The Sky Is Awake

XIII. Conceal

Her father's chair was still a little too big for Elsa. It had been that way since the first time she'd sat in his lap, wide-eyed and resisting the urge to touch everything. Her father had handed her a quill but most of it had gone up her nose, and Elsa had sneezed all over it.

When she had sheepishly looked up at her father, he'd said, It's yours, Elsa. All of this will be yours one day.

Now, with the rosewood hard and straight against her back, Elsa thought that she had inherited a terribly uncomfortable seat.

She sat for a long time, eyes closed and simply breathing. Listening. Waiting for the scratch of her father's quill across parchment. She had started to forget that sound and the way it had comforted her. She ran her gloved fingers along the arms of the chair, lingering where the contemplative elbows of many previous rulers of Arendelle had dulled the polished lacquer.

Elsa tried resting her own weight on the spot. A perfect fit.

One day, her father had said. Elsa glanced at his portrait on the wall, so much larger and serious than the one in her room.

"Soon, Father?" she asked quietly. He did not answer.

There was a knock at the doors.

Elsa grimaced. Anna had found too many excuses to be near her lately and Elsa knew it was her fault. A good leader did not give ground. She knew that.

But it wasn't her sister's singsong laughter that came through. It was Kai's. "I've brought your tea, ma'am."

Elsa's shoulders loosened. Anna was out in the courtyard, where spring had melted the snow and the pond had thawed. She'd mentioned her intention to check on the ducklings it over breakfast, and a long inquisitive pause had followed. Recently Anna had stopped asking for things; she only waited with a hopeful smile and Elsa never quite understood where it came from.

Elsa tried to make herself look comfortable in the hard seat as Kai entered. He lined up a teapot, a porcelain cup and fresh leaves. Elsa smiled because Kai was the only one who let her brew her own tea, as she preferred.

Kai's eyes crinkled warmly. "The weather is marvellous today, ma'am."

Elsa turned slightly, just enough for sunlight to spill through the wide window and onto her face. The sky was a clear crystal sea, wide awake. "It's spring," she murmured. A chilling itch pressed into her fingers. Winter was a dreaded season… but it had kept her safe. Concealed. And now it was gone.

"Princess Anna is by the pond. The animals are returning to the courtyard. It's a lively sight."

"Kai, please… please don't."

Kai's face fell. He bowed. "Is there anything else I can do for you, Your Highness?"

Elsa began to shake her head. Then she stopped. Kai waited. Elsa took in a breath. "My coronation ceremony…"

"Is a long while away." Kai's answer came slightly too quickly.

"The preparations have already begun. The council gave me a draft of guests to review."

"Shall I pass it to one of the ministers?"

Elsa shook her head. "I have already looked through it."

Kai paused. "Is something else bothering you, ma'am?"

She thought she could hear Anna's delighted yelp, far below the office's third floor window. Elsa squeezed her hands and pictured removing her gloves, laying bare hands on the orb and sceptre. There would be hundreds of guests and all of Arendelle at the gates, expecting a queen. "No," Elsa replied softly. "It's nothing."

After Kai left, Elsa looked at her father's strong features again. Then she opened one of the drawers; the one she had been shown many, many times. A marble stamp sat idle and unused on a silk cloth embroidered with Arendelle's floral crest. It's yours, the king's voice told her. Elsa pursed her lips, glancing back at the painting. She reached for the stamp.

It froze solid.

Elsa slammed the drawer shut.

But the ice was spreading – she felt it. She grabbed the pot of hot water. It should have seared even with gloves – but instead there was sizzling and steam and Elsa clutched the heat even tighter because she couldn't burn, that was the point, but what was the point if–

"Stop," she whispered.

Control it. Don't let it show.

"Stop… please."

She heard Anna's laugh in the distance.

"Stop!"

And, with a frosty sigh, it did.

Elsa sat breathing hard, too scared to move. The pot had gone cold. She didn't look at the drawer. And she shouldn't have looked at her father.

The gloves will help. See?

"They're not, Papa. They're… not." She gripped them in fists and heard ice snap. Elsa squeezed her eyes shut. "Help me," she heard herself whisper.

Knock knock kno-knock knock.

A burst of icicles splayed across the ceiling.

"Elsa? You're in there, aren't you?"

Elsa shot to her feet. She slipped on ice and felt her stomach fall away because this wasn't the first time she'd slipped when she shouldn't – couldn't.

"You won't believe this," Anna's voice gushed happily. "Mama Duck had a new baby and she totally wants me to give him a name but you know how bad I am. I told her I'd see if you had any ideas."

