THE LAST TIIIIME:

"THIS IS BANANAS. B-A-N-A-N-A-S."

Juliet and Butler were giving Artemis a ride to the pier so he could prove his cousin, Shawn, wrong. While they were in the car that particular song was playing on the radio and Juliet and Butler were head-banging and shouting to the lyrics.

Artemis was sitting in the back, terrified.

'Who on God's green earth would create such a song!' Artemis thought, as he swirled the potion…like…stuff…around in the vile in which it was contained. It was pink.

Hot pink.

Princess Stephanie had been grounded for the past few days. She stared out the seaweed, a glazed look upon her face. A big, obese merman passed, smiling. She smiled too. It was her lover. Jorge, with a j. Stephanie attempted to escape, but the seaweed held her prisoner.

She decided top pass the time, with a fond memory of her chaos caused to the castle. Tying up Ted, the royal hairbrush cleaner guy.

Artemis swam further and further down, video taping every single detail around him. Fish, seaweed, a crab which seemed to curse at the sky, nothing special.

He smirked. He would win the bet and he would no longer be bothered by the little brat he had to call his cousin. If Artemis' name was Everybody, Everybody would win, but it's not, so they don't.

Artemis' smirk dissolved as he saw a creature swimming towards him. He turned off the camera and tried to get a closer look of whatever it was. It looked like a dolphin with the torso of a…

"Crumpets."

Stephanie felt a ripple of water from a distance. She swam slightly faster.

Was it a spy for her repulsive father? Probably. She swam faster still, behind a rock.

Stephanie grabbed a heavy object, aimed it at him and started screaming.

She threw it, with perfect aim. But it sunk, to the floor, like a drowning giraffe. "Crumpets!"

The merboy stared at her, oddly, then said, "You stole my line."

"Who said it was your line? Did ya' copyright it? Huh?" She looked menacing.

Artemis could not help but think, 'She's hot.' Artemis felt very ashamed, and dirty after thinking that. He then said, "Yes. I did. Wanna see the papers? HUH!"

Stephanie threw her arms around Artemis. "I LOVE YOU! WOOO!"

Artemis flushed. "I love you too, may we go now?"

Now, to the chapter, Hoohah!

Artemis was buttoning up his shirt while Stephanie took the antidote.

"So, it worked?" asked Butler.

"Obviously," Artemis replied. "Now all we have to do is tell Shawn that I found a marine biologist who took me in a submarine to see the bottom of the ocean."

"What if he notices Stephanie's wet hair?"

"I'll say the submarine leaked."

"Ah. I see."

Stephanie interrupted. "Err, I have a problem."

"Oh?" Artemis shook his hair out with his hands. "What might that be?"

Stephanie snuck deeper into the water. "I'm, ah….kind of…nude."

"Oh. Oh. Ah, well, err…" Artemis turned to Butler and whispered, "Do we have any spare clothes?"

"I'll go ask Juliet if she has any." Butler went to ask his sister about the…ah…predicament.

"So-o-o-o…" Artemis started, looking up to the sky. "What is being a merperson like, exactly?"

"Ah, it sucks. Terribly. Seeing water and sand all day is boring and we can't dance. We can't dance! And candy dissolves unless we keep it in our mouth the entire time, and we swim in our own--"

"Clothes!" Butler exclaimed.

"Good!" She pointed at Butler, then Artemis. "You, turn around and stay put. You, go away."

Stephanie quickly got out of the water and dressed herself after they did as they were told. (A/N: She read laminated magazines that have been dropped into the water. She has learned how to dress like a human from those. Look ma, no help from you, you witch!) She had to sit the entire time because if she tried to stand up she would lose her balance and fall. Oh, the disadvantages of have a fin for fourteen years.

"I'm finished, you can peek now," Stephanie announced when she was done. She was wearing a long black t-shirt, bell bottoms and orange sandals. She tried to stand up, only to fall backwards. Luckily she grabbed the back of Butler's shirt and was saved.

Butler turned his head. "Err, are you okay?"

"If I were a piece of jelly, I'd be just dandy!" Stephanie gave a cheesy smile.

"Umm… May I come in now? And Butler, Juliet needs you. Something about 50 million euros…" Butler quickly ran off, leaving poor Stephanie on her rump.

Artemis came over and attempted to help her. Too bad he's a weakling. He fell on his rump as well.

"Come o-o-o-o-on!" Butler demanded from the car. "Juliet has this perverted song on and she won't let me change it!"

"We'll be right there!" Artemis shouted back. "Now Stephanie, ahhh…gain your balance."

"How 'bout no, and you get the hot, buff guy, in the car to help me. You know, the one with the great a-"

"What!"

"Kidding…"

"Right. BUTLERRRRRRRRR!"

"Coming, Artemis." He picked Stephanie over his shoulder, and placed her gently in the car. He tossed Artemis over his shoulder, and threw him into the car.

Big tush Butler began driving.

Stephanie used her arms to throw Artemis' caviar out the window.

