I'm nervous as hell today. I thought I worried about what I was wearing the day we went swimsuit shopping together. Today is my first official date with Makoto, so I've been changing and swapping and colour-matching outfits for hours and I've gotten absolutely nowhere. It sounds pointless, but this is the christening of our relationship. I have to make sure it's absolutely perfect. I decide black makes me look gaunt. Unless it's really tight. Which might not be such a bad idea. So I'm back to square one. Again. So I just keep standing here, arguing with myself, wearing nothing but a swimsuit while I pull random shirts out of my wardrobe and shove them back in again, without folding them or anything. I pull one particular shirt out and realise and this is the third time I've pick the same one out. Stepping away from myself, I see the disorder I've created in my wardrobe. I must have looked everything I own at least once to create this level of mess. I consider cleaning it when I hear the doorbell ring. I run to the front door, nearly toppling myself on the staircase. I can see through the window that it's Makoto. He's not had as much trouble dressing. He's wearing a pale green shirt that really shines against his gently suntanned skin, and he's covered it with a lightweight, vibrantly orange jumper that makes his eyes look more like emeralds than normal. He's wearing black jeans, that really complement his slender-but-muscular legs, and finishes with a pair of bright blue sneakers that look like a pair I own. They add in a little vibrancy, and contrast well with the jumper. I wonder if he spent any time at all to find an outfit that suited the situation so perfectly, or if he just fell into it. Knowing Makoto, probably the second. He's lucky like that. Then again, everything looks good on him. That said, there's something I don't like so much about his outfit. I can't put my finger on it, though.

"Haru? You in there?" I decide he must have seen me through the window, too. "Are you ready to leave?"

"I'm not ready just yet." I struggle with my dilemma for a second, but in fairly short order, I remember we're together now. We're supposed to share problems. "Can you help me decide what to wear?"

"You're not even dressed yet?" He sounds incredulous.

"Leave me alone. I've been trying to pick an outfit for the past three hours!'

"THREE HOURS? When did you wake up?"

"Four hours ago."

"So you've eaten and what-have-you?"

"Yes. Now I just need to get dressed."

"Let me in. I'll help." I open up the door, and let him in, just like he asked. "I kind of thought you'd be wearing pyjamas."

"I've tried on a few outfits and I couldn't be bothered to put my pyjamas back on afterwards."

"Did I say I was complaining?" He smiles at me playfully. He has a fair point actually. I snap my fingers the way I do when I figure stupid little enigmas out. That's what I dislike about his outfit. He's not showing enough skin. I blush a little and walk up the stairs behind him, trying to not stare at the motions his hips make as he climbs.

"Beware. My room's in a bit of a state." I open the door that I managed to close behind me on my rush out.

"Oh. No kidding, huh?"

"Quit teasing." I'm only half-serious. On one front, it's annoying. On another, it's kind of hot. Is that weird?

"I can't even decide which colour would be best. White dirties too easily, black makes me look kind of skeletal, and blue is just too broad. I have about fifty shade of blue right here."

"Well, let's see what we've got to work with." He pushes up the sleeves on his jumper, like he's about to get to some serious physical labour. Given the state of my room though, that might not be such an inaccurate description. He picks up a black singlet. "Start with this." I oblige, somewhat begrudgingly. I'm enjoying not wearing much around Makoto at the minute. This isn't any different to any other time I've worn a swimsuit in front of him, really. But it sure as hell feels different. The singlet's not too bad, though. The neckline is actually pretty low, so I still show most of chest. "Now this." He holds a dark blue jumper at me, and I put it on, pushing up the sleeves so as much of my arm is showing as possible. Makoto wanders around like some old-timey detective, looking desperately for a pair of pants. "Here we are." A pair of tight blue jeans. I don't mind putting them on so much because half of my legs were covered anyway. "There we go. How's that look?"

