"Guys I'm fine please! Just let me help, please." Joaquin pleaded a tear from his eye. Hana saw it and felt his pain. She however, knew that being out of bed would be hazardous to him.
"Valero san, you can help by getting better. So let's go back to bed, please, for me." Hana said to Joaquin. "Yuki help me with him." She ordered Yuki. Both girls were under his arms taking him back to bed. He felt like he was back in the Philippines, being dragged away from a combat zone by his brethren. They took him back to bed as he complied. The girls left the room while Joaquin looked up to the ceiling with a defeated look.
"Mom, what's going to happen to him?" Yuki asked Hana.
"Honey, he's only got a short amount of life left in him. The doctors gave him only a few months. So I think he should stay here and live out his days here." Hana answered.
"But why here? He's a stranger, just some run of the mill drifter."
"And a veteran, a wolf, and a man who has lost so much, his home, his people, even his family. He deserves peace. That's the least he deserves."
"And we are stuck with this why? He is not our responsibility."
"Well no one said you had to do it Yuki!" Hana yelled. Yuki was shocked with the response and Hana realized she lost her temper after seeing the look in her daughter's eyes.
"Yuki, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell, you know that's not me." Hana said apologetically to Yuki.
"It's ok mom, I'll help with dinner." Yuki responded as she went to the kitchen. Hana took a moment and looked in the room again. She saw Joaquin with tears in his eyes yet no crying. Hana wanted to make this damaged soul feel better, yet how does one do that when this one is only a short fuse away from the grave? She walked away to the kitchen and got dinner ready.
The next day rolled around. As it came to early afternoon, Hana decided to check on Joaquin. He wasn't in the room. She got worried and went to look for him. She saw the door opened and knew that he walked outside. She walked out and looked around, no footprints in the snow. Hana then looked to her right and saw a figure covered in a blanket. Joaquin was there sitting with a blanket wrapped around him with an empty look in his eyes. She walked over to him to see if he was alright.
"Valero san, what are you doing out here. It's freezing. Come, let's go back inside." Hana said. Joaquin didn't answer. He just sat there. Hana wondered what was bothering him. "Valero san, come on." Still no response from him. Hana decided to leave him alone. As she was walking back, she heard him.
"Did you get my letter?" Joaquin asked Hana. She stopped and remembered the letter she found the desk.
"Yes I did." Hana replied. She wondered what the letter was for. "That's something I wanted to ask you. Where were you going to go if you had no home?" Hana asked. Joaquin looked down and answered.
"To the Divide. To be with my parents, my friends, my ancestors." Joaquin answered. Hana was shocked about it. He was going to kill himself.
"How were you going to get there?" Hana asked Joaquin.
"Simple drive off a cliff." Joaquin answered. Hana looked at him with shock.
"Why? Why end your life?" Hana asked Joaquin. He found strength to stand up and explain.
"Hana, all my life I have known loss. I lost my family to war, law and time. My people have abandoned their ways. Given up on their heritage and turned away from our Great Mother. I've lost my friends in war and I have committed a great sin out of anger. How can I go on in this world when it does nothing but take more out of me." Joaquin explained. Hana looked at him with a look of disappointment and anger. She started walking over to him. "Hana please don't try to convince me I'm in no-" He then felt a hard slap across his face and then saw Hana with tears and anger in her eyes.
"So that's it?! Just give up like that?! After all you told us about life and accepting who we are?! I don't know what your deal is but if you think that I'm going to let you do something like that then you are out of your god damn mind!" She said at the top of her voice. Joaquin was shocked, yet amazed. He smiled at Hana.
"Hana, I told you that so you and the children can live by it. I had my chance and I pretty much screwed it up, and being in this condition isn't helping with my case." Joaquin explained to Hana. She then grabbed his arm and dragged him inside. She sat him in the living room and stormed to the shrine that held her lover's license.
"See this? He died and I felt my world fall apart, you think I gave up like you?" Hana asked Joaquin. He chose not answer. "ANSWER ME!" She demanded. Joaquin then responded.
"Hana, what do you want me to say. That I'm not going to kill myself? Fine, I'm dying anyways and all I got left is time." Joaquin responded. Hana then slapped him again so hard he ended up on the floor. Hana then got on top of, grabbed his shirt and decided to make a point.
"You listen and listen good, soldier! You got more than time you ignorant bastard! You have a family here that cares for you after all you done! You are as much of a part of this family as my kids are! I will not allow you take your life in any way or form, YOU GOT ME!" Hana yelled at the top of her lungs. Joaquin then agreed out of fear and amazement at the same time. "Good! Now get back to bed and I'll get you lunch!" Hana said while Joaquin was walking back to his room. That day, he gained a new perspective, live and let live. Time will answer, not just self answering.