Obviously I have been on hiatus for a long long time with this story and I do apologize. Many life changes got in the way unfortunately. I do intend to wrap this up, likely in on final chapter to give a proper close to this story and then attempt to move onto another. Thank you to everyone who has been staying with this I appreciate all of you who read this so so much!

I had never understood the griping everyone does about waking up in someone's arms. About how it's the most amazing feeling having someone all around you, feeling sheltered from the world. I always felt suffocated, even when Christina was with me I would crawl out of bed as quickly as possible to make coffee or breakfast, anything excuse to keep away from the crippling weight of her body.

But when I woke up with Quinn. Damn, I felt it. I felt her. Every part of her body was touching mine. Her long deep breaths spread across the skin of my neck. Her arms encompassed me - one stretched around my head the other across my chest, hand gripping my shoulder lightly. Her leg draped over my hips, covering my body with her own, sheltering me – us – from the world.

Lying there under her I kept thinking of last night. So many silent confessions had been made last night. Every touch, every kiss, every moan – small confessions of pent, secret desire. Still, just because we had a night together doesn't mean everything nicely tied up. Our relationship obviously was more confused than ever and I wanted to soak up every last moment I could of Quinn before reality came collapsing down around the shelter her body made around me. I don't know how long I caressed her back with only the lightest of touches so to fend off her waking but it must have slowly lulled her awake despite my efforts. I could feel a smile spread across her lips as they stretched across my neck and a deep sigh escaped her as she stretched her body across mine. She seemed to freeze for a moment and the warmth of her body disappeared as she pulled away to look at me. All traces of the smile I thought had formed were gone. Instead, she looked at me with the strangest mixture of realization and fear, her eyes searching my face for…something. Neither of us spoke. I was afraid to — as if my voice would crack this fragile moment into a million pieces. Unknowingly, I did that anyway when I reached up to run my hand through her hair to comfort her and she recoiled instantly. Her body pulled away from mine completely and she was suddenly standing before me, the blanket from my couch wrapped around her naked form.

"Rachel, I'm sorry," she said, not looking at me.

"Sorry for what?" I asked.

"I…last night. I don't know what came over me."

"Please don't apologize like you did something wrong,"

"Didn't I?"

"That's up to you isn't it?" Finally she was looking at me again, sitting naked on the floor of my apartment, completely vulnerable to her like I always am and she couldn't say anything, she just stared at me like some wounded puppy. "You don't owe me anything just because we fucked last night Quinn." I got up and stormed off into my bedroom and I could hear her footsteps padding after me. I threw on some shorts and a tank top to cover my exposed body before she came into the room after me, still wearing nothing but the blanket.

"Rachel please, we can talk about this," she pleaded. I turned to her and crossed my arms across my chest.

"There's nothing to talk about, Quinn. We had a night together; it doesn't have to mean something." Now it was me who couldn't look at her.

"You does it mean something."

"What then? What does it mean? Jesus, Quinn. You know that I love you. Please don't do this to me." Warm hands gripped my face and pulled my gaze to meet Quinn's. Her thumbs wiped away tears I didn't know I had let fall.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," Quinn whispered. Tears began to fall from her eyes and my heart shattered. "Rachel, I don't know what to do. I'm getting married, Jesus. I can't just forget about David."

"Then what was last night Quinn? Were you just drunk and didn't know what you were doing?" I meant it to be more forceful than it was, I could barely speak without bursting into full sobs. As much as it would hurt to hear it if it had just been a drunken moment of confusion I could maybe live with that. Maybe. I just need to know exactly what I was to her. I had confessed my love for her in so many ways. Why couldn't she just do me to courtesy of doing a fragment of the same for me?

"Yes I was intoxicated. We both were. But do you really think I'm that person?" Quinn was still holding me. She had abandoned wiping at my tears. Neither of our tears were going to stop anytime soon. Instead she held my face steady in her hands so I could not avert my gaze from hers. She forced me to look into her eyes as she poured herself out to me.

