(What happened last. Ooppy tam.) Okay. Hiyo. To the note junk, kay? Kay. Aren't you happy the story was transferred! Now on frog-noo
Summary(Huzzah!): Just to prove his little cousin wrong, Artemis Fowl the Second undergoes a forced change to be come a...merperson.
At the same time, a young merprincess who doesn't want to be so causes havoc. She is about to cut her hair to disguise herself when our other young "hero" just happens to be swimming along as a…merperson.
A load of cool stuff happens, la da da, and then the merprincess, Stephanie, goes through a change herself (No, not puberty) and stays at Fowl Manor with dear Arty for a few weeks. Why a few weeks? Ask Artemis, Iunno. Anyhoo, will things…happen (GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER NOW) between dear Arty and wee ickle Steph? Read and find out, fools.
"Put down my damn hairbrush!"
'"I'm only trying to get out the hair…"
"I don't give a hoot. Now put down the hairbrush."
"But…"
"PUT DOWN THE GODFORSAKEN HAIRBRUSH!"
"If you insist…"
"Give it!"
"Of course."
The royal brush cleaner guy, Ted, swam of in a huff.
Artemis Fowl's annoying cousin Shawn had come over for a visit to the manor. No matter were Artemis went or did, Shawn was there, and it was driving him up the wall.
Artemis was sitting at his window sill at this particular bug-and-annoy-to-no-end session.
Stephanie had just finished pulverizing the clams, eating the 2 week food stock, tying up all employees, (Especially Ted.), and ransacking her father's room. Now all that was left was to cut off, The Forest of Everblonde. Her, dun dun dun, dun dun dun… HAIR. (EGASPETH)
(On with le story. Muah ha ha ya ya ya ya! Ha!)
(For the record, I didn't type that. Regards, Noodle)
"THIS IS BANANAS. B-A-N-A-N-A-S."
Juliet and Butler were giving Artemis a ride to the pier so he could prove his cousin, Shawn, wrong. While they were in the car that particular song was playing on the radio and Juliet and Butler were head-banging and shouting to the lyrics.
Artemis was sitting in the back, terrified.
'Who on God's green earth would create such a song!' Artemis thought, as he swirled the potion…like…stuff…around in the vile in which it was contained. It was pink.
Hot pink.
What he planned to do sounded absolutely ridiculous. He had created his potion out of certain types of fish and other things I cannot name because I'm a complete imbecile. He was going to drink it (and gag for a minute or two) and turn into a merman. Weird? You decide. Anyway. He would then travel down into the depths of the ocean, video tape the images below with a water-proof video camera, show Shawn the raw footage and win the bet. Artemis wins, everyone is happy.
Yes, Shawn would question his proof but Artemis could lie his way out of it. It's one of the many things he does best.
When they finally arrived Artemis had a migraine and the Butler siblings were laughing at the poor Irish boy (Noodle-Hey, you would too). Artemis and Butler got out of the car while Juliet waited inside and turned the music up so loud the citizens of Hong Kong could feel it.
"What if this doesn't work?" Butler questioned. "Have you tested it?"
"I'm testing it in a few seconds. If things go awry that's what that antidote in your hand is for. It will reverse any DNA changes that may be in place." Artemis stood at the edge of the pier with Butler at his back so no one could be a Peeping Tom. "You do have the antidote with you, do you not?"
Butler shook it in his hand.
"Excellent," Artemis said, taking off his long-sleeved Polo shirt and throwing it aside. He took the cork out of the vile tip (with great difficulty for he is a weakling) and gulped the hot pink potion down. It was absolutely disgusting, and he started gagging.
"EUGH," he coughed. "THAT TASTE IS INTOLERABLE!" Artemis fell into the water, but luckily he was already developing gills and he could breathe underwater as much as he pleased. Bubbles emitted from his mouth and floated to the surface, obscuring his vision.
His legs suddenly snapped together, then combined into a big fat merperson tail. It was black, for that was the color of his current pair of pants (which were now eternally ruined). He looked down at his fin. "…Alright then."
Artemis swam further down under water, the new sensation of having a fin bothering him just like Shawn pestered him above the water's surface.
Princess Stephanie had been grounded for the past few days. She stared out the seaweed, a glazed look upon her face. A big, obese merman passed, smiling. She smiled too. It was her lover. Jorge, with a j. Stephanie attempted to escape, but the seaweed held her prisoner.
She decided to pass the time with a fond memory of her chaos caused to the castle. Tying up Ted, the royal hairbrush cleaner guy.
-Flashback-
"Ooooo! I'm brushing your hair. Ooo! I'm cleaning your brush! OOOOO! I'm going to clean my brush! HAHAHA!" And she did. Poor Ted was rambling for days on end. It was torture for him. He, tied up in the hair he had saved from brush cleaning day, watching her CLEAN HER OWN BRUSH! He fainted.
-This flashback has ended. It is now time to resume the tragic story.-
Stephanie sighed in content. It was one of her finest moments.
At that moment a small crab approached. It snapped it claws and spit air bubbles out of what was its mouth. It looked up at the merprincess.