Elsa watched, horrified, as the doors began to open. Ice shot beneath her feet, racing across the carpet. Elsa had to get to her sister before the cold did so she opened her mouth and she shouted–

"Go away, Anna."

Anna released the door so quickly it made a heavy bang, mere moments before a sheath of ice encased the entire surface. There was a long, shocked silence.

Then a small, confused voice: "Elsa?"

She crossed the room in a few strides and didn't slip this time. The doors had frozen together, the lock jammed. Elsa let out a shaky sigh and turned around, confronting the– curse she had brought into her father's office. It's yours, Elsa… and it was, wasn't it? Her curse. Her fault.

Her sister, rattling the doors so desperately that they buckled at Elsa's back, throwing her heart against her ribcage.

"Elsa? Elsa! What's wrong? Why won't the doors– grr!" And the great doors, centuries old and inches deep, creaked so loudly Elsa stumbled away from it. Some of the ice splintered.

Anna stopped. "Did I break something? I did, didn't I? Oh boy. The list is piling up… what am I gonna do? I'm probably going to, like, shatter your crown at your coronation – not that I'd be trying to, it's just that I'm so clumsy and… and…"

She trailed off, which wasn't like Anna. Elsa lifted her head but kept her eyes on the floor. It was almost pretty, the way the ice shimmered on the carpet. Her ice.

"Elsa? Are you okay?"

No.

"Yes."

"… Do you really want me to go away?"

Elsa closed her eyes.

"What happened? Is it something I did? I knew I should've let you win that last round of Go Fish! I promise I'll go easy next time. Really easy. Like… no-mind-reading easy. Are we better now?"

Better. Could it really be so simple? Elsa pictured having tea and chocolate with Anna in the sunshine, and pressed the heel of her palm to her eye.

"Is it…" Anna would be biting her lip. Mother used to say she must have learned the habit from her older sister. "Is it because I forgot?"

Elsa's breath crystallised on her lips.

"I-It was something important, wasn't it?" It rushed out in an anxious stammer. "You said… after Fredrik and the others, on the stairs– you made me promise. You told me not to forget something, didn't you?"

Elsa dropped her head back against the cold, cold door. Why hadn't she simply gone on concealing?

"I've been trying, Elsa. I've been thinking and remembering, and I've even asked Kai and Gerda—but I don't know what it is. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but at least give me a hint? Just one will do. Please?"

Elsa was back in the rocky valley with her small hands in an old troll's, and he gave her a pitiful look. There is beauty in it, he told her, but she already knew that because Anna always said so; that her powers were amazing.

But Anna also told her to catch her, and Elsa had missed. She'd missed.

She'd missed her little sister growing up.

"Elsa, please." Anna waited before adding, "Are you sure you don't want to see the ducklings? They're really cute."

She waited again. She waited longer than Anna was known to wait.

Then she sighed loudly. "Okay. I'll just… catch you later."

If their mother were here now, Elsa would ask her if she had noticed all the things Anna had taught her that were so much more precious than biting her lip. Because Go Fish started with seven cards and she didn't know how to dance or ride a horse… but Anna did.

A good leader did not give ground.

"Anna," Elsa called softly.

She wondered if she was going to be wrong one day. If, one day, she'd reach out to find that Anna had finally walked away from her.

Maybe. But not today.

"Yeah?" came Anna's breathless voice. "Wait, how did you know I didn't really… no, don't tell me. Practice, right?"

"Anna, I… I have powers."

"Come again?"

Elsa's gaze fixed on the sky outside, so far away. "I have powers," she repeated, almost distractedly.

"Like… magic?"

A small smile. "Yes."

"Chocolate magic?"

"Not quite."

"Is it dangerous?" Anna's tone was teasing. Elsa realised that Anna enjoyed this; she liked that her big sister was joking with her.

Her guard fell further. "It's very dangerous, but a long time ago…" Her hand touched the door and the ice moulded softly into her fingertips. Was it melting? "A long time ago, it used to be fun."

Anna laughed. Elsa's smile widened, and her vision blurred wetly until the office was just a haze of ice and sunlight.

It's for the best, her father had said.

For the first time in forever, Elsa wondered.

A/N: This one was actually going to turn out very differently... but I was scrolling through tumblr and I read something that stuck with me: I ship Elsa with a happy ending. I thought I had a faint plot for this story of oneshots but now I really don't. So to the readers who have asked me if Anna will find out 'the secret' one day or if blah will make an appearance- guess what? I've got no idea either! No wow-ing plot! Just trucking along towards the happy ending these sisters damn well deserve. It's what I started this story for, and maybe simple is best :)

See you next chapter and thanks for reading!