A/N So this the next few chapters may contain some spoilers for 7 x 01 but this story is still going to be AU from that 6 x 23. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

"Perfect families don't exist. It's gonna be up to you to find a way to make your baggage match their baggage, It's up to you to make your own history." L.P.

Chapter 6

Kate's gaze held that of the clear blue eyes staring back at her playing an imaginary game of "statues' as neither blinked. It felt like forever since she had heard him speak, seen his luscious wide mouth slip into that easy grin that was pure him, since she had watched the small crinkles develop at the corners of his eyes as he laughed, it felt like forever but had only been 13 days, 4 hours and 47 minutes since his "I love you too" had whispered in her ears and the only way she could picture him without seeing red, hungry flames was to look at the picture that now took pride of place on her murder board.

Kate blinked slowly, her dry sore eyes testament to the stress and emotions of the last few days. She blinked but Castle's picture didn't. Tearing her gaze from his familiar cocky grin and blue eyes she methodically worked her way through the evidence and leads laid out in her neat handwriting on Castle's old story board. Kate had commandeered the use of Castle's study at the Hampton's house and no one had the energy or the wish to stop her. It was her room now just as much as it had been Castle's.

Over the last fortnight the timeline they had begun on the night of his disappearance had been added to and expanded but had still failed to reveal where he was. A picture of the abandoned black SUV they had located at the docks in Southhampton had been added to the board but had not added to any significant leads. CSU had combed the Escalade and DNA put Castle within the car but they had already known that from the video. No prints or DNA of his kidnappers had turned up. The splatters of O+ blood on the back seat had caused bile to rise in Kate's throat when she saw it, not needing the DNA confirmation to know it was his. Her heart had dropped to the bottom of her heeled boots when she realised that they had run headlong into another dead end. Canvassing of the docks had turned up one missing vessel, Kate hadn't been able to hold in the sarcastic laugh as she realised that the missing boat was actually Aaron Lerner's. She had pulled Lerner into the interrogation room at the Hamptons PD, resisting the feeling of déjà vu that swamped her as she sat down. She had almost been able to convince herself that she felt Castle slide into the metal chair by her side as he had the last time they faced Lerner over this table. With an air-tight alibi in place that she hadn't been able to break, she had stormed from the room, the door slamming loudly in her wake, as their last solid lead disappeared into thin air like Lerner's ghost ship. Countless phone calls to harbours, docks, airports and private airstrips up and down the east coast had failed to locate Richard Castle or the boat with the red neon shark.

Their suspect list had grown over the last two weeks which only proved how clueless they all really were. They had added several suspects to their list, most from old cases that Castle had worked with them. But nothing was popping, they still didn't have a story for his kidnapping and Kate was slowly going crazy with the images and thoughts that tumbled through her mind, day or night. Images of flames, blood and others so graphic that she would never have acknowledged in the light of day but in the quiet loneliness of the night they tormented her. Captain Gates had finally called the boys home four days ago once all the leads in the Hamptons had gone cold, stone cold. To give her credit she had allowed them to stay for several days after the last lead had run dry, maybe deep down she had been hoping as they all had that just their physical presence in the last place he had been seen would be enough to make him magically reappear. But he hadn't. And they had left, taking Jenny and Lanie with them. Lanie had initially protested, refusing to leave until Kate did. But in the end it had been the quiet insistence from her friend that had persuaded her.

"Please Lanie. I need you to use every contact you've ever made to speed up the processing of all the evidence we have including John Doe's body. It'll go smoother if it comes from you in your official capacity as ME. Please." It was the pleading from her best friend who never usually asked for anything that had made up Lanie's mind. So four days ago her team had packed their bags and departed for their homes. But it was something that Kate couldn't or wouldn't do yet. She couldn't leave this small stretch of land without her partner by her side or it would feel like she had given up on finding him, given up on them and that is something she would never do.

Kate reached behind her for the glass of scotch she had poured earlier and forgotten about as she had become lost in the details of the murder board, a nightly ritual that that had become a compulsion that she no longer fought. Kate had long given up any hope that she wouldn't slide down this rabbit hole, actually she remembers the moment she jumped head long into it. Thirty-five hours ago she had sent her dad, Martha and Alexis back to the city, unable to face the grief and loss on their faces as each night she entered the front door of the house with no further leads, no clues as to his whereabouts. So thirty-five hours ago she had finally worn them down with her persistence that there was nothing else that they could do and her convincing lies that she was nowhere near that rabbit hole. She had waved them off with a calmness that belied the internal turmoil that was spinning through her. Barely had the door closed after them and she was back in front of the murder board staring at that cocky grin of his and begging him to stay alive long enough for her to find him. Over the last few weeks she had begged, bargained, pleaded and yelled at his image in the hope that some cosmic force would keep him alive.

