HellfireSupremacy: Alright, before we start the show I have to run through a point of clarification. As you may or may not know, the last thing I wrote before posting this chapter was a snuff fic in which I tortured and killed Naesela.

Naesela: Gruesome stuff. I'd say it's the creepiest thing anyone's ever written about me if I didn't know about the shit that goes on in the Yaoi forums. I'll take a slow and painful death over Tibarn's man-love any day of the week.

HellfireSupremacy: Yeah, what he said. Anyways, you all know about the ridiculous Naesela abuse that went into the making of that last fic. What you don't know is that Naesela himself actually approved the project. You see, I do business with the Crow King and we struck a little deal behind the scenes.

Naesela: I gave Hellfire a blank check to rip me a new one. In exchange for the privilege of shitting on my good name…

HellfireSupremacy: You don't have a good name.

Naesela: Okay then, in exchange for the privilege of ripping on my badass reputation, we came to an agreement that the next thing Hellfire wrote would pay homage to my awesomeness. Low and behold, the next thing he wrote was an update to the ever-popular Fire Emblem Olympics…

HellfireSupremacy: Which means the next event has to be the flying race, and at a bare minimum the next two chapters must be largely about Naesela and the many reasons why Naesela is the shit.

Naesela: HellfireSupremacy doesn't own Fire Emblem. I'm King Kilvas, and I approve this chapter!

Chapter 6: Aerial Racing (Part 1)

"3:59:04, NEW RECORD!"

Marcia touches down on her Pegasus and looks up at the scoreboard, a broad smile plastered across her face. Teammate and fellow sky-knight Jill runs up and gives her a congratulatory hug.

"That was amazing Marcy, no one's ever cleared that course in less than four minutes! You beat Florina's record by at least 2 seconds!"

"That was passably decent at best grunt," Coach Tanith killjoyed her underling's celebration. The knight captain was still sore from her punch out with Vaida and not in a particularly good mood. "You're still not good enough to beat Elibe."

"Of course I am, I just set a record for the course! I'm the best!"

"Oh for the love of…how many times have you run this course in the past week Marcia? You're here every single day, rain or shine, training at first light. How many times have you finished the course in under 4:03?"

"Uhhhhh…..let's see. Once just now, twice this morning, a few times last night..."

"That's great, really it is. NOW SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION!" Tanith barked. "Florina, Fiora, and Farina got their combined flight time under 12:08:00 on nine out of their last ten runs. You're good Marcia, but the Ilian's are consistently good and you're fooling yourself if you think one freakishly good run puts you on the same competitive tier as Florina or her sisters."

A previously concealed spectator chose that moment to make his presence known with a round of mock-applause. A second, much smaller spectator runs out from underneath his wings. "Bravo Tanith. Brilliant insights to be sure, and you're just so magnificently qualified to tell Pinky she's not good enough to face Elibe. You didn't just get your face messed up by Vaida, I totally imagined that entire fight."

"Naesela, stop mocking my holy guard. I command it!"

"Empress," Tanith bows. With a grumble, she hastily adds Naesela's crown title. "Have you come to observe the team's progress?"

"Actually," Sanaki peels off her bulky apostle's robes to reveal a Number (29) Team Tellius uniform, "I'm here to compete. I want to try out for the racing team."

At this Marcia bursts out laughing. Tanith gives her a good smack to the head. Jill's smart enough not to say anything.

"I…don't think that's such a good idea empress. You've never even rode a Pegasus without me or Sigurn," Tanith chooses her words carefully. "You're not exactly an experienced flier."

"Oh, don't worry I'm not going to be riding a Pegasus. I'm riding Naesela."

"And I'll be bringing the gold medal back to Kilvas after we clinch first place."

"Not going to happen," Tanith says decisively "I as your bodyguard forbid it, for your own safety."

"But…"

"…No but's Sanaki! The apostle's life cannot be recklessly endangered for sport. What if you fall? What if he drops you?"

"Come on, have I ever once dropped her?"

"That's not the point!" Tanith shouted. "How are you even going to keep her mounted? Competing laguz aren't allowed to formshift."

"So?"

"So!? How are you going to take an 80 mph U-turn in standard form with my Empress draped over your shoulders? Explain to me how that's going to work!"

"We found a loophole," Naesela tosses Tanith a copy of the official judge's manual.

