Author's Note: This chapter things get a little *ahem* adult, particularly in the last section (where, you could say, shipping gets back into hand, very, very literally, if you get my drift). Not for children, the easily offended or anyone looking for a sappy love story. (Except the middle section. That's appropriate. Ish.) Also, the translation of GUILTY is based off my own (practically non-existent) knowledge of the Japanese language, 's kanji look-up feature and Google Translate, so it's sure to be at least a little bit wrong. I ran it by some friends who study Japanese and they said the general feel was there, and there's nothing much they'd do differently, but that they were probably also partially wrong. So please, don't judge *too* hard.

"Nanase Haruka". I have some concept of the fact that I'm dreaming, but it's not like I can control it or anything. Kyubey is standing in front of me, addressing me. I'm not really sure why that is, but I decide to roll with it. "You have potential. Enough to overcome entropy. In exchange for a wish, I can turn you into history's first mahou shounen."

I take a moment to consider. Is there anything I want badly enough to lay down my life? There are too many. I want answers. I want freedom. I want Makoto. I want Rin. But which do I want to most? I think for a minute, and I realise I can wish for anything. So why not?

"I wish that Makoto and Rin were both mine, body and soul."

"Very well, Nanase Haruka. Your wish has overcome entropy. With this soul gem, take up the mantle of a mahou shounen."

And suddenly I have no problems anymore. I don't have to choose between them. If I want, I can make my mind up day to day. Today, maybe I want Makoto. Tomorrow, maybe I want Rin. And I can have that one, and the other one can have a day off. Or I can have them both at the same time. That's the most fun. And all I have to do in return is fight a witch or two every so often. Surprise, surprise, I got powers over water, so they're easy prey. Rin told me how to manipulate water in the air and in the witches' bodies to take them out like nothing. Makoto taught me how to defend myself physically in a tight spot. He learnt it in case he ever needed to protect me, he said. I had him for a week after that.

One day, I'm fighting a witch. I've gotten lazy, and air-headed. Is today a Makoto day, or a Rin day? Is there enough mackerel for dinner? I've got to get back in time to cook. And while I'm thinking these things, her familiars sneak up on me. But this witch was stupid. She designed a pond into her labyrinth, so I just pick the water up and drown them all. Water can't drown me anymore, and my mahou shounen costume is just a swimsuit. Not very good for defence, but easy to move in, especially since I tend to turn everything into a swimming pool. Now her familiars are a touch waterlogged, I turn to take on the witch herself. She's carrying some huge sword, and she swings it down on me. I freeze a patch of the tsunami I just made and turn it into a sword of my own, parrying her strike. It mightn't seem like ice would be strong enough to hold out through an attack like that, but with this much water around, I can keep strengthening it as much as I need. It's fairly solid anyway, I've found. Weapons made out of ice are deadly. They're typically my finishing shot – an ice arrow, or a frozen blade. So I throw off her strike and charge forward, using the water in her pseudo-blood to hold her sword arm still. She hasn't got as much as some of them do – I guess she used it to make that pond. My magic's not strong enough to hold her down, so I take the still water from the ground and freeze handcuffs around her wrists. I use the handcuffs to pull her into the ground. She falls heavily, clumsily. When she lies flat, I melt the handcuffs and instead form a clamp around her centre, holding her down while I take my ice sword and systematically go about cutting off each of her limbs until she bites it good and proper. And when her head comes off, she explodes into a cloud of grief and leaves her egg behind, ripe for me to cleanse my Soul Gem.

That night, I return home and cook dinner. Mackerel. We do vary a little, but I'm the only one who can cook, so I get to choose most of the time. Because of my wish, I own them anyway, so if they wanted something I didn't it wouldn't be that way long. It sounds cruel, to own them like that, but I don't regret a thing. But they're getting more and more distant. Throughout the whole meal, no one says a word. "Makoto." It's his night. "Come on." Rin leaves as I turn my attentions to Makoto.

