The Sky Is Awake
XV. Defying Gravity
She was eight years old, and she snapped awake to a figure at the end of her bed. Her first instinct was to push away and shrink into the headboard.
"Shh," Mama said. "You'll wake her."
She started to say that she was already awake and the bad dreams were getting worse and she was scared. But then she heard a snuffling sound from her mother's arms and she gasped because she knew that sound.
"Mama, you can't!"
"I can't what, sweetheart?"
"Anna isn't supposed to know that I have–"
"She doesn't know," Mama soothed. "She won't. Look at her."
She hesitated. Then she reached under her pillow for the new gloves Papa had given her. Her mother sighed.
Her little sister slept with her thumb in her mouth. Was she still doing that?
She leaned closer – that piece of white hair was bright in the dark. She started to pull away – but her mother reached out and hugged her to her side, and she protested until Mama began to hum and rock. Anna was warm.
Mama rested her cheek against her head. "One day, Elsa. One day, you will be able to tell her."
She looked up. "Everything?"
"Everything."
"When?"
"Whenever you feel ready."
She started to feel sleepy. "But Mama… I can't control my powers yet."
Her mother kissed her head. "Whenever you feel ready, Elsa," she repeated lightly. "She could never be afraid of you."
OoOoO
After all this, she didn't remember how to knock.
She'd tried to rehearse it in her head, between the tossing and turning and realising that sleep was impossible either way. But now that she had forced herself to walk down the hallway, just to see, Elsa found herself clenching her hands.
She sighed and dropped her forehead to the door. "What do you want me to do, Anna?"
She should know the silence better than herself by now, but it still stung.
Elsa touched the handle – and ice glistened in the grey light.
She jerked away, tripping over her nightgown. Closed her eyes, remembered to breathe. Of course. It was better this way. Her powers knew.
There was a lot to be done tomorrow; letters to be written and important names to be remembered. Documents that required the seal; the seal she could now pick up without freezing. What was she doing so far from her duties?
But Anna had stammered, I-I think you're going to be an awesome queen.
And Elsa knew that would be breaking everything she had promised her father, and she would never be able to look at his portrait or sit comforted in his office ever again. But she'd made Anna cry.
Whenever you feel ready.
The moment Elsa touched the door's handle, she knew – if she stepped into that room now, she would wake Anna and she would tell her everything. And for a split second, Elsa wondered if that was really such a bad thing.
Then the ice shattered. And the cold surged through her veins.
Elsa gasped, clutching her hands to her chest. But the curse wouldn't hold and heaven knew she was trying, except the most terrifying thing about the magic leaping off her skin was that she had once loved and wielded it like her own breathing, only she'd forgotten how and it hadn't.
"Anna…" Elsa banged feebly on the door. Her fingers were numb. The ice pushed for release. She held it – somehow, she held it. It stole away her breath. "Anna… Anna! Please– I need to tell you something. I–"
Too late. The next knock swallowed the door in ice and it spread, flaked edges seeping into the cracks–
"Don't!" Her voice rang imperial, echoing down the hallway. Chest heaving, Elsa swallowed. "Don't… don't you dare."
The frost twinkled in the dim light. A trickle of water… and then the entire sheet collapsed in a cascade.
Elsa turned and ran.
There was a distant howl in her ears and if she didn't know better she'd think it was blood, adrenaline. But Elsa had been born with her curse– powers– magic, and it was certainly a blizzard storming beneath her skin. It wouldn't hold.
No– she hurried past her room without thought, staggering down the stairwell– she wouldn't hold.
She slipped on the last step, but instead of crashing to the floor, she stumbled into a snowbank. Elsa pushed herself up – but the snow sucked on her wrists.
"No–" she began, but the snow had already pulled off her gloves. She stared, because for all the trouble it had caused her over the years, her magic had never before showed a life of its own.
She burst into the Great Hall. The storm inside her raged on, but for some reason Elsa felt light. Like she wasn't truly awake and anything she did now would be hers only. Like a dream.
Elsa looked to the two thrones sitting at the head of the room, vacant. "I'm so sorry," she breathed.
Do the magic, a little girl giggled.
She let it go.
OoOoO
She was twelve years old, and it was snowing. It wasn't her fault this time – just winter. She'd been woken at dawn by her sister's excited banging on her door, asking that question again, and she'd thrown the blanket over her head and mumbled yes into her pillow. Then she'd tried to fall back asleep.
She wound up huddled by the window, watching her sister build snowmen in the courtyard. "You forgot your scarf, silly," she whispered.
Anna was out there for hours, and so she sat there for hours. At one point her breakfast arrived with a knock at the door, and it wasn't Gerda or Kai.
