The story of Eren's victory at Trost was a story told and shared by many cadets. It was told at every celebration of anything whether it be the entire Survey Corps coming back alive, a special holiday, or even a brithday. It was considered by many to be man kind's first victory and the story of it boosted moral incredibly. It was almost a command that the story be told, everyone sit around and listen quietly. Only one person could be trusted to tell you the truth, the whole truth.
And that was Cadet Armin Arlert
Armin had been the only one to witness Eren's eating by the Bearded Titan, Eren himself commented countless times he could barely remember what happened before or during the fight. Armin had seen it all, and Armin himself was considered a hero in the story being the one who saved most of the cadets and came up with the plan to plug the wall. Jean would lie and make the story more about him and Connie would add random details that made no sense.
And yet, Armin hated that story with a burning passion.
Nobody understood Armin's distaste for the story or even knew about it. He was so good at keeping the facade and simply reciting facts that everyone just took it in stride. They didn't know each time he told it a question burned on his tongue and plagued his nightmares.
Many said that day Armin had frozen up because he'd been scared, afraid. He would admit he had been, but it wasn't the fear that had made him freeze although he would lie over and over again to say it was. No, it was the frightening realization, the terrible idea that burned in his head each time he told the story. The image that gave him nightmares every single night.
Had the Bearded Titan been his Grandfather?
He had noticed the similarities immediately, the beard, the light grey hair, and the eyes that had sought out for Armin himself as if noticing the boy's misery and decided to end it as quickly as possible. In a sick way if it was his grandfather he could see it as an act of mercy to prevent Armin from seeing the horrors the world held. The idea of that monster being his grandfather had made him freeze in his tracks, had made him fall to the roof with no ability to fight back. In his mind it made sick sense why the titan had simply swallowed him, not chewing or snapping him in half. It had wanted it to be as painless as possible.
The ideas of that and the nightmares of his own grandfather wanted to eat him made him bolt up in bed and pant heavily. He'd look to Eren and secretly be jealous. Eren had no memory of the event and didn't have the same memory of the event, even more his mother was eaten by a titan. So far there was no evidence that eaten humans became titans. So he could be sure a titan looking like his mother would never come out for him. Armin would try to rationalize it, try and make sense. He'd come up with reasons why his grandfather couldn't be that titan, but most of them crumbled as he thought. His grandfather's body had never been found or returned to him, the similarities, the way it had handled him. The only thing keeping him sane was the fact that normal people couldn't be titans. After all Eren had been injected with something by his father. It kept him relaxed and comforted.
Until the Shifters and Connie's villiage had been discovered.
All of a sudden the ideas had begun to beat in his head that they were reality. That titan had been his grandfather. There was no other explanation and the ideas made him sick and plagued his nightmares. He'd tried to block it out with books, missions, anything. Yet whenever he saw one of those giant, naked, distorted things all he could see was his grandfather's face.
And then came the story. He fought not to choke up on the details as he told them. He treated his comrade's death with respect and silence, biting his lip hard when he told of the paralyzing fear that had taken over voice never cracked, never wavered as he told the tale. And then came Eren's turn. Eren would brag about how his arm burst out of the titan's mouth and how he ripped the titans to shreds. He'd describe it in grusome detail without the knowledge he was telling Armin how his own grandfather had died and boasting about it. Armin had to fight to keep calm since he would finish the story up afterwards with the rest of the story.
Nobody noticed how each time Armin would excuse himself afterwards. The way his fake smile seemed to wane each time he was asked to tell the tale. How close he was to snapping each and every time. And finally it was too much and he broke.
It was at a party celebrating something. Parties always boosted moral and they found every little thing to celebrate. It kept cadets happy, drunk, and content until the next mission where they may not come back alive. Armin had prepared himself knowing the tale would be told, was ready to force that smile. However, this time he would break.
It was Erwin himself who asked, "Come on Armin! Tell us the story of Trost!"
"Can't we tell a different story, sir?" At that the party seemed to quiet. Had Armin Arlert just disobeyed Commander Erwin? Armin Arlert? The little blonde who was like a teacher's pet? Armin was tired of the story, tired of the thoughts nagging in his head. He didn't want to relive it, he didn't.
Erwin frowned. He'd believed the story would be a perfect moral booster of the party, to get the troops riled for their next mission. He'd never heard Armin talk back to anyone, even cadets lower than himself. He began to suspect something was wrong, but Levi beat him to the question and asked in the way only Levi could.
"The fuck is wrong with you brat?"
Armin bit his lip, his fists clenching and shaking. To most it was surprising to see the calm and quiet Armin struggling with anger and rage. However the anger seemed to subside and be replaced with tears, angry, saddened, and confused tears. He promptly turned his back to Levi, and before the officer could question it he was gone. Levi looked confused, turning to Erwin to see if he'd done something wrong. His social skills weren't up to par and he was given a shrug in return.
Eren and Mikasa had run after him, unsure of why the blonde had reacted like that. Connie, Sasha, and Jean had wanted to follow but knew their comforts would come later. For Armin to break like this he needed those closest to him.
The two immediately headed to the library knowing it was Armin's favorite spot. They heard the loud, depressed sobs before they got there and it terrified them. Armin was a solider and hardened the to effects of war. He hadn't cried since the losses at Trost after which he had trained to become a better soldier. The sobs sounded so painful, so hurt. Eren was the first in the door, throwing it open with a slam. The noise startled the blonde who was curled in his favorite plush chair, hugging a pillow close to him. Eren walked over, immediately sitting down and pulling Armin into a hug. Mikasa followed and sat by him. She unclenched his fingers from the pillow and wrapped her hands around his, allowing her to squeeze them. Armin burried his face into Eren's arm, sobbing.
"Armin, what's wrong?" he questioned, lifting the blonde's face to look at him. Mikasa rubbed her thumbs into his palms to try and relax him.
"I... I think the Bearded Titan was my Grandpa."
The silence that followed was awkward as Armin continued to sob. Mikasa looked up in confusion as the gears clicked in Eren's head and his mouth dropped. He looked down, trying to form the words that he understood and that he knew how Armin felt.
But he didn't.
His mom had never become a titan and neither had Mikasa's. Seeing a family member trying to eat you, and having to tell the tale over and over with these thoughts in your head. It was a wonder Armin hadn't broken sooner. He couldn't promise Armin that everything would be ok, he couldn't say he understood, but he could let Armin sob it out on his shoulder and just be there for his best friend. Mikasa seemed to understand and held onto the blonde as well, letting him get all the emotions out.
After that night the story of Trost was only told in secret, by whispering mouths and naive cadets. It was never again told in the presence of Armin Arlert, never again told braggingly by Eren Jaeger, and for some reason was never the moral booster it had once been.