"Mum! Dad! Is it okay if I stay at Haru's tonight?"
"You'll have to ask him, but that's fine by us."
"I'm okay with it too, Obasan." Haru cries out from beside me.
"Oh, Haruka! You're here, too! I'll prepare some tea!"
"Please, don't worry yourself. I'll only be here until Makoto packs his bag."
We smile at each other. A little longer than that, but tea is still too much. We both pack into my small-ish room, and I pull a little canvas bag out of my cupboard. "Let's see, what'll I need?" I roll my eyes over my cupboard. "Fresh clothes for tomorrow." I pull a set out as I say it. "Some personal toiletries." I stay over fairly often, so I've gotten savvy. I have a small plastic bag with a toothbrush, some toothpaste, that kind of stuff, specifically for the purpose of taking to Haru's when I sleep over. In the bag it goes. I slap my forehead. "Pyjamas, of course." Haru gives me this interesting sidewards glance. Maybe you won't need them so much. That's what it seems to say. I blush a little, trying to stop myself from hoping so. "That should be it." I zip the bag shut and we walk back downstairs, leaving the bag near the door.
"Mum! Dad! Before I go, there's something I want to talk to you about!"
Haru and I make our way into the kitchen, because it doubles as a dining area and it's the only room in the house with a table. We take neighbouring seats, joining hands under the table. "We'll be there in a second!"
"Huh? No fair! Why aren't we allowed to hear?" Ren and Ran chirp up from somewhere.
'If he wanted to talk to you about it, he would have asked for you! Respect your Onii-chan's privacy!" Haru and I smile at each other and laugh. Those two.
Mum and Dad barge in, looking kind of exhausted. "Okay. Makoto, what is it?"
I freeze up a little. "Well, I don't really know how to say this, but…"
No matter what, I can't seem to find the rest of the sentence. I look at Haru, hoping the words might be written on his face. But unsurprisingly, no such luck. If we're together, it won't be frightening at all. No. It's not. I take charge of our joined hands and bring them to the top of the table. "We're kind of together."
"Only kind of?" Mum looks at us with the warmest smile on her face. Dad mirrors it. "I expected more than that from you two."
"Mum! You mean…"
"We're you're parents, Makoto." Dad speaks, softly but strongly. "Noticing these kinds of things is our job." They share a glance. "We're happy that you can say it confidently."
I try to find something to say, but nothing comes up, so I just stand up and throw myself around them, my head falling laxly onto Dad's right shoulder. Mum leans in and kisses the top of my head. "Did you really think we'd be anything but happy for you?"
I look up, with tears in my eyes and shake my head. "No. But still, I'm so glad you are." Haru stands up quietly and leaves the room. Mum, Dad and I just stay like this for a minute. Or maybe several. Time kind of stood still. "Thanks. Mum, Dad. Thanks." I'm still crying, but I don't really know why.
We walk to the door, and Haru's waiting there, holding my bag. "Take good care of him, Haruka." Mum smiles at Haru. This is hardly the first time she's said that, but it's the first time she's said it like that.
He smiles back at her, and that's definitely a first. "I will." With that, we walk out the door together, waving as we leave.
I don't think my confession will go as smoothly as Makoto's. I don't even know if it's going to happen. I guess I'm in fate's hands now. I half-dread, half-anticipate the call. And for a minute, I'm jealous of Makoto. I'm jealous that he can talk openly and easily with his parents, and that they've been around for so long they figured our feelings out before we did. I can't say I regret that my parents had to leave me alone. I've had a comfortable life as a result. And there are some things I plan to do I wouldn't have the guts to do with parents in the house.
We arrive at my front door and push our way in. It wasn't locked anyway. It's hardly ever locked. I take Makoto by the hand again and lead him over to the phone. "Whatever you do, don't let go." He just nods at me. Taking the phone off the hook, I punch in my parent's number.
