Wow…Sorry guys…It has been over a year since the last update which a few of you probably note with chagrin. I won't bore you with excuses. Here it is the last part of the story! It is the longest one yet and I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Uta no Prince-sama…:[
Natsuki/Syou- light
'We're almost done…' Syou's mind chanted frantically, 'Just a little more…' His body moved automatically, almost robotically to the well-practiced moves. This was what they had been working so hard for all this time, their big opening show. Nothing could stop him from finishing the number, not even pain.
It was subtle at first, a nervous fluttering of the heart, some occasional shortness of breath. Despite knowing better Syou chalked it up to nerves and did nothing. They weren't particularly worrisome or unusual symptoms overall, definitely not meriting the time it would take to visit the doctor, with the concert only days away. It was only natural that he would be nervous; everyone was getting a bit antsy. Syou's tried to reason within himself, a futile struggle; repeating a lie enough times never make it truth. And now he was paying the consequences.
Just as their final song got underway Syou was hit full force by an attack. The pounding of his heart against his ribs was dangerously fast, sending his head spinning nonsensically. His muscles tensing and burning with the lack of oxygen as he pushed himself to ignore the all too clear signs. Syou delivered his final duet with Natsuki breathlessly, his arm trembling with the force his fingers were exerting on the microphone clenched between in a desperate attempt to outlet the pain.
The pressure in his chest grew debilitating alarmingly fast and as the group prepared for the final dance Syou could feel the merciless tether of panic ensnaring him. The noise of the crowd suddenly transformed into a sickening roar, deafening and disorientating; the lights above, once flashy and exciting, were now blinding and scorching as his head swam. Yet he couldn't stop now, he couldn't give in to the utterly cruel trick of gravity that had somehow tripled on his shouldered, sapping his strength.
Syou grimaced as his forced movements fell out of sync with the others despite his efforts and when the world shifted dangerously beneath his feet, all was not well. He felt faint and overwhelmed. A thin layer of sweat was prickling against his skin and his teeth ground together as he forced his body past its limits. On trembling legs Syou slipped to the back of the stage hoping that by some miracle his movements looked natural, and that he didn't look quite as terrible externally as he felt internally.
Surprisingly none of the other members of Starish seemed to mind the improvising and in-fact catered to the change, making it seem almost appropriate. Only Natsuki's eyes lingered on him for more than an instant before the show reclaimed his attention. He was grateful for their focus, hoping their flair and energy could somehow distract the crowd from his abrupt lack of coordination and spastic breaths.
Syou was gasping his vision hazing and distorting as he fought to move his body. He was out of the limelight now but not completely out of sight, and he wouldn't allow his rapidly deteriorating performance to ruin the others perfect presentation. All of Haruka's heart and soul, everyone's hard work. Still the singer knew it wouldn't be long before his weakening body gave out. His chest felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to it and breathing had become nearly impossible.
'Only a few more seconds…'
Finally the lights went out and suddenly the world fell unnaturally silent. No cries, no cheers, nothing. Nothing except silent darkness.
"Syou!"
Syou's eyes snapped open frantically as soon as his head made contact with the floor and before he had time to comprehend his surroundings Natsuki was above him pulling him off the ground and into his lap. Writhing in the boy's grasp Syou clutched at his chest, he couldn't give in to the pain, not yet. But he couldn't breathe and his rapid heartbeat was growing thready and weak.
"Syou! It's okay! Everything is going to be okay!" It took Syou a moment to realize that it was Natsuki who was shouting in his ears. The golden haired boy was holding him tightly, muttering more to himself than Syou. But that didn't matter at the moment.
"D-did they… see?" the blond wheezed and choked over his words, gridding his teeth at the constriction in his lungs, he needed to know.
Natsuki looked confused at the question, obviously too terrified by Syou's state to pay attention to anything else. "Everyone's right here… no one is going to judge you Syou!" Natsuki sputtered hysterically.
Syou snapped his eyes closed as fresh wave of pain tore through this chest; stealing away the precious little air from his lungs. With all the strength he could muster he shook his head. He knew the others would only rally around him, concerned and anxious maybe, but never judgmental.
"The curtains closed just before you fell." It was Tokiya's strong firm voice that finally gave Syou the answer he had been looking for. The blue haired singer knew show business better than anyone; of course he would understand Syou's concern. His fans could remain blissfully unaware.
The petite youth sagged with relief yet his body quickly went rigid again as the burning of his chest spread thought his body. His heart slammed against his ribcage frantically and the air in his lungs staled as his blood failed to circulate.
He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. Pain overwrote every function in his body necessary or otherwise. And as his world faded to black once again, only a single word flicked to his reeling mind: death.
