Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. (Check chapter 1, 2 or 3)
And Lily thought he looked like happiness, she had never met someone like him.
Little had Lily known back then that what she had defined then as happiness was mere innocence. Of course later Potter had turned into arrogance and pride. But then the most beautiful thing happened and James was back, and he was love. Pure and true love. Fairly tale love she daresay.
But now James was far from happiness, arrogance, pride or love. All he represented to Lily was, anger, sadness and sorrow.
Chapter 6 – Fall to pieces
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe, it's better in this way
We'd hurt each other, with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived, this dance forever
But now, who's gonna dance with me?
(Careless whispers-WHAM)
"So how is Lily?" asked Remus turning to look at James "I haven't seen her since the last meeting"
"I don't know, everyone is worried about her. Nelle thinks she's keeping something from her. And from the times I have talked to her it does feel that she keeps something" said Sirius as an after thought
"What could it be?" asked Remus
"It obviously has to do with James, after all he's the one keeping her this upset" said Sirius turning to his friend.
"Padfoot…." warned Remus. James just kept looking down, well he was but it was killing him too. Why could nobody see how much he was hurting too.
"It's true you have been so cold since she got back. In the meetings you barely even look at her. It kills her, the way you treat her" And it killed him too, destroyed him, seeing the woman that had been the light of his life darken so much. What was he supposed to say to those acussations.
"Padfoot…." warned Remus once again although a little bit louder.
"I'm your best friend but you're a jerk". He said angrily. James just clenched his fists got up "FINE!" and he dissapparated
"So, Lindsay will be staying here with you?" asked Danielle while looking at some pictures.
"Yeah" said Lily from the kitchen "Tash is doing the same, so it sounded completely reasonable. I still can't believe I've got to buy new dressing robes."
"Sorry for that my parents are just….urgh you know them. All has to be perfect. Sirius and I wanted to keep it small. But oh no they had to throw a proper engagement party for their beloved pureblood daughter" Danielle laughed and kept looking at the photos.
Lily came in from the kitchen carrying two cups of tea. "You'll excuse me but I'm out of biscuits"
"No biscuits, no teapot, no sugar or cream. Merlin Lily. If your mother saw your tea display she would go crazy" said Danielle mockingly and taking a sip from the cup very lady like. Lily sat down in the couch next to her and took her wand and with swish all the photos were now floating in front of them, as if they were pinned on a board. "Have you seen anything you like?".
"Yes" she said and with the wand pointed a couple of them "but being 5 months pregnant, I haven't found anything….suitable" she said laughing.
"Come on Nelle you know that can be arranged, just pick one dress" Danielle stood up looked carefully at the display of pictures marking some of them and getting rid of others, until she ended up with three and showed them to Lily who had caught an eye of two or three very pretty dresses. Still it was painful for her to think of weddings, she felt like just a couple of months ago, she had been planning her own.
"Oh, they're beautiful and very elegant" said Lily examining the three models "Haute couture"
"You know you are my maid of honor right?" asked Nelle. Lily looked surprise for a moment as if she didn't want to, but then she cracked a smile and hugged her friend.
"Of course "she said happily. They hugged "It's like we always planned" Danielle let a happy tear slip and Lily looked concerned.
"I'm all right, I'm just happy that you are here and that you'll be at my wedding you know …"
"Of course. I know" Lily assured her. Of course she knew, hell she couldn't stop thinking about it. But afterall Danielle deserved to be happy, at least one of the two could full fill her dreams
"Now you have to help me pick a dress or robes or whatever I am wearing tomorrow night"Lily said trying to change the subject. It definetely was becoming harder for her to keep her secret from Nelle. She was afterall like her sister and the only time she had ever tried to hide something from her besides this one, was her passion for James back at Hogwarts and Nelle had noticed almost right a way.
"Are you going solo? Because I heard…"Danielle began
"No I'm not" Lily stated "I'm going with Adam, we had a date planned but then I was in the hospital and through the past two weeks we've been loaded of work so he thought this was our chance"
"Hot, the whole boss-employee, not now or never I thought you would agree Lily" Danielle retorted.
"Well he's nice…" Lily replied innocently.
"Come on Lily stop playing dumb" said Danielle. And Lily started laughing too.
"He's nice and cute and hot" she said turning red.
"I don't know why you are being so modest about it, but serve youself. We should really get going if you still want to find yourself a decent dress. We've got some serious shopping to do" said Danielle standing up and grabbing her purse.
