Chapter 28.

As soon as I see him disappear into the tunnel, I drop on my seat, wishing I never have to see him like that again. Even from my spot on the stands I could see how this defeat completely destroyed him.

This game meant everything to him. He struggled through the whole season, pushed far beyond his limits to make it to the Final, only to come back empty handed. They've all worked so hard for this, but him especially, in his condition. He sacrificed everything for this one last chance.

He was in a really bad shape after that fall in the first half, yet he still pushed through the whole game. I don't know how he did it, to be honest, but somehow he made it through.

Every second he stopped to stretch his leg, I thought — secretly hoped — that he would ask for a substitution, but he didn't. Not even after he took a second bad fall towards the end of the game and needed Mats' help to get up.

He even asked for numbing spray in the middle of the game...

"Cee Cee, are you coming?" Kayla's hand on my shoulder brings me back to the reality I need to face.

They lost.

They lost, and he needs me.

I turn to look at Kayla, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Aw, sweetie…" She sets an arm around me. "It's okay, they will be okay."

Will they?

Will he?

"This is going to kill him." I whisper, mostly to myself as I get up and walk with her.

"Come on, Mats is strong. He'll bounce right back."

I can't help the sigh that escapes my lips, and Kayla stops dead in her tracks.

Of course I know Mats will be affected by this, but I also know that he will take a well-deserved break, and then get right back to work. Furthermore, he is healthy. Lukasz, on the other hand, will have to endure surgery and then recovery — miss at least half of the season! He doesn't even think they'll make it to a Champions League final again.

Bringing her face closer, she whispers in my ear, "Lukasz will be okay too." With a shake of my shoulder she pulls me along, and we continue to walk.

The locker room is eerily silent despite the chaos going on. Everyone is kind of doing their own mourning; the defeat in the air is almost suffocating.

There are a few interviews going on already. Mats is standing tall, in front of a reporter. The sadness is obvious in his voice and in his eyes, but he seems in control as he gives some answers to the media.

I stare at him in awe of his composure and collectedness — he truly is a strong man. He has grown so much, as a person, as a friend, as a man.

As he is thanked for the interview, and before another reporter approaches him, his eyes find mine. I take a step closer to him but stop as he shakes his head at me, and with a faint grin and a nod, he confirms that he is okay. His face falls then, and he gestures with his head toward the back of the room.

My eyes follow his lead, and my heart breaks when they land on the man that is crumbled to pieces on a bench. His elbows poke his knees as his hands hide his face. Time stops, there is no one else in this room, and my feet are moving underneath me without my realization.

I stand in front of him, uncertain on what to say. Should I even speak at all? His back is spasming with his choked breaths.

He takes one deep breath and suddenly stills. He shakes his head minutely, his hands still covering his face. "Cecilia," he whispers, and it's not a question. He knows I'm here.

My eyes water instantly. I want to wrap him in my arms and hold him forever.

Uncertain on how to proceed, I take one step closer. From his sitting position on the bench, the top of his head is inches from my mid-section. My hand reaches for his hair, and I run my fingers in the wet mess of it. He drops his hands but I still can't see his face as he stares at his feet. His hands hold on to his knees as he chokes in another breath.

I take one more step. My legs are almost between his knees. The top of his head now touches my stomach.

He doesn't move, doesn't even breathe for a few seconds, until his arms slightly tremble.

In the next instant, his arms are hugging me, and he buries his face in my shirt. I swallow the lump in my throat as he tries to breathe through sobs that shake his body, and I repeat to myself, 'He is not crying, he is not crying.'

I've never seen a more vulnerable version of Lukasz. I can't even begin to think how exhausted he must be to not be able to control his emotions at all.

We stay like this for a while, my fingers in his hair, his arms tightly around me. Slowly but surely he starts breathing better, deeper, calming down. He loosens his grip around me, and his face leaves my stomach. Staring back at his feet, he exhales roughly once, twice.

At his third deep breath, I can't stand not looking at his face any longer. I drop to a crouch between his legs, my hands cupping his face. His skin is reddened and his cheeks are streaked by tears and/or sweat.

He closes his eyes to avoid my gaze, and his face crumples. "I can't… please."