"I believe the chef sneaked you some chocolate," her father smiled. She smiled back, a small polite gesture, because her father didn't know Anna had been doing the same for years now. "Is there anything you need?" he asked.
If it was her mother, she might have said something different, perhaps even something daring. But it was the king in her room today and winter always made both of them anxious. So she shook her head and squeezed her hands as her father patted her shoulder. "Tonight?" he asked her, and she knew it meant practice, because no one would question snow and ice in winter. She gave another smile.
When she returned to the window, Anna was chasing a black cat. It looked just like the one they used to catch as kids, and she worried a little as her sister shimmied up a tree, hoping the guards were watching, too. Eventually the chase returned to the ground. Her sister feinted left and right – but just as she pounced, the snow at her feet hardened into ice and she slipped spectacularly.
High up in her room, she looked at her hands and said, "Oh. Sorry, Anna."
But still, she waggled her fingers experimentally. Anna yelped as she slipped again. The cat darted through her legs. Another flick of a finger, and the cat yowled as it skated across ice. Laughing, Anna slid towards it, arms outstretched. Then her sister slipped again, this time on her own but–
She jumped, slamming her hands to the window. A thread of snow caught Anna's ankle, tripping her face-first into another heap of snow. The cat stopped and watched warily from a safe distance.
Anna burst to the surface, sputtering. She reached out and her hand splashed water. She shouted "Cold!" and scrambled away, realising how close she had come to falling into the pond. She looked around.
Elsa ducked down, covering her mouth, eyes wide as orbs. And then she laughed.
OoOoO
The first thing Elsa saw when she hesitantly opened her eyes, was her own hand – bare and pale and trembling.
The second thing, sprinkling down from nowhere and fluttering to her feet, was a snowflake. It slipped between her fingers but came to her anyway, sweeping up to rest on her shoulder. She realised her nightgown was dusted white. Her hair had come loose.
It was the strangest feeling, lifting her head to see what she had done. Like hot wax on cold skin and the jolt of waking up falling – it was terrible and exhilarating, and now there were no more promises to keep. She'd broken all of them.
Was it wrong that she felt light?
Come on, come on, come on–
Shhh.
–come on, come on!
Elsa trailed her hand through the snow. It was warm. She felt a smile on her face and just like that, she was eight years old and nothing bad had ever happened.
Do the magic, do the magic!
Her hands began to work on their own. She hadn't done this in a long time; her fingers had grown. She got down on her knees. She'd never done it on her own before and she didn't want to cheat because Anna had always done it the hard way – the fun way.
Ready?
"Olaf, Olaf… where is your nose?" Elsa muttered, casting around. She usually gathered his arms in the courtyard while Anna ran to the kitchen. At some point it had started to rain outside; she couldn't see it, but the frost along the windows hissed.
Elsa got to her feet. "Wait here," she said breathlessly. "Don't– don't melt. Please."
Ready?
"Please, Olaf."
OoOoO
She was nineteen years old, and there were too many secrets.
OoOoO
The thought came to her as she walked back down the lightening corridor, turning a carrot over in her hands. And then there were a thousand other thoughts in her head—how was she going to get rid of the snow? How horrified must her parents be, watching her from their empty thrones? What if she did this more often?
What if she could control it?
Her father had never been cross when their 'practice' sessions ended in her shrinking away from him. She was sure he must have been frightened of the ice, but he never showed it. He only gave her new gloves the next day, because back then it was all it took to make Elsa happy.
Without them, she could feel the air running between her fingers.
Maybe, if she got better at this, she could show Anna.
Maybe, one day, there would be no more secrets between them.
Maybe–
She didn't notice that the doors were standing ajar even though she had made sure to close them. She didn't even notice that Olaf must have melted anyway.
Anna was laughing and spinning where the snowman had stood, wet from the rain. She whirled around and caught sight of Elsa frozen at the door. "Elsa, look! Have you seen this? How did all this snow get in here?"
No, no, no. Anna couldn't be here. She wasn't allowed to see. She couldn't know.
But she also didn't look the slightest bit frightened.
"Anna?"
"Yeah?"
Elsa forgot that she no longer had gloves to twist. "I have something to tell–"
"Wow, this place really is huge! You guys could do with some fresh air though – why are all the doors and windows closed up? And in summer? Gosh, you guys are missing out."
"E-Elsa?" Anna asked shakily.
"It's not me," she whispered back.
Something stopped by her side, giggling. "Am I right?" it asked her.
Anna screamed.
A/N: Surprisingly this chapter wasn't the hardest to write, but I sure doubted it most of the time! It's like this is Elsa and Anna's way of telling me to step up the game. Looking forward to see where they'll take us next. Hope this one was worth the wait!