Mom is so nice, showing me the clothes and all that stuff. Deep down I want to be excited. I used to love dressing up and for my birthdays and Christmas and Easter all I wanted was clothes. And now, now the best clothes I have ever seen belong to me. But I can't enjoy it. All I can think if is Sandy, that dark haired minx.

"Dude, stop thinking about me."

I look up and there Sandy is. Sea wearing some clothes that I had noticed the first time I looked in the room. She stands on a little platform with mirrors and lights and adjusts the jacket on her shoulders. How could I not think about her.

"You're messing this up for yourself," she says on a sing-songy voice. She turns around and shrugs off the jacket, throwing it to me when it's completely off, "I should be a vampire."

"You should," I agree. The jacket falls off of its place on me and for some reason my skin starts to burn. It's not a harsh burn but every second it grows on me and digs into me and I feel so uncomfortable.

She places her hands on her hips and tilts her head to give me that look...that look that means I'm doing what she just said not to. That look that means she didn't mean what she said that way. She looks back in the mirror for a second then looks back to me, "I loved the blood in my veins. I wouldn't last a second as a vampire."

"I'm not lasting a second," I say breathlessly because this pain is roaring up my throat and inside of my chest and I don't know what it is. I don't know.

She grabs my shoulders and looks into my eyes and I remember them being the same color as mine. We had the same kind of eyes and I loved taking pictures with her to see it. She grabs my shoulders and demands, "Stop. Stop it now."

And then she's gone.

I still feel the pressure of her hands on my shoulders and I cave. And before I know it everything is upside down and I cut my finger on some kind of jewelry. I bleed and then I stop and then...everything is black and all I can feel is the burning in my body that only my blood can soothe.

...

While Godric goes to prepare the TruBloods I sit with Bernard in the bath and clean off the blood that clings to his skin. I try not to think about my poor white bathing suit that has become...a certain kind of red. While I scrub him clean I try to figure oh where it all came from. I have the scary thought that maybe, while he was alone, he pricked his finger and observed his quick healing process and then...I don't know.

I thought we were done with this fit of...I don't even know what to call it. I squirt more soap onto my sponge and continue to scrub. They really need to make some kind of vampire blood-ridder soap thing. I can't be the only one with this kind if problem.

Godric comes into the bathroom with a sympathetic smile I don't want to see. Every time I see it I think of how he scolded me and bad to send someone out to protect us from the sun. I should have asked Godric to do something. Godric could have helped him better than I have.

"Has Bernard spoken yet?" Godric asks although I'm sure he knows the answer.

Instead of answering all I do is stop my motion with the sponge. I look over at him as I let my slip on the sponge release and it floats to the surface. I shut my eyes for a second and lean forward to rest my head on Bernard's back that is cold and stiff like a sheet of concrete. Half of my face submerges under the water and for that second I want to drown. At least then I wouldn't be such a failure.

A heavy sigh comes from Godric's lips and I pull myself up so I can see him. His face is slightly faltered in its attempt to be stoic. I can see right past him and I catch this thought...maybe it's my own or maybe it's his feeling and before he speaks I snap.

"You are not going to touch him."

Godric's eyes cloud with anger, "I had no intention of committing any crime myself. I thought you might find it in your best interest to put him out of his misery."

"Misery?" I question, "You mean his nothing!"

A sharp hiss comes from Bernard and he snaps his body in Godric's direction and his hands leap to the side of the tub as if to use it as a catapult but I wrap my arms around Bernard and seal him in his position against me. Godric stands and I cower while Bernard continues to growl absentmindedly and swipe at the air like a kitten. Godric places the TruBloods on the toilet seat as he spits out, "I will leave you two alone."

Tears fall from my eyes and I whisper against Bernard's back, "Shh, shh. It's okay. It's okay."

He sinks back into the water but keeps his eyes to the door to where Godric left. The last thing I wanted was for my child and my maker, my love, to fight like this. I stand from the bath and grab a towel to wrap around myself. Bernard stands then to follow me and I'm already ready with a towel for him. He steps out of the bath and I dry him off quickly, making sure to wrap a robe around him so he doesn't get any colder. I hand him his TruBlood and he begins to drink while I begin to drink mine. I look over him and sigh. What am I going to do.

I turn around and begin to walk out, knowing Bernard will follow. I take quiet steps although it's no use because my Little Bear is awkward and clumsy. I know that Godric is by the pond, on the bridge, but I don't know if I should talk to him. I can feel he is upset, very upset but I just can't stand it. I open the door to the pond and can sense Godric's stiffness. He wants to leave, I can sense the chill through his back, but he doesn't.

I lean against the door, "Gooodric...?"

I can see from the corner of his lips a small smile that he quickly suppresses, "Yes, Amie."

I feel a bubbling of joy inside my chest and I whisper softy, "I love you."

He turns his head in my direction and I can see his insane beauty right before me. My finger twitches with the need to run through his hair but I stop myself, this is not the behavior I want Bernard to see. I smile gently and nod my head once with no chance of letting my eyes glance even a second away from him. With all my attention on Bernard I had almost forgotten how beautiful he was. Well...not really forget.

"I'll be right back," I whisper and he nods his head with eternal patience.

I walk away and to Bernard's dressing room that Godric had been so kind to clean up. I point over to the platform with the mirrors and in his new vampire speed Bernard quickly sits at the base of it. I grab a brush as i set down my empty TruBlood and meet him there, sitting behind and slightly above him. My fingers run through his hair and I'm amazed by how much like silk it is. I pick up the brush and roam it through his hair to create a nice comb over. I smile a bit because his hair is so long it reaches the top of his back just a bit.

When I finish I stand and pick out a simple outfit for him. I find a shirt that is simple and white with jeans that are slim fitting and dark blue and nice purple boxers. My eyes flirt to a nice jacket that looks almost like a sailor jacket with so many buttons and its dark blue like the pants and it's so cool. I don't know how Bernard could not love this stuff. I walk back to Bernard and raise my hand slightly do he can follow. He does.

I push back the robe and what I imagine would be hard is pretty easy. His limbs are pretty fluid and he moves like a puppet that I am controlling, even if I haven't pulled on the strings yet. I grab the jacket and slip it on his arms and for a second I see a flicker of recognition and then it's gone. I straighten the jacket on his shoulders and smile brightly, "What am I going to do with you?"