"Shhhh... Lukasz, it's okay." My fingers pull under his chin. "Look at me, please."

He takes a deep breath, puffing out his cheeks, and his eyes finally open.

"I'm so proud of you," I tell him at once.

"We lost." He holds my gaze for a bit, but then stares over my shoulder, avoiding my eyes.

"No. You did not. Did anyone think you'd even make it out of the group?" I try, but he just shakes his head.

"You made it all the way to the final on the first time you even advanced in this competition," I add.

He sighs, looking down.

"You fought the hardest," I continue. "You didn't let anything stop you. You are here, and to me, you are a winner."

His eyes meet mine again, and they scream a million things he can't say right now.

"We're going to get you better, and you're going to come back strong."

The faintest of lights appear in his eyes. "We?"

"Yes. We. We are."

I could swear there's a smile about to form on his lips when we are interrupted by a throat clearing behind me.

I get up and turn around to find Kuba standing across from us. Lukasz' hand finds the back of my leg, keeping physical contact with me.

"I'm sorry," Kuba says to me before he turns to Lukasz. "They want you." He waves his hand in the direction of the Polish reporters that are waiting for them.

Lukasz looks up at me before facing Kuba. "I don't think I can talk to them right now."

"We all have to," Kuba says. As Lukasz tries to sit up straight, his face contorts in a wince, and Kuba moves closer. "Have you been in to see Braun yet?" Kuba asks the question as if he's read my thoughts.

"No, he is still with Marco."

As if on cue, the door behind us opens, and Marco walks out of the infirmary. His face is completely devoid of emotion. His eyes hollow and he doesn't even look at us as he passes by. I'm distracted for a second, my stomach sinking at the look on Marco's face, until I feel Lukasz' hand move from behind my leg to my elbow, and he grunts as he tries to get up.

Kuba is luckily there to help, and holds him up until he is standing. Kuba's arm surrounds Lukasz' waist to help him walk, but before he can take a step, Lukasz shakes his head. "I've got it," he says through his teeth.

Lukasz' fingers close around my elbow tightly as Kuba lets him go and steps back, but after a deep breath, he loosens his grip. "I've got it," he whispers again, nodding at Kuba.

"After Braun, then?" Kuba asks.

"Yes…" Lukasz groans.

He limps slowly into the room, and I stay closely by his side. He never lets go of my elbow.

Braun is writing on a chart as we step in. He smiles at me as Lukasz makes it to the examining table, and with a rough exhale, he rests on the side of it. .

Braun steps closer and his eyes make it to Lukasz, then me, then back at Lukasz whose fingers tighten around my elbow again.

"She stays." His tone is final, and Braun doesn't argue as he closes the door.

Lukasz lets go of my elbow, and I step aside and wait behind the head of the bed. If he wants me in here, there is nowhere else I want to be.

Lukasz peels his soaked shirt off his body and then drops his shorts, which leaves him in just his underwear as he lies back onto the table.

He starts taking deeper breaths with his eyes closed, and his hand reaches behind his head, until it finds mine. With a gentle tug, he sets my fingers in his hair, and then drops his hands back at his sides.

I don't look at Braun, or at that needle he is preparing. I focus on Lukasz, on his face and on the patterns I am running in his hair, hoping to help him somehow.

"Does it feel locked?" Braun lowers Lukasz' underwear a bit, exposing more of his hips, and then rubs the area with cotton soaked in some solution.

Lukasz only nods, and his hands clench into fists at his sides.

Braun grabs his leg, one hand on the flat of his right foot, the other under the knee. He starts bending Lukasz's knee, bringing it slowly up to his chest. He doesn't get too far before Lukasz groans, and then Braun moves the leg down and starts back up.

A few trials later, Lukasz knee makes it to his chest, and he is able to breathe his way through it. Braun then rolls the cart with the needle and a chair to sit right in front of Lukasz's right side. His gloved hands feel over the bone and position the leg for the shot.

I can't watch. Feeling like I'm not doing enough, I reach with my other hand to Lukasz's shoulder, and start running my finger over there too.

"I need you to relax," Braun says, to me I think, but he obviously means Lukasz who takes a deep breath. He slowly loosens his fists, and his hands tremble a bit over the table.

