Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever owned Big Time Rush or anything recognizable in this chapter.

btrfanfiction1516: Don't cry! But thank you so much, you're so sweet :) Do you really? I'm sorry you had to wait for this chapter, but hopefully it'll be worth it :) Thank you for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it!

Reader-Person: Aww, thank you! I'm sorry I wasn't able to update right away, but I hope you like the chapter. And thank you for taking the time to read and review!

Taylor: Thank you so much, I'm so happy you enjoyed it! And thank you for taking the time to read and review, I really appreciate it :)

Dana1290: It's totally fine, I know people can't review every chapter every time. For real? That's incredible, so thank you for telling me that. I would love to write professionally, it's what I'm currently going to school for. Thank you for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it so much :)

KnylonMaslow: Yep, we did. And agreed, it's very sad :( Thank you for reading and reviewing, it means so much!

darthvader1808: Thank you so, so, so, sooooo much for all the reviews you left me! I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate them. And yep, their secrets have come out. James does his best ;) Thank you again for reading and reviewing!

HUMONGOUS THANK YOUS to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed this story! Eeep! You guys are amazing! Thank you :)

A/N: Well, it's not two months later, it's just a little over two weeks since I last updated ;) This chapter would've been up sooner but I got really into "Break the Ice" for a little while there. Plus, school's been kicking my ass. I just started a new class that I actually really love, but it takes up a lot of time, plus I have a midterm for another class coming up. Not to mention other responsibilities outside of school and fanfiction...ugh. Anyway, this chapter was actually a lot longer, but it got to the point where it was just too much in all different aspects, so I've split it into two chapters. The second part/11th chapter needs more added to it along with a major editing, but hopefully it'll be up soon. I make no promises though because we all know how awful I am at following through with them.

Anyway, this chapter doesn't have a lot of stuff going on in it, it really is more of a filler chapter, but hey, enjoy some Jatie fluff for the time being ;)

Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos.

Enjoy the chapter :)

Chapter Ten – Smoke and Embers

Katie's POV

I awoke the next morning to a pair of strong, muscly arms wrapped around me. I smiled a little, my eyes still closed as I scooted a little closer to James. He let out a small sigh in his sleep, burying his face in my hair and I fought back a laugh. It wasn't going to be pleasant for him, waking up to a mouthful of hair.

"Mmm…" he moaned a little, hand sliding down my stomach.

Ummm…

I grabbed his hand as it reached my pajama bottoms waistband, moving it back up to my ribcage. He whined in protest and instead let his hand drift upwards.

I caught his hand before he could really cop a feel and held it back against my stomach, keeping a firm grasp on it. Clearly he got touchy feely when he was asleep.

James sighed, defeated, and stopped moving long enough for me to relax again.

I smiled again, leaning into him.

And then my eyes widened.

O-oh…I had completely forgotten that guys got morning wood…Well. This was awkward.

I knew I should probably move, especially since I had no idea how long it would be before he woke up and I had no clue if this was something that would embarrass him or not. Not that it should. I mean, it was a normal bodily function, right? He was a guy, so of course he could get morning wood.

But what did the girl do in a situation like this?

Plus, there was the fact that I was a little morbidly curious…Obviously Zach and I had never gotten particularly heated before and I had certainly never had any contact with that specific part of him. James, on the other hand, was a completely different story…so different…like another universe different. And James had the ability to make me feel things that I had never even thought twice about. He had gotten me to open up and talk about the day my dad had…died. I hadn't even told Zach that it was my fault that it had happened. He and my friends only knew the bare basics but James…And all he had done was ask me what had happened to affect me.

Yeah, we were definitely dangerous for each other.

And the fact that I had gotten him to open to me about his stepmom…he still hadn't confirmed my suspicions about the type of abuse he had gone through and something told me he never would. And while there was a part of me that wanted to know just what exactly had happened, to understand just what his stepmom had done to him, there was another part that wanted to shy away from it, to run, that was downright terrified to know, to hear the details that I knew would always haunt him.

I sighed, closing my eyes again, before remembering that there was the problem with James'…thing.

