Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. Check chapter 1, 2 or 3
A/N: I dedicate this chapter to my friend Chely who's my best friend well she's more than that actually……she's my sis! Girl without you I'll be lost. I really appreciated what you wrote to me on my birthday and you know by all means it's reciprocal!
Lily suddenly realised this doctor knew her, and had something to do with her lost time. She lowered her wand and rushed over to him. She grabbed him by the lapels and shook him.
"Who the hell are you? What are you talking about? Why...why did Voldemort took two years of my life?" she yelled.
"Avada Kedavra!" Lily heard Rodolphus yell from the door aiming at the healer. The man made eye contact with her the moment the curse reached his chest. Lily turned but Lestrange wasn't there anymore, she put her hand over her mouth, gasping and sobbing.
Chapter 5 – Torn
When we were lovers
We were kissers
We were holders of hands
We were make believers
Just losing time
(Still in love song-The Stills)
James found the room where Rodolphus had been, set on fire. He could see two bodies on the floor, one was lifeless and the second one was bleeding. He ran and saw the bleeding one was Lily's, she had been stabbed in the back (a/n: can't get too much of that right James?), parts of her exposed skin had been burnt, and her pulse was very weak. He took her immediately in his arms and carried her, he felt numb, and she was barely conscious. He passed several people and he vaguely heard them call his name.
He found an empty office and placed her in a couch, by looking at her he could tell she was in a great deal of pain. In James' face pain showed too. He was trying to hold it together, trying to be strong for her, but his eyes told, she was affecting him.
Soon after, Adam appeared in the office and was almost as affected as James, no words were needed and he flew out in search of help.
Lily stirred and tried to sit down. James helped her but she still didn't talk "Lily?" he said in a soft whisper.
Lily turned to look at him with tears gathered in her eyes. "Why….are you doing this?" she whispered, pained and grieving. She was trying not to cry in front of him. And the answer he gave her wasn't what she was expecting but was what she wanted.
With eyes full of pain, grief, sorrow and love (a/n: yes love!) and a soft, honest and increasingly emotional voice he said "What happened between us…everything…the way it is…isn't anyone's fault, Lily. And even though everything's changed…" he shook his head slightly. He looked so full of emotions, but pained, grief stricken and at the same time loving "….some things don't"
Lily bit, her lip, looked intensely at him, and tears were about to roll down her cheeks. James had the same intent look on his face.
"I'm not going to lose you twice" James choked up.
Lily closed her eyes. Hearing all this hurt so much…..but at the same time it was good nonetheless. For the first time, she knew that he still loved her, that she still was important to him. He could've simply said she was a fellow auror, but he didn't. She looked up at him, tears overflowing, and searched his face, as if looking for confirmation that he had meant what he said.
And she got what she wanted. James stood up and sat next to her. He embraced her closing his eyes. When she felt this, she buried her head in his chest, closing her eyes too. They lied for a moment there.
Until James opened his eyes and noticed she was already unconscious………
Adam was pacing at St. Mungo's hall, looking nervous and serious. He saw Sirius and Danielle walking towards him, and both looked very preoccupied.
"How is she?" asked immediately Danielle.
"I don't know, the healers are still inside"
"This can't be happening…." sobbed Danielle. Sirius wrapped an arm around her, and both went to sit down. Adam followed them and sat too.
Then a very tired, numb looking James came out from the door, he didn't spoke a word and instead just sat down, face on his hands. The other three stood up to listen to the healer.
"She's still unconscious, with a very weak pulse. We have to wait and hope the wounds and the burns heal" explained the healer.
"How long?" asked Danielle scared.
"Unfortunately I can't say, it could be a couple of hours for her to wake up. But the healing process could take weeks. The fire must have been magically started, because the burns won't heal. The same goes for the wounds. Dark magic."
"Can we go in?" Sirius inquired
"Only for ten minutes, then one person needs to stay with her all night" Sirius and Adam turned to look to each other, and the healer left.
"I can stay with her, so you can take Danielle to get some rest" suggested Adam. James turned to look at Adam, and if looks could kill, Adam would have been six feet underground.
"It won't be necessary, I will" he said in harsh tone.
"Are you sure?" asked Sirius
"Yes" he said shooting daggers through his eyes. Adam didn't seem too happy about the idea, and he showed it. In that moment and just in time Remus Lupine joined the group, he had cached some of the things the doctor had said. He seemed to catch up pretty quick, noticing the tension.