It was the night of the engagement party and James and Sirius were at James' appartment. They had decided not to talk about the episoded and pretend nothing had been said.
"So what do you think?" asked Sirius as he looked himself at the mirror smugly. He was wearing blackrobes, his hair gracefully falling over his eyes and a glint in his eyes that made him look young and vivacious. Even James could say he looked really handsome and that was something when talking about Sirius.
"Do I really have to be a part in the increasing of your ego?" asked James as he made a lame attempt in flattening his hair.
"Well I could use some" he said laughing. "Are you done? I don't want to be late. Danielle's parents wanted me to be early"
"Yeah, almost. My parents must be there already and Alexis is meeting me there later she said she had some paperwork to deliver" said James grabbing his wand and checking himself in the mirror once again.
"Oh I forgot to mention you are supposed to dance with Lily" said Sirius casually waiting to see his reaction.
"What!" he turned to Sirius
"It wa Nelle's parents' idea, dont look at me" he said trying to hide a grin from his face. That was such a lie, it was actually his idea and after many complaining's from Nelle and several glares and warnings from Remus he had convinced Nelle to suggest the idea to her parents. Who had loved it.
James didn't say nothing and his face revealed no expression or whatsoever. "Come on Prongs, I'm getting married just face it she won't bite you and I don't think she is eager at dancing with you either"
James still said nothing, one thing was having seeing her but a completely different thing was getting to touch her. Merlin! After the St. Mungos episode he knew that he had to keep his distance. But well he could handle himself for one dance, at least he thought so.
"Are we apparating to Moony's first?"asked James
"No he's picking Kate, we're going directly to the Stevens."said Sirius.And both young men looking handsome and dashing apparated into the wizarding mansion.
As they arrived they could hear a woman screaming, and Sirius knew it was Nelle's mother. Both directed themselves to greet her properly.But she spotted them first.
"Sirius darling.You look stunning and James you cleaned up pretty well. You should go up, Danielle is there" she said hushing them out of the great salon.
"Also Sirius you should consider redoing your tie please. Thanks now go go." And she returned hurriedly to chase a house elf.
"You should consider to stop being so bossy" Sirius mimicked her "Geez that woman"
James just laughed and both went upstairs. They reached Nelle's bedroom adn when they opened it she was sitting in front of the vanity table. She was wearing a long strapless black glittering dress. And her hairn was pinned in a very elegant pony tail.
"Beautiful" said Sirius stunned.
"Finally you're here, Hi James. Have you seen my mother?"
"Yep she sent me upstairs" he said kissing her lightly in the lips, Then he turned to the full lenght mirror and undid his tie. "She also suggested me to redo my tie"
"Nelle you look absolutely perfect" James complemented and sat on a chair next to Sirius.
"Thank you James" smiled Danielle while she saw Sirius trying to tie his bowtie and not being particulalrly succesful. She stood up and walked towards him until Sirius saw her reflection behind him. He smiled lamely.
"Here" she placed a hand on his arm, signaling him to turn around."Ugh, geez" he muttered under his breath in frustration. Danielle untied what he had done and started fixing it. As she did she smiled knowingly.
"What?" he said with a hint of laugh on his voice and grinned.
"I was just thinking of the last party we attended here at my house" she said smiling and amused.
Sirius laughed "God that was a good first date" Nelle looked really amused "Yeah it was, when you spilled your drink on Ryan Wood"
"What was I supposed to do? He had been staring down at your dress all night long?" he said grinning.Danielle finished tying his tie, tucking the collar tabs behind it. As she did Sirius' look went serious, realizing all over again why he loved her. She smiled "Look how handsome you are..." she said turning him to the mirror once again.
"Better look how handsome couple we are" he said "Aren't we James?"
"Yeah I daresay the most" answered James winking at the couple. Then the bathroom door opened and Lily emerged.
Her hair was up with soft spiraling tendrils draping near her face. Her dress was a greek inspired dress, deep red, thin spaghetti straps, bareback low cut. She was wearing dangling earrings and her makeup was light but perfect, she was stunningly beautiful.
James jus stared at her speechless at the red headed beauty, Nelle smiled and nodded she looked even better than she had hoped. And Sirius wolf whistled her making her blush.
"Yey Lily. You look drop dead gorgeous"
"Thanks, you look handsome too" she said and turned to James to find him staring at her with an unreadable expression" Hello Potter" she said all buissness like.