Before I could make a decision about what on earth I was supposed to do, James groaned and stretched out, body pressed up against me. "Mmm…your hair smells good."

I couldn't help but smile again, half burying my face in my pillow. "Thanks."

"What time is it?"

"It's…" I glanced at the clock. "A little after ten."

"Okay." He moved my hair aside, nose and lips skimming over the back of my neck and I couldn't help but shiver at the feeling. "How'd you sleep?"

"Not too badly. You?"

"I've had worse nights."

I bit my lip as he continued to move his lips down my neck, wondering just what nights he was thinking of. Clearly my curiosity was beginning to get a little bit obsessive.

"That's good, I guess," I said after a moment, shimmying away from him a little bit. "So, um…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. What on earth would make you think that anything was wrong?"

"For one thing, you have yet to roll over and look at me."

"If I did that, certain…parts…would be lined up!" I squeaked out, cheeks burning.

There was a long pause and them James cracked up.

"Stop laughing! It's not funny!"

"It kind of is," he snorted out.

"It's not."

"It is. You are aware we're wearing clothes, right? So it's not like penetration could actually happen."

I whined, my face heating up even more.

"You're totally blushing, aren't you?"

"No!" I lied.

"Bullshit."

"Are you going to do something about your – your – your – ?"

"Dick? Cock? Penis? Hard-on? Boner?"

I rolled over, whipping my pillow out from under my head and whacking him with it. His only response was to laugh even harder as he raised his arms to ward off my pillow attack.

I paused after a moment and he grinned cheekily up at me, eyes sparkling.

And damn it, if he didn't look adorable as hell…

"I'm not talking to you," I informed him. "You or your – whatever you call it."

"Mini-James. It's name is Mini-James."

I gaped at him. "You named your dick? Are you freaking serious?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh, good God…Well, I think Mini-James and I are officially introduced. And I'm not shaking his hand. Not until we've both had a shower at least."

His grin widened. "Look who's getting dirty minded all of a sudden."

"You must bring it out in me." I pushed back the covers and crawled out of bed. I glanced towards him and quickly covered my eyes.

"It's not going to bite," he informed me, sounding like he was trying not to laugh. "Or burst into flames."

"I'm aware – ow!" I had walked right into a chair.

"Do you want me to roll over onto my stomach so that you don't kill yourself? Because right now I'm a little worried you're going to walk right out onto the deck and fall over the railings."

I lowered my hands just enough to shoot him a nasty look.

He just smirked at me. "I don't know what you're so afraid of. It's just a body part. I'm pretty sure you learned about it in sex ed."

"And that in itself brings back horrible memories." I shuddered. "Fifth grade health class…It was awful. They had these really scientific diagrams with all the proper names and they made sex sound so…technical."

"It's not," James said bluntly, rolling over onto his side. "It's not all scientific and technical and boring unless you make it that way."

"Well, you would know…What's it like?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What's sex like?"

He gaped at me blankly. I looked back at him unashamedly.

"It's…it's not awful."

"Well, I figured that. But, I mean…Is it better for guys than for girls?"

"I'm a guy so I honestly don't know. I'd like to think that's not true, though."

"Oh. Because I heard it hurts the first time girls have sex."

"I think it does for some girls."

"Okay…"

"Why the questions?" he asked me curiously.

I shrugged. "I don't know, I was just wondering."

"Okay…"

"I mean, it'd be nice to know."

"I'm sure it would be."

"I'm…um…gonna go brush my teeth and shower."

"Okay."

I grabbed a change of clothes and hurried into the bathroom, my face feeling like I had stuck it in an active volcano. Well, that hadn't been awkward at all…

I cleaned up, showered, and got dressed, before blow drying my hair and heading out into the bedroom.

James had gotten out of bed and was standing on the balcony. I slowly walked out there, still feeling a little awkward from our conversation.

He looked over at me as I approached him and gave me a small smile. "No one's actually asked me about sex before, so your questions kind of threw me for a loop. I'm sorry I wasn't more help."

"It's fine. Not like I was acting particularly sane before. Did your – um – "

"Problem?" his smirk had returned. "Yes, it went away. Morning wood usually does. The fact that it went away while you were naked in the shower is pretty much a miracle, though."

