As a world-renowned scientific expert varying from medicine to thermonuclear physics, I never really thought there was much to biological life beyond the fact that we are all composed of methodically-placed atoms that manage to form entire living organisms.
Well, that was before I met my husband, Tony Stark.
Even after the arc reactor and shrapnel was finally removed from his chest, this man still lit up a room with his sheer presence. He always kept a billion-dollar smile and charm that managed to win even the most reclusive man in the world over, and the past thirty-five years have been adorned with the happiest memories conceivable thanks to him.
If we don't have souls, how can this beautiful Virginia beach house - complete with digital photographs along every wall and a plethora of assistive robots and the like - feel so hauntingly vacant?
It's only once I sit in "my spot" on the couch that I manage to settle my nerves only slightly; enough to let go a little of the pain I've retained the past week. I loosen my cufflinks and tie, remove my jacket, and unbutton a few of the top buttons on my only black shirt. I run my fingers through my thick, gray hair before removing my glasses and setting them on the living room table. You'd think I'd have had corrective surgery by now, but I haven't considered it since Tony made a remark thirty-five years ago about how cute he found me in them.
The service was immaculate - Tony made sure of that long ago - and it was nice meeting old colleagues of Tony's along with the few friends who have kept in touch and haven't passed away themselves. Pepper was among them and sat to my right, squeezing my hand reassuringly as it trembled. Not to say her comfort was inadequate, but her hand is a lot smaller than Tony's and I could definitely feel the void.
To my left sat a tall, timid, dark-haired, brown-eyed, nearsighted carbon copy of my late husband whose arm stayed put around my shoulder in a comforting embrace throughout the entire memorial. Even during the after party (if it involves Tony, even now, there's still an after party), that young man never left his father's side. He was definitely charming enough to float through the party like it was his own, lest you think otherwise. However, even though I had been married to Tony as long as I was, I think Leonard could sense how out of place I felt and chose to stick with me.
In fact, Leonard has offered to come home for a few nights to keep me company, but I figure that he's already been here the past several nights helping me finalize what few arrangements I had control over, and he deserves to go out and have fun one more night before heading home. Besides, he probably can't miss much more work anyway with all of the projects he's been talking about.
Thus, here I am on this couch, letting my gaze drift to my right where Tony used to sit. The dent is still there where he'd lean his entire body against mine and drift asleep. I contemplate having JARVIS play old clips of us over the years, but right now his death is still too fresh in my mind and, while I haven't had an incident in almost fifteen years, I would rather not risk it.
"Sir, Mister Stark has requested your presence in the lab."
I startle. "JARVIS, that's impossible. Tony's been dead the past-"
"Six days, twenty hours, fourteen minutes," the AI cuts me off. I mentally curse Tony for developing the sassiest software on the planet. "Sir, I would highly recommend you go. Particularly near Mister Stark's primary workstation."
I sigh and sit up slowly, carefully. My back aches and I'm not nearly as limber as I was twenty years ago, despite the yoga. I meander over to the elevator twenty feet away (which feels like miles and my shortness of breath is evidence of how exhausted I am) and step inside. I find it rather peculiar that I'd even be in the lab for anything considering I haven't set foot in it in months. Even Tony had stopped tinkering when his heart began to weaken, so I can't imagine he's been in there the past month, two months? We have plenty of robots to help do all of his heavy lifting, but our son is the primary inventor and CEO of Stark Industries now, specializing mostly in clean energy and self-sustaining renewable agriculture. We mostly spent our days simply enjoying each other's company and that was fine by me; I've had my fill of adventure for the rest of my life since the last battle I chose to participate in, and that was nearly two decades ago.
Once I reach the lab below the house, I'm once more thankful Tony's desk is the closest to the elevator. The lights automatically come on, courtesy of JARVIS, and I let my eyes roam the expanse of dust-collecting R&D, confused as to why my dead husband would want me down here.
"Sir, might I offer you a seat? Your heart rate is reaching a dangerous level."
