Thanks for all the favorites, follows and sweet encouragements. Cautionary A/N: Some parts push at the teen rating but honestly I personally think it's still PG-13 (Still felt the overwhelming need to wash my hands of purple prose and burn my thesaurus), but if you're look for a teen rating aiming closer to a PG this chapter does not meet that.

Chapter 10: Returning Memories

"No Demetri, I have my heart set on dying today. You can't convince me otherwise." It was just a sarcastic comment. She was being facetious, which meant she really didn't want to end her human life that day.

It wasn't her fault that she didn't remember the signs. Of course she should have known but how could she? It was only a few seconds after she was caught did she realize what the feeling of the sky falling on her shoulders meant. That of course was too late though, so now she was here and she was… her name was…

"Who am I?" she wondered aloud. "Why am I here anyway? What am I doing here? What happened? Where-ugh." Her ears throbbed and rang harder as she continued to wonder, even in her own head. It felt like every single person that ever existed was screaming at her. Each one screeching her words back at her. Or was it her own voice, distorted so much that she couldn't recognize it?

Covering her ears was absolutely useless. The noise was not muffled even a fraction. It only seemed to reverberate more in this strange place. Her strong immortal body, that could take a punch without moving, now quivered like the last leaf in fall. The noise, like the wind, assaulted her in an attempt to rip her away from her last branch of consciousness.

Her legs were the first to yield causing her to fall to her knees. And now even kneeling down, she felt no reprieve from the painful noise. The noise continued to push her down until she lay on her side.

It was maddening her body shaking, her mind mixed and muddled, and worse, the feeling that with every word her very soul was being ripped from her. Maybe she was delirious, but she could feel it materialize into a fabric. One of those that you could almost see through but was so delicate you could only look in fear that you would rip it. She felt the jagged edges of what remained so far from the brutal noise brush against her skin. It was so so small; it only covered a portion of her body.

It was so sad to feel it in this state. A piece fabric once so large it fit her perfectly now ripped away from her in this pandemonium. She just wanted to curl up now and try to protect what was left. She couldn't do that though. To just give up, let the noise make her smaller. She could fight on. Continue taking beatings? Or give in? Just curl up smaller and smaller, maybe then the noise wouldn't touch her. She could wonder on but… It wasn't worth it.

She let go.

She wrapped her arms around herself pulling her fabric closer to her. She felt herself shrink as her thoughts in her head dwindle. And then, suddenly, it stopped.

The noise didn't wither away. It didn't swell triumphantly before it stopped. It was instantly plucked from existence without a trace.

Tentatively she opened her eyes to see what had happened. This place was different from before. It was dark but at the same time it was extremely bright. The space was endless but it was also very small.

She sat up to explore her surroundings. Her body jerked as she felt her hand slip through the ground. Her heart still just beginning to race, she found herself lying on the ground. It had not moved an inch from where she was originally.

She looked at this "ground". There was nothing that she saw that told her this was the ground. It rough but smooth texture flickered in and out of existence. She couldn't tell if she was falling still or she was lying on something solid.

This place was everything and nothing. It was like… the void.

The Void! The amorphic space fixed its form in response to her realization. She remembered how she liked to think of this place to be filled with light. It went on forever with a smooth ground underneath her. Cold water splashed her face as it rushed into the room. She jerked up suddenly afraid to be in the water. It was weird since she had no issue before with water.

No, she did have a problem with water.

"I can't swim? No. I fell into a lake? No. I-

Drowned," the woman said. She said looking up from the pile of foreign items that she had spilled out onto the table.

"Well, actually, you didn't drown. I bit you before you died. And even then your head had a nice crack in it, but tis only a flesh wound. Haha" She laughed like it was the funniest thing ever, even looking at her expecting her to laugh also.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting that no one is young enough to understand that." The woman shrugged her shoulders and started grabbing at the dried herbs that hung from the beams. Looking around it was extremely small and cramped stuffy cottage. The bed from which she lay on was covered with a jumble of fabrics that she had not seen before. It was tucked in between the fireplace and the corner of the cottage. A table and chest underneath was placed in the middle of the room with chairs of varying styles squeezed against it. There were other items in the room but it was hard to discern in the low light with her tired eyes.

She tried to breathe but it only aggravated her throat causing her to cough uncontrollably. The woman came over with a bowl filled with a liquid. It had a smell that only made the burning agitation become worse. She wanted it. She snatched it from the woman's hands, hastily drinking its contents.