He sighs heavily. "You're so cruel, Haru." I know that this mightn't be the most morally sound thing I've ever done, but I never thought I was cruel to them. "You knew I loved you anyway. So why did you have to do this? If you wanted me, you could've just asked."

"But could I have had Rin, too?"

"Don't you see that's what makes it so cruel?" He looks up at me and tries to smile, but he just can't anymore. His eyes fight back tears valiantly, but ultimately lose. "You can't say you really love us when you treat us like playthings."

I really do love them. I love them both, more than I can stand. Can't they see that's why I did this? "If that's how you feel, then go and fetch Rin for me."

"I can tell you he feels the same way." But Makoto has no choice but to do it, because of the wish. So I watch him leave, in equal parts sadness and anger.

And I wait for Rin, but he never comes. Instead, a sheet of paper flies in through the window.

Haru,

I can't stand being treated like this anymore. I get that you have needs and whatever, and maybe you loved us both, but if you really loved us you would have asked us how we felt before you acted so selfishly. I refuse to submit to you like I'm nothing. I'm a person too, and so is Makoto. We all need our space, and we can't live our lives in your demonic little toybox. So goodbye.

My knees crumble and I hit the floor. Was I really that cruel to them? I tried to do everything right – I cooked them the best meals I could, I spread my time evenly, if they weren't up for it, I didn't force them into anything. Or, not actively. I suppose that just the nature of my wish was forcing them into it, wasn't it? And now I realise I forgot to cleanse my Soul Gem. It shines black, and I push it out the window. I don't mind becoming a witch now. I've made the two people in the world that I love hate me, so I just watch as it breaks and feel myself drowning in grief. It tastes like water. It feels like water. It has that same welcoming smoothness, and it cuts off everything, like you're the only thing that exists. The same way water does, but grief does it better. It feels good. So I just let myself soak in it for a minute, until I feel myself getting lonely.

But I don't have to lonely ever again. I'm a witch now. I can do whatever I like, make whatever I like. So I build myself a barrier, and I decorate it, and I make myself little facsimiles of Rin and Makoto for familiars. They're not wearing much, but that's the way I like it. They're not quite the same, but there's millions of them, and each and every one of them exists to serve me and nothing else.

But bliss just can't last, can it? Makoto and Rin, the real ones, have gone mahou shounen too. I'm not entirely sure what Makoto's weapon is – it's kind of a spear-come-staff. He plunges he point into the ground and the whole earth starts shaking. My little fake pets can't stand up, and while Makoto keeps them down, Rin charges in. He's carrying a katana. Or rather, a bunch of katana. And he's arranged them cleverly, like something out of a shark's mouth, each blade lapping over the next to make a deadly net. He ploughs through my pets like they weren't even there, and next the two of them turn to face me.

"Sorry to do this, Haru." Makoto looks sad that his first kill has to be me.

"Really? I'm not. Even if it was still Haru in there, I couldn't wait to run him through after the time we've had."

So that's how they feel. But that's okay. Because I'm here, drowning in my grief, so I don't need them anymore. I flail my new witch arms, and pillars of black water fly out of the ground and walls, flooding the room and rocketing into the lovers I know but can't help but realise as enemies. I accidentally push them into one another's arms, and they kiss briefly, on purpose. "Well, you don't need to be so hasty, Rin. We've never have gotten here if he hadn't pushed us."

So they were together the whole time? My arms fall to my side, and I lose all my will for a moment. But then the grief takes over and I stop seeing. I can't see who's who anymore, and my memory's just a black haze. Who was I thinking about again? Who am I? What am I? My arms raise themselves and I think I'm attacking somebody but there's nothing around to say that that's the case. There's nothing down here. No memory, no sound, no sight, no water, no pain, no loneliness, no love. I don't know what's making me think that, but I am. And suddenly, a white line slashes its way through the darkness and I see two people I don't know cutting me in half. They say goodbye to someone named Haru and start hugging each other in some sort of consolation. And I'm suddenly free, although I don't know why that's so important to me.