After greeting Danielle he took James by the arm "Well you three should go inside, James and I are going to the cafeteria, do you want something Danielle?". Danielle just shook her head and James left with Remus while Adam, Sirius and Danielle entered the room.
When they arrived to the cafeteria, Remus addressed James "Prongs, you should go home. I'll stay with Lily"
"No" he said and continued walking he ordered a cup coffee and then Remus did the same. They returned to the room and both decided to wait outside. James kept pacing and was driving Sirius crazy, so he decided to try again. He faced James and stopped him.
"Prongs you need to go home, now you can't stay here. Alexis is worried" Remus tried.
"I can't leave, not now. I can't afford to…I just can't" James said. Remus couldn't find something to say, so he just hugged James, and waited for the others to come. James was very stubborn and there was no way someone would convince him of leaving without Lily being okay.
Lily was lying in her bed, still unconscious. When she started to stir and finally opened her eyes. She looked to her right, and let out a little sigh. James was leaning on his elbow; head in hand, asleep in the chair next to Lily's bedside.
"James…" she whispered. James stirred and opened his eyes to stare at Lily in almost disbelief.
"Hi…."she whispered again.
"Oh my…"James said. Lily looked happy and relieved to see him. He got up from his seat to sit on the bed next to her.
"Lily….." he said breathless with worry. Lily almost smiled. "Where am I?" she asked.
James looked stricken and shook his head lightly. "You're home"
Lily nodded, and a ghost smile played at her mouth. Love radiated from James' eyes, and both remained silent while sharing a moment.
"What happened?" she suddenly asked.
"You were stabbed….remember? Back at the French Ministry" Lily looked down trying to remember and the scenes started to replay in her mind.
"Avada Kedavra!" Lily heard Rodolphus yell from the door aiming at the healer. The man made eye contact with her the moment the curse reached his chest. Lily turned but Lestrange wasn't there anymore, she put her hand over her mouth, gasping and sobbing.
Lily kneeled next to he death man, and cried silently. This man had something to do with her lost memory. And he could have been her only chance to learn the truth. Why? Was all she could ask, she had never felt so helpless and angry before. Which obviously lead her to one of the greatest mistakes an auror can make. She was so troubled that she didn't noticed the woman entering the room. Neither did she felt her presence behind her. It was until she felt the knife being pushed inside the first time. But it was too late. The attacker was fast, and he stabedd her several times, leaving lying on the floor.Lily could barely roll to see her attacker.
Standing a feet away was Bellatrix Black smirking at her." I hadn't seen you in months. We've been looking for you"
"What… are you talking about?You…know what happened" she gasped.
"So you don't remember?Too bad. Anyway consider this a warning, next time I will kill you" And she started to walk away, but turned for a moment "And just so you know, you had a girll"
She looked back to his face, and her eyes were practically brimming with tears. She felt like her would explode in any second. At least now she knew she had gave birth and just next to her was James looking at her with a worried, concerned and loving expression on his handsome face. Lily felt like telling him but refrained herself because she knew it wouldn't do any good.
James raised his hand to cup the side of Lily's face tenderly and said, "I was so afraid I'd lost you" Lily was barely holding back tears as his hand caressed her face. James smiled tenderly and love kept radiating from his eyes.
"Not knowing if I'd ever see you again made me realise how much I miss you" he swallowed and the pain mixed in with the love in his eyes. Lily looked as if she couldn't believe he had said that.
"I miss you too" Lily sobbed.
"You do?" asked James more emotional now. Lily stared deeply into his hazel eyes while she nodded. The pain, love and longing in his eyes were palpable. Lily raised her head from the pillow and looked at his lips for a fleeting moment, she leaned slightly toward him before pulling back. Her eyes were so full of love for him. It was obvious she was struggling against these emotions, trying not to give in to what she wanted, because she knew he was not hers anymore. James was full of the same emotions and had a similar reaction. He stared at her lips and leaned slightly forward, wanting so badly to kiss her…He waited, he didn't make the final move. Love and pain blended so seamlessly in Lily's face. Then she swallowed, and she pulled back from him slightly, sobbing, nodding slowly, as if saying, "I wanted to, too…."
"Thank you for being here" Lily said in a choked whisper. James straightened up. Pain blossomed on his face. He knew Lily had been right in pulling back, but part of him hadn't wanted her to.
"No problem" Lily tried to handle her emotions, sobbing quietly and blinking back her tears. James straightened, schooling his features to be strong for her. She saw this and smiled sadly.
Lily had been awake for a couple of hours now. Remus, Sirius and Danielle had joined now. Lily was still in bed. Danielle was sitting in a chair next to Lily's head. Next to her was Sirius. And James and Remus were in chairs on either side of the foot of the bed.