"What's your name?" the woman inquired. She was caught off guard by the question. It was hard to remember what she was called.

"Calandra"

"Père," Calandra whined, "no go." She tried to hold back the lump that was forming in her throat. "No go."

Her father lifted her into his arms trying to calm her. "Calandra, I have to go. Do you want to eat?"

"Père stay. Scared."

"Don't be scared. Père will be back." Calandra gripped his cloak trying to stay with him but he placed her on the ground. She was unable to get herself up to stand to follow him. He picked up his tools and gave his goodbyes to her mother and her brother.

Calandra wailed loudly as he strode through the barren fields. With every step he took she crawled and drag herself over the dirt and the dry weeds that surrounded her home. Scared, scared, scared, she didn't want to be alone with her. She was alone in there, lying in the dirt.

Waiting there for Felicity to come over, Calandra was alone. The fields were filled with the colors of wildflower buds. The snow that had fallen a few weeks ago had not stayed on the ground. Felicity had said it was good-bad luck, one of her silly words she made up constantly. She had pouted over her work complaining that they could no longer leave the cottage without wearing extra clothing. Calandra didn't mind though, because there was still a chill in the air.

So they were out here in the field near the well. Calandra lay under a tree staying in the shade as her mentor told her to.

She had learned after she had recovered from her head injury of what she had become. Well, officially. Before that Calandra could tell that she had changed. She could hear much more than she had before. The sound of a squirrel taking off from branch and landing on the forest floor was completely clear like she was there. She could sense so many things she couldn't before.

And there was her skin. Before they had left, Felicity dressed Calandra in clothes that covered most of her skin. The white shirt had long sleeves that went all the way to her wrist. At the top there were these "ivory buttons" that kept the cloth together at her neck. The blue skirt attached to a small gray apron-like top came to her calves. The skin that was exposed still, was covered with these "gloves and stockings". Felicity fixed a "headband" into her hair pulling part of her hair back and used it to keep a long piece of cloth wrapped around her head secure.

Lying there she moved back her head wrap to take a closer look at her arm. The little sliver of skin that peeked out between the glove and her sleeve looked dull and ordinary. But when she tilted her arm so that the ray of sunshine pierced the exposed skin, her eyes hurt in the dazzle that radiated from it.

"Calandra are you ready to start?" Felicity asked coming up to Calandra with now filled jugs of water. Calandra quickly covered her skin hoping that she wouldn't get in trouble for breaking the rules. But instead, Felicity removed her own head wrap allowing her skin to shine blazingly in the sun.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Everyday she was told not let her skin be exposed to the sun. Even those dark and dreary days when it was supposedly safe to go outside, Felicity wrapped her with articles of clothing.

"Depends. Humans? Pointy sticks and stones with some fire are not going to kill me. Dacians? Not exactly. They would walk around naked just to flaunt it. Their successors though, would not be pleased with the commotion. They will kill you, especially you." Calandra felt her heart constrict in fear at those last words. 'You, especially you' emphasized by her mentor's usually lackadaisical and cheery demeanor changing to a cold stare with a tight flat mouth. Wrinkles formed that read a draconian attitude.

"I agree but I greatly disagree with how they handle it." Calandra felt her gut twist and felt like the spring sun was beating greater than before down on her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean I wanted to kill you." Felicity dropped to Calandra's level and pulled her into a tight hug. "I want you to live. This is why you need to practice." Felicity pulled back examining Calandra's face like an artist looking at a fresh blank canvas. Brushing away the black strands and parts of the head wrap away from her face, to search for that vision deep within the brilliant shine of her new protégé.

"Stop this." She had taken the gloves off her hands letting the sun react with her skin.

Dullness spread faster than the attempt before, only taking less than a second to consume her body. Tentatively, she reached out. She tried to keep her mind clear of other thoughts but then she questioned if focusing was the reason she could not get it to spread. Touching, thinking, looking, or doing nothing other than breathing and blinking, It didn't seem to make a difference. The result was always the same.

Calandra placed her hand on Felicity's shoulder. There was no change. She withdrew her hand to shield her eyes from the shine of her mentor's skin.

"We should get back," Calandra sighed picking up her shawl.

"You're expecting to much out of yourself," felicity explained. "I've had ages to hone my skills and I can't manipulate it. You're able to change back completely and even limiting the changes to your skin. It's not a failure if you can't change me back."

