OH. MY. GOSH.
How...
29 reviews?
y'all...
what did I do to deserve such kindness?
Y'alls reviews were such a joy to read and I literally want to jump around my bedroom! EACH. AND. EVERY. ONE.
So, as promised... RESPONSES
MiaBelles - YOU. MA'AM. I saw you on TUMBLR and I GOT REALLY REALLY REALLY EXCITED! YAYYYY! Anyways,Thank you for your lovely review as always! You are one of the faithful and it makes me so happy to see what you think every time I post a chapter. Yes, he does love her, but they are both so confused! The always scene will pop up every once in a while :) IT GETS ME EVERY TIME! Thank you so much for your reviews my dear!
sweetjenndagx - HAHAHAHA Welcome to the party dear! I need to give you more, its taking every ounce of fiber in my body not just to post the story all at once! I love how y'all are so interested in this story and its direction. I do know what the readers want, however, getting there might take a little bit. Bare with me and have faith, it gets exciting! I have half the sequel written! GET EXCITED! Thank you so much for your review dear!
Leah97 - AWWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ILY! Even those three words mean so so much to me and it truly reminds me that you love it and took your time to tell me! My gratitude is at its deepest! THANK YOU! I can't wait for you to see more!
Bellakpotter3 - AWW thank you for your review my love! YES THEY ARE INDEED GROWING BACK TOGETHER! Then again you will read this chapter and might take that back... IDK... JUST DON'T HATE ME! Love is something that they have to figure out together. It is coming, but in its own way and timing. WHEN IT COMES I SWEAR YOU WILL BE HAPPY! But a few things have to happen first! Thank you so much for taking your time to tell me what you think! I cherish your words! THANK YOU!
ForceFiend - THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are truly awesome! I am so happy that you can enjoy my work, and I am so happy that you are beyond excited for the next update because it is totally here! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I hope to continue the great work that you claim I put forth! DON'T KILL ME FOR THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE IT IS NECESSARY FOR THE STORY! LOL It gets better I promise! Thank you for your review dear!
missilovepeetamellark - ksdjflkaslkdhgaksdhfaksjdfl YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL :D Thank you so much for your... fangirl... review! I LOVED IT! HAHAHA It gets a little rough but I promise that things will lighten up. To be honest, in this chapter things start to... heat up. LOL I probably will post again tomorrow! SO NO FEAR! I just need to see everyone's reaction! THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEW LOVELY!
love mangas - YAYAYAYA YOU'RE A GUEST AND YOU GAVE A NAME! AKSLFKSJDLKFJSLKDJF YOU'RE SO CUTE! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Thank you for reviewing and taking the time to read my work. IT IS TRULY AN HONOR! It might get a little rough this chapter but I promise it will get better! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW DEAR!
Thgfangirl - HAHAHAHAHAHA AWWWWWWW Your words are too kind, love! I love each and every reader I have and their value is worth thousands of readers! You are so sweet and it makes me so happy that you care so deeply! I am a brilliant writer? ALDKFJLSKDJFLKS awww shucks! Thank you so much! Im so glad you like the story! It makes me smile to see all of your thoughts and that you gave your guest self a name means so much to me! Thank you so much for your review dear!
TO ALL OF Y'ALL, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! All of your reviews, follows, and favorites mean the world to me and I cannot thank you enough for your kindness that you express to me! I wish I could meet y'all and thank you to your face!
ANYWAYS...
CHAPTER RUNDOWN
Okay, so this chapter is gonna be a little ... hot. Yeah, I said it. DON'T KILL ME. Trust me. I know where Im going with this! Everything will be okay, I promise.
NOW YOU KNOW THE DRILL!
READ AWAY MY LOVELIES!
I do not own the hunger games!
Stay Beautiful!
- CE
My eyes flutter open as the sunlight dances across the figure next to me. Peeta is asleep soundly at my side and I am curled up in his arms. He stayed with me? I smile and suddenly feel that warm feeling build in my chest, the same feeling I had on the beach. I start to pull away, in fear of ever getting to close to him again, just to lose him latter on, but I awaken him with my movement.
"Good morning." He smiles.
"Good morning. How did you sleep last night?"
"No nightmares. Your presence tends to have that effect on me." He closes his eyes and leans back into the pillow. "You slept soundly I suppose" he smirks opening one eye to examine me. Come to think of it, that is the first peaceful sleep I have had since the nights on the train.
"Your presence may or may not do the same for me." I jokingly say rolling my eyes. His eyes widen and he proceeds to grab my stomach and start to tickle me. Laughter escapes my mouth and I am caught in his large arms unable to get away.
"Peeta!" I scream failing to hide my laughter, which is contagious because he too now is laughing. Finally he stops and I notice he is hovering above me, looking at me in that way again. Every time. I feel my skin grow hot and I turn away from his gaze. He doesn't know. The effect he can have.
