Chapter 8.

It's been seventeen days since I left Mats and I have yet to hear from him. I've called, texted, and left messages, but he has completely shut me out.

I miss him.

At least I know that he is okay. Being a public figure as Mats is, I've seen enough of him on TV. He had his comeback three days after I left, to play the last five minutes plus added time of the Champions League quarterfinal game against Malaga in Dortmund. They were losing 1-2 and in danger of being left out of the whole competition.

Then Mats came on.

He seemed so focused, collected, urging his teammates right away not to give up.

I am quite honestly not sure how they pulled it off, but they managed to score two goals in two minutes, secure a 3-2 victory, and qualify for Champions League semifinals.

It was unbelievable.

Easily one of the most amazing game turnarounds I've ever witnessed.

I had quite a hard time not calling Lukasz about that as well. I miss him too. I haven't had a lot of time to think about everything he did for me the day I left Dortmund. The way he picked up my pieces and made sure I made it home whole. At least, I've chosen not to think about it — I need time before I explore that sentiment. I need to make sure Mats is okay first.

Lukasz seemed to be okay during the game. I was paranoically over analyzing every single fall he took, every little push. He gave it his all though… as usual — maybe even some more.

They will be playing against Real Madrid in the semifinals. I'm sure they are all ecstatic about it.

They also managed to pull two uneventful wins in the past two weekends, so they are doing very well.

God, I miss them so much.

I miss going to the games, the thrill from sitting in those stands and watching those boys, cheering them on while they do the thing that they love the most in the world.

It's simply too soon.

Mats clearly needs his space. We didn't part on the best of terms, and much like myself, he needs time to digest things. I can understand, I just didn't anticipate that he would shut me out so wholly.

Honestly, I've also stayed away because of Lukasz. This is a big enough moment in both their careers, and they need to center their focus in that. They don't need me to complicate things any further.

Yes, it's definitely too soon — not only for me, but for all three of us.

At least work has done a good job at keeping me busy. I have fully immersed myself in it so, at the end of the day, I don't have the time or the strength to think about anything else. It's actually been quite overwhelming, but a welcomed distraction.

It's pretty late on Tuesday night, and I just finished the dishes when my phone beeps with a text. My stomach churns in expectation that it might be Mats.

The text is not from Mats though. It's from Kayla, one of the girls from the team, Schmelzer's girl.

"CC, I have one broken Schmelle at home. How is Mats doing?"

A cold shiver runs through my spine.

Something's happened.

Something's happened and somehow Kayla thinks Mats is still with me. Instinctively, I dial Mats' number at once. It rings twice, then goes into voicemail. I ring again, and it goes straight into voicemail.

Shit...

Mats is still not only not answering my calls, but sending me straight to voicemail. He probably deletes my messages without even listening to them. With the phone cradled between my ear and shoulder going over his voicemail message, I finally notice the news running on my TV screen.

Transfer Hammer: Mario Götze to Bayern Munich!

I reach for the remote, turning the volume up.

"... the German wonder kid has signed with arch rival club Bayern Munich who just activated his release clause of 35 million Euros. Dortmund executives are said to give a press conference first thing tomorrow morning."

Holy shit... what... how...

My brain fails me as I hang up on Mats' machine's voice. I flop on the couch completely in shock. What has Mario done? How could he do this?

Mario grew up in Dortmund, he is one of the most promising talents the city has ever seen, and he goes to join the evil empire!

Oh god... Mats will be devastated.

Everyone will.

They play against Real Madrid tomorrow. First leg of the Champions League semifinals. Easily the biggest game in their careers. How could they release this news now? How could he have done this?

Without me even thinking about it, my fingers are dialing a different number.

He picks up first ring.

"Cecilia?" He sounds genuinely surprised, almost as if he's making sure that it's actually me.

"Tell me it's not true."

He sighs into the phone. "So you've heard?"

"How could this be, Lukasz? Why would they release this today? What is Mario thinking?" I'm frantic, failing to grasp the magnitude of this news.

"I honestly don't know." He sounds calm, his voice soft. He really has no idea about this.

"How long have you guys known about this?"