"It's been three years since I've been turned! I just learned all those things" Calandra cried. She fell to her hands and knees, ripping at the weeds. " It doesn't matter if I can do everything else. Every time I played hide and seek I'm always found even if I don't want and… sometimes I want to. What can I do then?"

As was every single time Calandra questioned Felicity about more serious matters, a quick frown with eyes filled with deep ruminations was followed by an overly zealous reaction to stop anymore talk of the topic.

"Calandra! You're such a deferential child. I should really stop telling such cautionary tales. You fret so much, it's so adorable- I mean endearing." Felicity said while hastily picking Calandra up on to her feet and handing her shawl. The off topic tittering continued as Felicity went to pick up her own shawl a few feet away. As she bent down to snatch it up and tie it around her head, the summer wind caught the cloth like the sail of the boats in the pictures of the books Calandra perused before bedtime. In her distracted state, Felicity was unable to catch the tip of her shawl as it slipped out of her fingers.

"Ah!" Felicity took up her skirt and ran after it. Grass and wildflowers were flattened as Felicity bounded across the field. Even with her gift of speed from being turned, she was to slow from disuse to catch and disappeared over the horizon. Calandra chased after her mentor fearful of being left alone and the fact that, even though only Felicity's head was uncovered, she was very noticeable.

Still very much a child, Calandra was able to catch up with her. Calandra opened her mouth to tell Felicity that she was breaking one of the very rules she drilled her on every moment that she could, but instead she sharply inhaled in as she heard something.

The simple humming and whistling of haphazard tune alerted to Calandra to the presence of someone up ahead. In only two more strides Calandra was able to easily make out the back of a herdsman tending his flock. Felicity's shawl was descending but she was still distracted. Even if she was able to catch it before she ran in the herdsman's sight, Calandra feared that the animals' grunts and calls would draw him to turn and look at the disturbance.

Calandra sprinted and latched onto Felicity's arm trying to stop her. She closed her eyes tightly too frightened to see the consequences created. A shiver ran through her now human body as she heard the low call of the cows disturbed by the manifestation of more people along with the quickening heartbeat of the herdsman. Calandra peeked up at Felicity.

Her face was filled with almost a breathless surprise. The skin that screamed for every living creature to look at it was muffled and resigned. Her breath was creaky and forced as if it was expelling air from a jar that ad been buried for years. Eyes that were red as blood were now brown as earth. And Calandra realized her mistake as her heightened senses still remained; the rapid heartbeat of the herdsman looking upon a monster of nature was not him, but matched the pulse that beat under Calandra's hands.

"My God…" Felicity whispered with her thousand-yard stare. She carefully went to pick up her shawl, which now lay on the ground. The herdsman glanced back casually at Calandra and Felicity completely unaware of the prior events. He only dipped his head in acknowledgement of their presence and went back to watching his flock.

The pair turned and walked stiffly back home still in awe of the change. Calandra could not explain the feeling that filled her. It wasn't like when her stomach hurt when she only had bread to eat. Or the feeling when she saw her father leave through the barren field. The flowers that were absent and the flowers that had yet to bloom were no longer there. In this field in which they walked, the flowers were blooming.

She was blooming.

He had helped her bloom. Calandra marveled at the beautiful curve of her palm as it met her delicate wrist. Her skin was glowing and as she traced her finger from her forearm to her shoulder she reveled in the plush feel of her pearl colored skin.

The world was wonderful. Her whole body shivered at recalling him pushing into her. How he held her like he was trying to feel every part of her. That every part of her ached with yearning for his mouth brush her collar bone and making the winding euphoric journey to places she never fantasized would be graced with the presence of anything.

Calandra sighed deeply taking in the new world around her. The sun was so bright. The beautiful symphony of life played sweeter than before. The air crisp and filled with pulsing energy.

It smelled like piss.

The walls smelled like piss. The ceiling? Like piss. The Floor? Covered in actual piss. The bed? Piss and other terrible shit that made its way through this old rundown room. Calandra stared intently at the hole in the ceiling above her. She knew that when winter came it would be an opening for water and rats to come in. How annoying. She would go down the hall to Aunt's room and scream at her to get someone to fix it. But the only response she would get would be a distracted "ya don't need it to do your job, Gemma doesn't complain and she has a curtain for walls." And maybe If Calandra was lucky Aunt would stop fucking her new moneybag sponsor of the night to address her.

The feeling of a warm liquid covering her legs snapped her out of her thoughts.