Syou awoke in a groggy, befuddled haze yet didn't need to open his eyes to know his current whereabouts: the hospital, again. Second time in less than two months; not exactly something to brush aside. But he was still alive.
Passing out was new, a symptom not usually associated with his particular fits, yet lately it seemed a growing trend, a trend that annoyed him greatly and bode terribly. The increasing intensity and frequency only pointed to one thing: time was running out.
His thoughts forced Syou's eyes to open and mind to focus; he needed to know what was going on. There was no time to squander on meaningless self-pity and tending to the growing fear blossoming within his mind.
When his body failed to move an inch upon request Syou knew something was wrong. And as his consciousness sharpened and the world began to make sense beyond the white of the ceiling he realized that everything was wrong. From the lack of Kaoru by his side, the ungodly numbness in his limbs, to the oxygen mask coving the lower half of this face, something bad was going on. An uneasy queasiness settled over the blond as a fearful sort of understanding washed over him. Yet despite his anxiety Syou could feel his heart chugging along slowly, no doubt stunted and disassociated from his emotions by the mass of drugs coursing through his system.
"Ah Syou-kun, glad to see you doing better." A sudden voice startled Syou. The doctor entered without a sound and the fact that he was already at Syou's bedside staring down at him had the teen a little more than ruffled. It was one of life's great unfathomable mysteries why everyone insisted on sneaking up on him, the doctors were especially good at it.
Syou's hand twitched as he willed the limb enough strength to either smack at the doctor's hand, which was obtrusively shinning a blinding light in his eyes or to pull off the contraption blocking his mouth from speaking. The blond achieved neither and sat in immobile frustration until the light finally snapped off and the doctor moved back a step. He wanted to ask where Kaoru was, or Natsuki, or anybody for that matter. Syou hated the morbid hopeless thoughts that crawled through his slugging mind when he was alone. They were probably in the hospital somewhere, worried sick, but Syou's body betrayed him and even his lips remained stubbornly still.
"Now, now, just relax," the man in the room turned his eyes away from whatever held his attention previously to rest them instead on Syou. "You're going to be fine. But you did just get out of surgery so try to keep moving to a minimum for a little while, alright?"
Syou's eyes widened at the news. He knew something had been different from his last hospital visit, but an unscheduled surgery was not what he had in mind. Not at all.
"No need to worry about any of that right now…" The doctor downed on meaninglessly, his supposed words of comfort doing nothing to ease the tension building in Syou's nerves. On the contrary it only served to aggravate Syou further. How could he be expected to relax, he had just as much right as anyone, more so in fact, to worry about his own body.
"The surgery went fine and since the anesthetic is wearing off now I'll go ahead and let your family know," Of course the man would give him no information; nothing substantial that he could use to judge his current condition.
"Just try to take it easy for a while." Came the man's concluding remark as he left the room. Syou settled on rolling his eyes, frustrated that he couldn't do much of anything else with the sedation they had him under.
And so he sat, stewing in bitter silent question for more than a few minutes before the door opened once again and his mother, followed by a disconsolate Kaoru, entered the room.
"Syou!" His mother called nearly breathlessly, "You scared me half to death!" She was instantly by his side, concerned blue eyes ghosting over his frame as if looking for some injury they both knew couldn't be seen from the outside.
"How are you feeling?" His mother asked softly, smoothing back the hair dusting his forehead. Finally finding the coordination and strength to move his arm Syou took the opportunity to remove the irritating and bulbous oxygen mask. He didn't need that thing; he had a weak heart not gimp lungs. His mother must have seen the frustration on his face for she didn't comment or reprehend his actions.
"W-what happened?" Syou's voice escaped as nothing more than an airy whisper and he was suddenly aware of the heaviness of his chest. Whatever drugs they had prescribed this time did not sit well with him. Syou could hardly think straight, and his head felt like it was floating.
"Syou…" His mother sighed apparently not pleased by the question. "The doctor told me I should wait until you were feeling better before telling you the details but I know how stubborn you are…You'll just force Kaoru to tell you as soon as I leave anyway," The woman commented half scolding half with painfully forced playfulness. Her façade was terrible. The upset written clearly across her features could be seen effortlessly from miles away. Her false smile meant bad news, plus there was Kaoru who hadn't turned his eyes up from the floor once.
There was no need to wait, this was his body and he had a right to know. His mother's face grew serious and she spoke, "Apparently yesterday you were brought in with a dangerous arrhythmia, borderline cardiac arrest… The doctors got it under control quickly but they decided that the pacemaker wasn't quite working well for you so they replaced it with something else… Kaoru do you remember what they called it?" Syou listened attentively waiting patiently for his younger brother to fill in the details. His mother never was the best at retaining medical jargon especially when under stress.
