HELLO! For anyone who's been following this story, I am endlessly sorry for how long its been since I updated. I just got caught up with life and school and a bunch of bullshit. I am so so sorry and hope you can forgive me. :) Merry Christmas!
There's a sick sort of irony in the fact that once you start to get your life together and try to reset your lovesick heart, something has to come barreling towards you and just knock you the fuck down again. I've been doing my best to not want things quite as desperately. Learn to move on. Despite how hard I try, Quinn won't let me escape her, she keeps dragging me back in. Up until the fitting I was on putting myself back together steadily but the close proximity that I had been forced back into with the blonde threatened to tear me apart again.
As the wedding came closer and closer, my distance to Quinn became greater and greater. Last minute planning took most of her time so my avoidance managed to slip past her for once. However, when the rehearsal dinner came up there was little I could do to avoid her anymore.
Quinn's fiancé, David Jeffries came from a wealthy family. His father was a local newscaster and his mother dabbled in fiction writing. They were both lovely people, in not extremely vain and flawed in raising a pompous douchebag son. It was no surprise; however, that their rehearsal was at the most expensive restaurant in New York City.
It was a beautiful night, I couldn't deny that. I might have been able to appreciate it more had I not spent most of the evening staring at the bottom of wine glasses. Quinn was flitting around the room like some damn princess. God, she was beautiful. And David just had her on his arm like he deserved her, like he earned that woman. I just kept drinking and averting my eyes.
"You might want to slow down before you drown yourself there, Berry" Santana pulled the bottle that had been left on the table away from me.
"Santana stop. I'm fine," I tried to get the bottle from her but she kept it out of my reach. Puck came up behind her and took the bottle out of her hand and scowled at her.
"What the hell is wrong with you two? This is supposed to be a nice night, stop acting like children." He looked at me with a hardened gaze and grabbed my arm, leading me out of the restaurant and into the cold street. "What is going on with you Rachel?" Puck asked me, concerned.
"What are you talking about?" I'm sure I didn't sound as put together as I imagined, I can't remember how many glasses of wine I had made my victim anymore.
"Rachel, you've been drinking a lot lately. You've been flaky. Quinn is concerned."
"Oh, Quinn is concerned! Well then, let's just fucking stop what we're all doing and make sure the queen in fucking happy."
"Rachel what the fuck is wrong with you?" I had never heard Puck shout at me like that. I couldn't do anything but shrink back into the wall for support. My legs gave out and collapse to the ground.
"Puck I can't do this anymore. I can't. I…" His large hands cupped my face, wiping off the tears and warming my small face from the cold.
"Rachel. Sweetheart." His big arms swept me up off of the sidewalk and into his chest. He kept me tight against him, protected from the outside world if only for a few moment. "I'm going to take you home okay, Rachel? You shouldn't be here right now." I felt more than heard him say. He let me go and leaned down so he could look me in the eye. Pushing loose hair back from my face, he gripped my head firmly with support. "Stay put here, I'll be right back. I'm going to get our coats."
When he left all sense of warmth I had felt left me. The cold winter air seeped into my bones and all I could do was huddle down low to the ground yet again, hiding my face in my hands from the passers-by. A hand touched my back gently and I looked up, thinking Puck had returned but green eyes looked down at me with sympathy.
"Quinn what are you doing out here?" No. No. No. No. No. No. Immediately, I stood and rushed away from her down a side alley.
"Rachel, please talk to me." Quinn followed close behind.
"Quinn, it's nothing. Please, go back inside. Tonight's about you, I don't want to steal that away with my crazy over-emotions."
"Rachel, I don't care what day it is or what stupid event is going on. You're my best friend and I want to know you're okay."
"Quinn, I'm fine." I brushed past her to leave but she grabbed at my arm and pushed me back into the wall.
"No, Rachel, you're not and I'm not going to let you keep pushing me out. Damnit, I thought we had finally gotten past this. I thought we were getting back to where we were."
"We can't Quinn! That…that's gone now."
She just stared at me bewildered. Broken. No one had really denied her anything before. Told her that there was something she couldn't have. I wasn't being entirely fair. And I knew that. Knew that I shouldn't hold her to what I've invented in my mind. But I couldn't help it any longer.
"Why, Rachel? What have I done?" She looked at me with so much desperation, so much question.
"Nothing. Quinn. We're just growing apart. That's all. You aren't friends with people your whole life."
"This is bullshit, Rachel, and you know it." I couldn't take her challenging me, it was too much. I pushed past her again and broke past.
"Yeah, it's bullshit. And I'm going home. Enjoy your fucking dinner."
"No! No, you're not walking away this time. You always walk away."
"I'm. Going. Home. If you want to leave your rehearsal dinner be my guest."
"It's so cold this year. I don't remember it being this cold last winter." Quinn poked around in the fire that I had started in my seldom used fireplace.
"I've been thinking that too." I opened another bottle of wine and placed it on the coffee table and slid down onto the floor next to her.
"Where's Christina?" Quinn asked, pouring herself another glass.
"Baltimore. She went to visit her family this week." I watched as Quinn raised the glass to her lips.
"Do you miss her?"
"At night mostly. I've gotten used to her being here."
"You've been spending the night with her? Are you getting more serious then?"
"Why does it matter?" Quinn's eyes fell back to the fire.
"I'm just trying to find out what's going on with you."
"I've just been having a tough time lately, with work and stuff."
"Lie."
"What do you want me to say, Quinn? I let you come in here I gave you that much latitude. Now you expect me to open up everything to you? I can't."
"Why? Rachel? What are you so afraid of?" Quinn's hand was on my cheek brushing away silent tears. "Rach…"
Without thinking, I pressed my lips against Quinn's. I hadn't tasted her since that night in the park. Her lips were so much warmer and softer now that I was prepared, that I could savor it. This was the last—the only chance I would have before she was forever out of my reach. I had to take it. I started to feel her kiss me back and I completely lost control.
Her fingers tangled into my hair and she pushed me to lie back on the floor. The weight of her body felt so incredible on top of mine. My hands fell down to her hips and pulled her into me. "Rachel" she moaned into my ear. Fuck.
My lips met hers again and over and over. Her hands grazed along my sides and around my breasts and I felt myself shaking. I had never felt my body so responsive to another person. Every touch was sending shockwaves to my core.
"Quinn, please." I begged, shaking.
"What's wrong, Rach?" Quinn pulled back and looked at me. Her eyes were so dark with lust.
"I want you."
Quinn kissed a trail down my jaw, down to my neck. Latching onto to my pulse point and sucking hard. I bucked into her hips and she pushed down hard back against me. Grinding into my hips. "Fuck Quinn."
Her hand snaked down pressing between us, into my panties. Her fingers brushed against my clit and I shuddered, shook under her lightest touch. "Rach. Baby," her forehead pressed against mine, "Do you want this?"
I reached my hand down to hers against my clit and pushed it down, guiding her fingers into me.
"I love you, Quinn," I whispered. She pushed into me slowly, moaning into my ear.
"Rachel…"