"Moony will back me up on this, I swear" James commented. "This is a true and hilarious story, I swear"
"Oh no, don't start" Sirius whined.
"It was back in our 6th year, her name was Melissa Scavo, and she was a 7th year" Remus stated.
"And for like a months, Padfoot here was obsessed with her…." James commented "He wanted her to have his children" added Remus. And both Danielle and Lily were amused. Sirius just kept his head in his hands, shaking it constantly.
"The problem was that she only dated blondes……literally" said James laughing.
"A girl should have her standards," said Lily smiling at Sirius.
"So he decided to work his charms on her, and ask her to the next Hogsmeade weekend" Remus laughed.
"Hey but how, if she just liked blondes?" asked Danielle.
"Mr. Black over there decided to use a wig" said James and burst out laughing.
"Really?" asked the two girls at the same time giggling.
"Marauder's honor" said James raising his hand.
"So what happened?" asked Lily between laughter.
"Disaster…" said Remus laughing
"Embarrassment would describe it better" laughed James.
"Aww poor baby" cooed Danielle
"The wig was misplaced and fell just when he asked her and everybody who was near burst out laughing, it was hilarious. You should've seen the girl's face. She was terrified" said James
"But Padfoot's face was priceless, I have never seen him so red!"Remus said grinning.
"A simple hair charm could've done the work Sirius" said Lily between laughs. Sirius just kept glaring at Remus and James, obviously embarrassed at the memory and mad that they had to bring it up. Danielle noticed this and kissed him lightly "I'm sure you look handsome too when you are blonde" Sirius smiled and kissed her more passionate.
"Hey get a room," teased Remus "We are on a hospital, geeez". Sirius stucked out his tongue at his friend and pulled Danielle closer to him.
"Don't you two have to get up early?" asked James turning to look at Sirius and Remus.
"How subtle James" said Lily, suddenly she was feeling way better. The past hour had felt as if nothing had changed.
"Yeah man, way to go. But oh well Danielle and I really have to wake up early" said Sirius and got up from his chair, the same did Danielle. "Bye guys, we'll come back tomorrow" Sirius saw a huge opportunity as he saw the scene. "Hey Remus do you mind coming with us?"
"What for?" asked Remus confused. Sirius gave him a look and he took the hint. "Oh…yeah right I need some coffee." He lied and went with the couple.
James smiled as he reached forward, and Lily took his hand and they smiled at each other.
"I can't believe you…and I just did that" exclaimed Remus "we should….oh I don't know…it isn't like were in Hogwarts Sirius. This a marriage not just some stupid relationship."
"Don't worry nothing will happen" Danielle assured Remus
"Well I wouldn't count on that. Did you saw the looks they were throwing to each other? Prongs was all over her, it had been a long time since I had seen Lily smile or Prongs for that matter." Sirius said smirking.
"I know but after all the bond they shared or share was something," said Remus as an afterthought.
"On a second thought I think you should go back Remus, now" said Danielle clearly worried of what those two could do. Danielle and Sirius left and Remus went back thinking about the two in question, when he saw a woman walking in the same direction. The woman was non-other than Alexis.
"Hey Alexis!" Remus said. Alexis looked over her shoulder and then slowed down, allowing Remus to catch up with her.
"Remus, hi" she said politely. She didn't look too happy at the moment.
"Lily's awake," Remus piped up.
"So I heard. That's why I'm here. I need to have a word with her" She said all business like.
"I'll walk you to her room. So does your visit has to do with Ministry issues?" asked Remus. He liked Alexis but not as much as he liked Lily. And right now he didn't like a bit Alexis' attitude at all.
"I have to write a full report of the past events. And I need to talk to her and to James" she said more serious this time. Remus decided to let the chit chat die there. She wasn't in the mood, and what she was about to find wasn't going to improve it a bit.
Alexis rounded the corner and when she was about to open the door, she looked up through the window and her hand dropped. James was sitting on the side of Lily's bed, leaning close to her. He kissed her tenderly on the forehead, staying there for a moment. Lily put her arm up to softly touch his forearm. James whispered something and Lily just smiled and whispered something back. Remus was looking at the whole scene behind Alexis, and wasn't as surprised as her or pained. James brushed a lock of hair off of Lily's forehead. Lily had James' other hand clasped against her chest, looking up at her. As Lily was still holding James' hand. Her other hand had came up to clasp his forearm. James started to lean down…and Alexis looked down and away unable to react, but Remus opened the door startling and interrupting the couple.