"What the hell are you doing! I don't get paid to get pissed in or on." She pushed him off of her roughly.

"Yea well since when are there standards for street garbage. Plus your pot is full " gesturing to the holder of nasty mix of piss and shit in the corner. "Ya think you're too good to clean up around here" He sneered.

"No but yer obviously not too good either if you're here fucking some garbage."

He slammed her head back down on the mattress grinning when she scraped the wall in the process. Calandra's lips pursed into a fine line and her hands curled into fist shaking in anger. With each thrust she held back her anger.

"I have somebody else's fucking piss all over me. I hope he gets mauled by a dog. Bite his butt so he has to go 'round screaming ' A dog 's bit my butt!' then worms will live in his butt and then he'll shit worms like that ugly hole will with water and rats." She thought only. She needed the money desperately. No skills other than knowing how to shut up and take it. Even that she was bad at. She couldn't be waiting around at home for a husband or one of those young gossiping girls that apprenticed at the shops.

Calandra remembered when she was walking past the back of the Haberdasher's shop she saw a couple swiving in the shadows. Both moaning and groaning in pleasure loudly. Then a few days later as she was sitting with Gemma waiting for some work to bring back to the academy, the girl of the pair from that night was recounting the events to her eager friends. Her tale was filled with romance and sweet gentle love of the first time. They ate it like a hungry traveler.

This was not that love filled joining of two lovers. There was no beautiful moment. It was not a fix all of all your woes and sicknesses. She was in this wooden room. It was worn with time, nothing was comfy. She was angry because this was not the first time this happened. She was angry because she knew that she should be upset. Not upset that she had to make a living this way, but that she didn't do anything. She felt nothing. She wasn't allowed to say anything.

He tossed his payment on her without care and left. Calandra rolled off the mattress onto her stomach and got up to wipe off that damn piss. Her skin sagged around her bones and was just as gray as the wood floor. She could feel the blood pooling underneath forming throbbing bruises. As she wiped she noticed only how much worn out her body was. Her pockmarks seemed to only grow deeper and every imperfection dominated her complexion. She knew her face had to be just as bad.

Calandra slipped on her only "clean" frock and tucked her money in the fold of her shawl.

"Ugh Disgusting." Calandra muttered as part of the putrid brew splashed onto her fingertip when she picked the pot up.

Calandra shuffled carefully over the uneven creaky floorboards trying not to add any more filth to this hovel. Ducking out from the curtain that acted as the door to her bare tiny room she made her way toward the back stairs. It was busier than usual for a Monday morning. Including her wonderful customer there had been five customers already in with the other girls. As she passed the stairs that led to the first floor, she noticed a large amount of the greener girls leaning over the railing, whispering and eavesdropping over something going on in the foyer. Calandra approached Gemma who was leaning against the post almost hiding.

"Gem, what they gawking at?" Calandra asked poking the girl's bony side with her elbow.

"Oh!" She almost yelled surprised seeing Calandra looking closely over her shoulder. She could barely see Brother talking to some blond girl, younger than Gemma, with those fancy coats of the aristocracy.

"I'm sorry, really sorry, I don't know much only that they came a bit ago, sorry." Some of the girls shifted enough that Calandra could see to large men that stood back waiting for the girl to finish her business here. She looked up slightly away from Brother revealing a haughty face.

"Looks like a lot of money got spent." Calandra whispered.

"I heard something 'bout trying to find somebody. Talaith say some people come in looking for their blood to stop'em from sinning too much." Aislin chimed in, pulling her face from the space between the railing posts.

"Is that true Calandra? Sorry, you-you've been here much longer than any of us here." Gemma said tentatively.

"It happens…" Calandra stood up on her blistered toes trying to get a better view of the situation. The girl looked up again at the ceiling in frustration. As she went back to address Brother with another biting remark, she met eyes with Calandra. Calandra raised her eyebrow in response and then pulled her shawl tighter around her. She had already paid for being too mouthy today and she could feel a nice lump forming. It was time to get on with her business not others.

Walking down the tight corridor around the other girls, Calandra tapped the underside of the pot lip thinking of why that group would be there. This place didn't attract those types of rich customers. Nobody here did any fancy work. It was as direct as it could be in this field of work. It was hello sir, it'll be whatever the cost, and then it was bend over or get down and spread your legs, and then it was done dump your money off to Aunt. At least here she was able to feel like she was earning something by being given it first. But in general, Calandra came to believe that this house of dilapidation would shudder and expel anything rich that crossed its threshold.

