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TMNT does not in any way, shape or form belong to me. Shame.

Chapter Five

I drifted in and out for a while. I couldn't tell what was actually happening and what I was dreaming. Vague shapes drifted around me. I saw stone walls, heard water running, felt strong arms holding me, but then at other times I saw pink bunnies racing around in golf carts.

"Bunnies… are not… normal…" I could hear myself saying at one point, trying to banish the fuzz balls from my brain.

The green shape holding me looked down with a very wide grin with very white teeth. "Naw, they are, just not down here."

"Feel sick."

"Yeah, concussions are pretty sucky like that. But don't worry, we'll have you back to your usual radical self in no time!"

Just then something jostled my head and I could feel the bile rising to my mouth. "Hurk!" was the only warning I gave, but luckily, whoever or whatever was holding me knew what I wanted and set me down softly onto my knees. I could feel large, thick fingers gently holding my hair back as I threw up onto the concrete floor.

"Dude, Donny, she doesn't look so good."

"We'll be home soon. As long as she's not vomiting up blood, we'll be okay."

"You sure we should have brought her? I mean, we were IN a hospital."

"And whoever attacked them would have known who to look for. She'd be dead by now and we both know it."

"M'not dead," I said, as loudly as I could, but it came out as a raspy kind of whimper.

A large hand patted my back. "We know, dudette. It's gonna stay that way."

"G-good," I whispered. "I'm tired."

The strong arms came around me once more and I found myself curling up against something hard and cold but solid and real. I drifted off again.

The next time I opened my eyes, I was lying on a small but comfortable cot in a strange room. There was a blanket covering me and my head was propped up on some pillows. I blinked a few times sluggishly and then looked around at my surroundings.

Wherever I was, the walls were made of brick or stone or something, with no windows. The air felt a little stale down here, and everything in the room looked a bit like it had been salvaged from somewhere. I noticed April lying not too far away in a cot of her own. She looked no worse for wear, but I couldn't have been a good judge of that, seeing as how I probably had a concussion. I saw that that the room was full of medical equipment as well- one wall had what looked like an operating table on it, and next to that sat a large freezer and a big box full of what I assumed were medical tools.

Sudden images from Texas Chainsaw Massacre went through my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut, cursing that stupid movie that kept me up for a week and gave me nightmares for a month. "God, I hate that movie…"

"Hate what movie?"

My eyes shot open again to see one of the figures that had saved me the night before. I blinked a few times, trying to clear away what I could only assume was the after-effects of the blow to my head, but every time I opened my eyes- No, it was still the same.

A great big humanoid turtle complete with shell and wearing a purple bandana- wait a second, purple bandana?

"Why a purple bandana?" I muttered myself, still staring at him. "Might as well be a tux. Oh, my head…" I squeezed my eyes shut.

I heard the turtle move across the room and I felt something soft, cold and wet press onto my forehead.

"There we go… As for your question, I like purple and it's hard to get into a tux. They don't exactly make turtle-friendly sizes."

"You can't be a turtle," I said weakly. "There's just no way."

"Normally I'd agree with you, but seeing as how that's what I am, there's just no way for me to deny it." I opened my eyes to look up, and sure enough, the turtle with the purple bandana was still there, holding a cool compress to my head and smiling at me. "But at least you aren't screaming. That's what April did when she found out." He nodded towards her. "Screamed like I don't know what. But you could give her a run for her money. Your scream could be an alarm or something, you were that loud."

I let my eyes drift closed again and lay my head back down into the pillows. "Hurts to scream right now. Don't have the energy to freak out."

I heard him chuckle. "Just as well. It echoes down here."

"M-hmm…" And that was the last thing I had to say about that before I fell asleep again.

I woke up later feeling much better. My head wasn't throbbing and I could see and think clearly again. Still, there was no reason to rush it. I sat up in the cot slowly and then pressed my fingers on the spot I had been hit carefully. It stung a little, but it didn't feel like someone was putting a jackhammer to my skull anymore.

Moving so that I was sitting Indian-style, I examined my surroundings again. The scenery hadn't changed- stone is pretty permanent- and no new windows had popped up. This both relieved and upset me. I was relieved because it meant that I must not have been hallucinating that badly before, but it disturbed me because it meant that I had no idea where I was and that I had indeed seen a giant walking turtle the night before. Or was it the day before? I realized suddenly that I had no earthly clue what time it was.

Looking over at where April had been sleeping before, I saw that the cot was empty. This was alarming- I had no idea where she went. But I could hear something that sounded like pots and pans being rattled around from behind the door to the room, and also voices.

"Well, hopefully they didn't eat her and aren't planning on doing the same to me." With that cheery thought, I looked around for my shoes. I spotted my flip flops by the door and got up slowly in case I felt dizzy or something, but I didn't fall backwards or start throwing up last week's lunch, so I figured I was safe. I walked over to my shoes, noticing how the floor, although cement and not what I would have expected, was at least clean and didn't have anything like shards of broken glass.