Braun eyes me briefly, as I also take a calming breath, and he smiles. "If the muscles are tense," he explains, "I won't be able to reach the right place, and the shot won't work."

With his fingers over Lukasz' hip, Braun cleans the area with antiseptic to prepare for the injection. I look at Lukasz's face as the needle meets the skin. He barely winces.

I don't realize I was holding my breath until Braun is done and Lukasz breathes out under me.

"I'm giving you something stronger today," Braun says, taking his gloves off and walking away from the table. "It should get you through tonight." He arranges two pills and a cup.

Lukasz has already sat up when Braun is back. He swallows the pills and downs the drink without a breath. "When can I have the surgery?"

"Lukasz…" Braun sets new team clothes on the table next to Lukasz.

"As soon as we get back, Braun."

"There is no need to rush. We need to wait for the-" Braun doesn't get to finish.

Lukasz's tone is final as he interrupts him "No. No more waiting."

I stand quietly off to the side, still behind the table, feeling as if I'm almost intruding.

"Listen…" Braun steps closer. "We need to wait for the inflammation to go down. Rehab will be tough, Lukasz. I think you could use a little break before that." Braun eyes me subtly.

Lukasz's face turns to me, and with a sigh, he adds, "So, in a week then?"

"We'll see after Monday's checkup," Braun says. "I'll let you get dressed and see if anyone else needs me out there." He excuses himself before leaving us alone in the infirmary.

Lukasz still sits on the table, his legs hanging, his hands grabbing on to the edge of the table, flanking his thighs. His body is slouched and he takes a deep breath before his head turns in my direction.

He straightens his back a little, and I notice how he quickly composes his face before reaching an arm out to me. "Come here…"

I make my way around the table and as soon as I am within reach, his fingers run down my arm, from my shoulder to my wrist, and then grab a hold of my hand, and sets it over his thigh, with his on top.

"Thank you," he whispers, pulling me closer until his forehead drops on mine, "for being here."

It takes me a while to be able to form thoughts. To be honest, I am a bit shaken up. Is it silly to feel like this has been an intense day for me too? Considering what he has gone through, probably, but I still feel overwhelmed.

I wanted nothing more than for him to have this, and somehow, even though we missed out on it, he is still here, still fighting, ready to do it all over again. I am completely overcome by my feelings for him.

I've never felt more his than right now.

My fingers twitch over his thigh and he moves his hand up to cup my face.

I love him. I love him so much.

When his lips touch mine, I sniffle away the tears and surrender to him.

He breaks the kiss with an exhale, and his body slouches back down. My instincts kick in and all I want is to get him some rest.

"Is it a bit better?" I ask, both hands reaching for his face.

He nods softly, his hair falling onto his forehead as he faintly smiles. I know he has to still be uncomfortable, but he is trying, so I won't insist.

He takes a deep breath, shuffling on the table. I step back, so he can get down and then I hand him his clothes.

He finishes dressing quickly, and leans back against the table. A few noises outside the room remind me of the reality that Lukasz has to face soon.

I look over at him, to find him staring at me. I walk to his side and slip my fingers between his. He grips my hand tightly as he straightens up and we make our way across the room.

With my free hand on the doorknob, I turn to him one last time.

"Can you do this?"

"I have to."

I look at him and he looks better than before, stronger. Even now, he still won't let anyone down.

How much prouder of him can I get?

I tiptoe at his side and place my hand on his cheek and a kiss on the other. He sighs deeply, his body relaxing further at the contact. Then my lips are at his ear, whispering, "Almost done. Just a little bit longer."

He gives me a weak smile, and places a kiss on the side on my head, before stepping back. Our hands are still joined, our fingers entangled. With a sigh, I release him.

There are only a few interviews and a bus ride between him and the hotel. I am sure we'll get a few hours before the dinner and ceremony, and I'm quite looking forward to him just resting for a moment.

I know we won't get to be together until we're back in the hotel, so I stand aside as he does his thing and soon enough he's boarding the team's bus and I the family van behind them.

'Almost done. Just a little bit longer,' I tell myself as well. Braun has already helped him out physically — soon enough he'll be all mine to heal.

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