"Implantable Cardiac Defibrillator…" Kaoru murmured in obvious distress, his warbling voice drawing out the name like some sort of ominous death sentence. Syou didn't know exactly what it was, but from a life steeped in medical terminology of the heart he could deduce its basic function from the title. Something under his skin meant to deliver his heart an encouraging jolt every time the rhythm diverged from the norm. Not exactly the end of the world Kaoru seemed intent on making it out to be.
"That's right…" His mother nodded in confirmation her hand lifting to slide across her brow slowly, with an exhaustion that did not escape Syou's notice. Her actions drew his attention to the time, it was already midday at least, and with his abrupt hospitalization and surgery his family probably hadn't slept within the last twenty four hours.
"So that being said, you know I hate to be the dealer of bad news… and I know you're not going to like what I have to say but I have to do it anyway…" She began again drawing out her news as if it were truly burdensome, yet her eyes read differently.
"I'm afraid it's rest and relaxation at home for you for the next three weeks." Came the verdict and Syou was indignant immediately. Sure, he would take some time to recover, but three weeks was an unforgivably long time, especially now. Starish had just made its big debut; this was the single most important time in his budding career. He didn't have time to waste lying around.
"But mom! I can't-" Syou's protests were cut off with the quick raise of his mother's hand, her eyes closing in finality.
"I'm sorry Syou, I really am…I realize how important your band is to you and what horrible timing this it but there is nothing we can do about it. I'll have you know that I already took consideration for you and settled on three weeks rather than the doctor's suggestion of four or five, so I won't hear any complains. I hate to do this to you, but this is something that I can't be swayed on." His mother defended herself soundly, there was no way he could argue, the resolve in her voice was all too clear. All he could do now was brood in angry disbelief, not at his mother's actions but at his own useless body.
"Don't give me that look," the woman chided at his crestfallen expression, "The world can wait three more weeks for their number one idol to recover." Her words held absolute conviction and she comforted him with a gentle hand on his cheek.
His mother's warmth spread over him thickly and Syou had no choice by to nod in acceptance. This wasn't her fault and he knew his health was important but the fact remained that he wouldn't be present for Starish's first round of tours and that hurt.
"And I bet now that they've had a taste of my wonderful Syou the wait will just increase their appetites!" His mother added, gushing like his own personal overzealous cheerleader as she stood up.
"Now then, I need to go find your father before he gets himself lost again." With that his mother departed but not before leaning over to plant a soft kiss upon his forehead.
Sighing and feeling like a child Syou rubbed at the spot he knew was bound to have his mother's trademark red lipstick stamped into pale skin.
"This sucks…" Syou sighed, directing his lament to know one in particular.
From the corner of his eye he spied Kaoru shuffling towards him sullenly. Disconcertingly Kaoru's attitude today was deplorable negative, even more so than usual. Syou knew his condition worried his family but it wasn't unusual and things had turned out pretty good considering he could be dead. Now he would even have to spend nearly a month at home so Kaoru should have been overjoyed, which meant that something else was wrong, something no one wanted to tell him.
Syou watch suspiciously as his younger brother slumped ungracefully into the chair their mother had just abandoned, the one pulled up closest to his bed, and heaved a shaky sigh. There were too many wires and tubes attached to his body for Kaoru to curl up next to him this time. Even with the sedatives he'd been giving the pang of loss that came with the separation resonated heavily in his heart.
Instead Syou offered his brother a hand and was silently relieved when the other took it and held it tightly between the warmth of his own. Perhaps it was the effects of the medication wearing off or Kaoru's pale terrified face but a sinking fear of his own was slowly making itself apparent. Turning in his stomach, burrowing into his thoughts like a disturbing, impossible to eradicate parasite.
He nearly died this time. Syou could hear it in his mother's voice, see it in Kaoru's face, he could feel it in his heart. The surgery hadn't been preventative, it was life-saving. Time was running dangerously thin.
As if he shared the very same thoughts suddenly Kaoru's head fell forward, face first into the sheets and a soundless heaving sob seized his shoulders. He had Syou's hand in a death-grip, thin fingers exerting a force that didn't seem possible for their trembling owner.
Neither said a word and Syou allowed his brother to cling and cry in quiet privacy, no empty words of comfort, no anger at the pity overflowing from Kaoru's shivering form. Just mute guilt that he was the cause of the suffering, anxiety, and sadness of his entire family.
Minutes past before Kaoru finally calmed, head falling to one side lethargically, his trembling grip on Syou's hand easing to simply skin contact.
"I don't feel well…" His little brother muttered frailly and Syou's eyebrows knit in concern. It wasn't like Kaoru to admit feeling sick especially when his problems were acting up; afraid of pulling attention to himself rather than Syou or some nonsense. The idol supposed that was why their mother still didn't know. Kaoru didn't hide things from him.