And my blush was back in full force. I wrapped my arms around my body. "Can we please stop talking about it?"

"Sure. You're the one who brought it up, though," he pointed out.

"And I regret that."

He laughed. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Okay."

He headed back inside and a minute later I heard the shower turn on. Shower…water…water running down his body…naked body…oh crap. James naked in the shower.

I let out a tiny gasp, the image flooding my brain before I could block it from entering. Oh my gosh…no wonder girls liked sleeping with him so much, if they got to see that.

A few minutes later, the shower turned off and I went back inside, plopping down on the bed.

Huge mistake.

Not ten seconds after I leaned back against the pillows, James walked into the bedroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

Holy crap.

Pecs…arms…abs…hips…V…happy trail…do not stare at his happy trail…do not think about what his happy trail leads to…or what's under his towel…

James glanced at me, smirking for the hundredth time that morning. "Like what you see?"

"Maybe…"

His smirk widened. "Close your eyes, otherwise I'm going to flash you."

"I don't mind!" I blurted out before I could wrap my tongue around the words.

I really hate my mouth sometimes…

"Getting dirty on me again?"

"Apparently so," I grumbled, grabbing my pillow and covering my face. "Go ahead and drop your towel."

"Okay. Don't look," he snickered.

"Like I would." And I didn't. Not at all. Not even a little peek. And no, I'm not lying…not at all…I totally didn't lower my pillow just enough to get an eyeful of his perfect ass and lots of smooth, tanned skin and the tiniest glimpse of what had been pressing up against me just an hour ago.

I quickly hid my face again, but couldn't resist taking one more glance at him as he slid his boxers on and reached for his jeans.

"Okay," he said as he buttoned his jeans up, "I'm decent."

Unfortunately.

I laid my pillow down and watched as he pulled his t-shirt on over his head, straightening it out.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked as he slipped his feet into his sneakers.

"We could go down to the lake," I suggested. "There's actually a fire pit down there so tonight we could take hotdogs and marshmallows down there and make s'mores."

"Do we have those things here?" he wanted to know, furrowing his brow.

"I don't think so, but we can run to the store. You want to?"

"Sure. We can take my car."

"Sounds good. You want breakfast?"

"Eh, not really. It's almost lunchtime."

I nodded in agreement. "We can grab lunch in town. Let's go." I grabbed my purse as he snatched up his wallet, phone, and car keys, and we headed downstairs. We asked the others if there was anything they wanted us to get and five minutes later we were walking out of the house, a list clutched in my hand. James unlocked the car and I slid into the passenger's seat while he got in on the driver's side.

We buckled up and he got the car started before backing smoothly out of the driveway. He navigated into Winchester and I directed him to a grocery store. He parked and we went on inside, trying to find everything we would need for the next twenty-four hours.

We quickly found bacon, hotdogs, hotdog buns, every kind of condiment anyone could ever want, Oreo cookies, marshmallows, Hersey chocolate bars, and a few other things the others had requested. Luckily everyone had pooled their money so we were able to afford everything easily.

We took the grocery bags out to the car, loaded them in the trunk, and headed back to the house.

"This is a really beautiful area," James commented as we reached an opening where we could look down at the lake over the hill.

I nodded in agreement. "It's one of the reasons I love coming up here. Plus it's peaceful, especially during this time of year. Winchester is more of a resort town, it's really active during the summer but dies down in the fall and winter."

"Makes sense. I imagine people come out here for the fishing?"

"Yep. My stepdad does, it's why we have the house. We come up here during Christmas as well, though."

"Where do your mom and stepdad live?" James asked curiously.

"In Minneapolis, same as Zach's parents. Your dad and stepmom?"

"Also Minneapolis."

"Oh, wow. Small world."

"I'll say." He nodded in agreement. "Makes me wonder if there's place other than Minneapolis us Dalton Prep students come from."

I shrugged. "Maybe not for us. Probably for other people, though."

He nodded again, tapping his fingers against the wheel as he drove along, back to the lake house. He parked and we brought everything inside, putting the cold stuff in the fridge and stocking the pantry with the cookies and chips.