James looked at the door and he noticed Alexis walking away. He immediately got up and ran after her. Leaving Lily confused, dejected and hurt.
"Alexis wait!" he yelled. Alexis totally ignored and continued to walk away and dissapparated. James stopped and ran a hand through his hair. What had he done? He thought for a moment where she could be, and he decided to go home.
James apparated into the living room, and he found all the lights off, and their flat completely silent. Maybe she had gone to her mom's, yeah that was more likely. Now he would have to go all the way there.
He decided to change first; after all it had been a couple of days since he had been in the hospital. When he turned the bedroom light, he was stunned to find Alexis sitting on their bed. She looked rather dejected. She stood and walked to him. She had clearly been crying, and right now it seemed as if she was trying as hard as she could to hold back. She locked her gaze on his as if waiting for an explanation. She was obviously not going to talk first.
"I'm sorry" James said after a moment it was all he could think of.
"I'm sorry?" Alexis asked incredibly "For what part exactly James?" James stared at her unable to response. Guess sorry wasn't going to do it. Damn what the hell was he supposed to say.
"Merlin James, you haven't come home in days because you wanted to be there with her. I go to you and I find you like that…. What am I supposed to think!" she exclaimed, and at the same time released the tears she had been holding. James took a step closer. And embraced her, she fought him(A/N: think of the video of Confessions II of Usher, but James is not kneeling.), but finally she gave in and started crying out in the open.
"That I was a jerk, a complete jerk. But that I want to be with you, I am really sorry, please forgive me" whispered James.
"I love you," she sobbed.
"I love you too" And for a moment it didn't feel completely right but as she looked up to him and kissed him. Everything was okay and back to normal.
"Why didn't she kill me Professor? It was like she was ordered not to," said Lily thinking.
"I'm not completely sure for what, but Voldemort must need you alive. Still it doesn't make sense. You escaped from them"
"So, that means there's a possibility that Voldemort is not the one responsible for your lost memory," said Remus.
"Exactly" said Dumbledore "Is there anything else?" Lily looked down and her features became hard. Of course there was more, she had been thinking about it since she had woke up "And just so you know, you had a girll"
"Actually there is Bellatrix slipped something about the baby" Lily stated carefully.
"What baby?" asked Remus confused. Dumbledore looked at Lily at she just nodded.Still her old headmaster looked unsure so she decided to leave it clear.
"It's okay professor he needs to know, besides he already know about the English ambassador right?"
"About that, the investigation status has changed. Apparently they found a second witness a wizard this time. Lily you didn't kill the man you attacked his killer" he said more softly. Lily smiled at this and felt relieved. "I'll fill you in with the details later. Professor I left you a copy of the file, Lily you can have one if you like"
"I'd appreciate that Remus. So back to where we were. Remus I was pregnant two years ago. The day I was supposedly killed I just had found out". Remus was shocked "As you already know I don't remember a thing, now I know that I actually gave birth to a girl thanks to Bellatrix"
"Does James know? "Asked Remus
"No and I prefer it that way. Please" Remus looked doubtful but he nodded. Then after digesting the news he spontaneously hugged Lily out of the nothing. This new piece of information clearly explained Lily's attitude in some way. And he knew he needed to have a serious talk with James.
"So I've been looking through some books, and I found a couple of spells that could've done the work. I'll show them to you, the things is that most of these have to be prepared with a great deal time. They are very complicated spells that only a very powerful and wise wizard or witch could've performed them" explained Remus
"Dark magic?" asked Lily
"Not entirely, but all of them are forbidden now a day" said Remus.
"Do they have a counterpart?" asked Dumbledore
"Two of them do, but I found 5 possible." Dumbledore examined Remus closely and then Lily afterwards. He seemed thoughtful for a moment and then continued. "Lily, I'll study those spells. But I need you to be patient and you must not obsess yourself with this okay."
"I know, is just that..."Lily started but she saw something in Dumbledore that she didn't quite like. He didn't seem as eager as she was into finding out what had happened. He was all calmed, well Dumbledore was always like that. She dismissed the thought and suddenly Danielle interrupted them.
"Professor everybody's here" she said and gave Lily a little smile.
"We should get going" the Headmaster said leading the way out of the room. As soon as the table was visible Lily spotted him. She hadn't talked to him or seen him for that matter since the day he had ran out after Alexis.
