I didn't fully realize I passed out until I noticed that silence met my ears as I recovered consciousness. The last thing I remembered was someone, possibly Winry, calling out to me, telling me to stay awake, and now, there was nothing. What happened? Did something go wrong?
Confused, I forced my eyes open and sat up before stiffening as a low moan came from my right. Whirling around, I saw a figure clad in a blue hoodie and jeans push himself up, running an automail right hand through his black hair. "The hell…?" he muttered.
I felt my eyes widen as I immediately recognized him. "J…Jamie?" I breathed. After all this time, had I finally found my friend?
The figure looked over at me and as our gazes met, my mind clicked and I let out a wide grin. "Jamie!" I exclaimed, embracing him in a tight hug and practically tackling him to the ground. "You're okay! I'm so glad we're together again!"
"AUGH!" To my surprise, Jamie let out a fearful scream and roughly shoved me away. "Get away from me, you-!" He stopped short as he noticed his surroundings and looked around the room, caution and panic etched in his features. "Wait… where am I?" he nervously asked.
I followed his gaze and matched his confusion. We appeared to be in a dark, empty room with a single wooden door in front of us and a wide window at our backs, illuminating the room from the rays of a full moon. No other furniture was occupying the medium size room, making our surroundings resemble a scene out of a surreal horror movie.
"I don't like this place," I muttered, tensing up. "Let's just get out of here-"
"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey, my good sir and madam!" a female voice shouted around the room, making Jamie and I jump to our feet and cry out. We spun around and saw two figures in front of a black desk by the window, having seemingly appeared out of nowhere. One of them was sitting at the desk with her hands folded, her eyes hidden in shadow as short, curly blonde hair fell over them, a mouth with sharpened teeth grinning at us. On her right was a man standing tall and dressed in a dark blue hoodie, a mask with blank eyes and a smile drawn on covering his face and his hood pulled up to hide his hair.
"Ah, splendid!" the woman happily exclaimed. "The two of you have woken up! I was wondering if you sleepyheads were going to come out of hibernation, since it's been three months since the last update-"
"Four months," the masked man spoke up.
The woman paused for a moment, thrown off track, before continuing, "Anyways, it's been a long time. And I left my readers at an intense cliffhanger on the last chapter, so I decided to make an update to let them know what's been-"
"Story? Readers? What are you talking about?" I demanded. "Who even are you guys and what do you want with us?"
The woman stopped a second time, her sharp smile faltering. "…Apparently no one wants to let me talk today," she muttered.
"Apparently not," the masked man replied.
The woman cleared her throat then instantaneously brightened up. "Might as well start this off with answering some questions," she said. "For starters, I'm the writer of Fullmetal Alchemist: The Lost Ones, otherwise known as sharia013 over the interwebs, or Sharia for short. And this," She indicated the masked man in blue, "Is my editor-"
The man loudly cleared his throat and shook his head, leaving Sharia at a loss for words. "…Associate?" she tried.
"Nope," the man promptly replied.
"Close ally?"
"Meh."
"Passionate lover?"
The masked man made a farting noise, making Sharia sigh irritably. "Okay, fine… My…" She raised two fingers on each hand and quoted in the air, "'Part-time helper,' Masky."
"It's more random than anything," Masky replied.
"Riiiight…" Sharia sighed. "Anyway, we're here to tell you guys that there's gonna be some big changes to TLO. Not that it's a big deal, considering how inactive this fic has been lately." At this, she pouted and wiped a fake tear from her eye, which was somehow still hidden in shadows while her hand wasn't.
As she blabbered on, I noticed that her head didn't quite focus on Jamie and I, but was raised at what was behind us. I glanced over my shoulder, but only saw the wall with the door.
"Do you have any idea what's going on?" I leaned over to Jamie and whispered.
My friend barely shrugged, looking as confused as I felt.
"Oi! Are you two even listening?" Sharia snapped.
We both jumped then rapidly nodded out heads. "Yeah, yeah, of course!" I squeaked.
"No you aren't," Sharia bluntly replied. "So, lemme explain it once again. You two better be listening this time."
We fell silent and Sharia started up her explanations, "I'll start off with the major changes. Firstly, this story will be discontinued. To put it simply, I lost all desire to write it out, as I realized I was going to his some early dead ends with the situation I wrote out. That's not a good place to be in at the very beginning of your story. Not to mention that I was cramming so much stuff into each chapter and was updating the fic at a snail's pace."
"You also came out with the span of three chapters in half a year," Masky added.
"But fear not, my loveable characters!" Sharia, seemingly ignoring her companion, jovially exclaimed. "Your talents will not go wasted! In fact, I've chosen to revamp the story altogether! Rewrite the plotline, change some errors and whatnot. Hopefully, it'll be a much more enjoyable story."
"Changes…?" I dared to ask.
"Eh, might as well explain," Sharia said. "For starters, you guys aren't going to be the now cliché, "two kids get sent from normal Earth to Amestris" trope. Instead, the two of you will be born and raised in Amestris, so your backstories will be changed as well. Which means you won't be so paranoid and afraid now, thank God. Also, the story will be told in a third person perspective from now on, because first person just started getting annoying to write out."