Putting my shoes on, I slowly opened the door, hoping that nothing was going to fly out at me. Nothing happened, but I could now clearly hear the ruckus going on outside. The clangs and bangs I had heard earlier and assumed were someone cooking was actually someone hurling things at someone else. The voices that I had thought were people talking was actually one person talking and one person screaming. As I listened closer, I noticed that the voices were familiar.

"How could you DO that to me? You just ran off to play vigilante and LEFT me there! Do you have any idea how scared I was for you?" Yep, that was April.

"What was I supposed to do, April? Ignore whoever planted that bomb there? You were almost KILLED! I almost LOST you! I couldn't just sit there doing nothing!" And that would be Casey.

"Oh, of course not! That would be asking too much! God forbid that you do something FOR ME for once!"

"I do EVERYTHING for you! I ran out there to kill those guys for you! How can you stand there and-"

"Look, April," an unfamiliar voice with a Brooklyn accent started to talk. "It was my idea, okay? He didn't mean to-"

"Oh, shut up, Raphael! Don't cover for him! I'm this close to creaming you too!"

"Don't take it out on him!" Casey's voice carried angrily. "We were trying to help you!"

"Oh, really? OH, REALLY? And what about Irma then, Casey? What about Irma? She's lying in there with a concussion because she had to protect me against whoever those bastards were! YOU should have been the one there! You should- you should have…" April's voice started to hitch and I knew that was my cue. She hated crying.

Putting a hand to my head in a dramatic way I staggered out of the makeshift nurse's office and walked towards the argument. I noted with a bit of pride that as three faces swung towards me, they all looked a bit shocked. I decided to chalk it up to the fact that I probably looked pale and in pain, and not a mess that hadn't seen the light of day in a week. The other stranger talking was- surprise, surprise- another turtle, this one with a red bandana. He eyed me warily as I came forward towards him.

They all stood around a table, Casey wearing the same outfit he had worn last night, and April with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that she hadn't been wearing before, since I was fairly certain she had been in one of those horrible hospital gowns. Making sure to keep a hand to my head, I walked right next to the turtle and looked down at his hands where he was gripping a chair. I noticed he had two fingers. Three if you wanted to include the thumb.

"I believe that I can speak for myself, thank you all very much. And I'll take that," I said as I pulled the chair away from the red turtle and sat down. I was kind of impressing myself with my bravado. "Ow…" I winced as I accidentally sat down too fast, jostling my head. April and Casey came towards me but I held up the hand that wasn't clutching my head warningly. I slowly took my other hand away from my head and folded them nicely in front of me, like a student at a desk. I tried to ignore the gasp from April. Must look worse than I feel, I thought to myself.

"Now… Let's pretend for a moment that I do not look like I've been chewed up and spit out of a dog's mouth," I began pleasantly. April and Casey exchanged worried glances and I noticed Casey making a subtle gesture for the turtle, Raphael, to run. It was a good idea. They knew what was going to come next. He had no idea. "And let us also pretend, for a moment, that I have not been manhandled, beaten, bruised, given a concussion, not to mention haven woken up in a strange place with kind, but definitely out of the ordinary hosts." I paused for a moment and slowly looked between my two friends. I then continued, my voice still sweet and calm. "That still leaves the question of WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TWO DOING?" My voice, so tranquil before, now suddenly exploded on the volume level, fully conveying the force of my outrage. I noted with some satisfaction how they both winced. But I wasn't done with my tirade yet.

"BOMBS?" I shouted at April.

"DEATH THREATS?" I yelled at Casey.

"ASSASSINS?" I screeched at both of them. "WHAT THE FRIG IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE OUT THERE TRYING TO KILL YOU? WHY ARE YOU MESSING AROUND WITH PEOPLE WHO WOULD EVEN WANT TO KILL YOU? ARE YOU INSANE? DID SOMEONE PERFOM A LOBOTOMY ON YOU TWO AND YOU JUST FORGOT? AND WHERE ARE WE? WHY ARE WE HERE? AND WHY ARE THERE GIGANTIC MUNTANT TURTLES HERE?"

"You forgot to put Ninja in there," said a voice behind me. I whipped around in my chair to see not one, not two, but four talking, walking turtles. One of them wore orange, one red (he didn't look happy), one purple (that one I knew) and one blue. The blue one was the one that spoke. Oh, and there was a giant rat leaning on a cane standing with them. I could feel my eyes getting wide as dinner saucers. My mouth hung open. I gave a small squeak and then I felt myself falling over.

