Chapter 17.

I speed up through the last block on my way to his hotel. He never said what time he was leaving but I need to talk to him before he goes... to say what? I don't know yet, but I just need to see him.

I take the stairs, two steps at a time, and I need a minute to catch my breath once I'm at his door.

I knock on the door softly. I'm nervous, excited, scared — I'm a lot of things.

He opens the door in his trousers and a light blue button up that has the neck unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He's not wearing any shoes.

"Cecilia," he nods, but there's no smile for me. At least he called me by my name, as he usually does, and not with a mere inconsequential hello, as he did when he answered the phone a while ago.

He leans on the door frame with one hand, as if he needs the support. I open my mouth only to clasp it back closed. I have no idea what to say!

He seems to be struggling for words too, as he scratches the back of his neck with his free hand and looks down.

Then I realize I really don't have to say anything, so I just let myself go.

He takes a sharp intake of breath when my lips collapse with his. My hands are around his neck pulling him to me. His lips are unresponsive against mine at first, his hands just drop at his sides. Soon after, he groans softly against my lips, and with a hand in my lower back, he pulls me to him while the other one closes the door behind us.

His hand cradles the back of my head, under my pony tail, as he presses me against the door. When he breaks the kiss for air and drops his forehead on mine, I am thankful he's holding me up, if he wasn't, I would be a puddle on the floor.

"I..." he starts, but the words die in his mouth. His hands release me as he plants them on the door, flanking my shoulders as he looks down. He exhales roughly, and it sounds like he whispers something that I don't quite catch.

My hands make it to his hair, slowly searching for his face and pulling him up. His eyes are tightly closed as he avoids looking at me. "What is it?"

When he opens his eyes, they flick back and forth between mine, scrutinizingly, trying to figure me out.

My hands cup his face as he breathes hard into the cage he has me in between his arms. "Are you okay?"

His lips stretch minutely, almost in a smile. "I'm better than okay..." he says. "It's just... I..." he stalls again and groans, looking down.

"What?" My hands pull on his face again, but I drop them down as he straightens up and pulls away altogether.

"I was preparing to say goodbye to you... to let you go." He paces in front of me until he turns to face me. "I thought I ruined everything... and yet you come here — you're here — and you kiss me... like that." In two strides, he's back right up in front up me and takes my face in his hand. "What did that kiss mean, Cecilia?"

"I don't know what it means yet..." I say honestly. "But I'm here... I'm here because I want to be with you."

"As a friend?" he asks, his eyebrows scrunching in the middle.

I smile, reaching for his face. "Was that a friendly kiss, Lukasz?"

He laughs through his nose, looking down again, but when he peeks back up, the lines that stretch on his face as he smiles tell me he's okay... that we're okay.

His hands hold my face as his lips touch mine again, so softly. He pecks my lips a couple times before he pulls back again. His thumbs brush under my eyes, catching a few tears.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

A nod at him is all I can manage at the moment. He grabs my hand and walks us to the half a kitchen in his suite, where there are two stools, and I sit on one as he heads for the mini fridge.

When he sets two cranberry juice bottles on the counter, I can't keep the chuckles from my mouth. He shakes his head, opening one of the bottles for me, and pushing it my way. His eyes remain on me as he tips his bottle and I sip at mine, my insides still tingling from our kiss.

"Better?" He puts the bottle down and holds himself up with both hands on the counter.

"Yeah..." I exhale, fixing my hair behind my ears and wondering what a mess I look like. "Rough night, last night..."

"Yeah..." He looks down between his arms. "I had no night," he says in almost a whisper.

I know he got no sleep — I can tell by his eyes, their red tint and the shadows beneath them. I hate that he wasn't able to rest, and I hate that it was because of me.

In a desperate need for a change of subject, I ask, "How did your appointment go?"

He stretches his pose but still avoids my eyes. "It went fine," he shrugs, "I can play."

I know that look. It's the 'I don't want to talk about it' look. They're going to let him play, but his situation hasn't improved, and it won't, until he has his surgery.

I remember what he asked of me though, what he needs. Going through it will be hard enough without him trying to convince people he can do this.

I know he can.

I know he will.

"Okay," I offer him with a smile. "That's good news then."

When his eyes meet mine, they show relief, gratitude. Of course I will worry about him, but I will keep that to myself. He can be strong for his team; I can be strong for him.

He makes his way around the kitchen island, and tentatively wraps one arm around me, holding me close to his chest.

"Thank you." The words come in a whisper as he kisses my forehead.

He pulls away, keeping an arm around me, and I look up to him. His fingers brush some of my hair back behind my ears and a smile appears on his face. "I wanted to do that since you appeared at my door."

"I look like a mess, don't I?'

He laughs through his nose. "Mess would be the last word I'd use to describe you right now."

Before I can reply, his cell phone rings and he groans. "It's Braun," he says, looking at the screen before silencing the phone with a sigh.

"You have to go." My voice deflates at the thought of finally having him and having to let him go just as quickly.

"I wish I didn't have to... or that you could come with me."

Yeah, well... there's a thought. As rational as Mats is trying to be about this, I can't just show up at a game with Lukasz.

The sudden tension emanating from Lukasz tells me his mind has wandered to the same place.

He could stay here, though... this isn't Dortmund.

"You're not playing, right? Do you have to go?"

He smiles, relaxing a bit.

"I do... I also have a meeting with Klopp tomorrow morning."

"So busy..." I say, my finger running over his arm.

"I could come back tomorrow night after the game..." he says all of the sudden, surprising me, and I guess himself as well. "I only have to be back at training on Monday."

"You'd fly?" My eyes widen as I stare up at him, giddy with the possibility of seeing him again so soon.

"If I only get one day with you, I'm not going to spend ten hours driving here and back." His hand makes it to my face as he runs the back of his fingers over my cheek. "Not unless you're in the car with me."

"You'd do that?"

"It's a one hour flight, Cecilia." He shrugs. "If you're not busy, and you'd want me to, I'll be on the first flight out of Dortmund after the game."

I can feel the smile stretching on my face. "I'd love you to."

He matches my grin, pulling me closer again.

With the promise of seeing each other the next day, Lukasz puts me in a cab back to my apartment as he gets ready to fly back to Dortmund.

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