Pulling his hand from his twin's weak grasp Syou placed it on his brother's forehead, immediately noting a temperature difference. Granted his hands were always a bit cool due to his poor circulation but Kaoru was definitely feverish.
At first Syou tried to sit up to better assist his brother and somehow convince the other into the bed with him, but the sudden rush of dizzying pain and heaviness that hit him at the movement warned him against such action so soon. When he fell back with a sharp gasp Kaoru's head snapped up in alarm and horror.
"Syou! W-what are you doing!? Don't try to move!" Kaoru exclaimed huffing with over exertion as Syou was. They were quite the pair. Instead of opening his eyes and acknowledging his folly Syou's hand caught Kaoru by the arm and he tugged pathetically at the fabric of his brother's shirt.
"Lay with me," Syou requested still breathless. He felt utterly useless and appalled by his inadequate body; he couldn't even comfort his little brother when he was sick.
Kaoru hesitated and Syou pulled at his sleeve again stubbornly, "I'll get up and pull you in if I have too," he threatened his free hand clutching a fist full of blanket as he prepared himself to sit up again.
"No!..." Kaoru cried in anxiety, clamoring to his feet only to sway dangerously. One last tug and Kaoru caved easing himself onto the bed slowly ever mindful of every electrode and needle disturbing the white of Syou's skin.
Syou shifted over gingerly but grateful to have Kaoru lying beside him, they both needed this, discomfort or not. Kaoru needed the rest, and he could use the comfort. It wasn't long before they were both asleep.
When Syou woke up next the heaviness of his body had faded noticeable though the slow staggered thudding of his heart hadn't improved much. The sun and Kaoru beside him were warm and calming and Syou relaxed.
"Mornin' Sleeping Beauty." A quiet greeting from his other side startled the blond from his peace and his head snapped in the direction of the voice. That voice he could recognize anywhere: Natsuki.
"Nats-ki!" Syou's words started softly, mindful of his brother still sleeping soundly beside him, but ended in a near yelp, as a current of electricity suddenly surged through his heart. Eyes wide, Syou's hand flew to his chest, the shock was powerful, terrifying, invigorating. He had never been able to feel the pacemaker work with its weak output, this was completely different. His heart was now pacing steadily. It was both relieving and unnerving at the same time.
"Syou?!" Natsuki was frantic, green eyes watery with a surplus of anxiety and fear.
"Shh!" Syou hushed his roommate quickly; there was no need to rouse Kaoru yet. "I'm okay, I was just surprised…" he whispered reaching out to stop the other boy from rising out of his seat. Natsuki looked confused and uncertain but agreed reluctantly, siting back down from his semi standing position.
"I didn't mean to startle you…" the golden haired teen apologized sincerely and Syou managed a half smile at his friend. The real reason could stay discrete for now.
"Your mom said it was best if I didn't stay long… I just had to make sure you were okay." Natsuki was oddly calm today as if he already knew the severity of Syou's predicament. Last time he was hospitalized Natsuki was his usual goofy self, but this time there was no cheer to his voice.
"I had to have surgery…" Syou wasn't sure why he revealed that detail but he felt his best friend had the right to know. Natsuki stiffened visible at the news, eye widening and lips sinking into a frown.
"S-sur-" His roommate begun and Syou cut him off before he could continue his tirade of concern and questions.
"It wasn't anything too major, but I wanted you to know… You can tell the others. I'll be fine but I won't be able to join you guys for a week or two… Mom wants me home." Syou explained sourly hoping his attitude did a little something to restore the normalcy between them.
"Of course! Take all the time you need to get better! We already cancelled tomorrows performance so don-" Natsuki quickly agreed only to be cut off by Syou again.
"You guys cancelled?! Why?!" In his shock he forgot to be quiet and Kaoru twitched at the disturbance.
"What do you mean why? We can't perform without you Syou-chan…"Natsuki whined.
"That's just stupid! We just made our debut we can't go on a hiatus!" Syou argued voice hushed again yet losing none of it edge.
The doctor entering the room successfully ended their conversation as well as fully waking Kaoru. Syou didn't spare the innocent man from his glare.
"I should get going, I'll tell everyone you're doing better. Get well soon Syou-chan!" Natsuki announced standing quickly his hand brushing Syou's for a moment before he fled the room.
Syou was released after two days, with a firm warning to remain stationary for pretty much the rest of his life, which to Syou would add up to a total of one day for his family's sake before he was up and about again. He could hardly sit still in class for an hour, staying in bed all day irritated and wound him up more than it helped. Yet what really annoyed him was the portable heart monitor he was forced to wear for the rest of the week so the doctor could track the progress of his new device and heart strength. It made him feel too restricted.