"No one knew," he says matter-of-factly. "I found out today. Just like you. Just like everyone else. I just got off the phone with Coach, Mario told him two days ago. That's it."

"Oh god... How could he have done this?" I bury my face in my hands. Just a moment ago, I was thinking about how big this game will be for them… life changing even, and now everything is crumbling around them.

This will only end in chaos.

"It's his life, his choice. He wants to go; he can do whatever he wants."

"Yes, but going to Bayern!" I have to restrain myself from shouting. Lukasz is not the one I'm mad at here, and he definitely does not deserve my anger or frustration at the situation.

"Well, of course that's unfortunate... for us, for the league, but that's football — players come and go." There isn't any sign on his tone that tells me this bothers him.

"How can you be so calm... so... unaffected?"

"Of course I'm not. My anger though is not aimed at Mario, or whatever business deal went on. That is honestly not my problem. My anger..." He pauses, takes a deep breath, before he continues. "My anger is directed at whoever is responsible for leaking this out tonight. With only one thing in mind: Having us out of that game tomorrow."

I sigh into the phone. He's right. This would be on everyone's heads tomorrow. "I don't even know what to say."

"I won't let that happen, Cecilia. They won't win."

It takes me a second to digest his words — the resolve in them. My eyes tear up a bit, and I am completely overwhelmed by the power in his tone, his conviction, his willpower.

Lukasz is one of the strongest people I know. It is now I understand how he can be so nonchalant about the whole thing: His resolve is built around the fact that he won't let this ruin him.

It's a fact. No doubting. No second guessing. Just a fact.

I wonder how the rest of them are feeling.

Oh god... Mats...

He's going through this, by himself.

At the realization of the kind of night Mats is possible having, a little whimper escapes my lips, and my tears start to fall in a sob.

"Hey... hey, it's going to be fine," Lukasz urges from the other side of the line.

"I'm sorry..." I wipe my tears in annoyance. "I'm such a mess. You need to rest for tomorrow... I-"

"Cecilia?"

"Yeah?" I try to hold it a bit longer.

"You can ask me about him, you know?"

A chocked laugh escapes through my sobs. How the hell does he know exactly what I needed to hear?

"He's okay," he states simply.

"He is?"

"He has a slightly different position than me when it comes to Mario, but... um... yeah, he'll be fine."

"He will be or he is?" I'm not convinced it's either.

I know Mats. This kind of news would have to have affected him. I could just see him. He'd be flipping his shit.

Lukasz's silence says everything. He's stalling for words. He can't lie. Not about Mats and definitely not to me.

"Just tell me..."

"Well, of course he was in shock. Luckily, I was with him when we both found out. You know, he has his own past with Bayern, and it just means a lot more to him than to me. That's all. He was also a lot closer to Mario..."

Was...

"I left him home..." he continues. "He was calm. He's fine."

Oh Mats...

Tears start streaming down my face again. Calmed Mats is worse than flipping-his-shit Mats. Calmed Mats doesn't deal with things. Calmed Mats just swallows everything. Calmed Mats will certainly get absolutely no sleep tonight.

I sigh into the phone, trying to gather myself. "Okay... um... I should let you go sleep now. Good luck tomorrow, okay? I'll be watching the game, from here. And um... thanks... for everything, really."

"No need to thank me..." He sighs too. He sounds tired. I hope I have not completely disrupted his rest. "You can call me, Cecilia. You know that, right? Anytime."

His words tug at my heart. I promised him I wouldn't disappear. I just don't know how to deal with whatever he makes me feel without fixing things with Mats first. It's why I haven't called him in the past weeks even though I've been dying to. I know he's allowed me the space too, no matter the cost to him.

I can't really think about that now though, so I just swallow everything. "I know. Thank you. I'll let you go now, ok? Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Cecilia." Even though he sounds exhausted, he seems reluctant to let go. I can hear his breathing on the other side — he is still there. I can feel the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes and a knot forming in my throat. I don't want Lukasz to feel he has to comfort me any more than he already has — I want him to get some rest. So holding my breath, I hang up.

I try Mats' number again a few more times, but like every other time since I left, he does not answer. I can't think of anything healthy he could be doing to cope with this. I wish he would just answer the phone.

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