"No matter what you say, you will swim in the relay."

He said it so aggressively, I didn't know how to respond, and even now I'm agonising over how I would when I should be doing homework. So instead I just stood there, gulping at the air like a fish, until his arm pulled out from under my chin and we both walked over to the pool. Chance had it we were in neighbouring lanes. And whenever I swam past him, I made an appoint to look the other way, so we never locked eyes. But I still felt his eyes crawling over me, examining my stroke, my kick, my form. I'd taken his place on the butterfly leg, so I suppose he would be naturally territorial over it. I wonder what he thought? I know, in theory, my technique is perfect. My knowledge of the theory is beyond reproach, but I'm still learning how to apply it right. Well, that's normal, isn't it? I've only been swimming for about a year. Rin-san (-senpai. One of these days, I will get that right) has been swimming for at least twelve years to be as good as he is, so naturally, he's got tips and pointers for me. I feel like I should be asking him for them, but I don't know what approach I should use.

I could ask him directly, but that would seem rude. Well, maybe I can con him into thinking that's a good way to repay his self-charged debt to me. "My pride as a swimmer and as a man won't be satisfied until you take my place like I took yours." Quite eloquent. But he's doesn't get my side of the story. My pride as a swimmer and as a man won't be satisfied if I let him surrender his place to me without my earning it. And, no matter how much I improve, there's really no question – Rin-senpai (finally, got it right) will be faster than me, no matter how much I practice. He could probably out-swim me with one hand tied behind his back. So why is he so adamant I swim? I can't determine the answer – I don't know the right theories to use here.

Actually, I doubt they exist at all. Something like this isn't bound by theories, I don't think. Something as complex and multifaceted as human behaviour can't be rationalised into a sequence of rules. So, I try to think the way he thinks. I don't really know him that well, so I come up drastically short. Is this debt-to-pay mentality standard Rin-senpai procedure? Or I am an exception? Based on what I know of him, the latter seems more likely. If so, why? I saw how happy he was when the relay finished, and they won. So why is he relinquishing that happiness to me? Why is he valuing my feelings above his own? I remember one time, I was young, and I asked my mother what this "love" thing she was always on about was, and she said something like that. Loving someone is liking them so much you'll do anything to make them happy, no matter what it does to you. I don't think that's a satisfactory definition of love now that I'm that older, but it sounds a lot like the way Rin-senpai's acting towards me right now. So, does that mean what I think it means? I sigh. Great. My decision was hard enough as it stood. Now I've got a third choice.

Well, that was a fight I didn't need. I'm going out for dinner with my family, and I was going to be distracted anyway. Now it's even worse! Rin-chan vs. Rei-chan – the battle for the relay position! It sounds like the title of an anime episode, doesn't it? But, it's one of those clever, misleading ones, that makes you think one thing and then gives you another one altogether. Rei-chan wants Rin-chan on and Rin-chan wants Rei-chan on and everyone else just wishes five-person relays were a thing. I guess, Rin-chan thinks he can swim the individual medley – he's the only one of us with the proficiency in all four strokes to pull that off. But, it's not the same. The relay – there's something about the fact that four people pull together to get the job done that makes it different to doing that by yourself. Mako-chan said that we should just post the fastest four – but who does that put in? Haru-chan takes the freestyle leg, duh. That's not even a question. But still, Rin-chan could take my spot on breast, or Mako-chan's on back. I don't know if he's faster than us on those, but that way Rin-chan and Rei-chan are both in relay. And that sounds like a solution at the minute, and not one either of them seem to have noticed.

They're so alike. They don't see it, but they are so alike. Rin-chan's abrasive and violent compared to Rei-chan's sort of calm, logical manner. But that aside, they're both stubborn as mules. And they're both really smart – Rin-chan pretends to not be, but he is. And if you put them next to each other, save the hair and eyes, they even look alike. They're built the same. And, I was impressed to notice, Rei-chan's just as muscular and Rin-chan is. Like, I knew he was big, but not that big. I take a moment, and catch myself wondering how big Rei-chan is in a few other places. The image is fun, but it lacks detail. I'll have to see the real thing for myself to know for sure. Even though the change rooms aren't exactly private, you figure out ways of maintaining modesty when you change out of swimsuits, so I've never seen him properly. There was that time, on training camp, when we all bathed in the one room, but it was steamy, and everyone was wearing towels until they got in the water anyway, so I couldn't get a good view. I could always offer to help him shave. That's a good excuse – it'll sound like it's for the team, but really, it'd be for me. It'd help the team, too. Maybe. But it'd mostly be for me.

