"HI~! Someone ordered a village idiot and we came to deliver!" said Naruko with an evil grin.
"Sorry, this isn't Konoha's entire Council. Try again later," deadpanned Gaara, before he smiled. He hugged Naruko tightly.
"It's good to see you again brother," said Naruko.
"Agreed, little sister. Now, judging by the look of your friend I can only assume he is yet another victim of your most devastating ability?" asked Gaara.
The man behind her fit the general description she gave of Prince Loki.
"If by that you mean she beat the hell out of me and then shoved truth down my throat..." said Loki.
"Gaara no Sabaku. I was the first confirmed case of what is collectively called the Shattered Mask," said Gaara holding his hand out. Loki shook it firmly.
"Loki of Asgard."
"Now just to warn you, Tony is pretty much like you only he's as irritating as this Thor character. Thankfully he seems to have gotten his head out of his ass and is dating his assistant, so he's calmed down a little. He's rather eager to see what magic and seals can do, so he might drag you down to his lab."
"Turn that 'might' into a 'definitely'," said a voice behind him. Gaara didn't bother to turn, "Damn red, you never said your little sister was such a hottie!"
Gaara counted to ten before he heard a satisfying slap to the back of Tony's head.
Pepper was not one to suffer her boyfriend's idiocy lightly.
Naruko snickered evilly.
"So, I hear you need more estrogen to keep these boys in check. Want some help?" she offered.
Pepper smirked.
"And him?" she asked amused.
"He can switch genders, but his brother kinda ruined it. I call for a girl's night out to introduce him to the joys of chocolate and ice cream with liquor added to it."
"You're older than 21 right?" countered Pepper.
"I'm a year younger than he is," said Naruko, hooking a thumb at Gaara.
"A girl's night out sounds appealing then."
She hadn't had one of those in so long...mostly because Tony had a bad habit of falling for anyone who could have been her friend and then sleeping with them. It always ended in tears.
"What exactly is chocolate?" asked Loki.
Pepper and Naruko shared a look.
"Definitely a girl's night out," said Pepper.
"That reminds me... JARVIS, remember that restaurant I told you to put on speed dial in case a certain teal-eyed red head showed up?" asked Gaara.
"Shall I place the order then?"
"What the hell?"
"Naruko, did you have lunch before you left?"
"Only a small one, why?" asked Naruko.
"Place the order," said Gaara. He couldn't wait to see her reaction.
About thirty minutes later, something odd happened.
Naruko abruptly gained a pair of fox ears and a tail. To the amusement of Gaara (and the bafflement of everyone else) she started sniffing the air like a dog would.
"Are those real?" asked Tony, morbidly curious (and wondering if he could convince Pepper to wear cat ears).
"One hundred percent real," said Gaara smirking. He was quick to get to the door before it rang...and to his open enjoyment where the girl had been there was now a large red fox with nine tails waiting impatiently for him to set the food down.
Once he did after giving the delivery man a large tip, the reaction was instant.
Naruko was on it like Kakashi with a new Icha Icha book. There was no escape and no survivors.
Tony and Loki both stared at the girl as she devoured not ten, but forty large bowls of ramen in one single sitting. Once she finished the last one she set it on the top of the fourth ten-bowl stack and let loose a loud satisfied belch. It shook the windows.
"I always knew there was a reason you were my favorite brother," she said grinning.
"I don't believe it," said Tony.
"Agreed," said Loki. Though he had to admit, he had at least had some experience with it after that eating contest she had with Volstagg.
"Actually her current record is sixty-four, but since she already had lunch..." said Gaara.
"How the hell did she eat forty? It's impossible!" said Tony.
"I metabolize like you wouldn't believe and I've always had room for more ramen," said Naruko smirking.
"Oh it gets even better. I've found a group of people with unique gifts that could...benefit...from your Shatter Mask ability," said Gaara.
Naruko enjoyed helping people. It was part of who she was and she thrived in the attention they gave back. So the opportunity to help an entire society of people who were being abused and feared because of something they had no control over would be a great way to keep her busy for a while and keep her far, far from Tony.
"How bad are we talking about?" she asked seriously.
"Almost as bad as Konoha before you pulled their collective head out of their asses with a liberal dose of how people reacted around Ichi before you beat him," said Gaara flatly.
Naruko winced.
"And where are they exactly?"
"New York. Loud, noisy, but a lot of fun for someone as active as you. And before you ask, yes I have made a list of all the restaurants that make home-made ramen," said Gaara. There were only three.
"Hmm, New York..." mused Tony. He always wanted to build a tower there.
"What's the culture like?" asked Loki.
"They have plays, musicals...quite a bit actually. You won't be bored and from what Naru-chan has told me you might actually enjoy it. They have massive libraries. Though you might have to update your wardrobe..." said Gaara, grimacing at the memory of Pepper dragging him on a shopping trip to get some updated clothes.
While he looked more comfortable, clothes shopping was something very few sane men enjoyed.
"First things first, should I hit this S.H.I.E.L.D. place and then drive them insane before showing them how to keep B in line or should we just head straight to New York once we've caught up?" asked Naruko seriously.
"Fury is a damn pest. Let them sweat before you show up," said Gaara flatly.
Fury had tried no less than fifteen times to get Gaara to even consider joining his group, if only because B had let it slip that the stoic man knew how to fight like him and could possibly keep him in line.
Anyone that could make B shut up with his rapping would be considered a godsend at this point.
"Coincidentally... orange palace, really?"
Loki choked back a laugh.
"Orange paint everywhere on the outside of the palace and she dyed Thor's hair a fluorescent pink at the same time. He had to walk around with pink hair for a month before he finally just cut it off and had it regrown," cackled Loki. He was feeling like his old self already.