I wake up screaming and sweating, fighting the sheets off like they're trying to strangle me. What on earth was that dream? I turn on my side and see the clock. It's 1 am. Is that too early for a run? I decide yes, throw the covers off my bed and curl into myself, trying both to keep myself together and run away from this horrible thing I've become. I wonder whether I'm really like the me that was in that dream. I want to believe I'm not but I can't convince myself. So I curl tighter into myself, throwing off my shirt because it's too hot in here like this. I see Makoto lying in front of me, and I turn away so I don't have to think about it. But Rin's lying on my other side, so I turn to the roof. But this way I can see them both out the sides of my eyes, so I lay my face flat and resolve to just ignore it until morning.

Well, I guess I have to keep this deal of mine now. I said to Onii-chan that tonight we'd start exchanging problems, and that I'd show him the dress. Well, the moon is out and we've eaten dinner so I guess tonight is as much here as it's going to get. I walk up to his room, and knock. "Come in." He still sounds distracted.

I push my way in. "Well, time we go on with this deal, isn't it?"

He looks confused. "Deal?"

"From the train, this afternoon. You know, the whole worrying alone thing."

"Oh. That."

"It was literally six hours ago. You could not possibly have forgotten."

"I didn't. I just have a few other things on my mind."

"And that's exactly why we made the deal. We were going to get our minds off onto one other, weren't we?"

"I guess so."

"Do you need to finish that now?"

"Sort of, yeah."

"Well, then. I'll go change, into that dress you wanted to see so badly. You finish up."

"That doesn't give me much time, you know."

"I don't think you'll need much time."

I run back down the stairs playfully, closing the door behind me. Entering my own room, I rummage about a little in the bag, pulling Rei's outfit out from Nagisa's and laying it out neatly. I smooth the creases it contracted from being folded in the bag for so long with my hand, somewhat unsuccessfully. They're not so obvious, but it'd need an iron before a proper public showing. I pull on the ribbon holding up my ponytail and my hair falls loose effortlessly. The dress is quite a process – there's only the one zipper to hold it up, but it's positioned exactly in the middle of my shoulder blades, like most dresses, so it's really hard to grab hold of it. I slip out of my lounge gear, and step into the dress, pulling it up carefully. Examining it as I go, I see the little details in the stitching that make it fit so well. It fits loosely, until the bust, where it tightens up and just generally draws attention to the area, which I'm happy for because it's one area I do have assets. But then it tapers elegantly outward until about three-quarters of the way down my leg, where it splits, revealing my calves and feet, and runs to the back in two thin trails. And, the rarest trait of all, I can actually breathe in it. It fits me well around the lungs and stomach, so it's not uncomfortable to wear. I didn't know that you could look good in comfortable clothes. But, it's been about ten minutes by now, in between getting the dress ready, getting myself ready, admiring it and then finally actually putting on (admiring it a little more as I did). So I run back up the stairs barefoot under this beautiful dress, and knock on Onii-chan's door one more time. "You ready yet?"

I hear him slam his book violently and victoriously shut. "Perfect timing. Just finished."

I open the door, more slowly than I did last time, wanting the suspense to hold out a little a longer. "Don't judge too harsh, okay?" And then I step in, showing him the whole picture at the one time.

And he takes a minute to pick his jaw up off the floor before he comments. "Gou, when did you get so grown-up?"

"I am seventeen, you know."

He just kind of breathes out heavily, like he tried to sigh but it didn't really work. "I guess I can't call you my little sister, anymore, can I?"

"Well, you can. I'm still littler than you are. But that doesn't mean I'm little."

"I guess I never really noticed you'd grown up. You were always just kind of my kid sister. But you're not a kid anymore, are you?"

"Glad you picked that one up."

"Where do you get that wit of yours?"

