Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, "Guys and Dolls", or the monologue.

InLogansBed: Agreed, but there are reasons for it, so...Well, here it is ;) Thank you for taking the time to read and review, I really appreciate it.

Guest (btrfanfiction1516): That he is. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I always appreciate it :)

lalaland: It is kind of unbelievable. Agreed, poor James. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, it's much appreciated!

Thank you for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! I always smile like an idiot whenever I see a new one, so thank you for that. :)

A/N: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I'm actually updating less than a week after my last update. But I had this chapter written, and I figured I might as well post it, so here it is :) Not a lot to say for this chapter, it's more of a filler, but it does have a purpose.

On that note, I'm about to do some self-advertising. I just posted a new multi-chapter story yesterday called "Pull The Trigger", and I also posted the first part of a Halloween three shot, called "Love Bites", earlier today. If you get the chance, please check them out! I'd really appreciate it :)

Warnings: Language and sexual innuendos.

Enjoy the chapter :)

Chapter Thirteen – Explanations and Excuses

James' POV

The adrenaline was still coursing through my body as I sat down in my first class, taking a deep breath to calm myself. Going after Zach like that could have been compared to going on one of the more insane roller coasters, a thrill in and of itself. It had felt amazing, managing to transfer the anger and confusion and frustration into something physical, being able to take it out on the person who was causing all these different problems.

Carlos joined me a few minutes after I sat down, dropping his bag to the floor by his feet. "Okay, so you're going to keep your mouth shut today, right? Because the auditions for Guys and Dolls is on Wednesday, and you don't want to be stuck in detention for a week and miss it, and after whatever just happened in the cafeteria, you don't want to push it."

"I'll behave myself," I rolled my eyes, digging out a pen and notebook. "Don't worry about it, Carlos. I'm not a complete fuck up."

"I never said you were. Anyway, what did you say to Zach Wilder to make him snap like that?"

"I merely informed him that his girlfriend likes me more."

"Obviously." Carlos shook his head. "I have no idea what Katie's doing with Zach, but whatever the reason…I saw the way she glared at him. She looked about ready to throttle him when you walked away, I half expected her to knee him in the groin or something. She looked fucking pissed."

"Good," I said in satisfaction. "She should be pissed. She chose him over me and now she has to deal with the consequences."

"Exactly." Carlos leaned back in his seat.

"So, hey, what exactly happened with you and Logan this weekend?" I smirked at him. "Anything interesting happen?"

Carlos' cheeks tinged red. "We talked…a lot…I found out that he's bi."

"Really?" I quirked an eyebrow, my smirk widening. "How about that?"

"You knew, didn't you?"

"Kind of…yeah. She told me last Friday when we were in detention. I would've told you, but once we got out, I just didn't get a chance."

"Ah."

"Yeah. Sorry…But hey, now you know you have a chance. Anything else happen?"

"No, we just talked. He's really nice, really cool. Did you see him this morning? He looked so hot in his school uniform."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll take your word for it."

"Can I keep him?"

"You might want to date him first. Maybe make out with him. Sex is nice too."

"James!" Carlos' face flushed even deeper.

"Carlos!" I mimicked, matching the flabbergasted look on his face. "What? If you and Logan date, it's probably going to happen at some point. I don't know why you're so shocked. Are you honestly going to tell me that you've never once thought about what it would be like to get Logan in the sack?"

"Oh my gosh…I'm not listening to this."

"Dude, come on. You and Logan would be a really cute couple, and besides, you deserve to be happy."

Carlos turned to me again. "Look…I'm just not sure that particular crowd is the answer to our problems."

"What?"

"You know, Katie and Logan and Kendall and Zach and all those people."

"Just because Zach has issues and Katie has no backbone, doesn't mean the others are like that. It's like you said, Logan's really nice. Don't let him get away just because Katie and I aren't going to happen."

Carlos sighed. "I just don't want this mess to get even worse."

"I don't know what to tell you, dude. There isn't an easy solution to this."

"There never is."

The teacher walked in at that moment, and we fell silent, focusing on the class.

By lunch, the whole school seemed to know about my argument with Zach Wilder in the cafeteria that morning. Whispers followed me everywhere I went, but I had long since learned to ignore them. Besides, with any luck people were talking about what an ass Zach was.