I turn around and look at the two of us standing in the mirror. "It looks perfect." It really does. Our outfits are essentially identical except I'm wearing a singlet and our colour schemes are different. There's only one problem. "Hold still a second." I adjust Makoto's shirt so it sits a little bit off centre. It's not as much as I would like, it exposes his left shoulder, at least.

"Really? I just look messy like that."

"I couldn't agree less." I let my finger trail little circles around on his now-bare shoulder to prove my point.

"It's not appropriate to show that much skin in public, Haru. If that's how it's going to be, we should just stay home."

"Why don't we, then?"

"Because, I have all these plans and we have to have a formal first date at some point. And besides," I don't let him continue. I clamp my mouth over his, eating up whatever words he was planning to say next. My finger keeps tracing those circles around on his shoulder. He can't get me all the way out of his mouth, but he escapes just enough to pronounce a comprehensible sentence. "Actually, when you put it that way, it's pretty tough to say no."

Our two jumpers hit the corner of my room, falling in a pile separate to the bomb site that is now my wardrobe. In our blind passion, we push each other back and forth, and my foot slips on a loose shirt or something (I'm not really paying enough attention to know what it is). We're so tightly wrapped I pull both of us down together and we fall onto our sides. Neither of us really notices, or at least we don't care enough to let it stop us. I try to roll off my side, and so does Makoto, but he's stronger. So we both roll his way and he ends up on top of me, all of his weight pressing into crevasses I didn't even know I had. We fit together even more naturally than I thought we would. And constantly, always, we fall into each other's mouths and each other's eyes, like an ocean trench transforming perfectly into rolling meadows and grassy mountains, making a smooth, complete, landscape. I keep tracing circles on his shoulder, and his hands find their way to the parts of my chest the singlet doesn't cover, returning the favour.

I sense that he wants to say something, so I close my mouth for a second, enough to break contact. "What is it, Makoto?"

"What's what? I'm fine."

"You can't lie to me."

"I guess not, huh?"

"Stop dodging the question and just tell me what's going on here."

He sighs. "I know you probably didn't think of it because it's not immediate for you, Haru. But, if we're really doing this, and we are, by the way, I have to tell my parents first."

He's dead right. I didn't think about that at all, but now he's said it, it's really only fair, isn't it? Even though I've had a pretty rocky relationship with Mum and Dad because of the whole left-me-to-raise-myself thing, they still pay all the bills and everything. I should thank them more often, I guess. But anyway, something as important as this they should probably know first. "I should too, really."

"It's not as easy as it seems, is it?"

"My parents might not even be available to get the call, so I could just leave a voice message."

"I don't really think that's appropriate for something of this gravity, Haru."

I sigh. "I guess you're right."

"I'm not really sure how to go about it."

"Do you think it would be easier if we did it together?"

"Probably." We smile at each other. We duck into each other for a quick kiss. Less passion, more love. He smiles. "Let's go to the beach."

I don't where that came from. I mean, we never go to the beach. Because I'm scared of the ocean. And for some reason, I just suggested that we go to the beach.

"Makoto…"

"What the hell. Let's do it."

"But…"

"It's because it looked so happy." Haru looks at me with his head a little askew. "On Tuesday, when we were walking to school. The ocean looked happy. Don't you think so?"

"…Yeah."

"At the moment, I feel like it won't touch me."

"Okay." I took a leaf out of Haru's book and wore my swimsuit under my clothes today. My plans involved water anyway. It's a little bit awkward because mine's full-length, so it just shows under my pants if you look really hard. I assumed nobody was going to be closely analysing my ankles, though, so I deemed it okay. So I don't even have to go home and get changed. Neither of us bother reclaiming our jumpers. In a few minutes, they'd be off again, anyway.

It doesn't take us very long to get there, and Haru's brought two towels and a bag for our clothes. So we undress quickly and stash our clothes. We run recklessly towards the waves and I stop just short. I appreciate the ocean for a second. It's so wide, and so unpredictable. At any minute, a storm could roll in and this calm, welcoming thing could turn vicious. The tide could change and there would suddenly be waves crashing around, each one potentially life-threatening. But at the minute, it looks tamer than that little stray cat that seems to live on our staircase. Haru reaches out his hand. If we're together, it won't be frightening at all.