His days at home were long and lazy; Syou would lounge around and begrudgingly watch every movie Kaoru would suffer him through. His only relief from utter boredom was when his brother reluctantly left for school and his mother allowed him out for walks and to call his friends back at Saotome.
Natsuki confirmed that Starish had indeed put off their performances at least until the weekends so, despite the rumors that would spread among the general public, Syou would only be missing out on three shows. Maybe less if he could convince his mother to see reason and allow him to return to school sooner. He was grateful to the others, utterly and completely. This was everyone's time to shine yet they all hung back, reaching into the shadows to pull Syou along as his dreams sunk with his failing health. One day Syou would make it up to them, somehow. And so he waited, for his three week recovery period to end, so he could return and preform with everyone again.
Or so he hoped.
It was hardly the start of his second week when a persistent wave of palpitations and chest pain landed him in the hospital again. The only plus this time was that he hadn't passed out or suffered another cardiac arrest so his anticipation of returning to Saotome were only partially crushed. There was still a possibility that the doctors would say it was nothing to worry about; just adjustment to the new device or some other triviality.
Yet as he sat in the hospital room with Kaoru clinging miserable to his hand and his parents whispering inaudibly with his doctor just outside the door a sinking feeling of doubt grew strong.
When the discussion outside finally ended his mother was stark pale, a trembling hand covering her mouth as if she were suddenly sick to her stomach. Syou and Kaoru watched silently just as they had all those years ago, except now they understood the powerful meaning behind that gesture. Kaoru whimpered slightly as their mother fell into the chair in the hallway and in her place their father entered Syou's room. Their father was always the one to deliver the worst news, the news their mother couldn't handle.
"Hey kiddo, feeling okay?" The man began lightly as if to build up to the great climax everyone was waiting for yet never wanted to hear. Their father's eyes were focused on Syou but he ruffled Kaoru's light hair affectionately as he approached. It was easy to tell that Kaoru was the more petrified of the two twins. Kaoru shook the hair from his eyes as the man moved to stand in front of Syou. There was a painful forced half-hearted smile on his thinly drawn lips. His dark hair, such a contrast to the rest of the family's foreign blond locks, made the worry stand out on his face.
Syou looked up without a word, Kaoru mirroring his action simultaneously. Their father twitched at the attention looking away for a moment. He never did have the same outgoing confidence of their mother; Syou supposed Kaoru was more like their father in that respect, whereas he resembled their mother.
"So me and your mom had a chat with the doctor a minute ago," The man finally announced settling on to the edge of the chair, hands knotting together uneasily. "I know we told you three weeks at home before you could go back to school…but looks like there will be some modifications to that plan." Syou grid his teeth as his father continued, diplomatic, yet troubled. Despite his longing to protest Syou said nothing, it wasn't like he expecting anything less and he could tell the bad news had just begun.
So Syou waited, uncharacteristically patient for whatever gloomy prognosis the doctors had dealt him this time. His father smiled sadly at his expression doubtless reading it with ease.
"Looks like the readings the doctors got from the monitor they made you wear; paired with the frequency of your last few attacks have them pretty adamant about having another surgery," His father announced at last. Syou's brows knitted, lips curving in a frown, and he swallowed dryly; something told him that his was to be nothing like his last few surgeries.
"I'm not trying to scare you, that's the last thing I want, but I think you're old enough to know the risks and the reason why your mother and I agreed to it…" The man waited until Syou nodded before his voice drowned out the suffocating silent once again.
"First of all it's a pretty major surgery, with a lot of risks and complications that could happen but I won't get into that. What they want to do is go in and replace the valves of both chambers of your heart as well as repair some damage that was caused by the heart attack you had a couple of months back. To be honest this isn't the first time they have suggested a valve replacement but never so urgently. We just… well, you're still so young and we didn't want to subject you to something that wasn't absolutely necessary. But this time… we don't really have the choice anymore. They told us that the chances that you would survive past the end of the year without this surgery is a little lower than thirty percent…and we can't take that chance." By the time his father stopped talking Kaoru looked as sick as their mother had and Syou was in a numb state of shock.
The grip on his hand was tight enough to bruise and it shook the blond out of his stupor, he couldn't tell if Kaoru was crying for his face was turned down but from the force of his fingers and shivering of his shoulders it hardly mattered, he was distraught regardless. Syou turned to his father who looked disturbed in his own way and questioned, "When is the surgery?" It was impossible to completely eliminate the slight tremor of terror that vibrated through his voice but considering the circumstances Syou wasn't ashamed. He didn't want to die, not yet, not when his future finally looked so bright. The risks didn't matter, low survival rate meant nothing; he would have this surgery and beat the odds as he had his entire life.
Syou's father perked up slightly at his easy acceptance of the unfortunate fate.
