"Where were you last night?"
My shoulders fall and I shrug off my jacket tossing it onto the couch next to me. "Out."
"Out?" comes booming from behind me. "And you didn't think it necessary to let me know?" A hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around. Angry eyes leer down at me. Crossing the room to create distance, I throw behind me, "You seem to often forget this but you do not own me" keeping my cool.
"What is this about then? Is this just a power play? Are you testing me?" Footsteps trail behind me closing that distance I just created, that I so desperately need.
I whip around, "Testing you? What could I possibly be testing? Your loyalty to me?" I shove them back. "How much you love me?" Another shove. "What do you think this is? This isn't a relationship. I don't love you, you're just a warm body." I push them one last time and they fall back onto the couch. "Don't act like you're not just using me too."
"Since when have you been so blasé?" A cocky smile taunts me. Tries to cut through me.
"Since I met you."
"Black out!" The director calls from the orchestra seats. "That was excellent you two. James take a fifteen, Rachel talk to me for a second." He's rushing up the steps to the stage and gently leads me off to the wings to talk more privately. "What the hell is going on with you Rachel?" His tired grey eyes bore into me with more annoyance than concern.
"Excuse me?" I shift uneasily under his critical gaze.
"You've been distracted for days but I figured you would get over it. We open in two days and you're not here."
"I'm sorry, really. Is there something particular I did? Did I miss a line?"
He sighs and steps away for a moment, taking a coffee out of the hand of a member of the stage crew who looks like she considers arguing for a moment before thinking better of it and storming off. Taking a long drink from the cup he eyes me. "You just don't feel it. You've got all the right lines, you know the blocking but I don't believe you." Placing the coffee off to the side he walks over to me again, not as close this time, more casually, like we're pals. I would much rather keep a further distance. Why isn't there anyone for him to steal another coffee from? "Haven't you ever been angry at someone for making you feel stupid and pathetic for loving them? Like you're a little puppy just nipping at their ankles waiting for them to notice you and pat you on the head. And whenever they do give you some attention you know it's just to appease you and it fucking rips you apart. That's what Joanna feels like with Alan. That's why in that scene with Frankie she just loses it and keeps hitting him and shoving him back, attacking him for how stupid she feels over Alan. Do you understand that?"
My eyes are plastered at the floor watching feet move back and forth. There's no way I can look at him, it's too easy for him to read my eyes when I'm like this. Yeah, I think I know how Joanna feels. "I'll get it right. I promise."
"So are you nervous? Excited? Nervous-excited?" Noah is beaming at me across the table. I laugh deeply and poke at my salad some more.
"Um, nervous-excited I guess. No, just nervous." I laugh more to shake off some of my own anxiousness. "I…The director told me today I'm not believable enough. I can be. I know how to do it but I'm afraid of pouring too much of my own personal feelings into it."
"Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Look, you need to get stuff off your chest somehow. Why not in the comfort of a role as another person, in front of hundreds of people?"
"That sounds like a solid plan. Flawless Noah."
"Just throw your entire self into it. You used to be so good at that. Look, you're gonna be fantastic Jew-momma." I laughed loudly and some of the other patrons on the patio shoot me death glares. Puck just glares back at them playfully and grins at me again.
"I know this isn't my first opening show or anything, but it never gets easier."
"But you love it!"
"Yes I love it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make me feel like my heart is going to explode its beating so quickly when the curtain rises."
"You better not have a heart attack on that stage; I just bought a new suit I'm going to go pick up after I walk you back to the theatre."
"Oh you're right, I wouldn't want to taint that fancy new suit with my death!" I joke along with him.
"More than that, you would not want Quinn to have to encounter such a distressing event while looking as stunning as she no doubt will." He crosses his arms over his chest smugly and I fall mute.
"What?"
"Oh you know she's gonna come, she would never miss one of your shows. I told her I needed a date so she would show up on my arm instead of that asshole David." Without a word I reach across the table and grab his hand squeezing it gently. "Don't worry about anything other than leaving it all on that stage and break a leg" He put his hand over mine and squeezed tightly.
There's a very particular ritual I have before a show. The morning of I run two miles and drink a protein shake as soon as I get home. After I shower and get dressed, I listen to Barbara for the rest of the afternoon. Not loudly, just have it on softly in the background so I can soak it in subconsciously like a baby in the womb. I refuse to interact with anyone via Facebook, Twitter, text, phone or in person either. I leave five hours before curtain so I have ample time to get to the theatre and get make up done and run through lines in my head a handful of times.