Logan had put together sandwiches for lunch. He dumped half a bag of chips into a bowl, setting it on the table. We thanked him and sat down, chowing down eagerly. We finished eating a little while later, and James immediately got pulled into the living room to watch some stupid reality show with the guys.

Jo and Camille had by that time made an appearance, sitting down at the table with me as I stirred my Cherry Coke with a straw.

"So, how're you doing?" Camille asked me. "We've barely seen you since we got here."

"Well, Jo's been off with my brother, and you've been rehearsing for the play," I pointed out.

"And you've been with James. What's going on with him?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "He's just…I really like him. But, the thing is…He's got kind of a dark past…"

"Such as?" Jo asked curiously.

"It's – it's personal. But he told me a little bit about it last night." I pulled my straw out of my drink and sucked the soda out of the end. "And it explains a lot."

"Okay…is there a problem with him having a dark past?" Camille wanted to know, dark eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"No! No, that's not it at all…It's just…the more I find out about him, the more drawn in I am…It's like every little thing about him, every little detail, just makes me like him more…and I don't know why…We made out last night," I added. "Twice."

"What about Zach?" Jo asked at once.

"He's…out of the picture for the weekend. I don't know what's going to happen when we get back, but for the time being I'm going to just try to focus on spending a couple of days without having to put up with his crap."

"That's good," Cami nodded. "It's a good start. Hopefully when we get back to the school, you'll end it for good."

"We'll see." I slipped my straw back into my glass and sucked some more of the coke up.

"But you've been making out with Dalton Prep's bad boy…" Jo smirked a little. "Like, really making out? I mean, not just those cute little kisses you and Zach do. I mean full on passionate making out that usually leads to some really good stuff."

I gaped at her. "What on earth have you and my brother been doing?!"

She shrugged. "Stuff that I can't tell you about because he's your brother and you'll probably throw up."

"Urghhh…sorry I asked."

"Anyway, was it that kind of making out?"

"The passionate, hot kind? Ohhh yeah…It was intense."

"He's good for you," Camille commented lightly as she took a sip out of my glass. "He forces you out of your comfort zone, pops you out of your self-induced bubble. Zach doesn't do that. He practically locks you up in a padded room. He keeps you in a straight jacket. And that's definitely not a good thing. Besides, he's an ass."

"I'm starting to realize that…"

"Good. So stay with the hot bad boy who's really not all that bad at all."

"I'll think about it." I finished off my coke and got to my feet, rinsing my glass out and placing it neatly in the dishwasher. "James and I are going to go down to the lake later today. We're going to set up the fire pit and roast hotdogs and marshmallows. You guys want to come?"

"Depends. Do you and guys want to be alooone?" Jo teased, dragging the word out.

"I don't think so…"

"Then sure. We'll keep you guys from going too far in public."

I smacked her shoulder. "Shut up." I headed into the living room and joined the guys, plunking myself down in James' lap. His arms encircled my waist, pulling me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in the scent of his aftershave. It was gentle yet spicy at the same time. Just like him. So much like him.

"So," James murmured in my ear like the words were specially spoken, specially created just for me, "when do you want to go down to the lake?"

"Mmmm…around four-thirty? That way we can get the fire pit set up before it gets dark so that we're not fumbling around in the dark. Oh, and I invited Jo and Camille to come with us. I hope you don't mind…"

"Yeah, that's fine. The guys want to come as well."

"Okay, cool."

"Mmm hmm." He buried his face in my hair, nuzzling the top of my head with his nose, relaxing into me. I smiled a little, snuggling a little closer to him, curling up in his lap. He was so hard yet so soft at the same time, the perfect combination between toughness and sweetness.

I traced the thin scar along his neck. It stood out white against his tanned skin, a sliver of what must have been a half forgotten memory.

James looked at me curiously. "Whatcha doing?"

"Just admiring that scar I asked you about last night." I flashed him a little grin. "Gonna tell me how you got it now?"

"The one on my neck? I got it in a snowboarding accident a couple of years ago."