"We haven't scheduled it completely yet, we're waiting to hear from the Cardiologist but tentatively as early as next week." Syou nodded in comprehension, ignoring the painful tightening of Kaoru's grip on his hand.
"And how long is the recovery time?" Came his next question, free hand moving to cover his twin brother's absently, attention still fully focus on their father.
"That's my boy," his father cracked a small smile of pride and gratitude, "I'll let you know as soon as I find out." With that the dark haired man stood up and ruffled his hair this time, settling his other hand on Kaoru's head.
"Don't you worry about your brother, he's a fighter." Syou grinned despite the heaviness of the atmosphere; at least someone believed he would live to see another summer.
The next person to find out about his surgery was Natsuki. The other boy called nearly as soon as Syou finally managed to get Kaoru to settle down enough to leave his side. A task which he would sooner punch than listen to anyone argue was no big deal. Syou exhaled slowly preparing himself for another painfully droll round of reassurances.
"Syou-chan how are you!?" Natsuki sung into the phone, their last few calls had done wonders to improve his roommates paranoia and now all of Syou's hard work was about to go down the drain.
"I'm fine…but I'm at the hospital right now," Syou cut straight to the chase, never one to waste words, plus the last few hours dealing with Kaoru had left him worn and tired. On the other line Natsuki sputtered and, if Syou heard correctly, spit the contents of his mouth all over or very near Ren for the other male was now yelling agitatedly in the background about juice stains and spit.
"Syou-chan being in the hospital is the opposite of being okay!" His best friend recovered with a few coughs and yelled into the phone, the clamor of other voices behind him picked up ten-fold. Syou figured the rest of the Starish members and Haruka weren't far, that would save Natsuki from multiple repetitions of the rather upsetting news he was going to have to broadcast in Syou's stead.
"Yeah, yeah," Syou placated, not really putting too much effort into consoling his friend. All reassurances would be for not in a moment anyway. "I have… something else I need to tell you," the blond added before Natsuki could complain about his apathy. Syou's eye drifted around his empty room, his family had just left for home a few minutes ago and the silence now surrounding him was oppressive and lonely.
He could hear Natsuki on the line hushing the lively background chatter behind him before he questioned, "What is it…?" His voice was small and frightened. Either Natsuki had moved or his tone had clued in the others to the seriousness of the discussion for the noise died down quickly. Blue eyes turned down to stare absently at pale fingers and Syou prodded almost vindictively at the EKG monitor secured to his right wrist. He wished he could be with his friends right now, happy and energetic, instead of alone in a hospital staring down death. Syou shook the thought from his head, thoughts like that were no good.
"I'll be going in for another surgery later this week…" The delay of information no doubt had Natsuki squirming with anticipation so Syou finally revealed the news. They would have to re-choreograph all the dances and fill in his solos; Syou's thought's drifted down a rather depressing route. There was no way he'd be back within the next several weeks, if at all. The blond frowned at the morbid truth of his contemplations, yet no matter how true, how close to death he came he would never stop fighting.
Natsuki make a strange half whimper half sob into the phone successfully drawing Syou's attention back to his friend. Now came the comforting half, where he had to somehow convince Natsuki that he wouldn't be dropping dead as soon as they ended the call. "I probably won't make it back to Saotome for another three weeks," Syou concluded hoping a return date would give his friend hope. And he hoped with all his might that he could stay true to that estimation.
"T-three?" Natsuki questioned back shaken, "What do they want to do?…Is it…serious?"
Syou's insides twisted at the inquiry, remembering his father's words made his heart tense in fear and stomach turn. There was no way he could tell Natsuki the details, not now, not in this state. The only way he was staying brave himself was by not thinking about it.
"I- I don't really want to talk about it now…" Syou announced quietly, hand moving to press against his chest as his heart began to flutter.
"Okay…" Natsuki accepted his refusal to comment gracefully and without question. Syou was surprised but grateful; his roommate could probably hear the fear the uncertainty in his voice. "You promised me right? Right Syou? That you wouldn't go anywhere, I'm holding you to that promise!" Natsuki's added, his passionate voice forcing Syou to pull the phone away from his ear in a hurry, lest his eardrums suffer the consequences.
"Yeah," Syou's stiff muttered response was halfheartedly and tinged with a tremble. Now in the quiet solitude of his hospital room reality was crashing heavily upon his shoulders. Would he really be able to keep that promise, or any promise for that matter? An enormous tide of doubt and fear washed over Syou, pummeling and leaving him disoriented and breathless.
"Syou?" Natsuki seemed to hear the change in his breathing for the golden haired boy's prompt was laced with worry.