I somehow managed to get through the rest of the day without earning myself detention. It was actually kind of a miracle – I was impressed.

"See?" Carlos said to me as we sat down at dinner. "I knew you could do it. Just the rest of the semester to go, buddy." He clapped me on the shoulder and I rolled my eyes.

"I have no fucking clue how I'm going to get through the rest of the semester without mouthing off or getting caught fucking off."

"Just don't drop a sparkler in a toilet," Lucy advised me as she bit into her cheeseburger. "Because when you did that last time, the dean almost had a heart attack. I thought for sure he was going to expel you."

I grinned, picking a piece of pepperoni off of my slice of pizza and popping it in my mouth. "It was worth it."

"You would say that," Carlos rolled his eyes as Lucy and I high fived.

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "I'm a troublemaker."

"Speaking of trouble, you know India Travers?" Jett addressed me.

"She's the student government secretary, right?"

"Yeah, that's her. Anyway, word in the halls is that she wants you."

"That's nice." I sucked on my lemonade. "Why the hell does a girl like that want me? Isn't she a sophomore?"

"Yep, and rumor has it that she's a virgin." Jett's eyes gleamed excitedly.

"Again, that's nice. What does her virginal status have to do with anything?"

"Well, you like virgins, right?"

I choked, spitting my lemonade out. "Where the fuck did you hear that?!"

"Katie was a virgin, but you took care of that," Jett shrugged.

"Oh dear God…She still is a virgin, we didn't have sex."

"That's not what I heard."

"What you heard and what really happened are probably two very different things." I shook my head. "What did you hear?"

"Just that you guys slept together when you were up at Winchester together."

"We slept in the same bed. That was about it."

"A lot of people heard what you said to Wilder this morning, James," Dak pointed out. "It sounded like you said that you and Katie screwed."

"That's not what happened, though. I mean, we would have fucked if we had been completely naked, but we weren't. Fucking hell." I dropped my head into my hands, groaning. Why couldn't people just shut up about me for one fucking day?! This was getting ridiculous. And now Katie was getting effected…

"Look," Carlos said reassuringly. "It's just a stupid rumor. It'll blow over within a couple of days. And I'm sure Katie will be denying that anything actually happened with you two – if she's who she's been acting like, then she won't want to admit that she had a weekend fling with Dalton Prep's bad boy. And if she is who we thought she was, then she'll set people straight."

"Hopefully." I sighed. "This isn't what I wanted."

"Yeah, well, thanks to Wilder, you're probably not going to get what you want on the Katie front," Lucy pointed out. "But at least everyone knows that something happened between you and Katie."

"Is that even a good thing?" I wanted to know.

"Might be. It's hard to tell right now."

I sighed, finishing my pizza. Before I could get to my feet, however, a blonde girl approached our table, smiling widely at me.

I looked up at her. I was pretty sure that she was India Travers, the girl Jett had mentioned to me, and I had no plans to stick around so that Jett could try to set me up with a pity one nighter.

"Hi," she greeted me, coming around to my side of the table.

"Um…hi?"

"I'm India."

"Nice to meet you. I'm James."

"Oh, I know." She tightened her picture-perfect ponytail, and I was immediately reminded of Katie when she was nervous or anxious. "Everyone knows who you are. You're, like, the hottest guy in school."

"Um…thanks?"

"I just mean…I was wondering if you'd be interested in going out with me."

I pressed my lips together, looking down at the table before glancing back up at her. "Sorry, but I don't really do relationships."

"Oh." She didn't look all that surprised; rather, she seemed to have expected it. "Well, maybe we could just hang out…you know, no strings attached?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

She frowned. "Why not?"

"You seem really nice, and people might get the wrong idea if they find out you've been hanging out with me."

"But what if they'd be getting the right idea?" she wanted to know.

I shook my head. "You're too young, India."

"I'm fifteen."

"That's too young. Believe me, I'm not the one you want to lose your virginity to. You should lose it to someone who actually cares about you, not to the first person who seems open to it."

She stared at me like I had gone nuts.

"Believe me," I got to my feet, grabbing the remnants of my dinner. "I know from experience."

"Who'd you lose it to?" she demanded, hands on her hips.

