Previously On 'I Didn't Ask for This'
"You're an ass, Luke."
"We're gonna get fired and we're gonna be livin' in a cardboard box on the street!"
"Alright, who's been drawing dicks?"
"He pissed his pants!"
"We wanna get fired!"
"Nick, we're burnin' daylight!"
Chapter 2: Hey Kid, You're Named After A Fruit! Part 1
"It's a life or death scenario, Wyatt. You have to either have sex with Miley Cyrus or Tori Spelling, and if you don't you die."
"God, Eddie, that is the toughest decision I would have ever to make, but I think I would rather die."
"Why, dude?"
"I want to lose my virginity to someone like, Kate Upton, not Miley Cyrus, dude."
"I bet she's wild though in bed."
To say that Luke didn't want to come home to hear Eddie and Wyatt talking about sex with Miley Cyrus was one thing. Conversations like this are definitely normal when it comes to those two stoners. What Luke didn't want to come home to was them staring at his dick. It was embarrassing enough that he pissed his pants in the office building, but what put the icing on the shit cake was what Nick did to him afterwards. Nick would drive him to work most days in his brand new truck. That stupid truck was Nick's life; his pride and joy. He recently got his seats done and the only way Luke could even get a ride home was if he took his pants and boxers off. It was absurd to Luke that he would even have to do something so ridiculous, but he didn't want to anger Nick anymore and obliged. It was an awkward ride home to say the least, but this was even worse.
"Oh my god, man!" Eddie cried as he pointed at Luke. "Your dick is so small! Wyatt, look at how tiny his lil' gobbler is!" Wyatt immediately began to chuckle and pulled out his phone. Luke began to grow beat red with embarrassment and turned to Nick for support. His best friend just shrugged his shoulders and went off to the kitchen to get a beer.
"Hey," Luke started. "Don't start with me on how small my johnson is, okay? You have no idea what humiliation we've been through in the past couple hours."
"Please," Eddie snorted. "We know what happened in the office. Vince called and told us everything-"
"Oh wait," Wyatt interrupted "Should we tell him about the Instragram post?" Luke looked up quickly and crossed his arms.
"What Instagram post?"
"Oh, dude," Wyatt said as he went onto the app. "Troy posted this about an hour ago and it's super embarrassing." He scrolled down his timeline and gave the phone to Luke. The two stoners began to laugh hysterically as Luke began to get angry and flustered. The picture was Luke exiting out of Carver's office with Nick close behind him. His pants were zoomed in and a yellow circle was on his crouch. The only thing the description said was; Someone's not a big kid now. Back to Pull Ups you go Luke ;) "Dude, everyone's also posting pictures with the Dick Butts you two drew."
"Damn it all!" Luke cried as he threw the phone to Wyatt and sat down on the couch. It sounded all cool and funny in his head, but now he looked like the biggest loser in Atlanta. Eddie and Wyatt looked at each other for a minute before laughing even harder.
"You got five seconds to cover your dick up, Luke." Eddie started in-between laughs.
"Why?"
"What if I told you…we brought Molly here with us?"
"You did not."
"They did." Luke whipped his head around and sure enough, Molly was standing in the middle of the living room. She sighed and began to rub her temples. "Wow, Luke," she started. "You sure are comfortable showin' off your wang to everyone."
"No, wait, Molly!"
"It's small isn't it, Molls?" Eddie started as he began to play Nick's Xbox. "Wyatt's dick is bigger than that."
"How do you know the size of Wyatt's dick?" Nick cried from the kitchen. "Are you two gay or something?"
"Duh, it's like, bro code to show wave around your dick at least one point." Eddie stated as his game booted up. "Luke's doin' it now and everyone can see he has a tiny penis."
"It's not tiny!"
"It is!"
"Who gives a shit!" Molly cried as she sat on one of the bean bags chairs besides the couch. "Just, Luke, go up and get a shower or something. I could've went my entire life without seeing your dick, goddamn it."
It was about an hour later when Luke finally came down from his shower. Everyone was sitting at the kitchen table eating left over Chinese food. Nick motioned Luke to sit down and grab a plate.
"Luke and I are gonna open up a business together." Nick said as finished his meal. "What are we doin', Luke?" Everyone stopped eating and looked at the two men with skepticism. After a few minutes, Eddie and Wyatt began to burst into laughter as Molly face palmed. "What the hell is so funny?"
"Do you even have this planned out?" Molly asked. "Or did you just think of this on the fly, Luke?"
"Well," Luke started. "Uh, I was thinkin' of openin' up a store."
"What type of store, dude?" Wyatt replied as began to eat Eddie's food without him knowing. "There is literally tons of different types of stores you can open-"
"It'll be an arcade!" Luke cried as he bolted up in chair. "We'll have the best arcade in all of Atlanta!"
"Arcades are a dying business, Luke." Molly said as she crossed her arms. "How many arcades do you see around here anymore?"
"Well, ours will be the best! The one that kids want to go to on every holiday and every day of summer." Luke ran off to grab paper and a pencil. He began to draw poorly made blueprints and notes. "We'll have a mountain you can climb up and there'll be a big ass ball pit you can jump in. We'll have frozen yogurt and a mascot!"
"H-How much is this gonna cost us?" Nick stammered as he took one of the blueprints. "This seems expensive as shit!" Luke sighed as he began to draw the mascot. Nick was always the one being the party-pooper and being "realistic."
"We can afford it, man!" Luke replied. "It can't be too expensive! Look, we can have a western theme for it, seeing as we are in Georgia. Our mascot can be a cowboy who rides-"
"A dildo!"
"What the hell, Eddie?" Luke glared at the stoner before returning to his plan. "He'll ride a unicorn shooting rainbows out of it's ass… It's for the girls, y'know."
"I feel like someone would find that offensive though." Wyatt began as he twiddled his thumbs. "It's a unicorn shooting a rainbow out of it's asshole. That can easily be mistaken as symbolism for gay sex."
"How the hell could come up with that?" Nick replied as everyone turned to the scruffy stoner in confusion.
"You see," Wyatt continued. "The rainbow represents the color of the LGBT flag. If you go with that soon you'll have complaints from parents that you have a gay cowboy that enjoys butt sex!"
"It's like, your mascot is a gay version of Woody from Toy Story." Eddie chuckled. "I got a dick in my boot!"
"You guys are literally the worst people to discuss business with!" Luke replied as he slumped back down in his chair. "Y'know what, Nick? Let's discuss this tomorrow when these losers leave!" He glared at the three unwanted guest and watched as they all huffed and groaned. Nick turned to his best friend and nodded.
"Gladly, dude."
End of Chapter 2 Part: 1 Next Time On 'I Didn't Ask for This'
"You're killin' me, Nick! Look at me son, now I'm dead!"
"You're telling me a dog just came up to you and randomly bit you?"
"Luke has sex with dogs!"
"Don't mess with Tiny Carlos, man!"
"I am whacked on weed right now!"
"What's your name kid?"
"Clementine…"
"What rhymes with orange?"
"Borange."
It's Gonna Be Hype...