Tanith quickly flips through the 400 page tome of bureaucratic gobbledygook. There's no doubt it's the real item. So there's also no doubt it was obtained illegally, since only judges are supposed to carry them. Idiot crow! Was he trying to get the entire team disqualified?

"Page 234 ruling 502.76b," Sanaki recites. "Riders count as athletes. Mounts do not. Rules and regulations applicable to athletes don't apply to mounts unless specifically stated elsewhere in the manual."

"Basically," the crow king concluded with a hint of innuendo, "I don't count as an athlete as long as Sanaki's on top and I'm on bottom. I can stay shifted the entire time and the judges can't do shit about it. All the rest of the team has to do is cross the finish line and we'll win. I'm just that good."

"Excuse me!?" Marcia yells. "All we have to do is cross the finish line? You haven't even made the team yet feather-brain!"

"We're going to make the team, right now. Just as soon as Tanith gets out of our way."

"I still think this is a terrible idea," Tanith growls. "Apostle Sanaki, are you absolutely certain you want to go through with this? It's your choice; You don't have to feel pressured just because the Crow King wants to show off his speed."

"No, it's not like that at all!" Sanaki vigorously shakes her head. "I want to compete; I've been looking for a way to enter one of the events ever since the dance-off. I mean, actually entering the air race, that was totally Naesela's idea. But I wanted to do it too, he didn't make me!"

(Cough) "That's what she said." (Cough)

"Shut up crow," Tanith groaned. She still had a splitting headache and a sharp pain in the gut from her match-up with Vaida. She needed Naesela's chatter like she needed another punch to the face. What she really needed was a good night's sleep and a bottle of Oxycontin. "You know what…just…do what you want with her. Alright? Both of you, do whatever you want. I don't even care anymore."

"Tanith? Heyyyy, Tanith! Where are you going? Aren't you going to watch me fly?" Sanaki whined.

"Oh, but haven't you heard," Naesela smiled slyly. "She's going off on her own to track down that thief from the other team."

Tanith winced. How the hell did he know that? Reluctantly, she looked the crow king in the eye, and he shot her a look that she understood to mean yes Tanith, I have enough dirt to blackmail you for the remainder of your short beorc life if you keep pushing my buttons, so knock it off.

"She's looking for the cheater, Matthew?" Sanaki looked up at her partner confused. Not angry or surprised, just confused. "Why? He's not more important than me!"

"Because Empress," Tanith grimaced and rubbed her temples. "I have a headache the size of Duke Tanas, and Matthew has my…my medicine." Naesela suppressed a snorting laugh. Sanaki still looked really confused.

"And Tanith's going to go get her medicine, and I'm not going to talk about it, because Tanith's not going to bother me when I try to do things alone with the Empress," Naesela spoke just cryptically enough to go over Sanaki's head. "Right Tanith?"

"Alright, I see how it's going to be. Naesela! I'm trusting you with the Empress's safety," Tanith sighed in defeat. It pained her to have to use the words "Naesela," "trusting," and "the Empress's safety" in the same sentence. Hopefully Matthew had a pill for that too. "I'm leaving. Take care of her, or you can add me and Sigurn to the list of characters who want you dead."

"That's a long list," Naesela smirks. "I don't think there's any more room for you."

"Then don't screw this up because if you do, and something happens to the empress, the holy guard will kill you."

"Good to know Tanith. Now scram, go pop some pills before you start getting grumpy."

Tanith bowed to her Empress, mumbled something under her breath about how much she hated crows, and ran off to find Matthew. Along the way, she met up with Sigurn.

"Alert the holy guard," Tanith advised. "We may have a security breach."

"How so?"

Tanith pointed over to the take-off and landing zone for the aerial races, where Naesela could now be seen rising into the sky with Sanaki on his back.

"Is he going to…"

"…Yep"

With her on his…"

"…Yep"

"He does know she's never been more than 300 feet off the ground, right?" Sigurn watched skeptically as the Crow King carried the empress well beyond her field of vision. He was above the cloud cover now. That meant he had to be taking her at least five miles up.

"Yeah, somehow I don't think that ever came up."

"…"

"…"

"GOD DAMN IT, I hate crows!"

"Join the friggin club…"

HellfireSupremacy: Yeah, so I think I just officially made Naesela my new muse of comedic mischief. Sorry Matthew, you've been dethroned.

Matthew: Bullshit, you know I'll be back in the limelight as soon as you start updating your FE7 fics.