"Quinn I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what you want from me, or what I am to you." I was crying harder now. I couldn't control myself. Everything was just too much.

"Rachel, you're everything to me, but how do I just walk away from this whole other life?"

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I—"

"No Quinn. Do you love me?" She searched my eyes as if they somehow held the answer – as if I could conjure up some direction for her to take when I couldn't do so for myself. I wanted to die. I felt a force overcome my entire body that I had never felt before. I was going to collapse under the weight of it. As gently as I could I pushed her body away from mine and stepped back, creating as much distance as possible. "There's your answer Quinn. Go get ready for your wedding."

"Rachel, please, I—" She reached out for me again and I shrank away.

"Go, Quinn."

Without another word she turned and left her room. I could hear rustling in the living room, presumably her searching for her clothing. When I heard the front door close, I felt everything inside of me collapse. I fell against the wall and slid down to the floor. How could I be so stupid? Quinn couldn't ever love me. I was her best friend. That would have to be enough for me somehow or I would lose her. Hell, I would probably lose her anyway. God damn hypnotizing, manipulative, sexy, beautiful, gentle, perfect, Quinn fucking Fabray.

One of the worst feelings in the world is that ache that takes over your entire body when you've been crying. First, your eyes are just sore, obviously. But if it's a real cry – a real gut wrenching, soul expelling cry, your whole body begins to ache from the sheer pain. I didn't know what to do with myself BUT to stay in bed. I could scarcely force myself to even roll from side to side most days much less do the impossible task of actually getting up. I didn't answer my phone either. I had several voicemails from Puck. I saw that Santana had sent me a text at some point as well as Christina. I didn't know what I could even say to anyone. 'Sorry I'm not feeling too up to talking right now. I fucked my best friend in a moment of weakness and now I just sort of want to die'?

Despite my best efforts to avoid everyone, Christina found her way outside my door with vegan Chinese take-out after she hadn't heard from me for awhile and I couldn't turn her away.

We sat at the kitchen table both sort of pushing our food around our plates. I'm sure she could tell that I had been crying and that I looked terrible. I could see the sympathy in her eyes but she had yet to ask me what was wrong. She had tried to make small talk about work, some projects she had been working on but conversation died out at my lack of response. So we just sat in silence.

"Is there anything I can do?" She shattered the silence. I just shrugged and shook my head.

"Do you want to talk about it? You're starting to scare me, Rach."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Just try. Maybe it will help you never know. Just tell me what happened at least. Please?" She reached her hand across the table and grabbed mine.

"It's Quinn. We…we slept together." Christina's eyes widened in surprise. I expected her to be hurt, mad at least but she showed nothing but concern for me as her hand gripped mine tighter.

"And here I thought that would be a thing you would be happy about," she tried to joke. I laughed a little but my mood quickly fell again.

"You would think. But she's still getting married so that tells you about how well it went over."

"You're kidding right?"

"I wish Chris." I drew my hand out of her grip and sat my head in my hands.

"Rachel, you can't let her get away with running away from you."

"What do you mean?" I looked up at her confused.

"She clearly loves you Rachel. And not as your best friend you can gab with all day. She loves you, even if she's afraid to admit it to herself."

"How do know?"

"It's the way she looks at you Rachel. You can't tell because you're too busy looking at her but I've seen it. She looks at you with this possession. She loves you."

"It doesn't matter. She's too scared to be with me, or doesn't want to, I don't know. But she made her choice last night."

"Please. If you're that willing to just give up you don't deserve what you two could have."

"Why are you pushing this so much? I thought you would want me to stay away from her."

"It was just a matter of time Rach. I had the pleasure of having an amazing time with you but I knew I was nothing more than a distraction. I knew you would find your way to each other eventually. Now you just need to man up and not let her go."

"How?"

"We're going to a wedding to steal a bride. That's how."