"You."

"I don't sound like that, do I?"

"Well, a little bit. My wit's kind of the woman's answer to your aggressiveness."

"I'm aggressive?"

"Well, not so much anymore, but you were for a long time."

"Things sure have changed a lot, haven't they?"

"I guess so. You don't really notice when things change right in front of you, do you?"

"Not really, no."

I take a seat on his bed, because with him on the chair that goes with his desk, there's really nowhere else to sit. "Well, enough putting it off. We said we were going to exchange problems, right? So, who goes first?"

"I thought we established on the train you'd go first."

"I thought you'd forgotten the train."

"Obviously not. First shot's yours, Gou."

I sigh and fall backwards, lying out flat on Onii-chan's bed, bent at the knees so that my calves point to the floor. "Where to start? I guess, my biggest problem is I just sometimes feel really alone."

"Everyone does from time to time. What's such a problem about that?"

"Well, the problem is I'll feel alone when they are other people around. Even if you and Nagisa and Rei and everyone else are around, I'll feel like I'm the only one there. Because, the five of you are just so close, you're like a unit on your own. And since I'm in the swimming club, a good part of my time goes into backing you five up, and it's not like I'm off in the sewing club with some of my own good friends from time to time or anything. As far as regular social-ness goes, you lot are pretty much all I've got. But, because I'm not competing or even swimming in general, I'm on the outside."

"I know how that feels." I perk up my head.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've always been a little bit like that myself. Back when we were kids, I was the newcomer to the team, so Haru, Makoto and Nagisa were kind of already friends and whatever, and I basically spent a year trying to break into their friendship by making us a relay team." I'd never really thought of it that way. But when it comes out of his mouth, it makes a lot of sense. "Then Australia was crap, to start with. I didn't speak good English and no-one there spoke any Japanese outside of ninjas and sushi. So I was just pushed out. No-one even tried to make friends with me, and if I tried to make friends with them, I might have been able to manage a sentence before I ran out of words."

"I guess moving away from home young is hard, huh?"

"Well, it wouldn't have been so bad. But it was just the language. By the time I got the hang of it all, everyone was already in groups, and I was all depressive over my time not improving and whatever like that. So, I didn't really make any friends there."

"But, at Samezuka, it must have been better, right?"

"Well, it could have been. In retrospect, it's as much my fault as anyone else's that I was on the outside there. I didn't really open up to anybody and acted all aloof and holier-than-thou like I didn't want to be spoken to. But still, I felt alone in the crowd."

"What about your roommate, though?"

"Ai? He's quite the character, isn't he?"

"Quite the character? He worshipped you!"

"Search me if I know why."

"As if you don't!"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, there are thousands of reasons he'd hook onto you. For one, you're a talented swimmer, and he's… well, aspiring." Onii-chan pushes back a laugh.

"You really know how to put things, don't you?"

"I guess. But anyway, you're a goal for him. And secondly, you're talented in lots of other ways. You're smart, and you're fluent in English, so you're basically this tower of multitalented-ness and whatever. And I think he might have had a bit of a crush on you, as well."

"You think?"

"Well, yeah. What's not to like? I mean, we just discussed your hero-worship-worthy qualities, and you're certainly not shy on muscles."

"You would know, wouldn't you?"

"As it happens, yes. But really, why wouldn't he have crushed on you?"

"Because I was a terrible person! I was self-destructive, and aimed to take as many people down with me as I could. I was cruel, cold and vindictive and I pushed everyone away. What the hell is there to love about that?"

"You know, troubled boys can be incredibly attractive."

"I will never understand that."

"There's some appeal in the idea that you can fix them, or help them or whatever. It doesn't work very often, but it's the concept that's attractive."

"So do you think Ai wouldn't have a crush on me now that I'm stable?"

"No. I think he was attracted to you anyway, and from there you being troubled just made him want to help you, because he loved you to start with. Or something like that. So now he'd be happy you're back to your stable, happy self."

