Now, I wanted you opologise all my readers as RL came between me and publishing this chapter. Nice Mr. computer virus came to visit to computer I'm using for internet purposes and I really don't know any other place to go for it. So, chapter was waiting in my mail for over week and I was trying not to get frustrated as waiting for after-sales service to do their job. And really, I wasn't doing a really good job at not getting frustrated over it. Now, please read this next chappy!
Chapter 11
Severus was still sleeping soundly when Lucius woke up at nine. Lucius thought that if possible Severus was sleeping late. Unfortunately breakfast was fast approaching and as they only had a half of hour to eat he thought it best to wake him before it was too late. He tried calling Severus' name but his friend only turned away from him. He them tried pulling his pillow out from under his head that only led to a small "fight" about the pillow. He was about to get Severus' pillow when Severus' gripped his pillow and pulled to back under his head an annoying contented expression on his face. Lucius sighed and shook his head grinning in a sly way. This was becoming more like a challenge that a normal wake up call. He took out his wand and sent a small spell at Severus' blanket causing it to heat up just enough to make it uncomfortable to sleep with. Severus started to wrestle with his blanket and after a little fight he dropped it to the floor, abet still soundly sleeping. This was becoming pretty frustrating for Lucius; he had never seen such a deep sleeper before. Severus really should be fully awake by now with all he had done but there he was teasing him with his annoying sleeping habits. Lucius' Slytherin instincts took over and madly grinning he conjured his own little alarm clock...a bucket full of cold water.
This time it worked perfectly perhaps too perfectly. Severus bolted upright in his bed and he actually looked a bit fearful. As Severus started and dashed to sit up in panic mode he automatically lashed out hitting Lucius in the stomach. Luckily he was still half asleep so it wasn't a fully powered punch. Still it left Lucius catching his breath as he'd had the wind knocked out of him. Lucius realized what he had done. His first reaction was to bring he hand to his mouth as he looked at his friend's pale face. Something kept him staring at Lucius with his mouth hanging open. Once again Severus' pajamas road up and his back was showing. His bruises were doing a lot better but were still visible. Severus himself obvious hadn't noticed the state of his pajamas and as Lucius was still trying to get his breath back he didn't say anything. Both were a bit shaken up and it was Severus who spoke first.
"Oh… I', sorry" he was speaking in a faltering voice and it was clear that he was not at his best just now. Lucius was now recovered enough from the surprise punch and answered.
"There's really nothing to forgive. Just relax, that was really entirely my own fault. I became too inspired to wake you up and I got carried away…Actually I'm the one to owe you an apology…" Severus took that a bit defensively and cut him off now with a stronger voice though he still sounded a bit sleepy.
"No, I just reacted too strongly as usual." "I always screw up and take everything too seriously though I shouldn't." He muttered that last part but Lucius heard it anyways. He really looked as if he was serious and he looked angry almost like he was angry with himself even though there wasn't a real reason to be. Lucius knew that the other boy didn't realize yet how clearly he could see his back and thought that maybe now he could get some answers. Last time the other boy just backed up when he brought up this particular topic. He looked at the still confused boy feeling pity for him even thought he guessed that was the last thing Severus wanted. He decided to take the chance and ask about the bruises, as he would eventually notice that they've been seen again.
"Look, I can't blame you for your reaction as according to what I've seen of you back this reaction was fully expected." Severus looked at his pajamas and as he noticed that his pajama's hem was up he lost the last bit of color in his cheeks.
He was just getting the color back in his face but now he was paler that ever. He fully lost it. He looked so vulnerable as he looked at the floor so desperately. Lucius thought that this might work out well. To hell with breakfast this was far more important than any breakfast. He thought they could go to the kitchens later as he had been told how to get into the kitchen. Luckily it was Saturday and they wouldn't have anything to do. He thought that maybe they had better go someplace where they might speak in peace. So he suggested it to Severus.