The call connects and then rings one, two, three times. I begin expecting their message bank. And I don't know if that annoys me, or comforts me. It rings a fourth time and start to hope it's comforting. A fifth ring tells me it's annoying and a sixth ring heralds the words I don't want to hear.
Just in time, Mum answers. "Haruka! This is a rare surprise!" I can hear Dad calling out his agreement.
"I have something kind of important I need to talk about."
"Is there a hike in power bills again? That damned company can't leave our back pocket alone!"
"No, no. It's nothing like that at all. It's more… personal."
Stunned silence echoes through the handset. "Haruka? You're calling us about a personal problem?" Dad has to talk, because Mum's started crying madly. "This may sound terrible, but that makes us very happy."
"Well, it's not really a problem. There's just something you need to know." I'm a little less tense now.
"Come on, out with it!" Mum manages a short sentence through her joyful sobbing.
"I'm gay." I just let it hang for a moment. "I'm dating Makoto from the swim club."
I sense that they don't quite know what to say. "Haruka… I'm so sorry." I'm not sure what Mum means. "I'm sorry that you have to tell us this over the phone. I'm sorry that we don't have the kind of relationship where you can tell us everything straightaway. I'm sorry that we're so far away and hardly ever come home." She breaks down crying again.
"I'm sorry, too, Haruka. No parents should leave their child the way we left you. And even now, with something this important, we're not around to be with you." I hear his voice catch and realise he might be crying too. I think that's the first time ever. Without warning, my own eyes start welling up.
"There's nothing to be sorry about." It sounds like something a good child says to assuage their parent's guilt, but it's genuine. "I understand why you did it, and I've been able to have a good life because of it. And I have my friends. And now, my boyfriend." I can't hold my tears back anymore and now all three of us are crying audibly into our respective handsets. I tighten my grip on Makoto's hand and he wraps his arms and legs around me from behind, not interfering with the handset. "If I could have it all over, I wouldn't do anything differently."
"We're so happy to hear that, Haruka." We try to keep pushing words out through our sobs, but it doesn't work so well. So we just sob until the time is right for it to start dying down. "Now, it's about time for dinner. Make yourself something really nice, okay? Some mackerel curry, maybe."
"I will. Enjoy your dinner, too."
"We're so proud of you, no matter what happens. So just know that we love you, okay?"
"I love you guys, too." I can practically hear them smiling through the phone.
"Call soon, okay?"
"I will." I hang up the handset and dry off my eyes.
"Nice to see they took it well." Makoto smiles gently at me.
"That's the first decent conversation I've had with them in ages." I close the gap between us and kiss him. "Thanks for being there, Makoto. I couldn't have done it without you."
"I'm sure you could have." We sit just there for a minute, me kind of nestled in his lap as a vestige from his embrace.
"Now, time for dinner. Mackerel curry okay by you?"
"It's your choice tonight."
"It's always my choice, so I want you to pick. If you want something, tell me. I can make it."
"Why not something a little gourmet, then? We deserve to celebrate!"
"I don't have much in the house, but I'll improvise."
"I'll help. As much as I can." We both stand up and head towards the pantry, throwing ingredients back and forth trying to make up a dish. "Can you do anything French? Seems appropriate for a couple's first meal." He laughs as he looks behind a bag of flour for something.
"I could do up a mackerel bouillabaisse, but we probably won't eat until midnight." I keep it a secret, but that was my plan all along.
"That's fine. Let's stay up all night and cook together!" He's excited.
"Sounds like fun."
Nagisa and I decide my house is close enough to walk to, so we start walking. If we make it back by five, I can talk with my parents and then head over to Nagisa's place to talk with his over dinner, perhaps. I try not to think ahead. I still have to talk to my parents, after all. "Nagisa?"
"Yeah, Rei-chan?"
"What do you think I should say?"
He hums, considering. "You're the only one who knows that, Rei-chan."
"What do I do if they're angry about it?"