"Someone who should never have been in my life in the first place." I tossed my trash away and headed back to my room. I did a little bit of homework before going over the scene I was going to be performing for the audition. Carlos joined me as I was practicing my lines in front of the mirror, and then challenged me to sing the song I would be using for the audition. We spent the rest of the night, with Carlos coaching me on my performance and giving me the thumbs up on some stuff and "no way in hell"s on other things.

Tuesday slipped by in a flurry of classes, practice, and avoiding the rumors and girls who were rapidly popping out of the woodwork. It seemed that every girl with a twisted sense of entitlement and what they found attractive was suddenly flocking to me, like seagulls to popcorn. All anyone seemed to know was that I had spent the weekend with Katie, and while no one actually could guess what had happened, girls who had previously sneered at me were now coming up to me with their school blouses unbuttoned past their cleavage and their skirts rolled up. Apparently if I was good enough for a weekend getaway with Katie Knight, I was good enough for a quick fuck in the janitor's closet.

I didn't take any of them up on it.

I had no interest in a quick fuck. The only girl I wanted to be with was currently parading around the school, attached at the hip with fucking Zach Wilder.

"I have no idea what's wrong with these girls," I said to Carlos as we sat out in the courtyard during our morning free period, watching as a couple of juniors sneaked a cigarette, and a senior drank from a bottle of who-knows-what. It was amazing how there were never any teachers around when these kids were actually breaking the rules, but if I had come within a foot of the bottle of alcohol, I would have been put in detention in half a second flat.

"Maybe it's that dark, broken, mysterious thing you have going on," Carlos shrugged, taking a sip from his bottle of Frappuccino. "You know, with all the secrets and stuff you've been hiding."

"I'm not broken," I snapped, snatching his bottle from his grasp and putting it up to my lips. When I had finished drinking, I passed it back to him. "I'm just…recovering."

"What the hell happened to you, dude? You've been getting steadily worse since your dad remarried, since you were twelve. I mean, Katie knows…Why won't you tell me?"

"She doesn't even know the whole story." I shook my bangs out of my eyes and stood up. "It's not something I want to talk about."

"It never is," Carlos argued, getting to his feet as well. "What happened, James? What did she do to you?"

"I – what?" I froze, feeling as if someone had just trained a gun on me.

"What did your stepmother do? Because she did something, right? It can't be a coincidence that the second she entered your life, you started pulling back, retreating into this shell you have going on. No one can get close to you. It's like, you have this persona, this attitude that you don't give a shit, but you do. You care what happens. But no one knows you, we only know what you choose to show."

"Isn't that the way it usually works?" I retorted.

"You completely cover up any vulnerabilities you have. Most people show their flaws, but not you."

"I show them."

"Being a total troublemaker doesn't count. Look, you know about my family issues, with my mom hating my dad's job as a cop and their constant fighting. You know that I get crappy grades about sixty percent of the time. You know that bears scare the shit out of me. But I don't know that about you. You have this wall that's completely impenetrable. I've known you for years, but you're not the person you were when we became friends. You're a shell. Just talk to me. Look," he added, voice brightening slightly. "I'll tell you a secret and then you tell me one, okay?"

"Whatever."

"Okay…hmm…I want to be a lawyer, but I don't think I'm going to make it into law school."

"My stepmother abused me." And with that, I pushed past him, heading for the building, not even giving him a chance to react more than look a little shocked.

I avoided him the rest of the day. I didn't have the energy to fend off the million and one questions I knew he would have. He would want to know what type of abuse it was, what it had entailed, why I hadn't ever gotten any help, what exactly I had told Katie. But I had no plans to talk about it. It was my little secret, not meant for public eyes. And if I had my way, no one else would ever find out about it.

I ended up skipping dinner in my room, in favor of rehearsing my lines for the trillionth time since Sunday night.

I was halfway through the scene when my phone blared out the Escape the Fate song that I had chosen as my ringtone. I grabbed it, and was promptly tempted to drop it when I saw who was calling. Nevertheless, I let the call go through and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hey, Mom. What's up?"

"Hi, sweetie," she greeted me. "Did I interrupt something important?"

"I was rehearsing lines for a musical that I'm auditioning for tomorrow afternoon."

