Horrible life

A/N: Yay, another One-shot! I didn´t feel like this became as good as I wanted it too, but I hope I'm wrong. So this is written for Royalty Over Reality and I hope u (all) like it! It's set after LIGHT.

I do not own GONE or Thirteen reasons why!

Connie´s POV:

Life isn´t good to me, I know that. I mean, really. I was almost a teenage-mother for God´s sake! I know that many people are teenage moms, but it was still hard. People staring at me when I walked down the street, whispering that I was a whore even though they didn´t know me.

My family (the only exception being my mother and father) didn't even know! You understand, my parents both came from the Amish people, but they escaped. Their families broke the contact, so they stood alone –just together.

Taegan (the love of my life) had, much like my parents, no contact with his family. The only difference is that he was the one to break contact with them.

We soon got married and life seemed to finally going upward again. Maybe I only had my husband, mom and dad, but I was also waiting child. I had accepted the thought of being pregnant, but the glances people gave me were still uncomfortable -not as much as before.

Then I met him. Xander was, what is a fitting word, exiting! He was nothing like Taegan. He had that bad-boy vibe, but it was stupid. I should never have done that, I should have stopped seeing him the minute I felt something starting to happen. I should, but I didn´t.

When he found out that I was married, or that I was cheating on him, as he put it, he immediately stopped seeing me. Then the ultrasound came. Twins. Freaking TWINS!

Taegan maybe didn't see it, but I was good at hiding it. I was maybe too good at hiding my depression. When I think back on it, it was the worst thing I could do. It just made it worse, upon that I was guilty for cheating on a wonderful, handsome man like Taegan.

After the birth my depression was vanishing, and I saw how beautiful the two boys were. The older one, Samuel, had lighter hair than the youngest, and blue eyes, while the youngest one, David (I was into names from the Bible that time) had brown hair and eyes like my man.

I loved them both, but the only problem was that Sam reminded me of Xander. Sure, he had the same hair-color as me and same eye-color, but the same applied Xander.

I looked at the little box I had put every medication in my house in.

Then that tragic day of the power-plant-incident happened. One man was killed, and of course it had to be my husband. The depression came as a tsunami. It floated through me, and the damage that was left was unbelievable.

But that wasn't the worst part, the worst part were the feelings that started to come. It was not towards a new man, but towards my baby. There was something wrong with David, something dark, and it was scaring me.

I told myself that it was the depression -that it would go over. It didn't. So I gave him away. And that was the straw that tugged the Amish part in my parents. Maybe they didn't want to, but not only had I given my child away, I had kept his twin, therefore they broke contact with me. All I had was my little Sam.

I looked at the countless numbers of pills slipping out of the bottle full of warnings and information. All plain white but in different sizes and with different numbers on them. I was careful to make sure every single pill ended up in a high, transparent bottle. After a while I decided it was enough. I set the knife in my belt and took the bottle of whiskey while heading for the second floor.

For once in a while my life was close to normal. Sam grew up to be an amazing son, then I met Tom. We fell in love and soon enough Sam and I moved in with him in one of the nicer areas of Pedido Beach.

It was all okay, until the night when Tom lost his hand. He had been drunk, and very angry. I knew that Sam didn't like him, but I had hoped that they would become somewhat closer, these hopes were crushed that night.

I knew that Sam just wanted to protect me and that he didn't mean to do it, but it was still horrifying. Thank God that the doctors at the hospital bought my story and that Tom thought that he had been shot.

Of course Tom still believed Sam had shot him, so he moved and Sam and I had to move to one of the sloppy houses in town. To take care of us I ended up being late-day-to-night-nurse at Coates. One of my worst decisions ever.

I met him in the hallway. I was hundred percent sure that it was him, so I asked his name: "Caine. Caine Soren," he answered. "Oh, nice to meet you Caine, I'm the new night-nurse."

But I still had to find prove, so since I was nurse I got a blood example. Same for Sam. It brought up bad memories, but I was so happy when I saw that they really were fraternal twins. That explained that David (or, Caine) had taken from his father and that Sam had taken from me, not from Xander.

But he also had powers, and I still got that feeling that something was wrong with him. I soon saw past his falseness and saw the real him, and it was almost more frightening than his powers, almost.

