Well, yesterday was fun and all, but I'm looking forward to fanging into some actual training. I throw my pen back and forth in my left hand, balancing my head on my right, and wait for Sensei's dry voice to close up under the trill of the bell. I don't even know what he's talking about anymore. Maybe acid rain or something. I don't even know what subject this is meant to be. Shows how hard I've been listening. I rip my eyes off the window, and look at the blackboard instead of the pool for a second, long enough to read Le Châtelier's Principle off it. So this is chemistry, and we're talking about equilibrium. Got it. "Matsuoka." The teacher's sandy voice addresses me and I stand up slowly, making sure everyone understands how much of an effort I'm making just to pretend I care.
"Yeah?"
"Explain what happens, and why, when you add acid to soda water."
I sigh. Is that meant to be a question? "When you add acid to soda water, you increase the concentration of hydronium ions, causing the equilibrium between the bicarbonate and carbonate ions to shift backwards to try and counteract the change, and also likewise affecting the equilibrium between carbonic acid and bicarbonate. The increase in the concentration of bicarbonate ions also causes the carbonic acid-bicarbonate system to drive the reverse reaction, increasing the concentration of carbonic acid, which in turn causes the dissolved carbon dioxide-carbonic acid system to drive backward, increasing the concentration of aqueous carbon dioxide and finally, the causes the gaseous-aqueous carbon dioxide system to reverse, to reduce the concentration of dissolved gas, causing gas to come out of solution, decarbonating the water and re-establishing equilibrium, all as an application of Le Châtelier's Principle." I sit back down, not waiting for a response from Sensei. I know my answer was perfect.
I hear some whispers from around me. "He wasn't even paying attention… How did he pull out an answer like that? ... That's a private school student for you… Amazing, isn't he?" I sigh again. They're acting like that was hard. I look to the back, and Haru and Makoto seem somewhat taken aback. Letting my eyes wander upwards, the clock's second hand beats out the last moments of class while Sensei stands there stammering, like somebody had just clocked him. I guess my answer did. Was it really all that? The bell finally rings and a few brief formalities later, I walk to the back of the room.
"Where on earth did you learn all that, Rin?" Makoto seems legitimately curious.
"A little place called Samezuka Academy. You broke into the pool there once, remember?" I have to laugh a little. "Where else?"
"Yeah, but that was, like, Rei levels of theory right there. And you spat it out like it was nothing. You're helping me study for finals. I'm sorry, but you don't get a choice." He smiles good-naturedly, and turns towards Haru.
"Why are we still here when we could be at the pool?"
Well, we're at the pool now. Finally. Rin's answer was flashy, and fairly impressive, but what do you expect from a private school student? Why exactly did it take us five minutes to discuss it in full? It doesn't matter now, anyway, we're at the pool. So, let's move on and get to swimming. I don't have to bother changing – I was wearing my swimsuit, like always. So off with the clothes, and I'm in the pool again. It feels nice to be in water, but not as nice as normal.
It's Rin again. Whenever I feel this way, it's always about him. And even after six years, I still don't really know why. I see Makoto try and wave me down. He's probably got a formal training schedule for us. I stop and push my head out of the water so I can hear straight.
"We have got an official program, Haru, but first there's something we need to discuss with everybody, so sight tight a minute, 'kay?" He gives one of his cute little smile-things, but something's different about it. His eyes are open, and looking straight at me. Not at my face, at my stomach. And the muscles at the edges are twitching, slightly, but noticeably. Is he checking me out? No way. We've spent half our lives half-naked in front of each other. If he'd wanted to check me out, he would've by now. But somehow, I don't mind.
The other three run across from the change rooms, and Rei's the first to talk. "So, what's our regime, captain?"
"Rei, I told you to stop calling me that."
"Sorry, Makoto-senpai."
"It's fine, it's fine. But there's one thing we need to discuss first. We've got the same problem we had at nationals last year – there's five of us, and four relay positions. So, who swims? For my part, I would say the fastest-"
"Rei swims, no matter what." Rin doesn't even let Makoto finish his sentence before he gets his two bobs worth in the conversation.