"So if you're Loki, does that make you the Loki from the myths?" asked Tony. He had looked it up.
"I was here when the vikings were still around, yes."
"In that case, is that story about you tricking Thor into a wedding dress just to get his hammer back from the frost giants real too?"
"Say what now?"
Tony handed him a book on Norse mythology. Loki spent the next hour reading before he declared more than half of it was complete and utter bullshit.
"Hel is not my daughter, I don't have any children, and there is no way in Helhiem I was ever married to...ugh...Sigyn," said Loki shuddering, then he smirked "This tale about the wedding dress is likely a more humorous spin on my payback on Thor when he mocked me for trying female form. Mother laughed for weeks because Thor was forced to stay in that dress."
"Got any pictures?"
"I can do you one better. I can show you the memories," said Loki, conjuring a ball and then showing his memories of that prank. Tony recorded it in the event Thor ever showed up.
"We're going to be great friends, I can just tell. Got any others we can use against him if he ever comes around?" asked Tony.
"Well this is interesting. Never seen anyone actually help me fix someone still under the effects of a Shatter Mask," said Naruko, sipping a beer.
"I imagine it will be great fun for you to watch," said Gaara.
Naruko only did the initial breaking. She never had a chance to watch the full repair done through interactions with others who quickly got used to the 'shattered' victim. She usually just saw the results of after the people found others to bond with.
Though for Pepper the combined prankster forces of a bored Naruko, a recovering Loki and a very happy Tony gave her a bad feeling.
In an undisclosed S.H.I.E.L.D. installation, Nick Fury shivered. It felt like someone had just stepped on his grave and then started to dance something obscene on it after.
Oi, B, guess who's on Earth finally? And I come bearing royalty! Naruko announced happily at the convening of the Nine, as they called it.
It was basically a mental place for the Jinchuriki to chat and keep in touch.
Little nine is so fine! So where is he? And who's the ice babe?
Naruko turned to the blue-eyed blond. She had a shade paler than her father, but she could have passed for her paternal aunt with those eyes.
I am the spirit of the Casket. Thank you for allowing me passage into your mind. It was really quite boring in there, she said politely.
Well you're welcome to jump into a clone anytime to bug people. Not like I care unless you start killing indiscriminately. Now B, about this Fury guy...
You had to feel sorry for him. Fury, I mean. Naruko could be viscous when she was bored and dealing with a so-called spy master.
Fury's bad feeling persisted...until he learned Gaara's "sister" had shown up in town. She had gone through enough ramen to last an entire village for two months. And made one man who had been about to go under very happy.
So in an attempt to get some desperately needed help with a certain idiot, he went to her.
She was at an open air restaurant, and seemed perfectly content eating her ice cream sundae.
"So you're Nicholas Fury. Gaara wasn't pleased with the fact you've been annoying him," she said without turning around...before she added "And really, that level of fire power won't do more than irritate the hell out of me."
"I'm not here to fight."
"No, you're here because I'm the only person who might tell you how to deal with a certain idiot who thinks he can rap," said Naruko openly amused.
Now she had Fury's attention.
"I'm listening."
"First off, tell that idiot with the arrows on the roof that he might as well come down. He can't come close to hitting me with them."
Fury's assessment of her threat level shot up when she said that. Clint was two roofs away, and his best was four.
"Agent Barton, come on down," said Fury.
"What is this, the Price is Right?" she snarked.
Fury heard a snort on the other end of the line. Chances were Clint had read her lips when she said that.
Clint took position behind Fury, but still close enough to back him up.
"So why did you come here?"
"I was on Asgard. Then an idiot was almost declared king, and now we're on vacation on Earth for a bit."
"We?"
"She means me. Loki, of Asgard," said a familiar voice behind her.
"Any relation to the blond who just rammed through several of my agents in New Mexico?" asked Fury.
He slid a picture of the man. Loki swore rather impressively.
"What in Helhiem did that fool do now?!"
"You know him?"
"Thor. Gigantic pain in the ass and total idiot. Loki, can you make a call from here?"
"Give me an ice mirror so I can contact them without looking like an idiot," said Loki. Naruko took her water and turned it into an icy mirror. A few moments later Loki left to make a very long distance call. He came back looking rather irritated.
"The idiot was stupid enough to charge into Jotunhiem to demand answers, and then had the arrogance to attack Laufey in his own territory. Odin's sent him here to relearn some damn humility, and frankly it's long past due. Baldur is on the throne until one of us returns," said Loki looking irritated. After Naruko beat some sense into him, he realized that taking the throne so soon after Thor's banishment would be a monumental mistake.
People would immediately assume Loki had something to do with the Jotuns in Asgard, and possibly Thor's banishment. Everyone knew Loki hadn't been getting along with his brother for years now, especially when word spread he had hired Naruko to beat his brother in a spar. So long as he stayed far, far from Asgard and made no move towards the throne, he was considered innocent.
Besides, Naruko was right. Being away from the brutish idiots in Asgard was doing wonders for his stress levels.
"So you do know him?" said Fury.
Loki rolled his eyes.
"That blond haired idiot is my brother, unfortunately. Apparently he did something monumentally stupid and now I'm stuck cleaning after him, once again," said Loki.
Naruko had a sudden, evil idea.
"Better yet, why don't we all visit him and you can bring B with you. I'm sure it will be entertaining for all involved," said Naruko evilly.
"Sir?" said Clint.
"Let's get this mess cleared up," said Fury. He had a headache and he just knew it wasn't going away anytime soon.