"You can move in with me if you have to."
"I don't think that's really an option."
"Why not? We can share a bed and everything. If you bring a suitcase big enough to hold all you clothes and stuff, we can just throw it in the corner and you can live out of that. And we always have leftovers at dinner, so feeding an extra mouth isn't a problem. Plus, my sisters would love you."
"Still, I can't impose like that."
"But don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself, Rei-chan? Let's actually tell them first and then worry about how to cope with the fallout."
"It's not that easy, Nagisa! If everything goes south, I need a plan!"
"It's not going to. Chill out a little!" He pats me on the shoulder and for some reason, I immediately calm down. I have no reason to suspect my parents will be adverse to this discovery, theoretically. So I don't need to worry. Yet.
"Rei-chan, stop." My thoughts be occupied as they were, I almost walked straight past my house. "Geez, pay more attention."
I knock on the door. "I'm home."
"Welcome back, Rei. Did you enjoy your day?"
"Yeah." I smile, more naturally than I was expecting.
"Oh. Nagisa-kun. It's been a little while."
"Nice to see you, Ryuugazaki-san."
"Is it alright if I go over to Nagisa's for dinner, Mother?"
"I'm fine with that provided his parents are."
"I've already checked. They're happy for it. They always cook too much anyway." Nagisa subtly jabs at my side. Stop stalling and just tell her already.
"Is Father around? There's something I need to discuss."
"He's in the shower. If you hang on a minute, he'll be out."
"Oh! Rei-chan, I need to borrow some books while I'm here."
"O-Okay, then. Come on in." We take off our shoes and make our way into my room, when I exhale with some sort of relief. "Thanks for that one, Nagisa. I didn't want to be waiting around for it."
"I know. I'm your boyfriend, if only since recently. I know these things."
"Does a matter of half an hour really classify as being my boyfriend?"
"Quite being so picky."
"I'm not being picky!" We realise how familiar this conversation is. He says something obtuse, I overreact. Even if we're a couple now, nothing's really changed.
"Rei! You're father's done! Come down quickly so that you're not late for dinner at Nagisa's!"
"Rei-chan." Nagisa catches me by the sleeve as I turn around. "Do you want me there with you, or do you want it to be private?"
"Come down and stand outside the room. It's comforting knowing you're within earshot."
"Okay, then." We walk back to the sort of entrance-hall-come-dining-room where Mother and Father sit, waiting for me. Nagisa waits just outside the door and I go in and sit down on the opposite side of the table.
"Oh? Where's Nagisa?"
"This is a little bit private."
"If it's private from him, this must be serious. Is everything okay, Rei?"
They both stare at with, eyes overflowing with concern. I don't know what word should come next, so I squirm sort of uncomfortably. Is there a graceful way of saying it? Or do I say it straightforwardly? Is there a theory for this situation? Nothing comes to me, so I throw theory to the wind and let my instincts take over. I sit up bullet straight, close my eyes and half-whisper, half-scream it. "I'm bisexual."
They look at each other, with a little bit of surprise, and then back to me. Mother speaks first. "What brought this on?"
The truth pours out of me faster than I can think to stop it. "Last Saturday, Nagisa confessed to me. The day after that, Rin, one of the senpais in the swim club, confessed to me as well. And when I thought about it, I realised I had feelings for Nagisa as well. So, here we are."
"Well, at least my prospects for a grandchild aren't totally ruined." Father jabs her in the ribs.
"Dear! Don't be so selfish!"
"Oh, come off it. I'm only kidding." She winks at me. "All we care about is that you're happy. If that happens to mean you're with another guy, who cares? Live your life the way you think is best, Rei. That's the way we raised you."
"Now, you have a dinner date, don't you? Get going!" Father stands up and starts ushering us all out of the room. He and Mother go out one door, and I beckon Nagisa in from the other.
"That went over well."