"Now, it's not as simple as all that."
"No, it really is." Rei tightens up, and seems to be searching for some kind of argument against it. "Even if I means I don't, that's a debt I have to pay."
"Rin-sa…senpai, it's not like that. You don't owe me anything."
"No, I do. I don't care what you say. My pride as a swimmer and as a man won't be satisfied until you take my place like I took yours."
"You didn't take it, I gave it to you!"
"That's even worse!" Rin looks away the way he does when he gets angry, and I just look at him. I look at him and appreciate the size of his muscles, and I wonder what it'd feel like to press myself flat against him. I wonder if the corners of my eyes are twitching like Makoto's were. And I wonder why I didn't realise sooner what this conversation really meant.
I don't get to swim a relay with Rin. He and Rei are still bickering about whether it's an insult or a complement to give Rin the place, but I don't need to hear. Rin'll win. He always wins. Because, even if we give him the place, he'll do something stupid – he'll quit the club, he'll hurt himself, whatever. But he won't just swim. He won't swim with me, and if he's not with me I don't know what it's for. So I turn around and take off, doing my own private regime, the regime to ignore my problems. I try to ask the water for answer, but it doesn't respond.
Well, we've lost Haru. I would say it's because he's tired of watching this two carry on like kindergarteners, but I'm not so convinced that's the case myself. I'm dead sure he was looking at Rin before, but not the way he normally does. It was more like the way I look at Haru – trying to be subtle, but examining every inch of his body over and over until you know it better than you know your own. So, does that mean he feels the same way about Rin as I do him? I cross my heart and find myself praying not.
Tearing my eyes off Haru, I look back at the argument that's broken out in between our two butterfly swimmers. Nagisa's trying desperately to break it, but it doesn't seem to be working so well. I take a step in, pulling up my full height. "It doesn't matter so much now. We can talk about it later. I just thought we needed to get in up in the air early."
It seems like it was Rei's turn to lash out, because he bites his tongue and manages to restrain himself from continuing. "So, then… what's our regime, Makoto-senpai?" I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from sighing in relief. At least one of them is old enough to know when to stop. Seriously, fights between us are worse than between Ren and Ran. It's crazy. Aren't older people supposed to fight less?
"Well, Gou has the sheet with it on it, but it's not that different to any of the others we've used. We're all attacking our weaknesses, like normal. Then, we'll do 100 metres each with the kickboard and the buoy, to work the arms and legs independently." Speaking of Gou, where is she?
"Oh, that reminds me. Gou-chan said she felt a little sick, so she was going on home." Rin seems to perk up a little. Not like enjoyment-perk up, like attentiveness-perk up.
"Oh, well. Let's all hope she gets better soon. Now, we're all sorted. So, into the pool, all." I clap my hands like that's going to make them get in faster. I turn my head to Rin. "I'm not sure you've got any real weaknesses, but if you do, you know what they are. So go for it!" I smile again, take a few running steps and dive in, taking the lane between Haru and Nagisa. Rei and Rin are yet to get in.
Rei's stretching against the fence. I never really got why he did that, but it keeps him loose and he seems to enjoy it. So, each to their own? I crunch up against the wall and launch myself backwards into the water, trying to even my stroke. And about halfway down the pool, I cross Haru, swimming the other way. And I stop paying attention to my stroke for a split second, instead giving it to Haru's. The way he just slips through the water like it wasn't even there. The way he pushes it out of the way, making a hole for himself and forcing his whole body into it. The way his spine curves, giving me a straight view up his left leg to his shoulder. And all the little details filling up that space, all the ones I know and want to know better. The shape his body makes, and the shape I would have to make with mine for the two of us to fit together like two lost pieces of a puzzle. But, at the minute, we don't fit together at all. So he just glides on past me like I'm not even here and I pull my brain back to evening my stroke.
But Rin comes up beside Rei, fresh off finishing his stretch, and aggressively grabs the fence, his arm pushing up against Rei's neck. He says something softly, so I can't make it out, then he walks away and takes the lane on the other side of Haru.