"Hello..." he couldn't call her Evans why was she using his surname.
"Ok guys, we have to get down now Sirius or my mother will go bonkers". Nelle nodded to Lily and walked past her along with Sirius out of the room. Lily smiled uncomfortably back at her. When they were gone. She raised her eyes to James. They were both nervous at the prospect of being together, but neither could stop looking at the other. James walked toward her and she turned to fall into step with him. James put up his hand as if he was going to place it on her back to steer her, but he stopped part way and dropped his hand realizing halfway through the gesture that he didn't have the right to touch her that way anymore.
The great salon looked wonderful everything was white and shiny. Mrs. Thompson had immediately harrased them and calling the girls for some opinions. The boys had been saved by Mr. Steven and Danielle's brother, Sean, who were escaping from Mrs. Stevens too.
An hour after, Lily and James found themselves once again faced to each other, but this time alone. Everyone else was being commanded by Mrs. Steven on a different task, theirs was to make sure the arrange of the champagne glasses was perfect.
"This parties can be such a pain in the ass" James said lightly trying to break the ice.
"Yeah especially with Mrs. Stevens behind them" she chuckled. Lily looked at him while he was looking away and starightened her shoulders and sighed telling herself "Come on, Lily you can do this" She spotted a house elf holding a tray of champagne glasses and started to walk toward it.
As she walked James turned his head to watch her, finding himself staring at her.She said something and grabbed two glasses of champagne, giving the house elf a brilliant smile.She turned to look at him to found him staring at her. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Lily's face mirrored this and a slow smile spread across her face, touching her eyes. This was a real smile, just for him. Without breaking the gaze a smile started to grow on his face as well. For a fleeting moment somehow time slipped away for them and nothing had changed.
She held out one of the glasses and James took it. The attraction and sexual tension between them was thick and palpable. As James took the glass he looked down, realizing what he had been doing and feeling guilty about it. Lily immediately sensed the change in him and her face hardened slightly. Their gazes met again showing resignation on both. James was the first to look away. Now he was definetely uncomfortable being this close to Lily at the moment. He sipped from his glass of champagne and remembered his own engament party...
James was talking to his dad, waiting for the bride to be to come down. Even though he was a guy, he was beggining to feel a little bit nervous. After all half the magic community was going to be present tonight and he wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with it. One thing was attending this parties and another was being the reason of the party. Then as he looked up he saw her. She was a vision of white perfection. If she was looking like that at the engagement party, hell he didn't know what to expect for the wedding.
She smiled nervously, because although she had always been a condifent girl, this was big. James excused himself from his father and walked towards her to meet her right at the bottom of the stairs.
"You are beautiful...perfect" he breathed so warmly and with such an intense look of honesty and pure love.
"Don't joke James" she laughed nervously. And James kissed her right there as if sealing his words and make them seem suddenly more true.
"Lily wil you marry me?" he asked. She laughed "I think I already said yes, that's like the reason we'here"
"I'm serious promise me you'll do it, because right now I can't honestly imagine my life without you by my side"
"You know James I would never have it other way.And I mean it. I love you too much to leave you ever. Never" she said every word so meaningfully.
And words were what they were. Carried away by the wind. Words that were gone and didn't made any sense anymore. How ironic?James though bitterly and looked at the woman standing next to him.
"Sorry to break the fun, but Adam I have to take her for a little but" said Danielle at the couple.
"Can't say no?Can I?" he asked sheepisly. "To a pregnant woman who happens to be a bride to be" Lily laughed as if saying that meant a hungarian horntail.
"I thought so" said Adam and kissed Lily in the cheek letting her go.Lily smiled and left with Danielle to meet her parents and James' parents.
"Lily" greeted Christine Potter hugging her tightly and with affection. Lily smiled genuinely at her. She had always appreciated her, and after everything that had happened, she felt somehow happy that Christine hadn't changed her attitude towards her. She seemed to care truly for Lily.Lily extended her hand to greet Mr. Potter but he pulled her into a hug too. Lily felt so much better and she thought that the atmosphere had lighten a bit.
"How is the magazine?" asked Lily "Great, we have been doing really well. Didn't Lindsay told you?"
"I haven't seen much of her lately".
"Oh I understand. You look very pretty today Lily, well you always do to be honest" Christine Poterr said smiling.
"The men of the moment" said Mr. Potter when Sirius and James joined them."Are you ready now love?" asked Sirius
"As ready as I'll ever be" she said smiling charmingly.