"It did, didn't it?" I'm smiling like an idiot. It shouldn't be so relieving. Some part of me knew that's how they'd react. But still, I feel like I shed some great weight from my shoulders, some tension I've just released.
"Now, hurry up! Mum's expecting us soon!" He grabs me by the wrist and pulls me out the door and I just smile. I don't mind getting caught up in his pace like that. So we run/jog/walk (he got tired as we went, so we slowed down) to Nagisa's house.
"Oh, Nagisa. Just in time! Dinner's ready!" Mum opens to door to find a panting me and a not-panting Rei-chan. He's a much better runner.
"Rei-chan's over to eat, too."
"Yes, yes, I know. I made plenty." We walk in, leaving our shoes at the door and sliding immediately into neighbouring seats at a laden table.
Dinner makes it way around, and we eat while making standard, polite, family-style conversation. My sisters try to invite Rei into the conversation.
"Rei-chan, how do you like our mother's cooking?", "Rei-chan, what's your favourite subject?", "Rei-chan, what do you think about my new hair clip?" That sort of thing.
He responds gracefully with short and punchy answers, trying to leave the discussion open for my impending injection. "Well. Physics. It's nice, but maybe you should have bought a pink one." I, on the other hand, messily pick up meat and rice from the chicken curry on my plate and shove it gracelessly into my mouth, eating faster than some would deem biologically possible. Rei-chan tries nudging me in the sides. When are you going to tell them?
I glare at him sideways. In due time, in due time.
"Thanks for the food!" I declare triumphantly over an empty plate. "By the way, everybody, I'm gay. Rei-chan and I are an official item as of 4:30 today."
"That's nice, dear." Mum waves it off.
"Nice to know you're happy with that. If you are, I am." Dad's never been much of a talker.
"Aw… I wanted to date Rei-chan!" The youngest of my sisters, Ami, is a tragic love-nut.
"You two make the cutest couple, though. Make sure you don't break up, okay?" The middle, Michiru, is the most mature, if not the oldest.
"Wait, what? Nagisa-chan, you're gay? Woah… shock!" My eldest sister, Reika, looks around to the rest of table. "Or… am I the only one who didn't notice?" She hangs her head as I grab Rei-chan by the wrist and drag him up to my room.
"No offence, Nagisa, but your family's weird."
"Now you know where I get it from."
"I guess I have to thank them, then, don't I?"
We kind of naturally find our way onto my bed. We lie parallel to one another, on our sides, legs splayed so that they kind of stack up on top of one another. Our faces end up remarkably close. Rei-chan's glasses sit a little off-kilter because of gravity and stuff, I guess.
"When do you have be home, Rei-chan?"
"My parents'll understand as long as I'm back before dark. So I have probably have about an hour-and-a-half."
"In that case, can I ask for some help with a little problem?"
"Ah! Finally done!" Onii-chan and I do a double-handed high-five over the small banquet we've prepared. Mum's probably going to kill us for cooking so much, but we can always reheat it or something if we have to. We look with pride over our efforts. Rice as a base, of course, but we cooked it in a vegetable broth so it actually tastes like something. A curry, sweetened with a bit of honey. Apparently, people do that in Australia because it offsets the spice. I don't mind it myself, actually. Some rolled omelettes, well salted, with different kinds of meat in the them – one pork, one chicken, and a third one with some beef offcuts we find in some random corner of the fridge. We're going full gourmet today.
"I'm home!" Mum pushes her way in the door with the normal cheery ring in her voice. We quickly put the last glass in place, so we have a full, formalised, set table. We stand in front of it, in some feeble attempt to hide it and wait for her to turn the corner into the room.
"Welcome home." I don't think either of us actually made an effort, but it fell out in unison anyway.
Her entire face brightens up as she takes stock of what's in front of her. "What's brought this on?"
Onii-chan and I look sheepishly at on another. "Well, you see…"
He takes charge of the sentence midway so that neither of us seems to be at fault. "We have some secrets we need to tell you."