"I think we need to talk but perhaps not here where we might have witnesses. Do you know any place where we might get total peace?" He didn't really get an answer but the other boy started to get dressed so he waited. As soon as Severus put his robes on they were heading out the door. Lucius was curious about where they might be going and he soon got his answer. They reached a spot near the forbidden forest. God the guy who named the forest must have been so boring.
As they were there Lucius took a look around and noticed that the place was surprisingly cozy. They were in the middle of a rocky place and might sit on the stony "chairs" and the shoreline was so close. He really understood why Severus liked this place. Hardly anyone could see them here if they were sitting down but they again why on earth would he like being here alone? He really shouldn't be like that. He looked at Severus and notice that he was staring at the water. Probably trying to put off the inevitable a moment longer. His hands were trembling for some reason and it wasn't because he was cold as it was warm outside. He realized that he had to be careful as it was clear how nervous Severus was. He didn't just start the conversation by asking bluntly what happened and he had his own Slytherin instincts to thank that for. He started carefully as he knew he would get better results if he did it the round about way.
"Do you like it here at Hogwarts?" Severus let out a breath, probably was relived because of that "innocent" question. He laughed nervously and started to answer as Lucius smirked secretly at his brilliant thinking.
"Yeah, its nice here. I never realized that studying magic could be fun and interesting. Everything is so exciting and so much nicer than before. I never really was one to enjoying studying before I came here. It was… I never liked school before and even now… Sometimes it's nice here but… I had hoped it was only a stupid muggle habit to…" Lucius didn't want stop Severus account of what happened. He could only guess why there were so many disjointed sentences he never stopped but it was pretty clear where the problem lay. The reason was connected to muggles and school. He already knew that a muggle man had killed his friend's mum but he wasn't certain if that was the only problem. However there was no explanation for his friend's bruises yet. He realized that Severus stopped talking and was again staring at the water. He might have to prod him up again to get any more answers.
"Did you have many friends before Hogwarts?" He saw a defiant expression on his friend's face and knew not to annoy him too much if he didn't want Severus to run away again as he seemed to do quite often when confronted. Severus started to speak again in a stronger voice and even looked at Lucius.
"Yes, I was with them outside of school even sometimes when they didn't…they were ok though they were sometimes a bit untrustworthy." There always seemed to be something Severus didn't want to say. Lucius had a feeling that Severus wouldn't have called these guys friends. However one thing was alarmingly clear…he would have to milk all the information he wanted to his questions out of Severus.
"How about in school?" Lucius was even more alert than before. Severus started looking desperate and he raise his voice the more he talked.
"I…they…what…it has nothing to do with anything. I don't owe you any explanation and here you are asking me these bloody questions! Why on earth I even came out here with you I'll never know." Lucius could see he was about to cry even though Severus tried to keep it to himself. He saw that Severus was really near the edge and that something was happening for better or worse. He made his next move.
"Look, I'm not trying to do anything else here but understand why you would be keeping those bruises a secret. I honestly think that you should show them to someone…"
"If I… … I don't want to answer any more questions and if I…I always kept it all a secret and now…I just can't…" Severus was actually shedding a few tears though he still tried to keep them hidden. Lucius added carefully trying to look in his friend's eyes. Severus refused to make eye contact.
"I know it must be horrible to remember and perhaps you are afraid of revenge or something. Still it will do you good to tell somebody even if you aren't going to do anything about it. Maybe I can help you somehow… Without anyone else interfering if you want." He looked at the Severus the whole time he was saying that. Severus was extremely tense and breathing heavily. He was trying to stay calm despite the threatening flood of emotions that threatened to crack through his façade. Lucius thought sadly that was probably true. He saw other boy starting to get up ready to flee and pleaded him to stay. He didn't want him to go away like that no matter what. At this rate he would never speak to him again. Even answers weren't worth that.
