A/N: Hi y'all, this is my first posted SVU fic! I hope you enjoy it. Also, I wrote this piece directly after watching 13x14 and thinking the writers leave so many things left unsaid. At the moment I'm working on a multi chapter for Alex/Olivia, you'll see me again soon.
Disclaimer: I don't own Olivia Benson nor Amanda Rollins, I barely own a bed to sleep in.
Olivia felt uneasy. They had just closed the case and between relieved sighs all she was meant to do was to go home to her boyfriend. When she got up to leave the precinct, though, Olivia heard the cribs' door closing and looking back she noticed Amanda hadn't even turned off her computer. It was evident for Olivia that her colleague was hiding, had been for the past week, she just didn't know why.
Olivia looked at her watch and shook down her head. As much as she had a lot that she liked keeping private and preferred others to quietly respect herself, Olivia had ended up caring for the younger detective. They had worked together on the past year solving and celebrating cases and looking out for each other when things didn't end up right.
She walked around the squad, leaning against the wall beside the door she knew would lead her to the beautiful blonde.
Beautiful.
Amanda had seemed married to the job since she first set foot in SVU after Elliot's departure. Maybe she got that impression because Amanda was new in the city, perhaps didn't know many people to hang out with, but Olivia was capable of seeing beyond that. So earlier in the month, she thought she had it all figured out when Amanda threw her a big hint of either being gay or liking women better, by saying she didn't know how Olivia still trusted men after dealing with tough cases and constant lying men did and caused on women in a daily basis. That could have meant nothing if Amanda didn't put up such an attitude. But the fact was that she also noticed Amanda was lonely, not private, and that somehow bothered her. Added to it was when she saw Amanda picking herself up in Cragen's office a couple of days ago.
She noticed Amanda didn't call anyone the rest of that day.
Leaving curiosity get the best of her for the night, Olivia made a decision. She took out her phone from her back pocket and texted David.
"Won't be home till later. Catch up tomorrow?
– Liv"
She released a last breath before lightly turning around the door handle.
The sight in front of her made Olivia feel sad despite how good she had been feeling lately. Amanda sat in one of the single beds, her eyes red and swollen from crying. She sobbed loudly repeatedly until noticing a second presence in the room. Before looking up, Amanda rubbed the back of her hands on her eyes, which were still full of tears when she met Olivia's.
"I'm sorry…" she sobbed hard and had to look back down, finding solace on her boots.
Slowly, not knowing the right thing to do, Olivia walked towards Amanda and took the hand the blonde kept trying to dry her face with on her own. Amanda tried to pull it back, not finding enough strength, if any at all.
"I was just about to go…"
She didn't look up.
"Where would you go like this?" Olivia sat down squeezing her hand close.
"I have a meeting to go." Amanda managed to drag out after a few breaths.
Olivia frowned a little, searching any signs of lies. She moved even closer to Amanda and passed an arm on her shoulders, holding her tight right there. She chose to not ask anything, at least until Amanda stopped crying. The blonde was the first to speak again.
"…for gamblers anonymous."
They exchanged looks then because Amanda felt the need to search for Olivia's reaction. She needed to know if the comfort she was receiving came with the price of judgment. It all finally made sense to Olivia though, the encounter she had witnessed earlier in the week between the Captain and her colleague, plus the mystery of what Amanda did in her free time. She also realized it was not her place to question her. The expression she had on was a worried one.
"I didn't mean to be intrusive." Olivia touched Amanda's face, too close for true comfort, and pushed a few strands of yellow hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry."
Amanda closed her eyes tight, feeling her already hot face burn with the other woman's fingers touching her. Olivia traced her jawline and caressed her cheeks, and that's all it took for Amanda to fall hard into her, crying even harder. She felt ashamed.
Laying her head on the crook of Olivia's neck, Amanda thought about her addiction as something she could not control.
"Hold on there." Olivia continued to hold her, adjusting their positions now, and whispered. "You're gonna be okay."
For some magical reason, those words made Amanda feel better. She knew she had friends, just didn't think someone as busy, important and special like Olivia Benson would care to deal with that much baggage. Even if she did at work, that was different. And just as that good thought came, she suddenly sensed Olivia didn't have to put up with her stuff. She was being foolish, and in another minute forced herself to stop crying.
"Olivia, I'm good." Trying to pull away again, Olivia held her still. "Please let me go."
Amanda then pulled away aggressively, regretting instantly as Olivia did let go. She was faced with a sad brunette staring back at her.
"You want me to drive you?" Olivia asked. Overwhelmed by emotion and the pain reflected on the other's eyes, her gaze fell to Amanda's lips to listen the next words.
"No."
Olivia blinked quickly, nodding. She tried to look anywhere else, knowing how inappropriate that was, but then she imagined those lips calling her name. Her eyes widened, and Amanda got up to leave. She was close to the door when she felt Olivia's hands on her waist bringing her back inside. The only thing Olivia could hear then was the thud of her own heart. Her cell phone buzzed, and she quickly got a hold of it throwing it on the bed before she pulled Amanda's body against her.
"Whatcha doing, Liv?" Amanda asked a little afraid of whatever was the answer. Olivia's grip became stronger as she turned Amanda around, not losing skin contact for a second. The blonde felt her back touch the bunk bed and the admirable detective's hands under her T-shirt. She closed her eyes.
Olivia knew it was easy to simply retreat and get out of there, but it was her nature to give comfort. If this was anyone else in the squad she'd just hug them, but she felt something entirely different for Amanda now that she saw her vulnerable side so open.
Taking a step closer, Olivia lifted her eyes and Amanda opened her own again, reaching for the other's hand.
"Olivia."
"Yes?"
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" The brunette clasped their hands together and used her free one to push Amanda's hip until it hit the wall. "I'm kissing you."
Amanda felt a cold going through her spine hearing those words and feeling Olivia's warm lips next, which touched hers lightly, curiously. It had been too long.
She kissed back, letting go of the older detective's hand to run hers to Olivia's neck, bringing their faces closer. She moved hard against her, giving herself away. Olivia embraced her waist then, glad her want wasn't one sided, and moaned in a careful tone when their bodies touched entirely. She knew about the cops out there in the squad, and the man she had let in her life she'd probably have to see the next day, but that wasn't important compared to the woman she worked alongside every day.
Amanda did the only close to reasonable thing that came on her mind and shoved her free hand on Olivia's back pocket, not able to hold back the sound her lips made when she touched that glorious, perfect ass. She felt a crazy desire between her legs, one she had so desperately tried to keep hidden around Olivia since they first met.
It felt like a dream.
Their tongues played for a while and Amanda had to bite on the other's lips for Olivia to take the moment in. She was kissing someone she worked with. Amanda was sad. This wasn't the right time, leave alone place.
She pulled back, giving one last wet kiss.
Amanda smiled. "I have to go."
"I know. I'm…"
"Sorry?" Amanda pulled her into another kiss, which left Olivia completely dizzy.
"No, not sorry…" she giggled. "I was gonna say I'm glad I came here to see you."
"Oh, alright."
"I can drive you."
"Does this –" she gestured between them, "means we're weird or somethin'?"
"Only if you didn't want that as much as I did."
Amanda smiled and hugged Olivia, reassuring her. "So I'll let you drive me, detective."