"What kind of secret warrants a dinner like this?"
"Oh, the dinner's not for the secrets." It kind of hops out of my mouth before I can think about how to say it.
"The dinner's because we told each other before we told you. We kept you out of the loop a little. This is us saying sorry." Onii-chan smiles, and a blind man could see how happy that makes Mum.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's pig out and fess up at the same time!" We all slide neatly into seats, Mum at the head of the table like always and one of us at each side. We each pick out one piece each of the rolled omelettes and add them to the plates we pre-set with rice and curry. Mum takes the first bite. "Oh, God, this is seriously good. I should let you two do the cooking more often."
Onii-chan and I stare at each other, trying to reach some mutual agreement before we each give up our secrets. His is bigger. So should he go first? We argue with our eyes until we decide that I'm up first.
"Some, come on, you two, out with it. What are these secrets you're dying to tell me?"
"Well… I've kind of gotten a boyfriend."
"That's great news!" Mum's smile just keeps getting wider and wider, showing more teeth than what I thought people actually possessed. "So what's he like?"
"We're not some hot item yet. We've only been official since this afternoon, and our first date's this Tuesday." Onii-chan chokes up from across the table. "Relax, Onii-chan! I said I can take care of myself and I meant it!"
Mum can't hold her happiness in anymore and just bursts out laughing. "You two need to cough up secrets more often. This is so much fun! It's been way too long since we've had a family moment like this, don't you think?" You know what? It really has. "So, now Gou's out in the open, it's your turn, Rin. Come on. Don't be getting all shy on me."
I'm not getting shy on her or anything like that. I just feel like I'll ruin the mood. So I take a few bites and drain my glass of water before I start. Gou looks at me meaningfully.
"I can't beat the suspense! Hurry, Rin, I need to know!" Mum seems to be having way too much fun. Well, at least she's not being gloomy.
"Well, uh, uhmm…" I'm not self-conscious or anything about it, it's just actually saying it seems a bit blunt. Is there some kind of euphemism or something I should use instead? "I'm gay." Guess not.
"You know something? While I'm glad you two have done this and all, really, you have the worst secrets." Gou and I look at each other in confusion. "Did you think I was going to be ashamed or worried or anything like that? You're still who you are, no matter what."
She leans in like even the walls aren't supposed to hear her next sentence. "I've never told you this, but you're old enough to know. When your father and I first started trying for kids, we had one thing in mind. Our kids will grow up to be the kind of people who know what they want and never give up on it. I remember it like it was yesterday." Her eyes glaze over a little, both with memory and the happy species of tears. "And that's exactly what both of you have done. I couldn't ask for better children, and I couldn't possibly be prouder of you than what I am." She reaches her arms out wide and just manages to hug both of us. "Your father is, too. I can tell."
We kind of fold into each other, wrapping our arms about each other's shoulders as best we can reach. Across the table, Gou and I can just manage to hold each other by the elbow. Both of our heads lay onto Mum's shoulders and we sort of cry, sort of smile together.
"Now, we're all done confessing, so let's do some eating! I didn't know I had a pair of chefs on my hands!" So we resume our meal with gusto, and we all look at the portion we set aside for Dad. It's didn't feel right to leave him out of it, even if he's definitely not going to be around. He mightn't actually be here, but it feels like he is. It feels like our family is a unit, like it was in the old days. Back when we lived in Sato, and I lived as much with Sosuke as I did with them.
I smile on the inside. I've almost totally rebuilt my life. My family's back together again (-ish – it's close enough for me), and I'm not fighting with Haru and that lot anymore. Now if I can just get Sosuke back, it'll be perfect, won't it?
Author's Note: Congratulations, dear, precious reader! You've made it this far through me and my crazy writing, and now you're on the home stretch! I love you for being dedicated enough to read all of this (seriously, this is an effort) and please review so I can improve for the future!