"Please, don't go! You don't have to tell me anything but please stay!" That got Severus to stop and he started to snarl at Lucius as if he was angry but his tears betrayed that belief. As he spoke his voice lost its venom and became subdued and shaky, the crying only got increased. However he just kept talking and Lucius was patiently listening.
"YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH? FINE, THEY WERE IDIOTS, EVERY ONE OF THEM. Since my mother died everything good went down the drain. My dad was only trying to forget his pain and started to drink as well. NOBODY HELPED US! He used all of our money on alcohol and I got only second hand clothes for it. When school started my every dream about it shattered on the first day. Some stupid kids were commenting on my worn out clothes and they threw my packed lunch to the floor when teacher was out of sight after ripping it in two. As I was picking it up it somehow repaired itself. Good for me but the bad thing was they saw it. They looked at me strangely and called me a freak before retreating. I only wanted their acceptance but they never gave that. Things never got any better there and at first they were mostly looking at me oddly for the first few months but they got more guts then later. I told myself I'd get along without them then as it became clear that I couldn't get them to accept me. Most just called me names or left me alone which was bearable; however some took advantage and went farther with it. They never did it alone as a guarantee that I wouldn't fight back much, cowards! As they noticed they didn't get caught as long as no teacher saw anything, they got bolder. A few students looked pityingly at me but not once did they speak to me. Probably thought I didn't see their looks. I had hard times getting people to acknowledge me even at home. However I found some people who bore my presence somewhat. Or one of them did. His friends were always playing with me if they ever got bored. I had to stay in check if I wanted to keep them away from me. Only one of them I really considered my friend because he didn't support their mocking me but didn't prevent either. However, even that was good, I wouldn't have done it without any support. At least he was supporting me so long as it was only two of us. I didn't care if the entire world was against me if there was even one person around to keep me going. Dad wasn't much help with his constant drinking and he wasn't always nice when he was drunk. I don't care though; he was and still is ill. Being at home wasn't an option for me if he'd got drunk again so I went somewhere else as often as possible. I didn't really tell anything to my friend but I think he knew some of the things I went through. However we never really spoke about it. It was only when he went to another school that he cut off with me for his own reputation. I always hated his other friends teasing but I hated being totally left alone even more. I guess I learned the hard way to stop my bad habits from the last year and a half. At least one good thing was that my worst teaser got transferred to observation class and my physical teasing ended mostly. They only gave me meaningless mocking and shunning out the blue. Not that it was a new occurrence. As far as I remember during school they never even accepted me to group work. If a teacher happened to order them to take let me in the group they'd just say only the most necessary stuff or ask me do some silent job for the thing we were doing. On the other hand, they made it clear that I wasn't welcome there but as the teacher asked so… they did their responsibility, nothing more nothing less. Last year was hard. I never found someone else who would have me and now I was totally isolated from them things got so much harder. There was no one to talk to who might understand." His voice changed and had a real angry countenance to it and his eyes were flashing fire as he stared at nothing. He had been doing that all during the time he had been speaking.
"I wish they could have caught the idiot who killed her. I'd kill him now after all misery he caused. If it wasn't for him my mum would be living and my dad would have never started drinking so much. If it wasn't for him we'd have more money for clothes and such and I'd have gotten better clothes. If it weren't for him people wouldn't have thought me so weird for my cheap clothes. If it weren't for him they wouldn't have started to pick on me at school. If it wasn't for him I'd be accepted at school and never so alone. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have to be careful around my father, as he was most of the time drunk. This man took everything I cared for and left nothing. If it weren't for him I wouldn't have to be careful of any magical outbursts when they were picking on me. I didn't really know how to stop it from happening as every so often my magic gave me some protection, which then made me even into a freak than I was before. Those bruises you saw… They caught me one day on my way back home and beat me up. One of the smaller ones jumped on my back at one point. I always tried to fight back but there were just too many. I hoped my magic would come to my aid and finally it did. I got some kind of cover around me. They could no longer get nearer me. I hoped that things would be better here. After all here my magic wouldn't be taken so badly as with the bloody muggles. I still can't drop my old habits here though and I really should learn how. However I don't know if I'm better off here with stupid Black and Potter breathing down my neck. I really tried to be like everyone else but things are only going wrong again. I must be cursed. I can't tell anyone, they would find out about my dad. I don't want to lose him too after mum. Now after all I still bloody suck at speaking with people. Of course things wont' get any better if I'm acting like some stupid weirdo. I just can't drop my cover and start acting like everyone else. I just can't be normal though it was the only thing I ever wanted." Now he sat there silently, breathing deeply he kept his eyes closed and cried. After a moment he mumbled:
"Why did I tell you everything? Now you'll tell everyone. You must think that I'm some bloody coward."