Lily took her usual seat; usual since she had returned of course her normal seat would've been next to James, right she needed to stop thinking about how it used to be. It wasn't like that anymore for Merlin's sake. Adam welcomed her with a warm smile and as the charming gentleman he was he pulled her seat out for her. Lily appreciated the gesture and returned him the smile.
But someone wasn't very comfortable with this display, oh no, how dare he. What if he was her boss there was no need for those stupid smiles or gestures from him. James was an unhappy man at the moment. When did it get this unbearable? He thought. Well how about when you decided to open yourself to her, the little voice in his head answered. I didn't opened…did I? No of course you didn't, you just almost kissed her. That's all better. Damn for being arguing with himself, he hadn't paid any attention to what his father was saying. He hadn't looked at her all night, and when he decided to she saw she had been staring at him but her expression was totally unreadable.
Way to go Lily. I know stupid men why do they have to look when you're looking .I don't think men are precisely your problem. Why do I care, he's married. Keep telling yourself that. I have more important things to think of. Yeah right. Shut up I do. Non-James related things? Well…. Damn she needed to listen.
After the meeting was officially over, most of the younger members decided to stay for a while and talk. Adam used this as an opportunity to talk to Lily. Of course he had seen a lot of her at work since she had come back but he hadn't been alone with her all week.
"Hey" said Adam joining Natasha, Lily, Danielle and Alice. Natasha turned to see who it was at smiled at him.
"Hey you" Natasha said.
"Hi ladies" he said charmingly. He really had it with him. How had Lily never noticed him at Hogwarts? Men like him were hard to find, and Hogwarts wasn't the exception. Sure she had been besotted with him. But that was until 7th year, correction it was until 7th year you gave him a chance, but your feelings for him go way back….Then as Lily watched absentmindedly the conversation between her friends and Adam. She remembered the first time she had seen him.
Lily gave both of her parents one last hug, and walked towards the train. Leaving home and her parents made her a little bit sad. Her sadness was nothing compared to excitement and nervousness she was feeling right now. She entered the Hogwart's Express and as she passed the compartments she was getting more nervous. Every compartment she had looked so far was occupied. Then at last and almost at the end of the train she found a compartment that sounded empty. She opened the door and entered pushing her trunk in and when she looked up, she found a boy about her age sitting there and looking bored.
"Sorry, I thought it was empty" she said and headed outside again pulling the heavy trunk out.
"All are occupied" he said, "You can stay if you want to," said the boy. Lily wasn't sure, and she was standing there not knowing what to do next. Then she heard someone opening the door and a girl came in running along with a boy pushing her,which made Lilylose herbalance and fall to the boy's feet. Who instantly started laughing instead of helping her. Lily immediately knew she didn't like this boy, but when she looked up at him as he offered his hand she couldn't help laughing too.
"James you should've been there" said the second boy laughing. Apparently he hadn't even noticed the girl who just had felt. "It was hilarious".
"James Potter" he said grinning completely ignoring the comments of his friend who still was looking outside as if waiting for someone to appear. Lily shook his hand and changed her mind and thought he actually seemed friendly and cute. The raven messy hair along with the spectacles made him look...nice.
"I'm Danielle Stevens," said the girl smiling extending her hand. Lily shook it and smiled back
Then the second boy, who by now had acknowledged her presence, directed himself towards her and extended his hand as well "Sirius Black" he said with such a grace and charm that Lily had thought impossible for an eleven year old. He was also cute. But still she liked more the first boy. He grinned this time at her causing her to blush a little. And Lily thought he looked like happiness, she had never met someone like him.
Little had Lily known back then that what she had defined then as happiness was mere innocence. Of course later Lily had forgot about the happiness in James, and instead Potter turned into arrogance, and pride. Then the most beautiful thing happened and James was back and he was love. Pure and true love. Fairly tale love she daresay...
But now James was far from happiness, arrogance, pride or love. All he represented to Lily was, anger, sadness and sorrow.
A/N: I turned 17 Friday 8!Maybe no one cares but yay! I love birthdays! My birthdays!Lol
Sorry it took so long But I had some trouble getting it done you know? Sometimes character refuse to co-operate with you! Hopefully I'll post again before going back to school which is August 16.HPHB is finally here, I finished it and is awesome! Yay for the new couples! But it's also sad. I cried can you believe it? I'm such a softie I can't say more cuz it's unfair for those who haven't read it. Please REVIEW! Don't matter if I suck but please let me know.
Thanks to my reviewers! banny, Bread and Cheese, CattyCat, Elspeth Renee, MoonShineMagicSsarer, Ronnieharry and weird-and-wonderful
Ivy