I can't help but wonder if Mako-chan and Haru-chan have seen each other. Maybe they help each other shave from time to time. They have no hair anywhere else, so they'd be cool with shaving there, sure. Haru-chan probably wanted to feel the water better, or something. And Mako-chan probably would have followed suit, for the experience if nothing else. He's open-minded that way. I supress a sigh.

I wish Rei-chan and I were close like those two.

I said I was sick. But it wasn't strictly true. I just wasn't in the mood to watch four hot guys be best friends with my brother while I just sat there being alone. When I could have been friends with them, when I could have been sisterly with my own goddamn brother, when I could have planning a date with Nagisa-kun. Well, no. No way would that last one ever happen. But still. I suppose I was sick. Sick of being alone, sick of being the only one on the outer, sick of being me. Ever since I took the seat next to Nagisa-kun, the girls don't talk to me anymore. I guess I spend most of my time with him and Rei-kun, so it's my fault as much as anyone's. But, if we go anywhere together, normally those five are in the pool while I'm on the side cheering. Or they're shopping for something, it's always a guy something. Or swim gear. But anyway, it's not like I can go shopping for clothes or whatever like that with someone. Well, I've gotta think Nagisa-kun has good taste, and as much as it can be a pain in the neck, Rei-kun's constant beauty talk must means he has at least some appreciation of what'd look good. So maybe I should invite them out sometime. Why not? But I'd probably just end up caught in the middle of a little lover's quarrel. I turn over on my bed, so I face the window. I sit up and look out it, and I wonder why I never just do things.

And then there's a knock on my door. "Come in." I turn my face there, as much out of courtesy as out of interest. And then Onii-chan fills up the frame.

"Are you feeling any better, Gou?"

"Yeah, a little. Thanks."

"Just so you know, everyone wanted to come and wish you good health and whatnot, but they were all busy." My face breaks out in a smile. Small at first, but it doesn't stay that way long.

"Really?"

"Dead set. I had to practically fight Nagisa onto his train just so that he didn't ditch his family for dinner to come and see you. I managed to talk Rei into it, but he took plenty of convincing, make no mistake, even though he had serious homework to be doing."

My face breaks out in some huge smile, and I try to cover it so I don't look like such an idiot. Maybe I should ask them out to go shopping. "Well, that's sweet."

Onii-chan ruffles about in his bag, and pulls out a little box of chocolates. "And before I forget, we bought you these." He turns to the side so he's looking at me as little as possible, and stretching out his arm like he's holding a snake. "Are you going to take them, or not?"

I reach out and grab the box. "Thank you." I look at them a little closer. They're expensive. I just keep smiling and Onii-chan goes to leave. "Wait, Onii-chan!" He turns around, grabbing the doorframe to support his weight as he twists around to face me. "Want one?"

He laughs. "We bought them for you." He turns his head away, and it feels like the conversation's over. "But maybe just one." He turns back in and we open the box together, surveying the contents carefully before making our first selections.

"To Iwatobi Swim Club." I don't think it's exactly standard procedure to make a toast with chocolates, but since when does this family follow procedure?

"To friends." Friends that send home chocolate for you when you weren't really sick in the first place. "And to family." Onii-chan says it like it's empty, but I can tell it's not. I guess this means he wants to be closer, too. Maybe… just maybe, we can be.

"Cheers." We smile at each other, and each of our bite-size pieces disappear down our respective throats. They're good, as good as the price tag Onii-chan forgot to remove promised.

"Well, I'll see you at dinner." He turns to leave again, and I lunge out and grab at his shoulder, catching him just before he's out of reach.

"Actually… if you have the time…" I start feeling shy again. Asking for help has never been something I was good at.

"You need help with the pluperfect tense, right? Nagisa told me all about it. Let's go. Twenty minutes with me and you'll be going like a native."

I realise my smile hasn't faded this entire time, and my eyes all but cry out of the sheer joy of the situation. "Let's go."