Belly

I make my way back to my dorm and I just sit there staring at the box. It has been an hour and I'm not sure why I can't get myself to open it. My mind tells me no while my heart tells me why not. What do I have to lose if I open it?

Oh yeah, all the effort I put into getting past what happened back at Cousins. But I can't be affected by him anymore. I've grown up. Yeah, that's right. I'm grown up. Maybe if I say that a few more times I'll actually believe it. I test to see what I'm capable of and get up to get something to open up the box. I slide my pen down across the tape in a slow speed just for dramatic effect (and because I feel like I could back out...but I know I won't) and I see a bear a white bear. What the-

Oh my gosh. It's Junior Mint. I lift him slowly and see he's been recently washed. I pull him to my chest and I smell Conrad's signature scent-a slight hint of the beach. I reach out my arms so I could see the bear that had been there through all my teenage drama, the one that comforted me when I had a hard time going to sleep, the one that reminded me of the one who got it for me. In awe I stare at its black little eyes when I realize that there's a letter tucked between Junior Mint's body and his scarf. I take the letter and walk over to my desk with the box my bear was in. I disassemble the box, and put it in the trash.

My hand shakes as I'm opening the letter.

Dear Belly,

Firstly, I don't even know

I only get that far when I hear the key go into the lock of my dorm. Shit. Taylor's back. I run to the drawer where Taylor would never go into and shove it in there forgetting I didn't have time to hide Junior Mint. She walks right in and grumbles her greeting and says she's going to bed for the rest of eternity. She goes into her bed and just lays on her side staring at the stylish little bear.

"Hey I thought you left that thing," Taylor yawns, "how's it here?"

"I asked my mom to send it over here a few weeks back."

Another yawn. "Why? You should have thrown that out already. It's from you-know-who."

I guess we were back to calling him that. Old habits die hard.

"You can say Conrad, Taylor. I'm fine with a simple name. And I needed comfort because your Spanish boyfriend lures you with his accent to go sleep in his dorm."

"You know I love ya Belly." And just like that, she's out like a light.

I wait until she wakes up and goes to class late afternoon to read the letter.

Dear Belly,

Firstly, I don't know if I should be writing you, if this is allowed. I hope it's allowed. I hope you don't throw this away without even opening the box-because if you do, you'll miss out on something very important. Okay, fine, something you that was once very important. To you.

I went over to your house to fix your mom's computer. I went to your room to use the printer and I saw Junior Mint sitting on the bookshelf, looking incredibly pathetic. Remember him? Polar bear, wears glasses and a very stylish scarf? I won him for you at the ring toss? Do you remember how you used to go over to the ring toss and just stare at the polar bears because you wanted one so bad? I probably spent thirty or forty bucks trying to win you that damn bear.

Apparently, he misses you irrespective of the fact that you left him behind. He feels lost without you. I'm serious, that's what he told me. Pathetic, right?

So here he is. Be nice to him, will you?

Conrad

Sometimes, I feel lost without you too, I instantly think.

I backtrack and process what I just thought.

I definitely meant Junior Mint.

I feel lost without Junior Mint.

Positively NOT Conrad.