"Those were my future friends! And the fish Kim's eggs! How could you! I now hate you." She slapped Artemis and crossed her arms, then asked, "Can I sit next to you, Butler?"

"Err, no."

"It sounds as if you hate me."

Artemis began to relax, lying on the whole seat. Stephanie felt the urge to be mean and playful at the same time. She promptly sat on his chest.

"Augh! What are you doing!" Artemis exclaimed in a raspy voice, for he couldn't breathe.

"None yo, that's what." Stephanie started tickling Artemis' sides.

"No. No! Stop! Stop it! Aha! Ahahahaha!" Artemis giggled uncontrollably.

"I have found your tickle spot! I have an advantage!"

"Not for long!" Artemis found his strength (there wasn't much) and poked around Stephanie's stomach. She squealed. "Oh, see? Now I have you! Take that!"

"No-o-o-o! Holy crab ca-AHAHAHAHA!" Stephanie couldn't fight back. Her tickle spot was her weakness, and that was why she never revealed it to anyone. But Artemis had found it and now she was vulnerable.

For once Artemis had fun being childish. Why this was so, he had no idea, but torturing some one and making them giggle at the same time was enjoyable. He kept up his antics until Stephanie couldn't breathe.

"Oh, you're so mean!" Stephanie giggled.

Artemis gave his vampire smile. "I know, aren't I lovely?"

"No."

"You've ruined the mood."

"There was a mood?"

"Yes. And you ruined it. Feel bad."

"I am ashamed."

"No. Stop speaking, it's all over."

"Wahh."

"And you wonder-"

"Why I'm so beautiful? No, not really."

"Excuse me, Mr. Fowl, but we have arrived." Butler intervened.

"Okay!" Stephanie opened the door with some difficulty (Noodle-Apparently, according to my friend, mermaids don't have doors.), and put one foot outside. She stood on the other foot, and lost her balance entirely, on the grass, filled with ants. (Frogerita- they have NO car doors. They are mermaids.) "Aaeeeii!" she squealed. She rolled over twice. Butler picked her up, and attempted to brush off the ants, the retarded ants. The ones no one wanted. The ones that appeared without any notice to the authors. After the last of the ants were killed, they walked up the driveway, poor Artemis lagging ahead because he is still a weakling. So therefore, the process was slow. Really slow. "Shawn!

Shawnifoundamermaidandshesnotamermaidrightno wcausewetookapotionthatmadethednagoodnotbadandnowwearegoingtolieandsaythatwedidntfindamermaidandthatshesamarinebiologistandthesubmarineleakedsowebroughthertoshowyouproofthatmermaidsdontexistthoughtheydo!"

"Huh?" Shawn said, befuddled.

"I said Shawnifoundamermaidandshesnotamermaidrightno -"

"I know, but slower."

"Umm… Okay. I said, 'Shawn, Shawn, Shawn, Shawn-"

"He said your name a million plus 2 times, and then said what he meant." Stephanie lied, feeling high and mighty.

"Exactly!"

Shawn agreed heartily. Then he ignored Artemis and began making moves on Stephanie, for he was a pervert. Such as the lame sayings listed:

You're hot.

You're pretty.

You should love me.

Let's have babies!

Let's get married.

Your lips look lonely, wanna meet mine?

You have big bo-"

"I am a marine biologist. I study clams, farschool, fish, laminated magazines, catglaws, mermaids, which don't exist…" And Stephanie's list went on and on, and on, while smiling cheesily. At the same time she looked at Artemis as if silently crying for help. Artemis just whistled, like he had seen on old cartoons that he no longer watched, 'cause they were childishly boring.

Stephanie continued on with her fake lecture, swearing to herself that she'd choke Artemis in his sleep. "I am here to tell you of the wonderful world of mermaids: It does-"

"-not exist!" Artemis butted in. "You see, I have been in Stephanie's father's submarine to explore the deep and we found absolutely no evidence that could lead us to the conclusion that mermaids might exist, which they don't."

"Thank you, Artemis, for so rudely interrupting me. As I was saying, they do not exist, and if they did, pigs would fly and I'd probably be a millionaire."

Shawn, being blinded by a false pang of love, believed the fake marine biologist. "Aw. M'kay then." He skipped back into the house to see if he could annoy the heck out of some one else, for he had lost the bet to Artemis.

Artemis turned to Stephanie. "You have successfully served your purpose as a human, and now it's time to throw you back into the ocean like a tuna fish."

"What!" Stephanie looked at the boy as if he were batty. "I can't go back!"

"Oh? And why is that?"

"My life was miserable as a mermaid princess thingy. I hade no privileges of my own, I always had to be"-she made air quotes at this-"'proper' and I had no friends because my father was overprotective of me, and my father hired a friend for me, but she was a miserable lump!" Stephanie looked like she was at the brink of tears. "Please don't send me back…."

Will she stay at the manor? Read the dang gum summary and find out. Anyway, we decided to leave this chapter here because it was getting too long and we were getting tired of it. It's just like a brother, except much less annoying.

Regards, Noodle and Frogerita