I take his hand and the two of us just keep running deeper and deeper, until the water covers our chests. I sigh. "It's been so long since I've been in the ocean."

"Yes, and the last time you nearly died."

"Fair point." We look each other square in the eyes and start laughing. I catch suddenly. It wasn't actually that funny, but…

"Haru! Did you just laugh?"

"Good pick up."

"No, no, no, no. That can't just casually happen. The only time I've ever heard you laugh was when we tickled the hell out of you. Since when do you laugh?"

"Since you." He turns away from me. He's never been good at emotions.

While we're not watching, a little wave breaks over our heads. Haru spins back immediately expecting me to be curled up in a ball screaming, or something. But I'm fine. With him here, I'll be fine. He saved me once, from a logical viewpoint. And, right at the minute, with him here, I just feel invincible. So I grab his hand and dive under, pulling him down with me. I can open my eyes just long enough in the salt water to see his surprise. I start a rough stroke towards shore. It's a little awkward at first, because we're holding hands. But before too long, we're swimming side by side, in sync with one another, and we make it about halfway back in one breath. I stand up, rubbing a bit of the salt water out of my eyes. "Don't do that stuff without warning, Makoto." He's only concerned for me. I know that.

"Oh, come off it. It's all in good fun." The water's not deep enough to dive under again, so I fold my legs away under me, immersing myself up to my neck. I have a good angle, so I take a splash at Haru's face. "Got you!"

"You realise this means war."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." We swim out a little deeper and we just splash each other back and forth, laughing the whole time. We should do this more often.

We lose track of time. By the time we pull back into shore, the sun is setting. We quickly dry of our feet and put on our shoes, just so we can walk. But it's not far enough to bother dressing in full, so we just give our upper halves a quick dry and walk with our towels draped over us. If we're together, it won't be frightening at all. Not just the ocean. If he's there with me, I'll have no trouble telling Mum and Dad. I lean in and give Haru a kiss, on a whim as much as anything else. Maybe a silent thank you. "You taste like salt."

"Small surprise."

"Well, I'll come and get my jumper, but then I have to go and talk to my parents."

"I'll come with you."

"Thanks."

"Could you stay the night at my place?"

"Actually, it'd probably be good to give them all some air to figure it all out. This is a bit of a big thing."

"Then, it's settled." The silence hangs thick for a moment, but it's not the kind of silence that says "we're awkward around each other". It's a more "we don't need to talk anymore, we just kind of know" silence. In a few minutes, we're back at Haru's. "Makoto?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I'm always being a burden."

"What are you on about? You're not!"

"I am. Every morning, you have to come around to get me out of the goddamn bath, you talk for me when I don't want to, you remind that I have a world to live in. Without you around, I'd probably just lay in a pool until I fell asleep and drowned. So I'm sorry I'm always being a burden like that."

"Those are the things that make you who you are, Haru. The kind of things I fell in love with you for."

"For being useless?"

"For being unique. For being someone irreplaceable, someone without a double."

He smiles behind a blush. "I fell in love with you because you're irreplaceable. You're the only person I don't think I could live without."

I smile back at him. "That means a lot, but I'm sure there's someone else you care about like that."

"No. I don't think there is."

"Think harder."

"Who would it be? I haven't seen my parents for four years or so. My grandmother's dead. So my family doesn't really count."

"What about Rin, or Nagisa, or Rei?"

"I did live without Rin and Nagisa, for those four years we just had no reason to run into one another. And I only met Rei a year ago. Don't get me wrong, I value them. I just don't think they're irreplaceable. You are."

There's nothing more to say. I pull him in and kiss him, briefly but meaningfully. "Thanks." Without a word, we walk down the hill to my house, not a frayed nerve in sight.