Oh, crap. He snowboarded too? I was suddenly reminded of that episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch when Hilda and Zelda made Sabrina the perfect date out of man dough. How could he possibly be everything that I had ever wanted in a guy? The snowboarding thing came from when I was ten and decided to try my hand at it when my family went on a vacation to Colorado. My parents had paid for ten snowboarding lessons and my instructor had been a really young, hot guy. I had crushed on him so hard, and he had made snowboarding look so easy while I couldn't even balance on my board without face planting. I had obviously gotten over him the day after we flew back home, but my love of guys who could snowboard stayed with me. When I had begun dating Zach, it had become a little tug at the back of my mind, a soft whisper reminding me that he wasn't all that perfect after all.

The same was true for skateboarding. I knew James could skateboard like nobody's business, I had seen him, and that in itself probably would have made me look twice at him. Because yeah, I had had a thing about guys who could skateboard as well. I blamed that one on my eleven year old self, when Kendall and his friends were really into it. Kendall's friends had been so cute, and skateboarding had just seemed so sexy at the time. And that had stuck with me as well.

It was like all of my old attractions and reactions came out around James, like he was shaped and molded to fit against me. The only two things that I might have changed was his past with his stepmom and all the other girls. I wished so desperately that I could take away all the pain and bitter memories that his stepmother had inflicted on him, and I couldn't help but feel a little jealous and uncomfortable at the idea of him sleeping with so many different girls. I wanted something about him to just be mine. I wanted to be his first for something and I was never actually going to get that. And that thought alone made my spirits plummet, my face fall sadly.

James noticed at once. Maybe it was the way my shoulders slumped, or how I turned my face away from the room to face the wall. Whatever it was, he seemed to pick on my sudden change of mood at once.

"What's wrong?" he asked me quietly.

I shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing."

"It's just stupid. It's whatever."

"Katie…"

I climbed off his lap. "I'm going to head down to the lake, make sure the fire pit is still there."

"Okaaay…I'll come with you."

I didn't bother to argue with him; instead I just watched as he got to his feet, zipping his sweatshirt up and flipping the hood over his head as if he was trying to hide his face. Now it was my turn to wonder if something was wrong. I doubted he was cold – the temperature in the house was at seventy-two degrees, warm enough even for me to feel comfortable, and I was always cold. But…maybe he was unsure…That was a possibility. It was a way for him to run, a way for him to hide. A sudden image flashed through my head of a little boy with his eyes and gorgeous chestnut hair huddled in a dark closet, arms wrapped around his legs.

I reached out and took his hand, entwining our fingers together, before calling to the others, "I'll text you guys when we're ready for you to bring the food down."

"Sounds good," Kendall responded and I led James out of the house and down the driveway, around the back of the house. I quickly found the well worn path that would take us down to the lake and we slowly walked down it together, neither breaking the silence.

The wind was mild, but it was still there and loose strands of my hair whipped around my face, falling into my eyes. James kept his hood up, his eyes a glow inside the black cover.

We made our way down to the lake and I hurried over to the shed set up along the hill. I got it open and with James' help, lugged the fire pit out. We set it up, building the fire together with some spare wood and newspaper in the shed kept in there solely for that purpose.

Once the fire was roaring, I texted the others to get the food down here, pronto. They showed up a few minutes later, also carrying beach chairs. We got ourselves comfortable, sitting in a circle around the fire as it fell dark. It was mid evening by the time we finally got our hotdogs on skewers and lowered them into the fire.

The air was smoky and alight with glowing embers, the fire occasionally spewing hot orange ones out into the sand like it was a tasteless bit of food. The smoke stung my eyes, the fire almost too bright and hot in the cool, dark night. But the hotdogs were flawless, cooked to slightly burnt perfection and toasty, warming me from the inside out.

The others chatted and laughed, cracking jokes and talking about the people at Dalton Prep. They exchanged stories about classes and teachers, about parties and field trips, about bad dates and unrequited crushes.

I remained silent, content to just sit there and listen to the conversation as I chewed happily on my third hotdog, licking a small bit of spicy mustard from my bottom lip as James recounted a story about a crush on a teacher he had had in sixth grade. I giggled with the others, listening to him talk about some of the stuff he had done to get her to notice him.