"It's nothing… I have to go okay? I'll talk to you later." Syou schooled his response; ending the conversation before his throat could tighten any further and choke the words from his tongue. If he didn't have hope for himself then he had nothing. Natsuki and everyone would worry enough even without his temperamental mood thrown in. Syou hardly waited for Natsuki's agreement before he hung up his cell phone and flopped backward into the bed. He had to live through this, for Kaoru, for Natsuki, for the promises he made.
Just when death loomed so close suddenly living for today wasn't enough, Syou wanted to see tomorrow. He was grateful for the present, already more than he had been promised, but Syou wanted to live the future.
The rest of the week passed with astonishing sluggishness. Syou was confined to the hospital until the surgery for monitoring; a complete four days of isolation save for the few short hours his family came to visit. During the week, as it was, both his parents worked and Kaoru had class. Even Natsuki was busy with practice so Syou had a lot of time to think, both a good and bad thing. His thoughts seesawed between the more encouraging light hearted path: hardly suppressed anticipation to get the surgery over with so he could return to his band as soon as possible; to utter and complete terror and unwillingness.
But when the morning before his surgery finally arrived and Kaoru crept into his room, face betraying his emotional standpoint on the issue: brows dipped in stagnant anxiety, hands trembling; Syou forced himself to see the light. He didn't need to reassure his brother anymore, their conversations had been the same since the surgery's conformation and both knew the others side inside and out. So the two sat in a heavy silence time ticking towards their final moments together before the doctor came in to take Syou away.
There were a few times when Kaoru's mouth would open as if to speak yet no words ever managed to pass his lips, not that Syou minded. He never even tried to speak fearing the quality of his voice and content with the quiet.
Despite his dedication to staying positive occasionally Syou's grip on his brother arm would tighten as his mind clouded with doubt, yet the soft warmth of Kaoru's understanding as he returned the pressure, the fear, kept the darkness at bay.
Kaoru had just laid his head on Syou's shoulder, another wave of tranquility settled over the two, when the door opened and they both tensed. Syou looked towards the intrusion while Kaoru simply clung tighter head down, refusing to acknowledge the new visitor. Instead of the doctor Syou was relieved yet surprised to see Natsuki peeking into the room.
Syou nudged his brother lightly giving him the clear to relax; they still had time.
"What are you doing here?" Syou turned his attention back to his roommate whose look of anxious curiosity soon morphed into a soft sheepish smile. Starish was scheduled for another performance tomorrow and Natsuki should have been at school, hours away from here, rehearsing and getting ready.
"You didn't think we would let you go through a scare surgery without coming to see you!" Natsuki revealed beaming and suddenly he was pushed into the room by an energetic Ittoki and the rest of the Starish crew filed into the small room.
Before long the room was filled with happy chatter, well wishes, bickering and more. But it wasn't until someone, probably Natsuki, produced a camera that the room got truly noisy. Syou protested loudly as the device was aimed in his direction.
Not that he was camera shy, an impossibility given his line of work, but he looked too much like Kaoru with his hair down and unstyled, which was one of those strange things that made Syou uneasy. As if confusing the two would somehow transfer his problems onto his brother, an unreasonable but well rooted fear. There was that, the fact that he hadn't painted his nails in weeks, and while everyone else was dressed up and presentable he was forced into this monstrosity of an ill-fitting, bland, seamless hospital issued robe. Everyone knew how important Syou held fashion and even Kaoru managed a sympathetic smile at his plight.
Their antics continued until Syou's heart monitor beeped out a warning at the excitement and the blond was forced to settle down, Kaoru immediately edgy again.
The others too looked uncertain as if drawn between worrying and continuing their cheer-up routine, until timidly Haruka stepped forward.
"Syou-kun," The girl's golden eyes were soft with tender compassion and hope. Her natural warmth doing wonders to sooth the entire room, "I know it's not much but I wrote this song for you," Haruka announced quietly, gently settling a piece of light pink floral stationary into Syou's palm. "I was hoping that after your surgery you could memorize it and perhaps we could play it for your return performance. If you like it of course."
The room had fallen silent with the girl's voice and Syou clutched the gift to his chest, awed. Without even reading a word he knew this was special, a treasure. This was his hope. He held the future in his hands.
"Thank you… Thank you so much!" Syou smiled then the first real smile that had passed his lips in weeks. He couldn't even find the words to express his gratitude. Around him everyone was smiling lightly, content once again at the peace Haruka had fostered through her insightful thoughtfulness alone.
As Haruka stepped back Natsuki quickly replaced her, stooping down so that he was eye level with Syou. "Nanami-chan is a pretty tough act to follow but I have something I want to give you too…" Natsuki began softly, brushing the hair from Syou's wide eyes before collecting one of Syou's hands in his own.