Each step of the stair made an unbelievable loud sound in the empty house.

Then the dome came, and after almost a year of the unknown, I saw Sam burn an innocent baby. I had gotten a boyfriend by then, and this time I was sure he was for life, like Taegan could've been.

The next thing was the lake burning, and I thought it was Sam who had done it. The boy most children inside the dome looked up to was turning as bad as his brother (if you believed the stories and rumors) in the outside worlds eyes.

And so, I saw children being killed by a demonic girl. I saw them being killed right in front of my eyes, and I could do nothing. Some adults also died.

David came. At first nothing happened, it looked like they were talking, then he smiled, and the girl sent Sam's murder light towards him. He also sent a light towards her and the whole dome. It didn't hurt anyone other than the girl. Both started melting. My child died in front of my eyes.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about these last three months. I turned the tap on and waited for the bath tub to fill up.

After I confronted Sam at the hospital, we weren't so close, so I let him go. That was after all the drama about jail and Caine's letters, even though the world just got to hear one of them.

My life was a mess. I hadn't contact with Sam, so when Darius got fired and soon left me for unknown reasons, I was devastated.

"I really have a fucked up life," I muttered. "Well, not for very long."

I had already planned everything. All of the outer doors were locked, so was the door to the room I was standing in. I have given this much thought, and decided to do it without much fuss. Not the slightest attention like you get when you jump off a building. Neither did I write an explanation to why I would kill myself.

Why would I? My mother and father would most likely be the only ones that were attending to my funeral, oh, and the pastor. I could take up a tape and do that 'Thirteen reasons why' thing, but who were I going to blame?

Taegan- for going to work that day?

Sam- for getting powers he didn't want?

Caine- for giving me a bad feeling and making me give him away?

Astrid- for loving Sam so he had a reason to move out?

It had been three reasons why. Mom and dad -in one -for not supporting me in my difficult times. 'The Gaiaphage'-for making the dome. And Darius, for leaving me because of unknown reasons. Yea, really good reasons to kill yourself!

I turned the tap off and sat down in the water, fully clothed. The water was warm and reached over my chest -much more than I normally would have had. Not my problem, no one will be paying that water-bill. I took the knife out of my belt, and out of the protection.

I laid the knife in my lap and heard the pills clinging against the bottle of whiskey as moved it closer. I wasn't just going to try to take suicide, I was finishing it!

I took a deep breath, and lifted the bottle to my mouth. I had to hurry, so I took big gulps. I got three (and surely about eight pills) down before I moved on.

Every adult (even teenagers) knew that it was dangerous to mix pills, and to mix pills with alcohol, so it was very dangerous to do both.

Then I took the knife and sliced it over my throat. I felt something warm run down my chest and into the water, then I let myself fall down backwards. Now I was glad that I had a hoodie and jog-pants that helped keeping me down.

Even through my throat and lungs hurt unbelievably much, I smiled as the red color danced before my eyes. Finally. After 34 crappy years, I was free.

I remembered Lucy and Josh. Josh always bugged my best-friend (pushed her and took her hats/caps when she wore one) when we were in fourth-grade. I should never have stood up to him, because he didn't have that 'I don't hurt girls'- attitude. He took us and bet the carp out of our tiny bodies.

I always thought that best friends would last forever, but according to her, it ended that day when I just made it worse. Without her, I was a 'loner'.

In eight grade Lucy James decided to use the poor girl without any friends. Of course, who can be harmed by getting mobbed and officially humiliated by your former bestie, by using a secret from third grade?! It isn't like anyone other than you is going to use it?!

Or that people is going to use it until you're done in school!

My vison started to get blurry and numbness had taken over my body during the small flashback.

It was more of a feeling than sight when the darkness pulled me down. It wasn't before that moment that I thought about my faith. I just hoped God would be kind to me and the rest of my family…

A/N:

"So, tell me."

Everybody: "Tell u what?"

"Forget it!"

IMPORTANT!: K, so I have decided that: If u have an idea for a song to a fic (plus an idea (or not)) or an idea for a One-shot u can just PM me or leave it in a review! And if u don't, leave a review anyway!