"Which musical?"

"Guys and Dolls."

"Oh, that one," she said dismissively.

"You don't like it?"

"It's okay, I suppose. There are better musicals out there."

"I guess. Anyway, why are you calling?"

"I'm going to be in the area for business this weekend, and I was wondering if you could get away from your partying and drinking and sex to meet me for dinner."

"I haven't been doing any of that this year," I informed her. "And yeah, I guess so."

"Good. How about we meet at that little café in Dalton?"

"You mean The Green Tiger?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Quaint little place, isn't it?"

"I suppose."

"Okay. So, we'll meet there on Friday evening at six-o-clock sharp."

I heard a clicking sound and furrowed my brow. "Are you scheduling me in?"

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?"

"And then people wonder why I'm the way I am…" I raked my fingers through my hair. "Aren't you even going to ask if six-o-clock on Friday works for me?"

"I'm assuming it does."

"It may not. I might have rehearsal."

"When do you find out if you got the role?"

"Thursday afternoon, Mom."

"Whatever. If you have rehearsal, just blow it off. It's only the first day."

"I can't do that. If you don't show up the first day of rehearsal at Dalton Prep, you can get kicked from the play."

"Ugh. Like a musical about some gambling addict is even worth getting kicked from."

"It's not about…Okay, you know what? You go Wikipedia the musical and we'll talk later."

"Fine," she huffed out. "Text me if you can make it or not."

"I will."

"Love you, darling. Bye."

"Love you too." I hung up and tossed my phone on my bed. Dear Lord…dinner with my mother…what had I gotten myself into?

The dorm room door opened and Carlos walked in, holding a wrapped sandwich and a bottle of apple juice. "You didn't come to dinner," he commented, passing me the sandwich.

I eyed it. "What is it?"

"Turkey and Swiss."

"Okay, thanks." I unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite.

"About what you told me earlier…" he began, but I held up my hand, swallowing my mouthful of food.

"Carlos, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to remember it, and I don't want to relive any of it. Just please drop it."

"But you need help. Abuse leaves permanent scars on you. You need to talk to someone."

"You sound like all those self-help guides they give out after assemblies – If you or someone you know has been using drugs, bullied, raped, abused, cutting, suicidal, depressed, etc., please call this hotline." I rolled my eyes, snorting. "What a load of shit."

"But what if it does help?"

"If I need help, I'll get it after I graduate, when I'm in New York City, at Julliard."

"James…" Carlos sighed. "Okay. Do what you need to do. Just…tell me this."

"What?"

"How bad was it? How bad was the abuse?"

I paused before answering. "Let me put it this way. I wouldn't even wish it on Wilder. Anyway, thanks for dinner."

Katie's POV

I was miserable. Completely and totally miserable. I missed James, I hated Zach, and I just wanted this whole nightmare to be over.

Today was Wednesday, and that meant that after school, auditions would be held for Guys and Dolls. I normally wouldn't have bothered to remember that little piece of information, but James had mentioned it a few different times to me, so it was now etched in my brain like a tattoo on skin.

And it was because of that little piece of information that I found myself wandering the halls, heading towards the theater. I could already hear the ringing of voices, even from down the hall, and my stomach knotted slightly.

I wasn't going to lie, I was nervous. I hated the fact that James wouldn't even look at me, and I had no idea how he was going to react when he realized I had come to his audition. I didn't want to do anything to make him despise me anymore, but I needed to see him when I was away from Zach, and I wanted to talk to him. At the very least, I needed some closure, we both did. I just wasn't sure if this was the best way to do it.

I pushed through the double doors and slipped up into the stands, taking a seat in the middle, trying to make sure I was surrounded by people even though I was positive James' eyes would sought me out right away; I knew if it was me on stage, I would find him within seconds.

A scrawny freshman had taken center stage, his voice squeaking and cracking every few seconds, and I winced as he completely butchered the monologue he was in the middle of. I didn't know the musical well, but I was pretty sure none of the characters were supposed to sound like they were about to have a panic attack any second.

He ended up shuffling off of the stage a minute later, and a couple more people auditioned before James was called out. I perked up slightly, focusing all my attention on him as he began to speak.