I nod and sit on the couch adjacent to Tony's old desk. The same one we'd slept together on that painful night in Manhattan thirty-six years ago - I had to keep at least one thing for sentimental value throughout the years. I lean back and smell his cologne on the worn leather and this alone makes me want to cry once more. I dig my right hand into the seat, clutching like a vice.
"Initiating sequence number 3580," JARVIS says coolly and the lights dim. Before I question what's going on, a beam of light from the ceiling flickers on the opposite end of the couch before an image of Tony appears, sitting.
"Hey, Bruce. Miss me?" his voice overrides the PA system. "No, I'm not an angel. Holographic images still exist, right?"
My heart comes to a complete stop and if I weren't completely paralyzed I may have waved my hand through the projection.
Tony smiles fully. "I know this may be a little soon, but I just can't bear the thought of leaving you without saying goodbye, so I conjured up this idea for good measure."
His hair is mostly gray, but still maintains its original black in many areas. He's wearing his favorite gray suit and red button-up. This must have been recorded a few weeks ago when he was still able to get around the house without me supporting him. Tears spring into my eyes, but I fight them back.
"This is a lot harder to do since I'm just kind of coming up with the words on the spot and I'm talking to thin air, so bear with me. First thing's first, you have made my life everything I ever wanted it to be." His smile fades slightly and I see his hand ball up into a fist on his leg. "I thought I was happy with the money and cars and women and over a million employees, but you disproved the day we set on finding the tesseract."
He chuckles, running his fingers through his hair. "You were so adorable then, you know that? Here you were, a rage monster wearing your beautiful self like a suit, trying to fight off the urge to tear it all away. Yet you still managed to laugh at my jokes and sweep me off my feet talking about gamma radiation and breaking the coulomb barrier without so much as even trying. I think that's what I admired most about you, Bruce. Everyone else I worked with tried to appeal to my better nature and you were the only person who had no façade with me."
He sets his elbows on his knees and turns his head toward me; he actually knew exactly where I would sit. I scoot closer toward the image, attempting to soothe my own uncontrollable heart rate.
"Because of you, I have someone to start and end every day of the rest of my life with. Hell, even when I'm dreaming it's all about the life you've given me. It's odd, I'd had nightmares about Afghanistan and the Chitauri invasion for the longest time, but it all seems like a complete blur now since I have memories of you. You coming back from Calcutta, saying 'yes' to marrying me, actually going through with it, convincing me that we were still capable of raising a child together. And don't even get me started on Leon's first steps and flight lessons and him graduating high school before kids his age finished ninth grade. Seriously, I didn't know parenthood was gonna be so fulfilling until you dragged me into it."
Even with his sad smile, the corners of his eyes crinkle in a timeless manner. He begins fidgeting his hands and sighs.
"I'm thankful that we've managed to do the cliché thing and grow old together because, while I'm content if you move on to find another man when all this is over with...actually, I know you well enough to know you wouldn't look anyway. Although you're still breathtakingly stunning for a man in his late seventies, my dear."
I can't help but chuckle at the idea of even attempting to find a man who I'd love even a fraction of the amount I do Tony, with the exception of our son.
"That being said, Bruce, the only thing I'm worried about is that you'll miss me as much as I already miss you...although you're upstairs asleep as I record this. I had always hoped from the moment we'd decided to give this all a go that I would grow old with you and spend the rest of my life with you…"
He takes a deep breath and bites his lip for a split second before apparently noticing himself and regaining composure.
"I guess I'd forgotten the fact that everything ultimately has an ending. You know I'm not religious and don't believe much in an afterlife, but a small fragment of me almost wants to pray for one just so I know this isn't the last time I'll be able to speak to you."
My eyes are on fire despite the torrent of tears they produce. I've hardly cried since the initial discovery of Tony's lifeless form, but knowing he went through the same internal struggle I had gone through makes it hard not to. Watching him grow increasingly fatigued as the days and weeks went on was a harsh reminder that, at the end of the day, Tony was only a mortal man.
The gamma radiation has made it to where my immune system is superior to that of any known man (next to Captain Rogers himself) and, therefore, the only thing that can really kill me is old age. Tony and I both knew that I would likely outlive him since the arc reactor was removed, but nothing could have prepared me for the sheer heartache that ensued when I woke up to JARVIS announcing that Tony's heart had stopped.