"You really got lucky" said Mrs. Potter patting Sirius in the shoulder.
"Yes I did" answered Sirius dreamily.
"We'll be leaving you now" said Mr. Stevens nodding to both couples "Christine, Harold are you coming with us?"
"Sure. Good luck you are great dancers" replied Mr. Potter and nodded to the couples too.
After they left James did the unexpected and he bowed and offered his hand as gentlemanly possible and she accepted. They waited for Danielle and Sirius to go to the center and waited for their turn.
Lily was feeling more distressed as the seconds passed, she had never imagined it would be this hard for her to be at Danielle's engagement party when it felt as if just a couple of months ago she had been at hers.
"Ready" James whispered. Lily nodded and they joined the young couple along with Nelle's parents. And as soon as they touched the dance floor, it was magical suddenly the voices were gone, the faces were gone, it was just them. Looking into each other, drowning into each other, letting time slip by, absorbing the warmth of each other and loving each moment of it.
It was idyllic, no word were needed to express anything. It was perfect and they wanted it to last forever. They were together, but it came to a point where they stopped being two, they were one couple that glided, one couple like no other. One like they had always been. Then James too caught up in the moment allowed himself to touch Lily's face and pull off a strand of her hair, that made Lily come back to reality and instantly pull away from his touch that burn like fire. She looked down and both came to a sudden stop.James looked down and saw the tears in Lily's eyes and that was more than he could take. So he released her and took a step back. Lily taking the cue practically ran to outside the salon.
An hour or so had passed and Danielle was starting to worry about her friend. Adam hadn't seen her either. Maybe she had gone home, but no Lily couldn't do that to her. Could she? She decided to go outside maybe she was there.
She found her on a bench sitting alone."Lily?"
"I'm sorry" she whispered.
"There's nothing to be sorry, come on. Let's go back. It's freezing out here and you don't even a coat."
"I think I'm going home, I'm not feeling well" she said more composed.
"Nonsense, come with me" said Danielle and she led her to the stairs and to her bedroom.. Natasha and Lindsay were there.
"I am really not feeling well girls, I really have to go, I just need to...get out of here..." Lily blurted.
"I'm sorry about the dance I thought it wasn't such a big deal" said Danielle sadly.
"No don't apologize, I'm being ridiculous, it's was just a dance, right? I'll be fine I just need some space ok?" she said and laughed and a tear escaped her eyes. Her friends were watching her intently."I mean I am just sick... of all... of all of it...sick...simply sick" Natasha reached Lily to hug her but she immediately turned and backed away. Not wanting to fall in front of her friends.She reach the door and turned to her friends "Don't, please don't I just can't do this anymore" Lily begged in a really low voice .
And that was the sign for her three friends to lose it.
Natasha was the first "YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!" and Lily turned surprised. "She's right Lily I know we don't know or can't even imagine what you are going or went through but we're not going to let you throw yoursefl away like this" said Lindsay agitated. Lily was speechless they had never done this. "SO DON'T YOU GO AND PUSH US AWAY OR SHUT YOURSELF MISSY!" exclaimed Danielle in and angry, laughing crying voice. At this Lily broke into sobs and sat down in bed.
"Let it all out, doesn't matter how long it takes you. We can stay here for hours even days, to the hell with the party!But we're not leaving you. Crying is good but it can't be done all the time" and Danielle hugged her friend and Lily sobbed harder.
" I know you Lily you are strong, brave, full of courage and the greatest woman I've ever met. I have always admired you since we met. So this Lily I'm talking about would've picked herself up, but the thing is it seems you...don't want to?"
"I do" she cried "It's just everytime I look ahead all I see is..." and she couldn't continue and started crying harder.
"Him?" asked Lindsay all sad.Lily just nodded and her friends looked at each other. They had a group hug and after almost half hour no one word was spoken until Lily looked up again andher gaze was completely determined. "This is the last time, I swear" No one said nothing and she stood up and performed a glamour charm on herself to hide away the fact that she had cried. She turned to her friends with a sad smile "Thanks I don't know what would have been of me without you girlsI love you all"
"Remember true friendships never really die, it doesn't matter if the years go by" Lindsay said smiling
"It's a strong bond that will never break, if tempered and tested by trials and pain." said Danielle.
"We are like sisters and as such we remain, loyal to one another until the end," said Natasha
"And no matter what happens between this moment and then, I shall always be thankful to have had such friends" Lily finished.