"See, Nathan…let me tell you a little story – when I was young, my father taught me an important lesson…he said; 'my son – one day a man will come up to you and bet you ten to one that he can get cider to squirt in your ear from an uncut apple…but do not take this bet, my son – because as sure as you're standing there, you will get an earful of cider'…now, Nathan – I'm not claiming that you're stalking Mindy's cheesecake, but I'll make you the same bet that you cannot tell me what is the color of the tie you are wearing now…" James smirked as if waiting for a reply, before saying smartly, "That's what I thought."

It wasn't until he fell silent that I realized I had been holding my breath. Wow…he had been amazing. I could see why he had gotten so many lead roles in the school productions. For a long minute, he hadn't been James Diamond, but Sky Masterson, a Chicago gambler. His posture, his voice, the look on his face, his entire personality had completely changed. He really could act…

He began singing a moment later, the music teacher following along with him on the piano, and while I didn't know the song – I was pretty sure it was a stripped down version of an alternative rock song – his voice was beautiful, magnetic, magical. As he came to a finish, I found myself applauding loudly with the rest of the audience. While most of the kids were only in here to support their friends, for thirty seconds, everyone was cheering only for him, rooting for James to get the role, hoping he truly had nailed it.

James bowed and made his way off the stage, glancing over his shoulder, eyes somehow locking with mine, even across the theater, through the crowd of people.

He didn't appear until after everyone else had filed out of the theater, moving gracefully across the stage and up into the seats.

"What're you doing here?"

The words were heavy, rolled with stones and bricks, a great weight falling across his shoulders, and it was with nervousness that I tilted my head up, looking into his eyes.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" His voice was short, clipped, brusque, and my stomach churned anxiously.

"About what happened."

"Which part? The part where we practically had sex, or the part where you just ditched me for Wilder?"

"The second part."

"Well, good. Because you owe me one hell of an explanation, Katie. What the hell was that?! You told me you wouldn't go back to him, that we were as good as together, and then you text me and the next thing I know you're all over each other! And now you're here and you better fucking explain, because I've had more than enough from you and your fucking boyfriend. Who the hell do you even think you are, just turning up here like nothing happened?! Who the fuck does that?!"

"Me, apparently…" I lowered my eyes shamefully. "James, I'm sorry, but believe me when I say it's not what you think it is."

"Then what the fuck is it?" He threw himself into the seat next to me, arms crossed.

"It's – it's – well – " I looked at him apologetically. "I can't actually tell you that. If Zach finds out – "

He snorted. "That's fucking convenient. I can't tell you, I don't want my boyfriend to find out. Whatever, Katie." He made to get to his feet, but I grabbed his wrist.

"Please stay."

"Why?"

"Because – because – because I care about you, and I miss you, and I never wanted to hurt you."

"I can see how well that went."

"Zach threatened me."

"How?" he asked sharply.

"I – "

"Let me guess, you can't tell me."

"Um…no…But basically Zach threatened someone close to me in order to keep me dating him, or make it look like I'm still dating him."

"Are you still dating him behind closed doors?"

"I – yeah – kind of…"

"Then we're done here."

"James – "

"No." He pushed himself up and headed for the stairs. "You made your decision, Katie."

"You don't understand – "

"Gee, I wonder why that is. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that you haven't told me a single fucking thing, now could it?"

"We're only dating behind closed doors because it's easier. We're only dating in his head, James."

"That's bullshit." He whipped around. "If you're going to go around, holding hands and making out in public, then it's real. You said yourself its real."

"I don't have feelings for him. I have them for you."

"Then tell me what he did. Tell me what he said, who he's threatening."

"If he finds out, he'll carry out his threat."

"Then don't let him find out. It's not that hard, Katie."

"James – "

"No, don't even start. You're scared of him, and until you finally get the balls to stand up to him, you're going to keep getting forced under his thumb and that's not going to change. When you finally decide you're ready to tell him to go to hell, come and find me. Until then, have fun playing trophy girlfriend to Zach Wilder." And he descended the stairs and turned, pushing through the doors, leaving me alone in the theater.

So, there's chapter 13. What'd you guys think of it? Again, it's a filler one, but like I said it is important. Thank you for taking the time to read, and please feel free to review! I would really appreciate it :)