"Katniss?" he whispers. His strong gentle hand takes my cheek to face him. My eyes lock with his and I am at his mercy. Why do I do this? Get caught in his trap. This type of behavior will only end up in loss for me and that will lead to more pain. So I am just going to save myself the trouble now. I try to pull away but he doesn't allow it.
"Katniss, please." He whispers again. I crumble at the sound of his voice begging me to look at him. I look into his eyes, and my eyes dart to his lips then back up to the crystals that belong to someone who I am too frightened to love. His face inches closer and closer to mine until I can feel his breathe on my face. His lips are centimeters from mine and I notice the look on his face. The look he has given me on certain occasions, he only looks at me like that when…
Suddenly, Peeta's bedroom door swings open startling us both into a position of awkwardness. Haymitch is standing in the doorway looking shocked as red floods his cheeks.
I am completely mortified.
"Good morning you two! I hate to interrupt whatever it is that you are doing, but I need your help." He says leaning against the door, obviously a bit drunk this morning.
"No."
"Yes."
"NO!"
"Yes."
"Not happening Haymitch."
"I'm still your mentor, you have to listen to me."
"Maybe so. But this is just stupid." Peeta smirks.
"No, I am not going to shoot it." I spit.
"Yes you are."
"Look, if you are hungry, come over for dinner!"
Haymitch had dragged Peeta and I out of the warm bed and into the freezing cold snow just to argue that he wants me to shoot the geese. He has issues. It seems as though I am finally dressed properly as well. I have on my hunting boots, thick wool socks, black cotton pants that tighten at my ankles, a tan long sleeve shirt, my fathers hunting jacket and a thick down coat. Peeta wears his brown pants, snow boots, his black coat that goes to his thighs, his cotton hat, and his fingerless gloves. With Haymitch and his timing, we wanted to make sure we would stay warm.
"No, I don't want it for that. I'm tired of their squawking and making noise, they are driving me crazy. Plus in my addition to keep you two out of trouble, they are becoming too much." He says pointing at the geese accusingly.
"Haymitch, why don't you build a proper home for them? They can pretty much do the rest. " Peeta says shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Yes, because I have so much time on my hands." He says sarcastically.
"You do." Peeta and I say in unison.
"Shooting them would be easier!" he snaps. I am getting frustrated, so I attempt a different approach, hoping the Peeta's people skills will kick in and he will catch on.
"Haymitch, don't you see? If I shoot them, dare I say it, but I think you might get a bit lonely." I say sweetly. Haymitch gawks at me, and Peeta tries to suppress a laugh.
"She is right Haymitch. You can't always be with us night and day, so you should at least have some type of friend." Peeta gestures to the geese. Haymitch glares at him and it's my turn to try not to laugh.
"Fine, if you won't shoot them, you can build a house or pen or whatever you want to call it for them, how about that sweetheart? Seems it might be the only thing you can do right." he just crossed a line, and he knows it. Challenge accepted.
"Fine, but I'm doing this because I have nothing else better to do. You got that?" I say stepping forward to show that he is no match for me in a fight.
"Sweetheart, I am still your mentor, no matter how much you hate it." He laughs, and walks back into his house. How in the world am I going to do this? Its one thing to questions my abilities to complete a task, however it's another thing entirely to challenge me and question it. Anger boils within the pit of my stomach and I instantaneously want to rip his face to shreds. I know I have destroyed everything my fingers have touched and the guilt haunts me every waking moment, reminding me the damaged I have caused wrenches my heart into a thousand shards. Everyone around me is in anguish because of the choices I have made, actions that I impulsively acted upon, feelings that turn hope only to be defaced by the contents of war. I am losing a battle I simple cannot win.
"Well, looks like we have a job on our hands." Peeta says after a moment of silence.
"We?" I ask. "This is my job, I have to do it alone." I say. Why does he think that he should help? Haymitch challenged me. He crossed a line and he will pay the consequences.
"Um, maybe because, it's a hard job to do alone! I would like something to occupy my time too you know." He says now getting defensive.
"Oh why don't you go bake or something." I say rolling my eyes. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back. The look in his eyes is hurt.
"Katniss, do you really think that pushing me away is going to help you?"
"I'm not pushing you away. I am accepting the challenge that Haymitch gave me." I spit.
"You are building a geese coup for goodness sakes." He yells pointing his arms the corner of the yard where the coup will go.
"Maybe so, but I can do it alone. I have never needed your help for anything, nor will I ever need it. Besides, maybe I like working on things alone, then I don't have to worry about someone else!" I shout and my hand immediately covers my mouth, having a burning desire to shove them back in. What am I doing? This is Peeta Mellark, I have taken everything from him! What am I saying to him? His head drops and he shakes it.