Taking a sip she welcomed the burn to her throat as she swallowed, amazed that the liquid was able to bypass the large lump of fear that felt like it had taken up permanent residence since that first phone call form Chief Brady. Kate's gaze wandered over the well-worn trek it took each night as she reviewed the information or lack of that they had. The words, written in her neat handwriting began to blur as tears welled up and silently spilt over. It was no use, they had no more leads. Castle could be next door, ten miles away, in the next state or in the next hemisphere and she didn't have a clue how to find him. Kate swirled the remaining liquor in the glass as she concentrated on her breathing feeling the panic that she had been holding firmly at bay slip through her grasp as the tears continued to course down her cheeks unhindered. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be the strong one anymore. There was no one around to see her fall apart and Kate was in so many pieces right now she didn't know if she could ever be put back together again. After her mother's death she had thought that nothing else could ever devastate her but she had been so very wrong. This was worse, so much worse because she felt like the other half of her soul had been ripped away, leaving a raw ragged shell in its place. Whilst the others had been here she had been able to hide behind her Detective Beckett mask and pretend that she wasn't a useless mess without Rick but now she was alone she didn't have the energy to keep the charade up. The sobs that she had been suppressing for days burst out in a gasp as she pitched the glass at the board, catching Castle square in the nose before shattering. Kate watched as amber liquid slowly dripped down the white board before pooling on the grey carpet for a split second before being sucked into the plush pile. She felt her legs give way, no longer able to support her as she collapsed to her knees, her gaze never wavering from his picture. Her breath coming out in loud sobs as she allowed doubt to creep its way in. He's gone, I'm never going to see him again, hold him again, kiss him again. Never.

She felt the strong arms wrap around her, the firm hand sweep her hair back but was unable to rein in the bone shuddering sobs. For a second she almost believed it was him, come home. But the slimness of the limbs, the slightness of the body holding her up eventually penetrated the fog of her despair and they felt nothing like Rick's.

"Kate, please don't do this. We need you, I need you." The voice whispered in her ear even as they continued to sway together. "He needs you, Kate."

"I…I can't do this without him." Kate looked up into clear blue eyes much paler than the ones she longed to see. "Alexis, I just want him back."

"I know, Kate. We all want him back." The younger girl tightened her grip, tears welling in those blue eyes. Kate sucked in a shuddering breath as she tried to calm herself. Why was Alexis here, she had sent her home days ago.

"God, Alexis what are you doing back here. I told you to go home. You need to be with Martha, not here." Kate pulled back, disengaging herself from Alexis as she stood. She awkwardly took a step back trying to put some distance between them as she attempted to regain some composure.

"I dropped Grams back at the loft and I left your dad with her. I tried to do what you wanted, I really did. But then I kept thinking of you out here by yourself and I realised that my dad would never want you to do this alone. So I came back." Alexis stepped towards the murder board, her gaze slowly perusing the photographs and words on the board. "So this is what you and dad do, when you're solving cases." She said as she pointed towards the board.

"No, absolutely not. No way Alexis." Kate wiped her hand across her face to remove the last of the tears as they dried quickly at the younger girl's words. "Nuh uh, no"

"You need a partner and I'm a Castle. It's inevitable Kate." Alexis ignored the stern gaze the detective was giving her at her flippant remarks as she continued to digest the information laid out in front of her. "Who's Jerry Tyson?"

"I'm not doing this Alexis. You need to be back at the loft with Martha."

"I tried that. For almost two days I sat at home and watched Grams drink herself into oblivion and your dad cook meal after meal like he was feeding the next zombie army. I didn't like it. I need to be doing something other than cry myself to sleep each night." Alexis paused at the picture of the former Senator Bracken. She lifted the photo from the board and turned to face Kate. "Did he do this, does Bracken have something to do with Dad's kidnapping."

"I'm not discussing this with you Alexis. Your dad would not want you to be involved in this." Kate grabbed the picture from Alexis' hand and replaced it on the board. Without another word she turned her back on the girl and bend down to pick up the glass shards from the floor. She heard Alexis release a deep sigh before she bend down beside Kate.