"You sound like you were really adorable back then," Camille told him, laughing.

James blinked at her, pouting. "What do you mean back then?"

She laughed even harder. "You know what I mean. Don't worry, you're still as cute as a button now. I'm sure Katie agrees."

"Oh yeah, he's a giant Teddy bear," I chortled. "A huge, muscly Teddy bear."

"I am!" he protested, giving me a sad look, lips still pursed in a pout, eyes lonely.

"Of course you are," I told him, reaching for his hand. "You're hard on the outside but soft on the inside. Like a s'more."

"Speaking of s'mores…" Logan offered me a bag of marshmallows. I finished my hotdog and speared a couple of marshmallows, holding them in the pit until they caught fire. I grinned in satisfaction while the others just rolled their eyes and shook their heads, save for James. I blew the smoldering marshmallows out and turned the skewer over to toast the other sides.

"Whoo hoo, burnt marshmallow buddy!" James high-fived me as he caught his own marshmallows on fire.

"For the win!" I cheered, laughing again.

"You two are so weird," Carlos informed us, forehead winkled slightly as he worked on getting his own marshmallow a perfect golden brown.

"Which makes us perfect for each other," I proclaimed. "We can be weird together."

"Uh huh. Whatever you say."

I pulled my marshmallows off of the stick and popped them into my mouth, James doing the same with his while the others just squished theirs between graham crackers and pieces of Hershey chocolate bars.

Eventually the night winded down, the others disappearing up the path as the sugar and caffeine highs wore out, leaving me alone with James.

James stretched out, taking a bite out of a leftover chocolate bar. He offered me a piece and I took it, murmuring out a "thanks". I bit into it, closing my eyes as the chocolate melted smoothly on my tongue.

"Tonight was fun," James said softly once he had swallowed his piece of chocolate.

"It was," I agreed. "Sorry about starting it off on a weird note."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were still inside."

"Oh. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I admitted.

"Is it bad?"

"I – it's about your past."

He turned his head harshly to look at me.

"With the girls," I clarified.

"Ah."

"Yeah. It's so stupid, but…I don't know. It bothers me, I guess."

"That I'm a man whore?"

"You're not a man whore," I said sharply. "Don't even think that."

"Then what about it bothers you?"

"What do you think? Would it bother you if I had been with a bunch of guys?"

"I – yeah. Wow. I guess I hadn't thought about it."

"Look, I know it's a stupid thing to even think about when we're not even actually together. And I know it's in your past, it's not happening now, but – "

"I'm not proud of myself." His voice had turned quiet. "But, Katie, those girls...As clichéd as it sounds, they didn't mean anything. They were just a way to…"

"To what?"

"To distract myself from my stepmom. To help. Some people who have been – who have been – "

"Abused," I said helpfully.

"Yeah, that. Some people who have had that happen to them turn to drugs or alcohol. I turned to sex. It wasn't like I actually had anything else to lose. I had lost it all and I wasn't ever going to get it back. The girls provided a few minutes of comfort, nothing more, nothing less. And once it was over, that was it. It was literally finished."

"And I get that. I do."

"I can't take back any of it."

"It made you who are you," I allowed, biting down on my lip.

"I don't know if that's actually a good thing."

"I guess it just depends on your point of view."

"Guess so." He stood up, stretching out again. "Ready to head in?"

"Yeah."

He doused the fire and we grabbed the rest of the food, walking back up the dark path, flashlights lighting the way so that we wouldn't twist an ankle on a stray rock. We made our way up to the house, his fingers slipping around mine. I shivered slightly, but whether it was from the cold or from the promise of something that had been nagging at the back of my mind since that morning, I had no idea.

Either way, I had a feeling that tonight was going to be interesting.

So, uh, how was that? I'm sorry if it got boring, I know it was pretty uneventful but the next chapter will probably be a lot more interesting. Plus, this chapter was a little lighter and after the last couple of ones, I figured it'd be nice to have something a tinier bit fluffier.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please review!

One more thing: Dana2184 recently posted a new James/Katie story called "Family Matters" and, uh, you guys might want to check it out :) It's very different, very original, and very interesting.