It has never failed me and I stick strictly to this system. But of course something always has to interfere when you least want it to. I'm walking up to my building after my run and I see a blonde in a baggy sweatshirt sitting on the stoop. I know it's Quinn before my eyes can confirm it, because of course it is. She looks up and smiles at me as she hears my footsteps approaching.
"Quinn what are yo –"
"I know, I know, ritual and I don't mean to interrupt your superstitious routine, which is why I brought you this protein shake but I wanted to see you this morning." I take the offered drink skeptically and eye her questioningly. She isn't normally awake this early, let alone this cheerful. Why can't she stop smiling?
"Why'd you HAVE to see me this morning?"
"Well I know you wouldn't answer my call and I would rather tell you in person, and I know I wouldn't see you until tonight after the show and I couldn't wait that long."
"Quinn, wha –"
"David proposed!" And all at once she's thrusting her left hand at me and my eyes are blown wide and I think my heart stops for a moment. If I had been able to eat lately I probably would have thrown up right there in the street. I know I should be embracing her, congratulating her. But I can't. Physically, I can't. I can't seem to move at all. I'm just staring down at her hand, apparently for too long because her hand is receding slowly. Somehow I manage to look up into her eyes and I think she's speaking, trying to get something out of me, like a normal human response but that's not happening. Not today.
My body moves of its own accord around her and up the steps to my building. I stop to wait for the elevator and lean up against the wall. The protein shake is still gripped tightly in my hand and without knowledge of my own I see it smashed and dripping down the wall opposite me in an instant. Congratu-fucking-lations, Quinn.
The lights are burning into my skin as I walk in from just off stage. I cross the set and James' voice stops me.
"Where were you last night?"
My shoulders tense and I tear off my jacket throwing it onto the couch next to me.
"Out," Drips from my mouth contemptuously.
"Out?" comes booming from behind me. "And you didn't think it necessary to let me know?" A hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around. Angry eyes leer down at me. All I can see is the ring on Quinn's finger. I push him back before crossing the room.
"You seem to often forget this, but you do not own me" I spit venomously.
"What is this about then? Is this just a power play? Are you testing me?" He's right behind me, I can feel his breathe on my neck.
I whip around glare dangerously at him, "Testing you? What could I possibly be testing? Your loyalty to me?" I imagine Quinn sitting in the audience like she does several times for each show. Sitting next to David, holding his hand. I shove James violently. "How much you love me?" The nights of Quinn cuddled up next to me on the couch watching movies on TV are over. She'll have to be home to him so he doesn't miss her. She can't be out too late with someone who isn't her fiancé. Another shove. Harder. He stumbles a little and falls to the couch before he's supposed to. "What do you think this is? This isn't a relationship. I don't love you, you're just a warm body. Don't act like you're not just using me too." I'm glaring down at him like I'm about to attack him just for existing, like the most hated person.
"Since when have you been so blasé?" He challenges me and strikes back, not teasingly.
"Since I met you." I spit back at him and the stage goes to black.
We rush off stage and he catches me in the wings. "What the hell was that Rach? Nice job, but warn me next time. I think I'm gonna be bruised."
I laugh and swat at him. "Sorry, tell your wife I didn't mean to, just got a little too into character." He chuckles and wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk back to the changing rooms.
"Hey superstar!" Noah has me thrown in the air and spins me around in his arms. He's holding me so tightly I'm afraid for a split second he's going to crush my ribs. When he finally puts me down, I nestle my head under his chin and hug him properly. His heartbeat is steady and strong and I will it to influence mine and let me be calm during a confrontation I'm terrified to have. "Where's your date?" I ask without lifting my head from his chest. "Did she not show up?"
"No she did. Wasn't too talkative tonight, not sure what her deal was. She made up some lame ass excuse why she couldn't wait for you. Asked me to give you this though," he peels me off of him and hands me a single flower from his jacket pocket.
"I always thought you were supposed to give people like, bouquets of roses after something like this," he says scratching his head. "I don't know why she just gave you one, uhh…"
"Gardenia." I finish for him, twirling it in my fingers. Because Quinn Fabray is a complicated woman Noah. More so than anyone will ever in this world know.
A/N: Another chapter down. I'm trying to get things moving a bit more, I want to keep things interesting. I hope everyone liked this chapter. Please review!