I woke up again about a minute later. The cold compress was back on my head, April and Casey were sitting at the table looking at each other angrily, the four turtles were standing around the table too, and sitting next to me was-

"Ah, I see you are awake again, child." The rat.

I sucked in a breath of air and leaned back, staring at him. I made a few choking sounds. I looked at my two human friends and pointed at him. "Huursm…" I pointed at the turtles. "Ehfiy…" I dropped my hand and said "Ahhhhuck!"

"How eloquent," muttered the red one. The blue one jabbed him in the arm.

April explained. "That is Master Splinter," she began, gesturing to the rat. "The blue on is Leonardo-"

"Leo," offered Casey helpfully.

"The red one is Raphael-"

"Raph."

"- the orange one is Michelangelo-"

"Mikey."

"-and the purple one is Donatello."

"Or Donny."

Once the introductions were done they all just sat there in silence and stared at me. I opened my mouth to say something. Then I closed it. Opened. Closed.

Finally, I said the only thing that could come to my mind. "My name is Irma." I pointed at Casey in what I hoped was a threatening manner. "You tell them that stupid nickname you gave me and I will strangle you."

The next hour or so was spent explaining things to me. Master Splinter spoke softly and calmly, answering my questions and relaying everything that had happened to him and his 'sons' over the last few years. With a few interjections from the four turtles, the stories were pieced together until everything was clarified and made sense of. The ninja master from Japan, the chemicals that turned them all into what they were today, the training they had, and the adventures they had been on.

To be honest, if I hadn't seen the turtles and Splinter with my own two eyes, I never would have believed it. It was just too far-fetched. But… my gaze wandered around the cave, taking in the four brothers who were now going about and doing their own things, then back to their wise master. I admitted to myself that the rat part was still not exactly a huge plus for me, but I felt like it was impossible to do anything but respect the creature sitting in front of me. He just seemed to radiate peace and wisdom. I was kind of jealous.

But it was still a lot to absorb. Once the story was done, I took a deep breath and put my head between my hands, taking deep breaths. "One… two… three… "

"What's she doin'?" I heard the Red one (Raph, I corrected myself mentally).

"She's calming herself down," April responded tersely.

"Four… five… six…"

"Does she, like, do this a lot?"

"Seven… eight…"

"No, Mikey. This is one of those weird moments though."

"Nine… ten." I sat up and took another deep breath before looking around at everyone. Then I pointed a finger at the orange and purple ones. "You two… Michelangelo and… Donatello?"

They grinned at me. "Mikey and Don are easier, dudette," said Mikey.

"Right, well… Thank you both very much for saving my life and bringing me here. I'm pretty sure that if you guys had left me at the hospital, I wouldn't be here now. So, thanks."

The beamed at me. "No trouble at all," said Donny brightly.

I turned to the r- to Master Splinter and nodded my head at him. "Thank you very much for offering your hospitality to me and your help, but I need to be getting back now."

"Actually…" the one called Leonardo spoke up, "I don't think you should leave for at least a couple days." My head shot up to look him straight in the eyes. Whatever he saw in my face must not have been too pleasant because he suddenly looked a little nervous. "Well… It's just… you see… Well, the people who tried to kill you and April are still out and looking for you. We've done some recon for a few days and we think that people are after April and Casey. Now that you've been seen, they'll be after you too. It's just not safe for you guys to go back yet."

I was completely silent for a moment. Then I slowly pushed back my chair and stood. "Please excuse me for a moment." Without looking at any of them, I walked back to my little cot-bed and picked up a pillow. Taking yet another deep breath, I then stuffed my face into the cushion and let loose a very muffled but still blood-curdling scream of rage and frustration. After a few seconds of this, I then dropped the pillow, tried to smooth my hair back, and then rejoined everyone back in the kitchen. April and Casey looked worried. Master Splinter looked slightly nonplussed. The four turtles had different expressions of fear on their faces, ranging from "This is slightly worrying" to "Holy God, this woman is batshit crazy."

"You scream a lot," observed Raph.

"You would too if something like this happened to you!" I shouted at him.

Splinter held up a hand and stood to his feet to stand in front of me. "Miss Langinstien," I guessed that April had told him my name, "it is apparent that this has understandably come as something of a surprise to you. Perhaps you and April should have a talk, and then a refreshing bath and tea."

I blushed deeply then, realizing that I must have looked like something that crawled out from under a rock and died. "Thank you, Mr. Splinter," I said. "But I don't have any other… that is to say, I don't have any-"

"You can borrow some of my clothes, Irma," offered April. "I keep some down here in case of emergencies." Since we wore the same size, I nodded my head, and without another word, she gently led me away down another hallway to what I could only assume and hope was a bathroom.

I caught the words "Well, that was fun," as we walked away, followed by the sound of someone being smacked over the head.

Ah, it's always fun meeting the turtles for the first time. I thought Irma handled it pretty well.

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