"Are you ready Lily?" Tash said tentatively.
"Yes" she said smiling confidently and opened the door, the marauders were all outside in the hall smoking except Sirius.
"Remus hi"said Lily approaching to kiss him in the cheek. "What are you doing here with this prats? Where's Kate?"asked Tash
"Hey, we're not prats we are the marauders!" yelled Sirius offended. Everybody ignored him.
"Gone, we broke up" he said lightly. Lily hugged him and felt sorry. He and Jane were a couple in Hogwarts and before her memory loss they had been together, according to Lindsay he had been really affected when she died and Kate was the first girl he had dated ever since.
"It's okay, it was for the best" he said smiling.
"I feel sorry for you" said Danielle earnestly. "Ha maybe now you can be my date?" said Lindsay laughing.
"Hell, yeah you're pretty enough" he joked."A marauder can't date an ugly girl" and he winked at Lindsay offering her his arm. Lindsay gladly took the offer. "Maybe you have a second arm to offer?" said Natasha hopefully and they left the two couples.
"Are you ready?" Sirius asked "Your mother came up twice while you had you little gathering, she is not happy"
"Is our party they can wait? We'll see you down in a moment" said Danielle condscendingly and pulled Sirus downstairs.
Lily turned to look at James without giving away anything "It's awkward for me as it is for you, at least I think we should acknowledge that since you are the best man I am the bridesmaid and we might have to be together"
"I think we need to talk" blurted out James. Lily's was dumbfound "What?" she asked as if she was imagining what he just said.
"That we need to talk to sort this out" he demanded in a very unnerving tone.
"I don't think this is the place or time James" she said getting angry she said starting to reach the stairs. James grabbed her by the arm stopping her and turning her to face him. Her face just a couple of inches away."Then when do you think will be the perfect time?"he said annoyeD "How about never?" She was really pissed now. "How about not?" James retorted pulling her closer."There's nothing to sort out!" she practically yelled exasperated and knowing there was but she wasn't going to given in. Oh no, they had been throuhg this path before."I think there is "
"Well, I don't care what you think"Lily retorted and tried to pull away but he was far too strong for her. "Well you should" he said menacingly.
"Potter trying to scare me" she laughed and this made James angrier "Do I scare you?"
"You can provoke me many things James except fear" she spatted "Then what is, what is that, that I provoke you?" he said in a dark sexy kind of way that made Lily knees go weak. She turned to look for the first time and his hazel eyes were darker than normal,penetrating and filled with lust. And the smell of alcohol was noticeable.
"You've been drinking?"she laughed. James didn't say anything and just smirked. "That's what it takes for you to get the courage to talk to me? A couple of martinis and you find the voice and courage to face me. That's just pathetic" and this erased the smile from his face and he dropped her arm. Lily observed him for a moment, regretting with every fiber of her being that he had, but she revealed none, but then he took a step back and his look was gone and she felt disgusted with herself.
"Yeah that's what I thought so too" and she turned to leave.
"Im glad both of you could come, we have a problem and both of you will be sent on mission." Spoke Dumbledore to the two adults in front of him.
"You will be leaving in a couple of hours, and Moody will give you the details. It will be just two days. And now James will you excuse us for a moment. I have something I need to discuss with Lily in private"
"Of course Albus." He rose from his chair but when he reached the stairs the gargoyle wasn't turning.So he decided to wait when he heard Lily scream his name.
"To James?" so James pressed his ear to the door. He was intrigued.
"Lily lower your voice. He should know, after all he is..."but Lily cutt Dumbledore off. "No, Professor you promised...Maybe if the situation had been different I would have told him, but no I don't want to. He lost the right to know".
"I understand Lily but you should think it over, what if he finds out?" James felt like bursting into the office and ask what he needed or had had the right to know. Maybe that was Sirius had suggested him. There was a secret.
"The only way would be if you or Remus decide to tell him and Professor I beg you no to." Lily pleaded. James almost went ballistic, Remus knew! He was going to kill him.
"I certainly will not, I promised I wouldn't, besides if the time came he should hear it from you" Dumbledore said softly.
"Well I don't think the time will ever come Professor" said Lily sadly.
A/N: I know I suck its been like forever since my last update. Im soorry im working on it. But i love reviews i really do!please keep telling me if i suck or if you like the story. And if anyone wants to be my beta ?contact me pleae my email is: