A/N: I've been gone a long time from this story and I'm sorry about that. I wasn't even sure if I would ever return to it since my inspiration for it has been severely lacking. Yet I do feel like owe my readers a conclusion and simply saying there would be no more chapters felt wrong as well, so I'm working towards finishing it up and hope that the upcoming chapters don't take as long.

Knows what she wants to be

"Ugh." Rory groaned as she landed on her small twin bed, it wasn't as luxurious as her queen bed back at her parent's house, still this bed felt more like home.

"Someone sounds like they had fun with their Grandmother."

"Jeez do I still ooze Chanel No. 5?" She pulls at her shirt sniffing it, knowing that her prolonged hug with her grandmother would lead to no good.

"No, I just know that groan can only come about with time spent with Emily Gilmore." Rory arches one eyebrow at her best friend full of disbelief. "Okay you also do smell like Chanel No. 5, no one but Emily Gilmore could get away with wearing that much."

"Lucky me." She gets up and begins rummaging through her dresser looking for a different set of clothes. After taking another whiff of herself she decides a shower is also needed.

"Wait! Sit down future Mrs. Huntzberger, you cannot leave without spilling on your new betrothal to Logan." Paris excitedly grabs her arm and pulls her down onto her bed.

"What! Who told you that nonsense?" Sure her parents and grandparents had given her the green light but future Mrs. Huntzeberger, they couldn't even kiss in public yet. At least not on school grounds.

"Are you kidding me, my mother's basically asked me how I could let him get past me. Apparently you two are the new prominent future power couple."

"She know he's our teacher right?"

"Yeah somehow that detail never came up, what voodoo magic did Emily do?"

"Who knows but she seems too chummy with Shira so who knows what those two started to spread."

"Yeah well thankfully my mother got over it quickly after Jamie came over to spend the day at our house."

"What since when do are your parents privy to what's going on between you and Jamie?"

"Since he might have become my official boyfriend." Paris laughs as she holds up her wrist which is sporting a shiny new tennis bracelet.

"Tiffany's?" Rory examines it for a moment and takes in her friends large smile.

"You know it."

"I'm so happy, it's about time you two should have made it official years ago." Rory hugs her friend happy that she's finally starting to see what's been right in front of her all along.

"Eh, well now that were sure were both going to Yale it's not so bad." Rory remembered when Jamie had been opting to go to Princeton, Paris had gone in a rage and give him the cold shoulder for weeks. Most students had gotten the acceptance letters during spring break, and thankfully Jamie had also been accepted into Yale, despite his late application.

"I guess that's true." She didn't want to think about Yale too much anymore, while getting her acceptance letter had been the greatest day of her life, it had also made her think far too much about just what her future with Logan would look like.

"They're having a party in the boy's dormitory tonight, to celebrate everyone who got into their first choice, but you know everyone will show up anyways acceptance letter or not. We should go together it's been a while since you've come out to a school party." That was true though there had been a regular schedule of parties every weekend since becoming occupied with Logan she hadn't gone to any of them.

"I don't know… Jess will be there and were not on the best of terms."

"Come on Rory! It's not like it'll just be the four of us most of the school will show up, come on we haven't had a chance to hang out in a while." She felt bad at that, it was true it felt like Logan and his friends had taken up most of her time and she missed hanging out with Paris.

"Alright but I'm not sure I'll stay too long."

"Pssh well get a few drinks in you and then see what happens." The girls couldn't help but giggle at themselves before rushing to start getting ready.

"You look hot!" Paris said as she shimmied into her own dress on the other side of the room, Rory smiled at her friend throwing her a quick "thanks" before continuing to adjust her dress. The black dress was short enough to show the right amount of leg and though it was sleeveless it wasn't strapless. The purple heels had just enough height and allowed her calves to look even slimmer without her having to deal with aching feet the next day.

"We both look hot." She said after deeming herself acceptable and helping Paris zip up her gold dress. The black heels making her friend just a smidge taller than her. "Come on I need a shot." Rory said as she led them out of their room and they headed out to the boys dormitory.

The building was full of partiers and though security would have usually come and shut them down she was sure someone had paid the five hundred dollars that allowed the security guards to turn a blind eye to the building for the night.

"Cheers!" Rory, Paris, and Jamie slammed their red solo cups together and began to drink enthusiastically.

"Rory you finally show up to a party, we thought you went all nerd girl on us for a while there." Jamie said as he slammed his cup down.

"What can I say sometimes school holds more appeal to me than this." She motions to the room filled with drunk gyrating bodies, they had found themselves in the common area where the keg and makeshift bar had been set up.

"Well I don't know but Jess…" He was cut off by a quick look from Paris.

"Come on Jamie, lets go dance." It wasn't a question and Paris didn't wait for his answer as she dragged him to the center of the room.

Paris and Jamie didn't make it back to her and she assumed they had found a quiet corner to themselves, though she was a little miffed that Paris had left her she couldn't blame her friend for wanting to have time alone with her boyfriend. She had considered going back to her dorm or even Logan's but she remembered Logan had been full of stress trying to finish grading papers that were due tomorrow and she didn't want to bother him.

Instead she had found herself taking shots with some of the Junior boys who had kept eyeing her all night.

"Okay guys this is it, this is the last one!" She said before she tipped back the ice cold tequila, the burning in her throat was quickly quenched by a wedge of lemon.

"One more! One more!" She laughed at their enthusiasm but her heels had already been discarded and her eyes were getting blurry so she knew it was time to head back to her room.

"Sorry guys but it's not happening." She scooped down to get her heels and when she stood up she found an arm snaking around her waist.

"We could always take this somewhere more private… like my room." The tallest boy with black hair had managed to move her against the wall and leaned into her predatorily .

"Hah, yeah no." She tries to shove his hand off of her but he's to strong and her coordination isn't the best, so his grip doesn't even loosen.

"Come on you know you want to." His breath is too warm on her face and she wants to gag.

"Not even if I was dead." She gives him one more shove but he just laughs at her.

"She said no!" Suddenly the boy is off of her and she's being swept up into strong arms. She doesn't see his face, but the scent that's invading her nose can only belong to one person.

"Thanks Jess." She whispers against his shoulder, he doesn't say anything but even when they reach the outside he doesn't put her down. He doesn't say anything not until they've reached her dorm and he's setting her on her bed.

"You saved me." He's sitting on the edge of her bed looking away from her.

"I wouldn't let them touch you." His voice is distant, like he's in some other reality.

"I though you hated me." She was sure if she was him, she would hate herself.

"God Rory I don't hate you even if I did I couldn't let him do that to you." He still isn't looking at her and it breaks her heart. She can't stand this. Can't stand the overwhelming guilt and fear she has when she even looks at him, can't stand how he can't look at her right now, were they that broken? She won't let them become that broken, she'll fix this anyway possible. So she pulls on his body until he yields to her and lays next to her.

"I love you Jess, I do, you know I do. You were the first boy who I ever trusted wholeheartedly, my first kiss, my first everything really. I just can't give you what you need anymore." She doesn't even know when she started crying, but she is. Big salty tears that are ruining his shirt as she cries into his chest. "Is my friendship so worthless to you?" She had thought that first and foremost they were friends and confidants, things weren't always perfect but they never drifted too far from each other.

"Of course not, but Rory I love you, I want so much with you." He places his arm around her and holds her tight, like she's disappearing.

"But I can't give you that." She almost wished she could, it would be so easy with Jess. To just be together and not worry so much about everyone else.

"I know." His voice was defeated and she hurt knowing she had caused all that pain in him.

"I wish I could, I wish… I just I don't even know." Her mind was a mess, Jess had been with her as long as she could remember but her feelings for Logan were so powerful that she almost knew she could never pick Jess over Logan.

"You really love him don't you?" There was no confusion on who they were talking about, it was Logan. It would always be Logan and though she loved him, it broke her heart that he was wedge between Jess and her.

"Yes." She didn't hesitate, but the look that crossed his face made her frown. They were silent for a long time until he finally spoke.

"I won't say anything, I won't do anything to hurt you. But I can't… I need time I can't be close to you right now." He didn't move away but he felt far, felt like he had left her.

"So is this it?" Years of friendship reduced to nothing?

"I'll always be your friend Rory, I just need time to get over you." She could deal with that, could deal with giving each other some space. That's all they needed was space.

"Okay, I understand." He started to move away from her but she latched onto him tighter. "Can we just stay here and do this tonight, just tonight." Her fingers laced with his, and he tensed up next to her before relaxing into her touch.

"Okay I'll stay for tonight." She fell asleep in his arms, comforted in the fact that he didn't leave her and didn't hate her and finally realized that maybe their friendship did have a future.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please review!