Syou could feel his heart picking up speed at the proximity, overwriting his senses. Natsuki was close, very close. Despite himself Syou felt the heat rising to his cheeks, and he curse the other boy for setting in motions the strange roll of emotions now coursing through his system.
Natsuki's touch was much too gentle against his skin, his airily voice too tender for any sort of misinterpretation. "You are my best friend Syou, and so much more than that. So I want you to remember that no matter what happens I will love you, forever."
Somehow Syou's eyes widened further before soft warm lips descended over his and he melted into the contact. Natsuki pulled away quickly and Syou was embarrassed and shocked to find that he already missed the exotic pressure, the overwhelming smell of Natsuki that wafted over him at the closeness. His lips tingled, a warmth spreading over his entire body and pooling in his cheeks which he knew were positively glowing pink. Instantly self-conscious Syou tried to sputter something, anything to dignify himself, but failed miserably as Natsuki pressed a gentle finger to his lips and smiled and innocent guilt free, closed eyed smile.
A quick glance around the room found everyone's eyes turned away in a form of mock privacy but from the blushes and smirks present on a few faces Syou knew they were just being gracious. The look of uncomfortable mortification that he could read clearly on Kaoru's face from seeing him kissing another boy, even if it was Natsuki, was clear to Syou. Yet it didn't feel wrong, embarrassing sure, but Syou didn't regret enjoying it.
Before any normalcy could reinstate or Syou could properly sort through the new emotions Natsuki had invoked, a young female nurse entered the room, chart in hand. Her presence meant only one thing: Time to go. Immediately all eyes were on the young woman and she shifted uncomfortably for a moment, blushing shamelessly at the encounter with Saotome's finest idols.
"Sorry to interrupt," the woman squeaked before her gaze can to rest on Syou, "If you're ready we are about to start the procedure." At the announcement Syou sobered and nodded firmly. He was ready for this.
His friends scoot aside some moving into the hallway as a small, somberly dressed, group of medical staff entered to wheel him away to the operating room. Natsuki had only moved back a step but it was Kaoru's transfixed form that caught Syou's attention. His brother was frozen in the middle of the room face full of anguish, eyes glassy with unshed tears. While the staff was busy preparing him for the move Syou reached out for his brother, finally finding the strength to call out to his twin, "Kaoru."
In an instant his brother's trance was broken and his aqua eyes shot to Syou's with such insecurity and terror that it near broke his heart. A moment later Kaoru was sprawled on top of him hugging him so desperately it hurt, sobbing freely into the ugly blue material of Syou's smock.
"You can't die…" Kaoru whispered between ragged breaths, "Don't leave me alone…"
Syou collected his little brother, twin, his other half, into his arms and buried his head into the notch between Kaoru's head and shoulder.
Retuning the embrace with all the strength he could muster so that Kaoru could feel his dedication to life, his commitment to survival. "I'll be fight until the end…" Syou murmured into Kaoru's collared shirt, this was a promise he could keep no matter what happened. A light pat on the shoulder informed Syou that his time for goodbyes had ended and he pulled away from his brother reluctantly.
Natsuki assisted Kaoru from the bed and held him as the doctors wheeled Syou through the door. The two followed him out and rejoined the rest of the group waiting in the hallway. Syou could see his friends quickly move to ease Kaoru's nerves as he was carted down the hall, stiff and crying silently. Haruka held his hand, Natsuki was clinging to his other arm, Ottoki's hand on his shoulder, and even Ren ruffled Kaoru's hair sympathetically. It made Syou smile; to know that his friends whom hardly knew his little brother would offer him their kindness in his time of need, when Syou couldn't be the one to do it himself.
Sitting up quickly Syou leaned over the side of his bed to see his loved ones one last time, pointedly ignoring the protest of the nurse on his left, who yelped and fretted at his sudden movement.
"I'll see you in a few hours!" Syou announced bravely, beaming at the others even as the nurse scolded him and pulled him back to lay properly in the bed.
"Yeah!" He heard the cheer come from behind him and Syou settled down content. There was no way he would leave this life so easily.
As the door to the operating room slid shut behind him blocking off his connecting to his friend and family, Syou heaved a shaky sigh. Even the bustle and attentiveness of the medical team around him did little to fill the gaping silence that was left in the wake of the separation from his group of loved ones. Fiercely the blond gripped the blanks pooled around his midsection and forced the fear from his mind, tuned out the movements of the people around him, and latched on to a single thought: the future. A life with friends and family, success and failure, happiness and pain, entertainment and boredom, complete and full but with never a second of regret; a life worth living.
Thank you so much for reading! I really do feel bad for leaving you all hanging for such a long time…So to make up for it I will be writing a short epilog! So look forward to that sometime in the future. I hope you enjoyed the story. Leave a review, point out mistakes, make suggestions and comments. Until next time!