"You seem to have put a lot of thought into this."

"Call it woman's intuition."

"Well, whatever you call it, neither of us are really alone in the crowd anymore, are we?"

"You sure about that? Feels like it to me."

"You can be thick, for all your woman's intuition. You do realise you're literally talking to me about how much you feel like we're not getting along?"

I just kind of smile. "I guess. I suppose we can be alone together if it comes to that, can't we?"

"I guess we can."

"So anyway, you said you'd go after I did. So shoot! You must have something you need to get off your chest."

"I did, didn't I? The whole 'lonely' thing?"

"That was my problem, and you were kind of just like 'I get like that too!' That's not fair! You've got to go off the cuff, like I had to!"

"Well, then… do I have any problems?"

"Come on, don't be coy! What was on your mind today on the train?" He tenses up, and my infamous woman's intuition goes off. "Come on. I can talk, so you can talk."

"This is private!"

"I thought the same about my problems! Come off it. You're the one who suggested this, anyway."

"Was I?"

"Were you even conscious at the time?"

"Barely."

"You see, now I'm worried. You know I'm not letting this go until I get an answer."

"Well, you're not getting one, so let it go."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"No." Hah! Learnt that one from Nagisa. "Goddamn it! Since when does that actually work?"

"Well, if that's how you feel about it, I guess I'll just have to force it out of you, won't I?"

I'm half afraid he's not going to relent, but he breathes out heavily and shrugs with a sort-of can't-help-it vibe. "Okay. But remember, you very literally asked for it."

"It can't be that bad."

"I'm gay."

"So? Is that all?" If he'd intended to drop a bombshell on the conversation, he failed. Hugely.

"Dear God, no. That's not the problem, that's just a setup point. I mean, Jesus, I've been to all-male boarding schools for five years. If I was uncomfortable about that, I would have sorted it out by now, make no mistake."

"You've got a point. But if your problem isn't the whole gay-and-shy-about-it thing, then why exactly did you tell me that?"

"You could react a little more violently. I did just tell you a pretty significant thing."

"What's significant about it? You're still Onii-chan. Except, now, you just happen to be attracted to guys. I can empathise with that. Guys are hot. Like, objectively. I guess now I know where my muscle thing comes from, don't I?"

He laughs and smiles at me. "Well, I'm not quite as bad as you, but I can appreciate well-muscled guys."

"As in, you like muscles. You find them attractive."

"Well, I don't know if I'd put it quite like that…" His face turns the same colour as his hair.

"If there is one thing you don't have to be shy about with me, it's muscles."

"This is true. But anyway…"

"Hold it, let me guess. You've got it bad for one of the guys and you don't think they sway that way."

"In a nutshell, yes."

"Which one? Ooh, I can't guess!"

"I would appreciate it if you didn't turn my problem into an episode of Jeopardy."

"Jeopardy doesn't work like this at all."

"That's not the point here."

"You don't get it, Onii-chan. This is just a girl thing. If you tell us you love someone, we want to guess who. That's just kind of the way we think."

"Okay, but I'm a guy, so I'd rather do it my way."

"Humour me."

He sighs. "Okay then. Fire away. You've only got four choices anyway."

"Well… the most natural match would be with Haruka-senpai?"

"Excuse me? So does that make you the third person in human history not to realise the he's practically married to Makoto?"

"Well, it's not that I haven't noticed. But I'm sure that hasn't stopped other people from crushing on them from time to time."

"Okay, whatever. But no, not Haru. Go again."

"It's obviously not Makoto-senpai either, since you seem to ship them as much as I do…"

"Excuse me?" He seems disturbed by the assertion.

"Come off it, we all do. Everyone does."

He just laughs. "They make it easy, don't they?"

"Do they ever. But anyway, Nagisa's just not your type. I just really can't see you with him." I keep it to myself that Nagisa's my type. I don't know how he'll respond to that. I think he's still protective of me. "So that leaves… Wait, no way."