"I am sorry I have put such a burden on you Katniss I the past couple years. I am sorry for forcing you to marry me, have a fake child, and make you rescue me for death itself. I'm sorry I have taken everything from you, but just remember, I would have given everything to see you happy." He whispers. With that, my heart breaks. He has sacrificed everything he ever had, and even part of who he was, just to see that I was safe. I was just opening my heart to the idea that maybe I can breathe again for what felt like the first time. Peeta Mellark has given me a chance to hang on to a future that I though I could never obtain…
And I have just let go.
"Peeta… I. I just want time to sort things out… I just-" I stutter. No, you don't shut up, shut up, shut up Katniss!
"All right, if that's what you want. Fine. I understand, but don't come crying to me when you can't stand being alone." He shuffles backwards and head towards his house leaving me in the snow. What he said hits me in the gut, and I want to bend over and sob. I want him to come back and I want to apologize until I can no longer speak. No. I have to focus. I have a job now. No matter how small and pathetic the task may seem. I turn to the geese.
"This should be easy."
In the weeks that follow, I find Peeta's has become less present in almost everything. I hardly ever see him, and when I do, it's usually when the train comes in from the Capitol and he is there to retrieve a small box of mail. All I want to know is what he is up to now. The winter months have cooled, and spring has bloomed. Its warm, and it requires me to dress differently than I would normally. Cinna said this heat would come and he design clothing for me that the Capitol would only approve of rather than what is comfortable for me. One early spring morning, I pull on a pair of cut off pants, shorts I believe they are called. They come to my upper thigh, way too short form my taste, but it's hot and they are comfortable and light. They are a tan color, and I throw on a green blouse just something to wear to the train station. Peeta's absence is unnerving and my anxiety has reached the inner confinements of my being. I don't leave the house unless I absolutely have no other option, and in my opinion those options are limited. I scream at night, I squirm as the sun rises, I fear the shadows that haunt me in the corners of my home, and no matter the pleads from Basilia - I feel nothing. My nightmares returned the first night without Peeta, and they returned with vengeance. I watch Prim die over and over. I watched Cinna being tortured to protect me. I watch my team from 13 die in front of me each with a bloody arrow in their backs that I had shot. Then worst of all, I watch Peeta eating the nightlock from the first Games, and never being able to save him in time. Each dream containing the deaths of loved ones and the death of the boy with the bread whom I am convinced I still love. I talk to Dr. Aurelius on the phone every Wednesday and he is sending over medicine for my sleepless nights. I hate Capitol medicine.
Still, he has his ways of knowing what I need, so I go to the train station that morning to go pick up his package. I pull my hair into its braid, slip on smaller versions of my hunting boots and head out the door, only knowing to quickly to return to the state of weakness and despair.
Now that its spring, people have begun to move back or move to District 12. I walk through town and see life starting to bloom the like flowers in the Meadow. They are going to build a brand new Justice Building like the one before, but I am sure it's going to be much nicer. There was no mayor or any type of authority yet since there was such little population here, but there would be soon, no doubt. But as life begins to show signs or rebirth, my heart reflects the opposite of death and desolation. Nonetheless, I make my way onto the platform of the train station and to my surprise I don't see Peeta anywhere. That's odd. I shrug off the thought. Why would I care? We don't speak anymore; he is probably finding something else to fill his hours. A Capitol attendant calls my name for the package and I go and take it from with a thank you. I push Peeta from my clouded thoughts, he doesn't need me and I no longer need him.
If that is the truth, then why does my soul ache for the man I call the boy with the bread?
As walk back to the Victor's Village with package in hand when suddenly see Thom. I haven't seen him since I was in District 13. He is waving at me frantically. I assume he is trying to get my attention to say hello, so I smile and wave back and the gesture alone sucked the life from my veins. Then it happens. The smell of smoke, and flames fills my nostrils infecting them with their deadly ways. I can feel my face drain of blood, and I look for the direction the smoke is coming from. To my horror I see the smoke rise from the Victor's Village. I race towards Thom and he grabs me by the shoulders.
"Thom… who… what is going on? WHAT IS BURING?" I yell. He has been running and his panting gives him away. He chokes on the smoke that has already filled his lungs, dirt and sweat caked on his face but he manages on simple word to confirm my worst nightmares.
"Peeta…" he chokes.
Reaction. An action in response to an event, or influence. I react. I drop the package and sprint towards the village. It only takes a few minutes for me to reach the Village, but a few minutes could be the difference of life or death. I stumble upon about 20 people setting up a hose from the water hydrant at the edge of the Village and others dumping water on the flames. The flames that surround the boy with the bread.
ok, I know what you are all gonna say...
please don't kill me...
Now, I don't normally beg for reviews, but this is a very important chapter and I would love to know WHAT ALL OF YOU THINK! I know this chapter is rough but I want to know your thoughts!
SO PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE ME A NOTE! I will keep my promise and respond to your lovely notes! Even if its a few words, just let me know!
STAY BEAUTIFUL! (I will be updating tomorrow and I'm really sorry I didn't do so on Friday... it seems I have come down with strep throat... meh)
- CE