"Whatever the case may be, though, I promise you I'm going to love you with every fiber of my being, Doctor Robert Bruce Banner-Stark, whether that's until the day I die or even longer. Bruce, I've done a lot of things that I've regretted in my lifetime, but we both know as scientists that there is a logical explanation for everything. I know everything happens for a reason and that reason was ultimately you. You've taken my flaws and embraced the ones you couldn't correct. You've given me purpose beyond money and public affairs. The one thing that gives me peace of mind is knowing that I don't have to worry about you forgetting me because you've let me become a part of you just like I've assimilated you completely into me."
Tony had decided to let me make the ultimate decision of whether or not to resuscitate and I opted not to. No matter how greatly I wanted to prolong our time together, I knew this was the way he would have wanted to go. I simply curled up onto his chest, breathed in his vital scent, and felt one last time the sheer warmth of my husband's presence. For a few seconds, it felt almost normal until the deafening silence of the room hit me like a ton of bricks. I had JARVIS call Leonard shortly after.
The catharsis consequential of hearing his voice has wracked me with sobs that could change Earth's tides. The tears are torrenting down my cheeks and I've finally given up on my attempts to stop them. I want to stay strong for him as I don't want him to see me like this, until I remember it's simply a holographic image of him; that he cannot actually see me.
"I can talk all night about this, Bruce, but it's almost five in the morning and you'll be getting up in about an hour. I'm going to do a little programming for this and then I'll be upstairs to hold you closer than you'll probably be comfortable with. You won't understand it right now, but I know you won't complain either. I love you so much, Bruce. More than life itself and more than anyone will ever begin to comprehend except for you. Maybe I'll see you on the flipside. Either way, I'm gonna make the last few days count for something. Bye, now."
He gives a small wave and smile before the image flickers off.
Before I can think to react, I'm cradling my head in my hands as my chest tightens and my tears release all the grief and pure misery I've endured since the last time I was able to hold Tony in my arms. Simultaneously, however, my heart swells with the same adoration that he's managed to afflict me with since the beginning of our friendship. I'm reduced to a sobbing mess as I lay my head on his side of the couch, inhaling the remnants of his scent in an attempt to feel his presence with me just one last time.
I try finding comfort in the fact that Tony had made peace with all of his demons and left an impact on the world; that he'd given me refuge when I was still an outlawed monstrosity, a beautiful son to carry on his legacy and wonderful traits, decades of memories to reflect upon consequential to a marriage and friendship I hadn't imagined in my wildest dreams to obtain. However, it's difficult to be content even with all he's left behind because he's passed away with me right by his side and, therefore, I'll have to continue the rest of my life knowing that it won't end the same.
"Sir, I do apologize if this is a difficult time. Mister Stark-Banner has also requested I show you some documents whenever you find it convenient."
I catch my breath for a moment. "Documents? I thought everything had been handled by Pepper." Why in God's name would he have JARVIS bring this up right now?
"You're correct, Sir. I assure you none of these pertain to his demise or any legal affairs to do with such."
I sit up, grabbing a tissue from Tony's desk to wipe my eyes and face. "Go ahead."
"As you wish," the AI declared and brought up the documents on the holographic screen in front of me.
The numbers one through six appear and I select the first to appease my perfectionist tendencies. I curse the fact that I left my glasses upstairs and swipe my hands across the screen to make the text bigger.
"Also, I should inform you that your husband has offered audio commentary as well. Would you prefer I play it?"
"Please," I note.
Tony's voice plays through the speakers on either side of the monitor. I sit back, the text big enough for me to somewhat decipher so I am able to read along. "The funny thing about being Tony Stark is that I'm really great at playing things off when things go awry. When Pepper left, I just kept working as if nothing had happened. When the Chitauri attacked, I maintained my composure and ended up saving everyone without batting an eye."
I roll my eyes and chuckle. Tony was never bashful about his accomplishments.
"However, I couldn't find a way to uphold my demeanor when I said my farewells to the most captivating human being I had ever managed to encounter in my forty-three years of existence."