"May I help you?" Stephanie raised an eyebrow.
The crab bubbled again and crawled onto Stephanie's back. It tickled, and she giggled insanely. The crab cut the bonds tying the girl to the sandy ocean bottom and ate the bonds for his mid-day snack. He thought it was very delicious.
Stephanie swam upward and out of the seaweed bed she was grounded to for what was supposed to be a year. She didn't thank the crab, and the crab decided to get her back when she returned.
Stephanie looked around for anyone who might be spying. No one. She rocketed towards the surface so no one could spot her escaping to the Pacific Ocean. She would have to surface, use what humans called lungs to breathe air and, once she was far enough, dive back under and hide in the small underwater utopia the fairies called Atlantis. She was sure they wouldn't mind her staying.
Artemis swam further and further down, video taping every single detail around him. Fish, seaweed, a crab which seemed to curse at the sky, nothing special.
He smirked. He would win the bet and he would no longer be bothered by the little brat he had to call his cousin. If Artemis' name was Everybody, Everybody would win, but it's not, so they don't.
Artemis' smirk dissolved as he saw a creature swimming towards him. He turned off the camera and tried to get a closer look of whatever it was. It looked like a dolphin with the torso of a…
"Crumpets."
It was a merperson. He was wrong. He, Artemis Fowl the Second, was wrong. Apparently they do exist, just like the underground fairy population. They, flippin', EXISTED.
Artemis stayed put to see what the merperson would look like in full, for he didn't have a mirror and couldn't look at himself.
When the merperson got closer Artemis found that she was a girl (A-DUH). Her fin was a mix of the colors of her eyes, green, blue and grey all mixed in for some weird reason most likely having to do with the genes passed down from her parents ANYWAY. Her hair was blonde and shone from the rays of the sun that strained to reach the bottom of the ocean (he wasn't that far down). It flowed around her head like silk curtains in a breeze.
The mermaid gave him a look, and then she grabbed a heavy object, aimed it at Artemis and started screaming.
Stephanie felt a ripple of water from a distance. She swam slightly faster.
Was it a spy for her repulsive father? Probably. She swam faster still, behind a rock.
Stephanie grabbed a heavy object, aimed it at him and started screaming.
She threw it with perfect aim, but it sunk to the floor like a drowning giraffe. "Crumpets!"
The merboy stared at her oddly, then said, "You stole my line."
"Who said it was your line? Did ya' copyright it? Huh?" She looked menacing.
Artemis could not help but think, 'She's hot.' Artemis felt very ashamed, and dirty after thinking that. He then said, "Yes. I did. Wanna see the papers? HUH!"
"No, I'm fine," Stephanie said. "The ink is probably like, fwoosh anyway."
"…What?"
"Huh?"
Artemis sighed; this was like Shawn, only worse, and sexy. Artemis blushed, and felt sick, and ashamed, and dirty. Again.
"Egad."
"Yeah. Who are you?"
"Artemis Fowl the Second, heir to a huge fortune."
Stephanie in her mocking, nasally voice replied,"I'm Stephanie. I'm a princess, deal with it. I have a large fortune too. Ne-e-e-eh. So, bow down, fool."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Okay! So, ahhh…"
"Not this again! How, ahhh… insightful, of you."
"Indeed." Artemis thought for a minute or two, leaving the mermaid to stare at him and wait for him to speak about something other than the word 'ah'. Finally, "I need to take you back up to the surface with me."
"Back? Eh?"
"I'm not a real merperson, I came from the surface. I need to take you back so I can prove to my cousin that mermaids don't exist."
"But they do."
"He doesn't know that."
"But I'm a mermaid. If he sees me after you brought me up, that would prove you wrong."
"Oh, I can fix that."
"Right. How, when, where, why?"
"Okay. What?"
"It's from kindercare."
"Okay, shush and listen."
"Ne-e-e-e."
"Okay. Now, We will be going to the surface in the next 20 minutes. There will be an antidote to switch the mermaid DNA to human DNA."
"I'll be a human!"
"No, you won't." Artemis tried to put in as much sarcasm as he could muster.
"Oh joy!" Stephanie, obviously sensing the sarcasm in his voice, shouted.
"Jeremiah was a bullfrog
Was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him a-drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine
Singin'...
Joy to the world
All the boys and girls now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me
If I were the king of the world
Tell you what I'd do
I'd throw away the cars and the bars and the war
Make sweet love to you
Sing it now...
Joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me" Stephanie screamed.
Stephanie threw her arms around Artemis. "I LOVE YOU! WOOO!"
Artemis flushed. "I love you too, may we go now?"
OMG. I love that chapter. So full of good stuff and because we finished it I feel high. WHOO!
Regards, Noodle
This was 9 pages on Microsoft, YAYAY! Longest chap yet. Please, if you would be so kind, review. Silver Dark Crystal Sorceress, and athleticsrulz, we love you. Sing with us! Joy to, never mind. Okay, you two have received an oatmeal bath each, and whatever else I propmised you. Kay, Bye.
-Frogerita