"Hey can you dump while your doing yours?" Talaith called from her doorway.

"Do I look like one of those maids?" Calandra snapped in response. She stopped in front of her crossing her arms and leaned slightly back to size her up.

"No, but you look like beat an ugly black animal to death and placed it on yer head calling it a wig."

"Your tongue is so sweet Tal." Calandra groaned.

"You're a whore. What you want to happen? Did twenty years of this not throttle those romantic thoughts out of you? You started even younger than I did." She brushed back her red strands and the curtain out of her face. "Look at those green girls all excited to get there noses into somebody's business. We," she placed her hand on Calandra's bony shoulder," we fill what the world choses to ignore. It's been to long to go back."

"Yea, well I like a better bed and ceiling without a hole if I've been here so long." Calandra said bitterly.

"I've been here longer." Talaith pushed the curtain to show off her larger and actually furnished room.

"You're a nasty whore." The red head laughed disappearing back into her room. Calandra walked quickly to avoid having to dump any more pots out other than her own. Coming to the gray door at the end of the hall, Calandra backed against the door hooking her elbow awkwardly around the doorknob trying not to drop anything. Before she slipped out, Calandra paused looking up the stairs that led to Aunt's room.

She would give the money later.

Everything was just as dull and tired as the inside. The sun was still just rising it seemed with the cloud and polluted haze that filled the sky. She wished that she had that nice expensive coat of the blond girl when the cold air easily passed through clothes and bones. Calandra cautiously tip toed down the stairs being careful not to skewer her foot with a large splinter. At the bottom, she turned around the railing toward the corner of this small yard at the backside of the stairs.

This was the only good part of the brothel. Somehow this place of destitution was able to gain a good amount of grass and dirt in this crowded city. It wasn't large only three of her height both ways. And even the curtains gave more privacy than this waist high fence. The other buildings loomed in their positions across the narrow cobblestone street. Calandra dumped the nasty ferment stew of shit and piss over the fence into the street.

The whorehouse was lucky again with this yard in that one of the community water pumps that the city built was placed here. This luck enabled Calandra and the other whores to start a very small garden in the middle to at least make up for their thin wages. It ended up being her pet though. All the crap the others gave her joking about her expectations and they thought this was too dirty.

She gladly pushed her fingers against the hard ground and inspected the anemic plants. The sun barely shined on the plants in the summer they were doing more poorly in the fall. Pulling at one of the sickly pale carrot tops, a carrot thinner than her pinky emerged. The only she could do was give them water and toss that dud over her shoulder.

Calandra dropped her pot at the base of the pump and stepped up on to the bottom in order to use her weight to help move the handle.

" And sing blow away the-ugh- morning dew the dew, and-ha- the dew…" Calandra half sang and hummed quietly as she got the pump to start. When water finally started to sputter onto the street, Calandra flopped over the fence putting her hands in the erratic stream. She scratched the dirt off her hands and cleaned out the scabs remnants that accumulated under the jagged nail tips. Remembering Talaith's comment about her hair Calandra pumped again and let the cold water douse her hair and face.

"Blow away the mmmorning dew.. mmh mm" Calandra scrunched and wrung her matted hair trying to get rid of the excess water. Pumping again she paused looking down the streets and at the hazy stained windows. She realized that it was oddly quiet for a morning, especially a busy one. There wasn't any murmur of activity from other places in the city. No church bells, Urchin cries, or the sound of something being done in this world.

Checking around for anybody who might see her one more time, Calandra darted her hands into the stream and dropped down behind the fence. She lifted the front of her frock over her knees. Patting her skin with the water, she cleaned out the mess he had left her with. While she scrubbed herself, the little money that had done so well to stay in the fold of her shawl fell on the ground.

When she picked it up to put back, Calandra instead stood up to wash the money off. "I'm already washing everything else." She thought. She pushed the handle once and more and leaned over to start washing. That was when she noticed the tip of some dark shoes in her peripheral.

Standing on the other side of the fence right next to her was a man. He stood there gawking at her in disbelief at what she had been doing.

"Oh God, not another loony!"

She felt sick looking into his disturbingly red colored eyes.

August.

The way the word formed in her mouth. She felt sick. Something was happening. She felt her whole face drain out as the great roar of the city swelled and then stopped.

"… Blow Away.."

It was August.