"…Yeaaaaah, all of that made no sense-," Sabrina stopped short as she realized her attitude had suddenly changed. "What the hell? Why do I sound different?!" she yelled.
"Jesus, the hell happened to…" Jamie drifted off as he heard his own voice then looked down at his hands. "…looks like it got me too," he calmly noted.
"Interesting! Guess the changes started taking effect when they were revealed out in the open," Sharia said, a pointed smile stretching across her face.
"You're still not making any damn sense!" Sabrina and Jamie simultaneously shouted.
The door was suddenly kicked open and the four looked over to see a fuming blonde midget dressed in red and black storm in, with a giant suit of armor trailing behind.
"Edward? Alphonse? What're you guys doing here?" Sabrina asked, surprised.
"Oh!" You're here too Sabrina?" Al returned.
Ed ignored their re-acquaintance and marched up to the desk, slamming his hands down on the surface and glaring straight at Sharia. "What gives, lady?" he demanded. "Just when Al, Winry, and I were brought in, you cut it off and never went back in to continue! It's been three months since-!"
"Four." Masky corrected Ed, in a bored tone of voice.
"Whatever! My point is, it's been a long time since the story updated, and we've been feeling pretty ripped off!"
"Oh dear… This wasn't supposed to happen," Sharia muttered, glancing over at her partner. "Didn't you put up a firewall to block off any continuity errors?"
"Lesee." Masky dug into his hoodie pocket and pulled out a light blue iPhone, swiping his thumb on the screen a few times. "I'm guessing since the firewall was pretty unstable to begin with, it completely shattered when you told the characters about what their world is actually like," he explained.
"In simple terms?" Sharia asked.
"You broke the fourth wall."
"Ah shit."
"DON'T YOU IGNORE ME!" Ed suddenly roared.
"Now hold on a minute, Fullmetal!" The door swung open a second time and Colonel Mustang marched in, followed by his brigade of Hawkeye, Havoc, Breda, Fallman, and Fuery. "Don't you think you're asking for a little too much?"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD SEE A DUST PARTICLE UP CLOSE?!" Ed exploded.
"Oh hell no, not you too Mustang!" Sharia moaned.
"Who else would you expect?" Mustang asked in a cool voice. "But I've come here to send a complaint. My subordinates and I haven't even been mentioned in this story once, and frankly, we're getting sick and tired about it."
"Hey, what about us?" Ling suddenly appeared at the window ledge, with Lan Fan and Fuu hanging upside down and looking in.
"Or me for Christ's sake!" Envy angrily exclaimed, peeking out from a closet that came out of nowhere. Suddenly, the closet vibrated and Envy gave out a startled cry as he was pushed to the ground, with the rest of the Homunculi landing on top of him.
"Wait a minute. This doesn't look like Narnia," Father said, frowning.
"WAIT YOUR DAMN TURN, YOU LATE-SHOWS!" Ed yelled.
"What about you, Fullmetal?" Mustang returned. "I think you've hogged up enough of the attention."
"Yeah!" the others agreed.
"I WAS ONLY IN THE STORY FOR A CHAPTER!"
"Do something!" Masky shouted to Sharia over the increasing uproar. "If all these errors keep popping up, the system will crash!"
Before Sharia could say a word, a booming voice echoed around the room.
"Calm yourselves, everyone!"
Just then, the side wall exploded out as a giant man with over exaggerated muscles burst through, with his shirt off and pink sparkles surrounding him.
"MAJOR ARMSTRONG?!" everyone excluding Sabrina and Jamie exclaimed.
"Who else?" Armstrong replied, flexing his arms. "The art of breaking the fourth wall has been passed down the Armstrong family line for generations!"
"But that's the third wall!" Masky yelled.
While chaos ensued and arguments increased, Sabrina and Jamie were left standing alone, dumbfounded expressions on their faces. "What…just happened?" Sabrina asked in a shaky voice.
"I must be going crazy," Jamie whimpered.
"Oh no! Let me help!" Al exclaimed, running over to the two. He took off his helmet and in an instant a waterfall of cats and kittens spewed from his armor, knocking the teens down and burying them in a pile of fluff.
"ACK! TOO MUCH CUTE!" Sabrina screamed.
"BUT I'M A DOG PERSON!" Jamie cried out.
"BLUUUUUUUURGHAFRAAAAAAA!" Al replied.
During all the madness, Sharia sat calmly at her desk, her hands clenched tightly and the corner of her mouth twitching. She remained like that for a few moments before bolting up from her seat and slamming her hands on the desk.
"WOULD ALL OF YOU KINDLY SHUT THE HELL UP SO I CAN FINISH THIS?!"
In an instant, everyone except Sharia vanished, leaving the room in an unusual environment of peace and quiet. She sighed heavily before slumping back in her seat, massaging her temples and turning to look at the audience.
"Sorry about that, guys," she said. "Anyway, like I was saying, this is the last update for The Lost Ones. If you want to check out the revamp, The Wandering Alchemist, it'll be up on my profile in a couple of weeks. To those who have stuck around, thank you all so much. Seriously, I love you all. But until next time… sharia013 signing off."
With that, Sharia gave a small wave before tilting back and collapsing on the floor, passing out almost immediately.