"Yes way."

I think being candid is the best thing here. "Just so you know, I think Rei's going for Nagisa. I'm not trying to discourage you or anything, but, hey, the more you know, right?"

"I'd considered the possibility."

"I don't have any proof, or anything. But I just think so."

"Well, thanks for the heads-up."

"Not a worry. But even if it turns out to be that way, don't go beating yourself up. For one thing, you can talk to me about it. And for another, you have no shortage of options. I think we can objectively agree you're a fairly attractive guy. You could pull plenty of people."

"I think that's a compliment?"

"It is." I get up to leave. "It's gotten late. Goodnight!"

"Night. Oh, Gou. Wait."

I grab the doorframe and lean backwards as I turn myself around to face him. "What?"

He seems to grapple with the words for a moment. "Thanks… for being so supportive. When you said you're still Onii-chan… it means a lot to me. I'm glad to know nothing's changed."

I take a few gentle steps forward. "Of course nothing's changed. Why would it?" I bend at the waist and wrap my arms around him tight. "You're still the same person, and really, what does it matter to me who you sleep with?"

"I love it when our conversations suddenly turn awkward. Did you think I wanted to hear that from my kid sister?"

"I thought we said I wasn't a kid anymore." I push my arms a little bit tighter, just before I let go, and kiss him on the cheek. Not as in romantic, sisterly. "Goodnight, Onii-chan."

"Sweet dreams, Gou."

I look out my window and smile at the moon. I think today was worthwhile. I mean, maybe Rei-chan will say no, maybe he'll pick Gou-chan, maybe he's just not interested in romance right now. But at least it's not a secret anymore. I don't think I could have carried it much longer.

But I'm not really that mature. If he says no, I probably won't talk to him for a month. I didn't just confess for the formality of it, I confessed because I want a relationship. I don't need the answer right now, but I really want that answer to be yes. I don't know how I'd approach a no, really. I don't think I'd take it well.

I take a moment to consider all the little aspects there'd be to being together with Rei-chan. What would dates be like? Well, he'd never be late, that's my job. I feel like he'd be the head of the relationship. He'd be deciding what to do, where to go, and I'd be the one complaining that he doesn't understand what I want to do at all, even though I never really told him. And then, he'd probably challenge me to organise a date and I'd be all proud and 'I can totally do that' and then proceed to fail epically at actually doing it. But who pays? That's the problem with a relationship between two guys. There's kind of no precedent or set of social rules. It'd take a while to sort out the logistics, but we'd only have to do it once, I think.

There's a few other logistics we'd have to run, too. I'm not going to deny I'm imagined the two of us in a bedroom more than once getting up to fairly illicit activity. Well, illicit isn't quite right. But, shall we say, experimental? But, there are so many little details. Who goes in who? Where? With a guy and a girl, there's kind of an obvious choice to start with and you just get kinkier from there, but with two guys, there's no clear start point. I like the idea of being a bit more submissive than Rei-chan, but perhaps he's less assertive than I thought. Is it weird for the assertive one to end up on the bottom? It doesn't quite add up to me.

But that's not a thought I can let myself have right now. I can't think about that until Rei-chan and I are together to start with. So I do a little magic with my new CD and drown myself in Nana-chan. I decide to just listen to the songs in the boring, normal order until I get the names hooked up to the songs. The first song, VIRGIN CODE. Well, it's catchy, I'll say that for it. A good song to open with, but nothing stunning or out of this world.

But the second song, GUILTY. Well, put it this way – it's just the kind of song that suits those thoughts from earlier. I let it play through once just appreciating it, and I plan to let the tracks carry on, but it just takes up all my head space so I put on repeat for a little while. And I start hearing the lyrics in detail. Intimate, glorious detail.