"My dad isn't here, Kate. I'm not a child anymore. I am older than you were when you started investigating your mother's murder. Please, Kate. I need to do this. I have done enough crying to last me a life time and now I need to help find him. Don't shut me out. Please." Kate watched her blue eyes fill with tears as her lips quivered. Reaching out she tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear before running a hand down her smooth pale cheek. Taking a breath Kate ignored Castle's voice in her head telling her not to fall for those puppy dog eyes. "Kate, you should have seen her when she wanted a pony when she was five. Her little eyes filled with tears and her lip quivered and I swear I was this close to giving in. She's a master at this look. Turn away, quick don't look. It's like she's medusa but without the snake hair. Close your eyes Kate." Kate smirked at the internal image of Castle covering both their eyes in his usual melodramatic fashion. Yeah, these Castles came by their acting talent naturally. But Kate also knew what it was like to be daughter without a parent. She had promised Castle years ago that she would look after Alexis if something happened to him and although she knew this is not what he meant, she knew she needed to allow Alexis to do this.

"OK, ok." Kate pulled them both to their feet, holding Alexis' pale hands between her own. "We do this but we do this my way. I'll tell you everything we know but no contact with witnesses or suspects, and definitely no going rogue. I mean it, Alexis. The first hint that you have broken our agreement and I will personally put you in a holding cell."

"I may be my father's daughter but I have always been the mature one in our relationship. I promise to do everything you say but no lies. I want the truth, I need the truth Kate."

"Always" Kate whispered, surprised at their world that slipped out before she could prevent it. It felt right somehow, not the same but something different to what it meant when she or Castle said it. Today it was a promise not of love but of honesty and family.

"OK, so who is Jerry Tyson and why do you think Bracken might be involved."

Kate sat back down on the edge of the desk and she started to outline what they had so far, Alexis coming to sit beside her as they both gazed up at the murder board. For the next few hours Kate talked as Alexis listened. Her monologue interrupted only for Alexis to ask questions and Kate to make them both cups of coffee. As night slowly gave way to morning both women continued to talk quietly as they forged a new appreciation and understanding for each other.

"We know that he was kidnapped by a well-trained group of likely ex-military or militia, who took him to the docks here in Southampton where they stole Aaron Lerner's boat. We have an ABP out on the boat but so far no luck." Alexis reiterated the information Kate had revealed overnight. "We do know that they took him alive, at what looks like some expense to themselves so they must want him alive. We know that somehow they manipulated events to get Dad up here in the Hamptons where it was more secluded to kidnap him. Financials on the catering staff came back clean. We're still waiting on warrants to access the financials of the New York venue staff. The only other people who knew about the change in plans was the guests. Have we considered them?" Alexis turned to find Kate smiling softly at her. "Er..what?"

"Nothing. You just reminded me of your dad, though without the crazy theories. I was just waiting for you to mention the CIA or the mob." Kate laughed

"Really, was he always making up crazy theories." Alexis walked over to join Kate at the desk. "He must have driven you crazy."

"No, not always. He has this knack at thinking outside the box or finding the real story even if the evidence tells a different one. I'm a better detective when he's about." Kate whispered as she gazed up at his photo before turning to face Alexis. "But if you ever tell him that I will have to deny it"

"Oh, God no. His ego is already big enough. Don't worry your secret is safe with me." She heard Kate gasp at her words, unsure what had made her react that way. She watched as the smile dimmed slightly on Kate's face before the detective broke eye contact.

"Um…most of the guests are family and friends, I couldn't imagine them doing something like this but to be thorough Esposito and Ryan are running checks as we speak."

"And Aaron Lerner"

"His alibi is tight and I hate to admit it but he has no motive."

"Why did Dad never tell me about Jerry Tyson? I mean he told us that he had been framed for murder last year but he made it seem like it was a disgruntled suspect not a serial killer. He was in our house, he made threats against you, Grams, me. I can't believe he didn't tell us." Alexis muttered.

"Your dad loves you guys so much and his first thought is always to protect you. There is nothing that he wouldn't do for you and Martha. He doesn't want this side of our job to touch you guys." Kate tried to explain, hoping that she was able to capture her fiancé's need to keep them safe.

"But it does touch us. When you got shot, he almost died in your place. Then when you left that summer, something in him went away too. He almost froze to death, almost drowned and I can't imagine what else has happened that he hasn't told us about. This is why I didn't want him to follow you around because just being with you put him in danger." Kate could see the hurt in the younger girl's eyes.

"Why do you think I pushed him away after my shooting? I knew he would have sacrificed himself for me and I couldn't let him do that. Not to you or Martha or himself. But Alexis, every time I sent him away he would find a way to worm himself back into my life until I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. You're like him in that regard. You came back even after I sent you away."

