Another bit of a wait for this update. I do apologize. Hope you all enjoy!
Sorry! I had to repost because I was in such a rush I forgot to put a line break between scenes and that was gonna bother me :/
It's been several weeks since the whole incident in the park. Neither Quinn nor I have mentioned it. The night it happened, I managed to get the silly girl home and she hung on me the entire way. Normally she isn't like that. Affectionate, yes - with her soft touches and searing grip - but not usually one for sharing kisses and refusing to give up contact. When I finally got myself home that night, I couldn't help but lie there and think how terrible it would be to see her again, how much it would tear me apart. Somehow that didn't end up the case for once. I saw her soon after and she was overflowing with apologies about how sloppy she was that night and how she didn't mean to put me into a situation where I needed to take care of her. It just got let go like it was nothing, because really it wasn't. It managed to make us closer somehow though. After I left her in her apartment that night, tucked in bed as best as she could be with one foot firmly planted on the floor, there was a bizarre and drastic shift in our dynamic.
Gone were the days that would pass without knowing of her very existence. We would have some form of contact at least once a day but usually much more than that. All of the bridges I had taken so much care to burn down in the interest of my ever aching heart started to reshape as she threw off her own shackles thrust upon her due to my standoffish demeanor. So much had gone on with her since I basically ex-communicated. Her sister was pregnant, her job at the publisher was lining up for a hefty promotion, she bought a dog named Charlie, that I so yearned to meet.
Quinn became a more regular fixture in my own apartment, just like she used to be a long time ago. She would come over unannounced on nights she "just had a feeling" that sleep would elude her and she would colonize my living room shifting around on the couch watching TV until she eventually fell asleep with her head in my lap.
I thought it would pull at me more than it did wanting to talk about what happened in the park. There were a few times where it just popped into my head and I wished I could clear it up but that wasn't an option. I couldn't remember the last time Quinn and I were on such good terms and I knew a little bit better than to rock the boat already. Besides she probably wouldn't even remember it. Why should she? There's no way it consumed her, ripped her heart while simultaneously giving her the grandest rush of adrenaline and other feelings that would still make her stir when she was alone. It was just a drunken sign of comfort, affection. Nothing.
Things were going so well between us until I got a lovely reminder of her impending wedding. She hadn't mentioned it for awhile now. I knew in the back of my mind that she had to be planning it, going to tastings, looking at venues, but I was doing the best I could to push it to the back of my mind.
We were grabbing a quick lunch between my matinee and evening shows with pleasant small talk about the weather and news. Then out of nowhere Quinn just blurts out, "You're gonna be my maid of honor right?" A particularly sharp pain sliced through my stomach and I pushed my salad away.
"I'm your best friend, Quinn. I would be honored."
"But do you want to?" Her eyes weren't meeting mine. She was pushing her own food around her plate.
"What do you mean? Of course."
"Rachel, you haven't made it much of a secret that you don't really support this." And just then I realized how unfair I was being. This was Quinn's time to be happy, to have someone to spend the rest of her life with and I couldn't get over myself enough to be her friend. I slid my hand across the table gripping hers to get her attention. She looked at our hands wrapped around one another.
"I'm sorry. I never meant for you to feel like I didn't care or wasn't happy for you. I absolutely want to be there to support you." A small smile formed on her lips and she finally looked at me.
"I've been looking at dresses and flowers and all these other little things and I just keep thinking, I wish Rachel was next to me helping make decisions for me." She laughed a little, her eyes falling again.
"Hey, I'm sorry I haven't been there. The show ends its run this week. After that I'm all yours, okay?"
I've gotten accustomed to going to events alone or with co-stars. I don't see anything wrong with it, it's a lot more convenient actually, considering they know everyone there as well and mingling and networking goes so smoothly. I have taken Noah a few times to more formal events, just for the company and security. He was always a great sport, but he always is. When Quinn asked me if there would be a final cast party for the show she could go to with me, I was a bit surprised. As penance for her ditching out on opening night, she wanted to meet everyone before all was said and done.
When I go to events by myself I never feel self-conscious or uncomfortable in any way, these people are my friends. But when I walk into the director's penthouse with Quinn at my side – with her golden hair and beautiful body – I just want to hide in a corner. I've come to terms with the fact that Quinn has an other-worldly beauty that I could never compare to and that's fine. Normally it's empowering to be seen with her. You kind of leech some of her confidence and in doing so her glow. But that night I just paled in comparison, feeling ill at ease. Since our falling out Quinn had been so distant from my life it was unnerving to bring her back in so closely. The two of us spending time together was one thing, but bringing her back into my work life was a whole different beast. She had met some of my fellow actors before, my friends, that's how she met David after all. Her own life has gotten much busier though and our lives more and more disconnected.
The beauty of Quinn Fabray though, she just seems to get on just fine in every environment. I think it's because people just seem to flock to her. That's just fine to me. I can slink away while someone's asking her what shampoo she uses.
After a few drinks I stopped feeling quite as tense and when Quinn sidled up to me again I didn't mind her chatter or when someone butt in to ask her if she was an actress. Whenever I could slip away though, I made a bee-line for the bar. My goal was not to get drunk, just to avoid small talk.
"So you finally bring them out of hiding." I whip around to see Michael staring down at me with a coy smile on his face.
"Bring who out of hiding?"
"Your mystery text buddy that keeps you grinning like a fool and distracted during rehearsals." He's nodding towards Quinn, across the room.
"Quinn's my best friend, that's all."
"Right. Sure. That's why she's been looking at you like she wants to devour you all night." I glance over at her and she smiles at me while Lauren is talking to her about something unimportant as she usually does.
"Oh shut up!" I shove him and he ruffles my hair. He always makes me feel like I'm five years old.
"She's lovely. Beautiful."
"I know."
"So why do you keep avoiding her?"
"What makes you say that?"
"Well you're hovering around the bar every chance you get."
"Thirsty."
"Mmhmm. It says something that she keeps pulling back to you like you're a damn magnet."
"She's Jefferies' fiancée."
"David Douchebag?" I nod and kill my rum and coke. "How the hell did that happen?" He's looking over Quinn like someone inspects fruit at the supermarket. Good luck finding a flaw.
"Your guess is as good as mine."
"That's just crazy. She's not blind, deaf, and/or dumb?"
"Too nice maybe."
"Fatal flaw."
"Tell me about it."
"Christina incoming. See you later champ." He and his beer were gone only to be replaced by a wide-eyed brunette.
"Hey Rach, pretty nice party, huh?" Christina was a little younger than me. We went to NYADA for a brief overlapping time and she has always had a bit of a crush on me. She's quite attractive, a bit young and naïve still but she should hold onto that as long as she can.
"Yeah it is. It's been nice working on this project with you. What do you have going on now?"
"I've got a couple auditions coming up. Playing it by ear. What about you?"
"I'm not sure yet. Taking a break for a bit."
"Gosh that sounds so nice. I feel like I've been going nonstop since I moved to this city."
"Yeah it starts to wear you down. Don't you go have fun though?"
"Not too often. I try to stay focused on work."
"There's your problem, you gotta get your mind off work every once in a while."
"Well maybe we could go out some time? Get some drinks, you can show me some places that aren't too skeezy." Over her shoulder, I see Quinn heading over us, stern look firmly in place. Christina is staring at me so hopeful and nervous, I rush to get out my answer before Quinn reaches us and drags me away.
Short chapter as always. I will try and update again soon, I actually have a plan for the next chapter for once.
Please review! I love your feedback! :)