I do not own Harry Potter. There would be more of the Marauders if I did.
This chapter...was completely unintentional. I made a comment somewhere about how I never really pictured Sirius as being completely stable, and this happened.
Warning: Alludes to child abuse.
James worries about them.
To the outside world, to the rest of the school, the Marauders seem like confident young men who have no doubts about themselves or what they want. But James knows that nothing is farther from the truth, because he knows them. All three of them are his brothers, his to protect, and it is because he knows them that he worries about them.
Peter…Peter is still so nervous. James is worried about how he will handle leaving school. The wizarding world is officially at war now. (Finally, people have only been being regularly murdered since their second year!) Real war, a war that they will have to fight. And Peter…He isn't ready. No matter how hard James pushes in training, no matter how often he reassures the other boy, he isn't ready. James can only give him as much preparation and encouragement as he can, and hope that Peter will surprise them when the time comes.
Remus…Sometimes James thinks that Remus still expects them to turn on him. He has no self-confidence at all, and James worries that it will make him vulnerable. There are days when it is all they can do to convince him to leave the shelter of their dorm room and join them in the world outside. Days when Remus is so depressed that he wants nothing to do with anyone. Days when all the brilliant young werewolf can see is the long, cold road of life, stretching out before him. And James is angry on his behalf, because he knows that there are so many doors that are closed to Remus, simply because of something that happened when he was barely more than a baby. And he is afraid, because they are at war, and if something were to happen to the rest of them…Remus wouldn't have anything.
Sirius…James worries about him most of all. Because no matter how hard Sirius works and how determined he is, he is still, by blood, a Black, and every glance in a mirror reminds him of it. There are moments when James can see it, the madness, tingeing his eyes and speech and he just wants to tell his heart-brother to hold on. He is safe, with them, he is...loved. (Does he really have to say the L word?) James is afraid of what Sirius is capable of, and that it someday might happen, and that no one will be there to pick up the pieces when Sirius realizes what he has done, no one to hold him accountable and love him at the same time. James is afraid that someday, Sirius will break beneath the weight of generations of inbreeding and years of abuse, and let the madness take him. And he is afraid of his own reactions, and how he will handle the shattered mess of his brother.
Reviews? Reviews?