"Do you think he has been kidnapped because of one of those cases you guys worked together?"

"I don't know Alexis." Kate sighed "We have a list of possible suspects and the boys are chasing down leads but nothing has shaken loose so far. Bracken's behind bars and he no longer has the pull to coordinate something like this, I checked. So yes, Alexis. This could be about one of our old cases but I think that if it was they would have been in contact with us by now just to flaunt their power and exact revenge if nothing else. But it's been two weeks and no contact, no ransom, nothing." Kate stood and started to pace the room.

"So who else Kate?" Alexis asked

"God, I don't know. Maybe his dad? Maybe it could be 3XK? Someone else? I don't know." Kate spun on her heel to face the murder board. "All I know is that he is no longer here in the Hamptons, he's gone."

"Then why are you still here. Come back to New York, come back to the loft and us." Alexis pleaded

"What? No! I can't" Kate's hazel eyes widened in alarm. She could feel the panic rising again within her chest.

"Why not? What more can you do here. Dad's gone Kate. You said yourself, he's not here anymore." Alexis walked over and placed her arm on Kate's.

"Lex, I can't leave. If I return to the loft without him it means that he is really gone, and I don't think I'm ready to deal with that. I'm not strong enough." Kate whispered

"Kate you are the strongest person I know. You can't stay up here, you need to come home. You can do this. Please" Alexis pleaded, there was no way she was going to leave Kate up here alone.

"Please don't ask this of me Alexis" Kate looked down where Alexis's pale arm rested on her tan forearm. She lifted her eyes to gaze at the platinum and diamond ring that adorned her finger, a physical representation of the promise they had made, to be together, to be a family. Although they had never had their wedding, the promises Kate had made the day she accepted this ring still stood. Castle had a family, a family who needed her and she really only had one choice to make. She was no longer alone as she had been after her mother's murder and she needed to accept that.

"OK, Lex. I'll come home" Kate winced at the squeal that escaped from Alexis as the younger girl caught her up in a hug. "Oh wow, you are more like your dad than you realise" Kate laughed

"I learnt from the best"

"Yes you did." Kate returned Alexis' hug, gazing up at Castle's photo as she rested her head on Alexis'. Stay alive Rick. I'll find you. We will find you.

She left Alexis in the study to take photos of their murder board whilst she went to pack. Kate walked into the closet to start packing, she ignored the black matching luggage set sitting in the bottom of the walk-in closet as she had every time she walked into this room. It still contained her and Castle's clothes for their honeymoon and she had been unable to bear the thought of opening them to remove her clothes so when she had run out of workout clothes to wear she had gone out and bought new clothes rather than delve into those bags. Avoidance and denial gave her some semblance of control in those early days, if she kept things just as he left them then he would come back, if she stayed in the Hamptons, the last place he had been heading towards then maybe one day he would turn up here, if she never unpacked their honeymoon luggage then they would still get their happy ending. She knew it wasn't healthy and that it couldn't go on forever but it was the only way she could keep going because it gave her hope. Hope that was glaringly absent in all their leads. Hope that was slowly fading in their investigation, so though it wasn't a long term solution her denial kept the hope alive within her heart. Kate grabbed a small overnight bad and stuffed in the meagre clothes she had accumulated in the last few weeks and headed back to Alexis. Together they removed the photos from the board, carefully replacing them into their appropriate files and after locking up the house they left in their cars to head back to the loft.

Kate slowed down as she passed the bridge, the broken guardrail still hanging precariously over the gap, a small piece of yellow police tape fluttered in the wind, a silent reminder of what had occurred here. Castle's Mercedes had long since been moved to the CSU depot, although it had failed to turn up any more evidence. His cell phone had been located in the front passenger foot well, the screen had been smashed and melted from the flames but Ryan had been able to get his call list from the SD card. Kate knew that the last call he had tried to make had been to her. An image of those last frightening moments for Castle flashed through her mind. He must have been so frightened but he had tried to call her. She wished she had been able to talk to him then, if only for a second to tell him that she would find him, she would hunt them down and she would find him. No matter where they went or how hard they hid him, she would find him.

"I'll find you babe, stay alive. Just stay alive"

Kate eased the car back onto the road and headed away from the Hamptons, she desperately ignored the feeling gnawing away in her gut that by leaving she was leaving him behind as well. Logically she knew she wasn't, that it was time to go home, to go back to the precinct, that she could do more from her official role in the NYPD then she could sitting in that house in the Hamptons but logic couldn't stop her heart from sinking as she left a little bit of her hope behind.