"You know I will never speak a word of this to anyone. Have I done anything against you so far?" Severus opened his mouth but he realized he had no answer and he closed it quickly. Lucius went on. "I wouldn't' even dream of betraying you like that. Do you trust me even a little bit?" again Severus said nothing. After few seconds he finally answered.
"I can't… if I do that and then something goes wrong. I've got enough on my plate without any more problems. It's easier just not trust anyone that's the way I always did it. I guess I'm trying to change though as I've already told you all of this. Trusting is so damn hard. I don't think I trust anybody, not even myself.
Lucius just stared at his friend silently as he thought of everything Severus had just told him. He didn't really want to press Severus but still he wanted to ask one more question. He resisted asking about Severus' about his dad though he was damn curious why he wouldn't be taken away if someone found about his treatment.
"That back of yours, there is pretty large area of bruising, do you have anything for getting rid of it? Maybe I can help you if you really don't want to show it to nurse here."
"I've got some bruise reducing ointment from one of the potion's classes and it is doing a pretty good job though it is a mild one."
"I have something stronger for cases like that in my trunk. My dad equipped me with all sort of things, including basic healing potions. I can get it for you later."
Severus' pondered that statement. It took few minutes for him to decide but he nodded finally.
"Lucius, are you certain that you are fine with all I told you? If you are disappointed or anything I'd surely understand if you changed your mind about my company…"
"NO, I just told you, you can count on me! That what you told me, people can be stupid. They don't really consider how badly their stupidity can hurt someone before they get old enough to realize what they did and then everything is irreversible. However you just confirmed my suspicion more or less." That got a shocked response from Severus. Looking pained he asked.
"Am I really that obvious? Shit!"
"Not if you don't look. I've just been around long enough. Don't worry, they won't see anything like that." That got Severus' to close his eyes and let out the breath he was holding. For a long time neither of them said anything but it wasn't uncomfortable silence. They both had time to contemplate everything they had just said or heard. The more time that went be the calmer Severus looked. Actually he was the one to break the silence.
"I'm sorry that I yelled at you, I really shouldn't have. None of that is your fault and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
"Don't buddy! You had and still have every right to be angry about what those bastards did. I knew it wasn't me you were mad at." Still it seemed as though his words had no effect on his friend. Sadly he noted that the worst critic you can have is yourself. But that was the real Severus. Not the acting he had met earlier. He probably never showed this side to anyone. So he said, "Please, I'm serious! What they did wronged you, you didn't do anything wrong yourself!" He could almost imagine how Severus was reproaching himself in his mind. He lowered his hand to his friend showers hoping to calm him down, however the first reaction was the opposite. He startled and stiffened up at once but Lucius resisted the urge to remove his hands. Eventually Severus relaxed again. They sat there for an hour or more without saying anything.
Now I wanted to thank my nice readers who were giving me a review! Kendra-the hyper one and SexxyCookie 1223, thanks I loved your reviews!
And now I professor Snape will give you a detention with me if you dare not to review my story as you've read that far! (giving Snape's patented death-glare for warning you not to disobey!)