And I wonder what it would be like if my relationship with Rei-chan was like this song. I would like it. I would like it a lot. I don't think it will be long after (and if) we officially hook up when we start getting physical with one another. I mean, we already have an emotional relationship, so it won't take us long to need something… earthier. But for now, I just let GUILTY take up my head space and watch on as my fantasies run away with me.

The fake bewitchment of the sweet trap: everything ends after the bar. I'm lured in by this smell like déjà vu and the ROCK YOU I get when you touch me. Will I get a ROCK YOU when Rei-chan touches me? I think so, and I can't wait to find out.

This breakout sets my head spinning and I'm held captive by this instinct. They taste more GUILTY together… I'm not entirely sure it's instinct that's driving me to Rei-chan, but at the minute, I just kind of want of him.

So, right now, TOUCH ME! If you can, CATCH ME! With force, KEEP ME! (Don't lose your mind)…

If you'd rather sin, YOU MANY, so do you want to, HOW MANY? The fascinating way you say NO, NO NO… Well, I hope he doesn't say no, but if he says yes first and then taunts me, I think that'd be hot. Sinning together sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't it?

A sweet voice whispers in secret – "Pretend you don't know you're blindfolded". This thrilling game tastes like honey. I'm drunk on you tonight… I don't know how I feel about blindfolds, but I'm willing to give it a shot. I've never been drunk before, but I think honey and Rei-chan make a good place to start.

YOU & ME aren't a dream anymore, and I KNOW it's a secret, but I've had enough of being tied down by law now… Nana-chan's pretty naughty when you give her the chance. I've always thought I was the same way. Now I'll just wait for the chance.

Yeah, whenever, FEEL ME! Get ready and FOLLOW ME! Boldly, SHOW ME! (So you can't stop?)

Behind your heart, an unexpectedly ambiguous attitude. That calculated 'NO, NO, NO'… Calculation is just Rei-chan's thing. I wonder if his unexpectedly ambiguous heart has a formula for being sexy? I think it'll just come naturally.

Even though it hurts, I'm addicted. Even deception is fine. My IMAGE+DAMAGE cross over. "We can't go back…" I don't want to go back. I want to be addicted, deceived, whatever. Images, damages, whatever. I'll take them all if I can have Rei-chan.

And I realise I have a bit of a problem. That pants I'm wearing were a bit too small anyway, and they really weren't equipped to deal with my present state of mind. So without thinking, they just kind of work their way off, and my shirt comes next because wearing a shirt and no pants is just weird. And then the choruses come back to end the song and I just kind of move with the rhythm.

So, right now, TOUCH ME! If you can, CATCH ME! With force, KEEP ME! (Don't lose your mind)…

If you'd rather sin, YOU MANY, so do you want to, HOW MANY? The fascinating way you say NO, NO NO…

Whenever, FEEL ME! Get ready and FOLLOW ME! Boldly, SHOW ME! (So you can't stop?)

Behind your heart, an unexpectedly ambiguous attitude. That calculated 'NO, NO, NO'…

Do it, do it, do it now! Do it now! Do it, do it, do it now! Let's move on…

Do it, do it, do it now! Do it now! Do it, do it, do it! You drive me crazy now!

A sharp breath and a crescendo and I've fixed my problem. I'm not entirely sure that was all the rhythm – I wanted to do that too. It makes me feel a little gross, sure. I mean, I just made a little movie in my head starring Rei-chan and I for my own pleasure (if that's the right way to put it), and it feels wrong that I use him like that, even if it's only in my head. But it doesn't mean I don't want him. I'm not that mature. I want him, and if I don't get him I'll have a tantrum first and sort out the consequences later. But at the minute, I'm all bar naked, so I go about collecting my pyjamas and reassembling them on my body. I nick out and go the toilet, partially because of a call of nature and partially to clean up after my little adventure, and then climb into my bed, leaving all these things for the future me to take care of and continue drowning myself in the rest of Nana-chan's album, careful not to let that song start playing again.